All Comments on 'Effeminate and Finally Free'

Switching back and forth, always in the first person is very confusing since you don't always identify the voice in the new paragraph. Also, those long paragraphs make reading difficult. I think you probably have a really nice story hear, but it was just too hard for me to follow.

I'm not voting because I see the promise in what you're doing, just making some observations that might make it better; make sure your reader knows who is talking as soon as you switch voices, especially early in teh work, and try to keep your paragraphs short so the reader doesn't get lost.

Dear Anonymous above; Thank you for taking the time to comment. However, I do believe that if you pay close enough attention as you read you'll notice the clear indicators to the character who isn't speaking. For example; "You know how much I adore you Michelle." < That is obvious that it's Brad speaking, etc. The use of speech tags is not needed in a story with only two characters if it's done right. The use of this style is termed as; "Close Point of View". This is used for a more immersive & immediate experience for the reader. I doubt that you'll see this response and I'm sorry your experience with the story was less than you expected.

In regard to shorter paragraphs; IMO, that just chops the story into small bites which is not reflective of actual human interactions. But thanks again for taking the time to comment and for not expressing your frustration with an unwarranted down vote.

I'm with Anonymous on this. This story is right up my alley, but with the switching back and forth the first person, I couldn't stay with the story. I got lost when they headed for the shower and that's where I gave up.

The sweet read that seems to be your trademark. I enjoyed it. For me, it could have been a bit longer, with some sections becoming a little more elaborated, but then, I can also see the attraction of being sweet and concise. Well done.

Agreed, the shower was where i had to go back and reread.

I didn't vote either, if the read was a little smoother 5 stars, great story didn't deserve less than that.

Thank you I loved your story

Absolutely adored this! The engagement ring brought tears of joy!!!!!!🥰🥰🥰

I'm really torn over this story. The opening is great. Once I realized you were switching narrators with each paragraph, I got into the story. It's the sort of narrative device that assumes the reader is smart enough to catch on: I appreciate the trust.

The relationship between the two is spot on. It made me wonder what might have been had I not lived at home during my college years. The sex was natural and flowed into the story. It was sensual without being raunchy, which I love.

Here's where I get torn: the kidnap/near rape came out of nowhere and completely derailed the story. What was a sweet and poignant tale of love blossoming between two people became a twisted episode of a TV police show. The characters were so stereotypical as to be laughable. The plot was rushed through with a courtroom sequence that seemed to be thrown together for a happy ending...

...but that happy ending, 45 years later, saved the story. Please don't get me wrong: I'm angry at the middle part of the story because it wasn't needed. You're a very good writer, with a story to tell. The kidnap section was not that story. It jarred me out of the reality of the love story, which is a real shame. You're too good a writer to let that happen.

One little nit: you seemed to waver between Michell and Michelle, but that's a minor bug.

I'm looking forward to your next story.