Eighteenth Street Intimacy

Eventually -- it turned out to be a little past midnight, as I finally looked at my watch -- Hope excused herself and took a seat by the bar. After one more song on my own, I went over and asked, "Want to head home?"

"Yes, please!" she said. "I'm exhausted!" But happy, from the look of it.

My ears were still buzzing when we stepped out into the muggy summer night, but I could hear well enough as Hope made small talk about how much she'd needed that.

As soon as we were clear of the clutch of smokers just outside the club door, I let fly with it. "Where'd you learn to dance that way?"

"What way?"

"You know what way! You were great in there!"

"Aw, thanks!" she said. "But I don't really know what you mean. It's just, you know, cut loose and don't worry about it."

"Excellent attitude. But it just occurred to me, you never really joined our parties at the house."

"Because who wants to have everyone else sit there and whine at you for not playing better music!" She laughed, and I couldn't help but join in. "I really admire you and Arlene and the others for sticking to your guns on that, though."

"Can't blame you for that. But what about the ones at Rachel's, where it was just us?"

"Maybe I just never had enough to drink," Hope said.

That made perfect sense to me. It was only some time later, when we'd said our good nights and I was undressing in my room, that I remembered she'd only had that one beer tonight, when we'd already been dancing for hours.

I was too tired to dwell too much on Hope just then. But when the sun peeked through the cheap curtains and played its early morning tricks on the wall over my empty roommate's bed, she was dancing in my imagination as I opened my eyes. I wasn't surprised to realize I was hard. It didn't feel right to be thinking that way about Hope of all people, but it felt great to be having those feelings about anyone other than Arlene.

That shy yet welcoming smile of hers put me at ease anyway, and I could see it perfectly on the ceiling. I couldn't see the surroundings, they were too blurry, but that only added to the warm glow of the scene as I saw myself helping her off with her clothes. I didn't dare imagine what her body looked like, but it felt warm and soft and delicious and our touches were ever so gentle as I rubbed myself far more slowly than usual. I thought of getting up to get some tissues to come in, but figured that could wait a few more strokes as I envisioned Hope moaning and sighing and enveloping me tenderly. Then it was too late, as I came without any warning. I'd been thinking it was time to wash the sheets anyway.

There was no risk of any awkwardness with Hope or Arlene, as Sundays always found them both up to their eyeballs in homework, so I simply steered clear of the library. I didn't think to steer clear of the garden, and planned on a long afternoon of reading my current novel and debating whether to take the job in China.

But as soon as I stepped out into the sunshine, I knew that wasn't about to happen. Jacob and Leo were huddled around the table under the oak tree, and I couldn't very well go off by myself once they spotted me. "Pete!" Jacob said, and I could tell he'd been drinking. "Table football! You play winner!"

"Means you'll play me," said Leo, and he did indeed flip the little paper football through the goalpost of Jacob's thumbs.

"Yeah, all right, this time." Jacob moved around to one side of the table, and I reluctantly took his spot. "Sorry we didn't see you again last night," he added.

"No problem, Hope and I had a great time," I said.

"We know," Leo said, taking his first shot of our game. "We saw you both dancing. But Arlene was sorry you didn't come join us at our table first."

"Only she was sorry, huh?" I quipped.

Jacob laughed. Leo didn't. "What?" he asked.

"He's saying it sounds like you were glad he didn't join you," Jacob said.

"What?" Leo said again, this time looking at Jacob, so he didn't see at first as I scored my first point. That made Jacob laugh harder, and Leo looked down to see the football teetering on the edge and he laughed as well. "All right, got me," he said. "But I didn't mean that. You should join us all for a drink more."

"Wasn't aware I wasn't doing that," I said. "But thanks."

"Speaking of which," Jacob said, reaching under the table. "You want another beer, Leo? How about you, Pete?"

"No thanks," I said.

"Yeah," Leo said, just as he tied the score. "Time."

"He means time out," Jacob said.

"I figured." Then I was glad I'd declined the beer, as Jacob presented Leo with a bottle of Bud Light. I couldn't imagine how a European could stand to drink that, but Leo didn't seem to mind.

He also didn't seem to know Budweiser had screw caps, as he set the bottle on the edge of the table and tried to knock the cap off. I opened my mouth to remind him it was an American beer, but Leo waved me off and we were both treated to a minute and a half of Leo's futile attempts to open it.

