Effeminate and Finally Free

Authors Introduction: This short story, about three pages in length, explores the tension, social rejection, and confusion experienced by a man when he finally begins to accept his inner feminine feelings / desires and tries to navigate this world full of different opinions and attitudes toward LGBTQ+ people. This inner feminine in a physically male person is termed effeminate and is defined as; having feminine qualities untypical of a man, not manly in appearance or mannerism, etc. So often these feminine feelings and desires bring a season of confusion until the person finds resolution. In this story, the acceptance of and the resolution is aided and shared by the protagonist's friend and college roommate. In short, this is the tale of one young man's rejection of the masculine boundaries his birth gender might dictate so that he/she might embrace the long suppressed inner feminine call. Obviously this story is about cross-dressing, some degree of gender - bending, and two physically male characters developing a sexual relationship. IMO, this story is simply a snap-shot of one of the many perfectly normal human sexual orientations engaged in a loving relationship beyond the boundaries of the more common male/female couplings.

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Part One: Two University Roommates Get Acquainted

I'm not surprised to find someone already in the room. I'd already just assumed I'd have to share a room this year -- sort of a bummer but nothing I can do about it. But, at a closer look, I can't help but take note of the young man's cute slim body ... at this moment bent over an open suitcase with his butt aimed right at me -- a rather plump and full butt for such a slim guy. "Hi-Ya, I guess you're my room-mate. I'm Brad, what should I call you?"

The sudden voice from behind my back startles me -- I jump up to see who's in my room ... when I turn to answer, I'm somewhat intimidated by the size of the guy and his muscular build -- thankfully, his jovial and friendly personality quickly eases my momentary shyness. "My name is Michael, but everyone usually calls me Mike." The big guy looks familiar but I can't remember for sure. Looking at him again trying to remember where or if I ever saw him -- suddenly it comes to me ... he's the football player that was in one of my classes last semester. All I remember about him though is just thinking he's really hot. I take his offered hand when he reaches his out to shake and his big hand engulfs mine -- sorta squeezing my fingers together with the firm grip so many men have. It's a strange feeling to be with someone I jacked off to while thinking about him and what might be hidden under his clothes.

With the first introductions formalized, I finally realize that Michael is the cute guy I had in math class last semester. My spirits take a big uptick knowing I won't have to worry about my roommate this semester -- the last one was too much of an asshat. After getting our first acquaintances squared away, Michael and I both work on putting our stuff away and I remember my own first days in this dorm and figure I should offer to show him around the large facility, "Hey Mike, were you in this dorm last year? The reason I ask is because this is my second year here and I figure that I'm a bit more savvy about the layout of this place. Looks like you're about squared away here -- if you wanna put your shower stuff together I can show you around the building first and we should hit the showers -- I've sort of worked out when the best time for using the showers is in order to avoid the crowd."

When Brad brings up the showers, it's a sharp reminder that dorm shower facilities are my number one worry about even being here -- maybe he can bring me up to speed on how do it at the best times and not be seen naked by a bunch of strangers. As Brad suggested, I gather what might be needed for the shower room in case I need it later after our tour. Once we've both finished getting our shower stuff together, I follow his lead. Our tour includes the lunchroom, the gym, weight room, recreation rooms. I had heard talk that this was one of the newer, and nicer dorms and the rumors seem to be true. As we roam around the building, my insecurity about him fades away and back on our floor, we finally take a quick look at our shower room.

After giving my new roommate a longer tour than I thought it'd be -- back at our room I grab my own shower stuff in a canvas bag and tell Mikey, "I'm ready for the showers -- best to get it done earlier because the place gets more crowded later on."

