All Comments on 'Elizabeth Ch. 01: Giving In'

Giving this a 5 for now, as I see it is a first chapter. It's a good idea, with a good start, but you definitely need to do some explaining. Why did Darcie choose Elizabeth? Has Elizabeth in fact done this before, her denial notwithstanding? Has Darcie seduced others like this? Grown children were mentioned, does Darcie have her eyes also set on Elizabeth's daughter? There's much potential here. I'm not really into to one chapter stroke stories, but again I am giving it a five for the potential. Hope to see more.

Jedd

Paragraph 18, who is Emily? Error error error ... does not compute.

I couldn't make heads or tails of this story

Nothing made sense to me

If you were presenting Elizabeth as a Christian she sure didn't act like one

I thought it was going to be a story of seduction but I didn't see any seduction in it at all

It sounds to me like you started writing about Elizabeth being a Christian and then changed the way that you were writing about her

Better luck next time

This sure wasn't what I thought it would be

Five for now and I'll see where it goes, as long as the next chapter is up quickly.