"Oh!" he finally said, "forgot." He opened the bottle by hand. Leo laughed and followed suit with his next round. "You knew, of course!" He smiled, the most emotion I ever saw out of him. "Anyway, Pete," he said, "Arlene was just about to invite you to join us when you went off to dance. She shouldn't have to do that, you know."

"If you say so. So how late did you two stay?"

"Not very. She had to study today."

"Hope, too," Jacob added. "Hope you didn't keep her out too late."

"Just about midnight," I said. "Most fun I've had in a while, too."

"Oh, don't say that! Without us?" Jacob quipped.

"Sorry! But I figured you were busy with Maria."

"How I wish I were busy with Maria," Jacob said, causing Leo to spew his beer. "Damn Catholics, you've practically got to be engaged."

"There is always Rachel," Leo said.

"There was always Rachel," Jacob corrected. "Guess I should've given that a try last week. You seen Ricardo today, Pete?"

"No," I said. "You don't think, on the first date?"

"It's Rachel, Pete," Jacob said. "Of course I do. You just know they're going to be all over each other at that party next week."

"Oh, but she said she didn't want a relationship," I said.

"And probably believed it," Jacob added, and we laughed.

Leo, having guzzled down his beer and forgotten all about the football game, then drew out the one thing I hated even more about him than having swept Arlene off her feet: a tin of his beloved chewing tobacco. Jacob saw, too, and said, "Hey, can I have a dip?" To my disgust, they both partook. Once again I wondered how Arlene could stand that taste when she kissed him.

"Can I change my mind about the beer?" I asked. Bad beer was better than sitting through this stone cold sober, after all.

"Sure, man." Jacob handed me a bottle. "But tell me, just out of morbid curiosity, if you had a chance with Rachel..."

"Everyone has a chance with Rachel!" Leo interjected.

"Whatever," Jacob said. "What do you say, Pete?"

"Nah," I said.

"Too clingy, is she?" Jacob asked.

"Well, she is off to Europe soon."

"You don't believe that, do you?" Jacob asked. "Especially now that there's Ricardo? And I mean, you're not going anywhere, are you?"

"You're the only one who's here to stay," Leo added. "Isn't that right?"

"That's not a bad thing, Pete," Jacob said. "We're all thrilled there'll be someone here to savor all the memories."

"Well, Maria's not going anywhere either, is she?" I asked, recalling she had plans for grad school here.

"Man, don't go there," Jacob said. "You guys gonna finish the game or what?"

At least that turned out to be one thing I could beat Leo at.

When Leo stood up and declared his plans to bring Arlene to join us for dinner if he had to drag her kicking and screaming from the library, I lied about having dinner plans with a friend from outside the house, and went off to the movies. I didn't know or care what was showing.

I didn't see Lenka's message until I got to work Monday morning. It was dated Saturday, probably right around the same time she'd written to Arlene. The subject line was "Go to the party!"

Hi Pete,

Please, go to the party! You've all got so little time left together, and it's bad enough I can't be there. Go there on my behalf, and be the Pete I know and like! I know just what Rachel is like, and you're right, she just isn't too serious about a relationship. That's just why she needs her real friends there. Who knows what this Ricardo might do when he realizes what she is?

I'm back in business well enough over here, studies are going well, but I'm working myself up for a serious conversation with my boyfriend. As you know, I wasn't a very good girl when I was in America, and Mattieu just isn't ready to let go any more than I am. You men are so selfish, but what can we do? It will be a rough week for me here. No comments or discussion!

Love, Lenka

I'd already decided by then, I would go if I could convince Hope to join us. But Lenka didn't need to know that. She also didn't need any there-there-now from any of us who'd seen through her nonsense about "you men". All through the morning, I struggled not to laugh as I recalled her blatant hypocrisy all through the spring about Mattieu cheating on her when of course she knew he was cheating with her. I thought of the photograph of us all at Kelly's, my favorite Irish pub uptown. Mattieu's last week in the house, all of us crowded around the table like the dearest friends we were, with the pink drink that held court front and center in the picture -- the only clue he had a date for the evening; she wasn't in the picture because she was the one taking it. I had only just resisted the temptation to send Lenka a copy. Then and now, I figured those two deserved each other.