As it turns out, on this day the showers are already crowded when we get there. I whisper to Mikey, "If we hurry we can grab the shower that guy just left." We quick walk our way further into the room, I get undressed as quickly as possible, lock my stuff in a locker and quietly slip into the one empty stall. I whisper to Mike, "It seems that by default we'll be showering together." Standing under the spray of warm water I wonder if Mike will object. No sooner did the thought of him maybe objecting pop into my head, Mike slides through the shower curtain to join me. Already aroused by my new room-mate's slim petite body, I have an overwhelming urge to see if he's up for a bit of exploration. He sorta just stands under the water -- noticing that he's not brought any soap, as casually as possible I take my soap and begin to wash Mike's back -- at first he's sorta unsure what to do, I take a chance and let my hands travel down to wash his butt and feel him tense up. "It's okay Mikey, we've both probably seen plenty of naked cock and ass -- if you're up for it, just relax and we can soap each other's back ... let's try to be quiet so no one can get any weird ideas about two guys in the same shower."

His hands -- just hearing Brad's words arouses me -- I can literally feel myself abandon any protest I might have made to his suggestion as the feelings of pleasant tingles in my cock and all through my groin take control of my thoughts. Brad's hands on my naked body elicit a soft moan that I'm too late to stifle -- my thoughts are a whirl of confusion and I feel myself beginning to get hard as Brad bathes my butt crack -- up and down over and over from the top of my crack then slowly down to gently fondle my balls with one soap slickened hand-- his gentle touch pausing each time at my puckered hole to softly wash me there in a circular motion -- I push by butt out and spread my legs for him in what seems like pure instinct beyond my control. I never felt anything like this as he begins to explore my body with one hand soaping my stomach -- and now my hardening nipples. I know deep down that this is not the everyday normal for a shower in a locker room or a dorm shower. It seems as if I should somehow protest the boldness Brad is displaying ... but, it feels so good after so many nights wondering what it would be like for real -- finally I have another man's hands on my most private places ... maybe it's okay, he started it and it's just so easy to surrender to his will ... and his hands.

Taking note of my new roommate's willingness to be sexually fondled -- might as well see how far he'll let me go. "Just relax and let's get better acquainted Mikey," my whisper close to his ear just soft enough to barely hear.

When one of Brad's hands abandons my nipples and travels down to soap and fondle my cock, there's no way to hide that I'm hard and aroused -- he boldly hold's my cock and balls in one hand and wraps his other arm around my body with his hand spread over my stomach -- I relax into his embrace and surrender myself to his will as he pulls me close against his own body. Then I hear Brad's soft whisper, "I was hoping that I was reading you right. You're cock is hard Mikey, you're enjoying this and I'm sure you can feel the hardness and warmth of my cock nestled in your butt crack."

I nod my head in the affirmative and we stand in silence as Brad gently humps and slides his cock up and down my soap slickened crevice. When the hand that was on my chest disappears -- I quiver, my legs feel weak as his finger enters my butthole -- I use all of my will to keep from falling and try to keep myself from cumming as he probes me. Then I hear his whispered words ....

"I hope I didn't misread you Mike -- are you okay with me doing this?"

I hear Brad's question -- my mind is caught up in a whirlwind of conflicting thoughts -- but my body is already lost into his gentle soap slickened caresses ... caresses on my butt-hole so soft as he again tenderly tweaks my already hard nipples with his other hand -- each touch of his hand sends another thrill through my groin and nut sack -- like there's some magical connection between my butt-hole and my nipples. I feel myself again slightly trembling, but nod my head that it's okay -- another tingling thrill races through my body as I give Brad permission to feel me up and have his way with his cock rubbing on me. Afraid he may have misread my lack of assurance -- I spread my legs a little wider and push my butt out to let him know it's all right. He gets my signal and I feel the slick head of his hard man-flesh softly probing my hole -- if Brad wasn't holding me I might not be able to stay upright on my feet -- I put both hands against the shower wall and lay my head on them. As I calm down and focus on the feelings in my butt, the slide of his cock in and out is almost more pleasure than I can take. He doesn't push hard or deep ... just slowly and gently fucking me with what feels like just the slick silky head of his cock -- in and out of my hole -- in and out of my body and the sensation is so much more intense than when I do it to myself with a dildo. Brad pulls me close into a body hug, his cock just naturally going deeper for the first time -- in this moment he kisses me on the left ear and whispers ....

"Let's get back to our room. I'll get out first, then you give it a moment and I'll tap my hand on the shower curtain when it's all clear -- then you can get out. Don't worry, no one will notice you're hard -- just keep your back turned and act like just another guy in the shower room. Just keep your back turned away from anyone -- my cock's so swollen I'll have to do the same."