Just before I went home that evening, I decided I would her an email to say yes, I would go to the party. I didn't send it just yet. But I did send notification to the school in China that I would take the job.

As I stepped out of the office building at six o'clock, I turned left -- towards the house -- and then stopped and turned around. I wasn't up for seeing any of the gang, even if there probably wouldn't be any lovey-dovey shenanigans on a Monday night. Hope and Arlene would probably be holing up in the library as soon as they'd finished their dinner, and Jacob would be flirting like crazy with Maria since Rachel wasn't around. I didn't feel like sharing my big news, and I also didn't trust myself to keep it under my hat right then either.

I wandered downtown, past the sidewalk vendors on Northampton Street with their wares still out on display in the hot summer evening, keeping an eye on the setting sun as clouds were rapidly closing in on it. I had just enough time before the rain started to make my way to a posh steakhouse I'd taken note of on my very first week in the city two years before, when I hadn't had a nickel to spare. I'd made myself a promise back then that I'd visit it in style one day with a beautiful woman on my arm. At least the dream could come halfway true.

I splurged on filet mignon and a carafe of pinot noir, and savored the utterly romantic view of the rain-drenched street from my dimly lit table by the window, and wondered what the weather was like in China. I wondered if Hope and Arlene were chatting right then, and if there'd be any more talk of just what I'd done wrong the other day, and if Hope was confessing anything about the tender moment we'd shared on the walk home. I wondered about Denver, where I'd never been, and if Arlene would be happy once she was back there and teaching. I told myself it didn't matter.

It did, but in a few weeks it would all be history anyway. Would I be in for more Eighteenth Street intimacy in China? With the other new teachers, thrown together from all over the English-speaking world? It seemed more than likely. Maybe then I'd get to screw my brains out in some meaningless fling and all would be forgiven. Not forgotten, but forgiven, and Arlene and I could settle in for a lifetime of Christmas cards and occasional emails from halfway around the world.

When the waitress came by with the dessert tray, I figured they wouldn't have key lime pie in China. "Excellent choice," she said. "Whipped cream with that?"

"Please," I said.

"That's how I like it too," she said. "Have you had it before?"

"I've never been here before. I've been in town two years and always meant to, and finally got in under the wire."

"Under the wire? Where are you leaving us for?"

"China. To teach English."

"Wow! Lucky guy!"

I was glad someone else thought so. And maybe she was right.

I managed to linger until a little before eight. The rain had stopped by then and I figured the coast would be clear at home. It was, with only the desk attendant -- it was Nadine from Germany that evening -- there to greet me when I stepped in. "Hello, Pete," she said. "You look tired. Long day at work?"

"Pleasantly so," I said.

"Pleasantly long? I don't get you Americans."

I chuckled. "I'm not sure I get us either. Night, Nadine."

"Good night!"

From the dining room, I caught a snippet of Jacob's usual nonsense with Maria, and I steered clear and headed upstairs instead. It was a good night for passing out in front of the TV, I figured.

The TV room was right next to the library, so I wasn't too surprised to find Leo among the crowd watching some action movie I didn't recognize. I also wasn't surprised to find him on his second bottle of a sixpack of Budweiser, but then I was in no position to throw stones. He gave me his usual blank grin while some of the others bid me hello.

The only vacant seat in the room was beside him. I figured I could ignore him, and sat down.

"Beer, Pete?" he asked me on the next commercial, kicking at the sixpack on the table with his stocking toe.

"No thanks," I said.

"Good choice," he said. "This stuff is water!"

"I was wondering," I said, "If you're from Europe, how can you drink that?"

"It's cheap. And it's not like you know who will let me near her tonight." He pointed at the wall that separated us from the library as he polished off his beer. Then he sat up and took number three out of the pack, and set it on the table. "Be right back," he said, standing up. "Bathroom."

As soon as the door was shut behind him, Kate from California, the only other American in the room, asked, "Pete, what does Arlene see in that loser?"

"Hell if I know," I said.

"You know he doesn't even know you can screw open Budweiser?" asked Christian, from Germany.

"Neither did you before I showed you that, Christian." I couldn't resist.

"But I listened when you told me." Christian leaned over and picked up the bottle Leo had just set out. "You should've seen him with the last one, trying to open it against the doorjamb, the handle on the bookcase over there..."