With my dick still hard, I turn to whisper my fear to Brad -- he's already smiling and whispers back, "Just dry off in the shower awhile, let yourself come back down a bit, and I'll hand you your pants so you can at least get them on in there before coming out."

As I step away from our shared shower, all I can think about is that if Mike is this aroused and hard after my little experiment ... the fact that he's willing to explore fills me with optimism about my new roommate -- this is starting to look like a very interesting semester.

***

Following Brad back to our room, there's some awkwardness over what went down in the shower -- at least it's awkward for me -- but Brad seems unfazed. I mean, he just butt fucked me and he's so confident and casual about it. I guess it wasn't a full on buck fucking -- and in my twisted mind I'm wondering what a real fucking would feel like. When it comes time to change clothes and get into bed Brad tells me, "I've slept nude since I was in high-school -- I guess I'm not really that shy about being naked -- hope you're okay with that."

I don't want to stare, but can't help stealing glances at Brad's naked beauty.

Noticing Mike's shyness, I tell him, "Don't worry Mike, let's both just be honest ... okay? You've sucked cock before, haven't you?"

The question isn't hard to answer, but saying the word is -- I look into Brad's eyes and nod yes ... suddenly I feel the need to explain more, "I just did it once when a friend and I were messing around in my sister's clothes. So, I'm not really gay or anything. He sucked me too and said it was his send off for me since I was coming here to this university."

"Don't be worried or feel weird man, I'm a cock lover too ... and I'm really happy you're my roommate. Actually, it's not just the cock I like, it's also the person who owns that cock that I want to care for and enjoy being with. I want you to feel safe with me and you can always tell me if you're uncomfortable with anything I do or say -- okay?" Mike is certainly adorable but obviously isn't fully accepting of his sexuality ... just have to try and help him be okay with his true self.

I nod my okay to Brad, and ask, "When did you start sucking cock?"

"About the same time that a lot of guys do. It was in the summer after my senior year in high school when my older next door neighbor showed me the ropes. He knew I had played in high school, and he knew I'd probably play in college too. The old guy had a weight setup on one side of his garage and he had been sharing his equipment with me for quite awhile. It wasn't too long before coming to my first year here when it happened. I was on my back on the weight-bench getting ready to do some lifts. But when the old guy stood over me at the head of the bench to help with the weights, I could see up the leg of his baggy workout trunks -- he wasn't wearing any underwear and I can still see it all in my mind's eye to this day. Like I said, he was an older guy, his cock was thick and veiny and he had lots of hair on his legs and balls and such. I could even smell the scent of his cock and sweaty balls so close to my face. He saw me looking and asked if I liked what I was seeing. Truth is, I had discovered gay porn earlier that year, like a lot of guys I didn't want anyone to know my perverted feelings. Anyway, that summer I started beating my cock off to gay porn as well as regular heterosexual porn clips. But with my neighbor, this was the real thing actually in my face -- his smell filling my lungs with each breath -- in a way I was intoxicated by the sight and smell -- so I just nodded yes -- yes, I liked seeing his cock. You wanna hear more, Mikey?" When he nods eagerly, my hopes take another little lift higher....

"Then the old guy said to me, 'Well my young friend, why don't you pull my shorts down and get a better look? I've seen you looking -- might as well get a good look, eh?'

"I knew I was busted and my first instinct was to run away as fast as I could. But he saw my confusion and he softly stroked some hair out'a my eyes and talked me back from the edge of panic. He was kind and gave me the assurance that lot's of guys suck cock -- he told me about his first time and how insecure he was on his knees with his best friend's hard cock inches from his face. Then he said that first touch of his friends cock-head on his lips was all it took -- and he's been a cocksucker from that day on.

Then my old neighbor weight lifting pal offered to suck me first if that would make it easier for me. That sounded good to me so I agreed to that. But the old guy was pretty wise and he sucked me until I was about to blow -- then he'd pull off. He did that so many times I lost count, and then he said it was my turn to suck some cock now. I know now that I'm more experienced, that the old guy knew it'd be easier for me if I was really aroused -- which I really, really was. He said if I could make him come, then he'd return the favor.

So, I did as he had suggested and when he pushed his shorts down and stepped out of them I got my first up close and personal look at a man's cock. He squatted down closer to my face, his cock changing from swollen fat and dangling into hard and fat and rubbing on my lips and leaving his wet pre-cum on them like lipstick. But when I finally parted my lips and the fat wet head of his cock pushed softly over my lips I just opened like I knew what I was doing. He fed me that cock as I laid on the bench on my back -- up and down he went, basically fucking my mouth as I sucked him. When he emptied his load of spunk into my mouth, there was nothing in that vulnerable position that I could do other than try to swallow or choke, so I got to savor both, the taste of a man's cum and the first cock-sucking experience of my life. After that, I spent a lot of time in his garage gym. I think I was a convert the moment I felt his smooth cock head on my tongue. My parents thought he was such a nice neighbor to help me get acquainted with lifting. And I did benefit from those workouts ... a side benefit is that I also came to accept that I'm more into men than women. Bottom line, I'm a queer Mikey -- and how about you? You a queer Mikey?"

His blunt question throws me off balance ... am I a queer? "I'm not sure what to call myself. I get off on gay porn -- I do know that. I guess that makes me a queer at some level."

I can see that such open questions make Mike nervous ... he's just starting to figure things out. "Have you given much thought to how you're gonna navigate all that? Do your parents know? What do they say about gays and lesbians and such? And just so you know, lot's of people, both men and women, enjoy gay porn."

"I don't know if I could ever tell them. I've heard my dad saying how much he hates fags -- says they're ruining the world."

"You may have to tell them at some point Mikey. I doubt that you can stay undercover and in the closet forever man. I'd say that if you can't come clean with them at some point you should just try to ignore your homo fantasies and desires -- it'll all just blow up in your face at some point."

Brads words echo inside my mind. Having fought against these desires for so long -- and now being so close to some reality of being free to be me .... "I don't think I can give up these desires. Believe me, I've tried. Back in high school I was one of the loudest gay bashers. It was all a front to hide my shame at knowing that I wear my sisters panties and have all kinds of queer fantasies and desires. I really don't want to keep telling that lie ... but I'm so afraid to actually be out and proud."

"That's what I wanted to hear you say Mikey. Listen, I've known two guys who tried to keep up the lie -- one is dead from pills and booze and the other just disappeared and nobody seems to know where he went. I don't want you to be number three on that list. Let's chill a bit and just agree that we'll work it out together. My folks know about me -- they're not overly enthused by my sexuality, but they accept that it's my life and my choice. Things smoothed out when they finally came to the awakening that for some reason God made some people gay -- both male and female. They never said, but I think they talked to our pastor about what to do with me and he told them that about the Creator's intensions. I figure that homosexuality has to be normal if there are so many of us. If it ever comes up, tell that to your folks and my guess is that your parents would be hard pressed to not come to the same conclusions -- let's just run with that, eh? Bottom line; what guy would go through such a gauntlet of hate just to suck a cock -- what woman would go through that hate filled gauntlet just to lick on another woman's pussy? It makes no sense when you think about it -- that's why I think it's just the way some humans are born sexually pre-wired, so to speak. At the end of the day, it's our parents genes that made us what we are, eh?"

"Brad that really does make a lot of sense, and since you're trying to be so helpful and supportive, I have one more secret to spill. It's kinda hard to talk about."

"Hey, I shared my secret about that old guy who liked to feed me his cock on the weight bench -- that's pretty out there. If you want to tell me about some weird kink, I've probably already heard about it. So, let 'er rip buddy."

"I have a twin sister ... I like to wear her panties and clothes." I look up to see his reaction and realize Brad's not phased by my kinks.

"Dude, that's your deepest darkest secret? You really had me worried for a moment -- but I've known quite a number of guys who are into being on the feminine and submissive side. Heck, to be honest, I'm kinda thrilled that you're into that. Again man, perfectly normal for those wired that way."