"We kept trying to tell him," Kate added. "But he wouldn't listen."

"Maybe he'll listen if we hide this one," suggested Jason, from Korea. Always the prankster, he took the bottle from Christian and stuffed it between the cushions of the couch he and Christian were sharing.

We were all struggling not to laugh when Leo returned a minute later. He took out a fourth bottle and set about looking for something to open it on, and then did a double take. Turning to me, he asked, "Pete, did I already have a beer here?"

I shrugged, but Jason spoke up. "You put it on the table over there before you went to the bathroom." He pointed to the end-table beside the TV set, and when Leo turned to look, he pulled the bottle out from between the cushions and set it on the table between his couch and ours.

"Not that table, this table!" Christian said.

Leo turned around. Sure enough, there it was. "Why did you say this table?" he asked.

"I was stretching, not pointing," Jason said.

"Why'd I put it here?" Leo said as he picked it up. "Now, what did I use last time?"

"The bookcase," Kate reminded him.

"Right!" Leo went to the bookcase and busied himself trying to open the bottle on the old iron handle. It took several tries, which gave Kate plenty of time to swipe another of his bottles and set it on the table between her couch and Christian and Jason's. When Leo had his hard-won bottle open and returned to his seat, it took a moment to notice the missing bottle. "Pete, if you wanted one, just ask!" he said.

"I didn't take it," I said. "I told you, I don't like Bud."

"Man, don't you remember, you left one over here when you were trying to open it before?" Christian asked.

"Why don't I remember that?" Leo stood up to retrieve the beer, and knocked over his newly-opened one. "Shit!" He picked it up, but the table was flooded with suds.

I don't know why I bothered getting up to run to the bathroom and get some paper towels to help him -- maybe I didn't want him telling Arlene I'd refused to help? -- but in any event, I did. None of the others did, although Christian did return the bottle Kate had stolen. "Thank you, Pete," he said as I helped mop up the mess. "Like Arlene always says, you'll always help when a friend needs you. Just never when she wants you."

"When she wants me?" I asked. "Fine. Leo, would you like to dance?"

The rest of the room erupted in laughter, and Leo had to settle for giving me a dirty look.

He once again got up to open the newly-recovered beer, but I'd had enough. "Leo, don't you know you can open those by hand? It's the one good thing about American beer!"

"What?" Leo tried to unscrew the cap, and sure enough it came right off. "Why didn't anybody tell me?"

"We did," Kate said.

Leo flopped back down on the couch. The movie having been largely forgotten by then, he turned to me. "Really, you've got the right idea with women anyway. I'm surprised you couldn't get it to work on anyone this summer."

"The right idea?" I couldn't help asking.

"Always leave them wanting more. That's how I got Arlene, you know."

"It wasn't your witty conversation?" Jason asked.

Leo, of course, didn't get the joke. "No, it wasn't," he said in a perfectly serious tone. "The first weekend after I got here, I saw her across the room and offered her a drink. She took it and she was all smiles and conversation, like she always is, and I left her like that. Then the next few times I saw her, I ignored her. Of course she tried to work through that, and finally I let her, at breakfast one day. I was Mister Nice Guy, just for that one meal, and then went back to just barely noticing her. Then at the next party, she threw herself at me for a dance. Now she won't leave me alone even if I want her to!"

"Leo, you're a pig, you know that?" Kate asked. "You don't deserve Arlene."

"Explain that to her!" Leo took a triumphant gulp of beer.

I'd heard more than enough. "Night, all." I got up and let myself out without another word to anyone. I had nothing to say to anyone right then, thank you very much.

So of course the library door swung upon just as I was passing by. It was just a Japanese guy I barely knew, but Hope spotted me from inside. "Pete!" she called out.

I reluctantly turned around, and managed a smile when she emerged. "Have you seen Leo?"

"In the TV room," I said. "But he's drunk."

"That figures."

She turned around and made a motion with her hand, and a moment later Arlene appeared. "Thanks, Pete," she said. "We just wanted to make sure Leo wasn't out here before I leave. He's in one of his moods."

"A mood, Arlene?" Hope asked. Turning to me, she said, "They had a terrible fight after dinner."

"It wasn't that bad!" Arlene said. "I just want to give him some time to calm down, that's all."

Hope and I exchanged helpless looks as we followed her down the stairs.