Ella & Evan - Valentine's Coupons Pt. 04

Chapter 11 - Apologies And Explanations

-Evan-

Mom stiffly walked about a hundred feet away down to the East Mall. We could see the crowd of people outside the Alumni building at a medium distance but as mom stopped at a set of benches well away from the passing pedestrians, I kept scanning down the way Ella had left. The way she had fled. I felt guilty and terrible for what Ella had seen. I was angry at Shanti for it, although even in the moment the rational part of my brain was saying 'well it's not her fault'. I was mad at Ella for putting me in this mess, somehow. Mix it all together with the surprise and I was almost numb.

Stopping at the bench, mom turned around and glared at me. I looked at Shanti, who had followed a bit unsteadily. Before mom could think of what to say, Shanti looked at me with an expression of contrition and blurted, "I'm sorry Ev, I shouldn't have kissed you like that, it wasn't cool."

Well thank god she said that because I could tell mom recalibrated her mood from "murderous" to "very disappointed".

I let out a long breath. The cowardly part of me considered loudly agreeing with her in front of mom, like that would magically make Ella less upset, but luckily that weakness passed. "I know Shanti, it's... fine." I couldn't think of a way to tell her how it was maybe not fine without spilling the beans.

Shanti was that level of mostly-drunk that made her place her hand on my arm and loudly but carefully say, "No no, you said you couldn't date me now and I convinced you to hang out anyway and then I got all nervous and jumped on you like a jerk. That was lame, I hope you don't, like, hate me now."

"Of course I don't hate you, I was just surprised. But thanks, apology accepted," I said.

She smiled, "Whew ok good! And Ella was there?" she looked at mom again as if she had forgotten about her for a few seconds, "and uh, hi Mrs. Gardner?"

Mom was thinking hard about what to say and how, but she replied, "Hello Sushanti. Yes, I was with Ella but she left when we got there."

Shanti hid her eyes with her hand, clearly embarrassed, "Oh man she's going to be weirded out I bet. But did she take off? I don't get it, I can see she'd think it was lame but why did she leave? I was expecting her to laugh at us. Or me. She said she didn't care..."

Now mom took a step forward and put a hand on Shanti's shoulder, saying, "Ella was surprised maybe. Probably not a big deal." I was relieved to see mom both no longer furious at us and seemingly taking charge. I just had no idea what to say in this situation.

With a crooked smile Shanti said, "Well I'll text her and make sure she knows Evan shot me down but it's all cool, I guess. Shooters shoot, right?" I could tell behind her casual bravado she was naturally somewhat mortified, and I felt bad for her. Like I've said, I know all about confessing your crush and having them flat out say no thanks. The fact that Shanti really was awesome and couldn't know why I wasn't interested made me extra sympathetic. And hell, she's still all flustered about kissing me out of nowhere and then boom my mom shows up out of nowhere to witness her drunken failure, that's got to be a special kind of awkward.

But I was only half paying attention to them now, in fact I had taken a few steps away. I had my phone out and was trying to message Ella. I had sent her a half dozen messages on a few different apps, asking her to call me or come back. I sent one message saying I was so sorry but it wasn't what it looked like and I could explain everything blah blah. Looking back, I can see why she didn't respond, what a dumb thing to say. Like only a super guilty cheater would say that.

With a pained sigh, I looked at mom, my eyes pleading with her. She could guess what I was doing as she patted Shanti on the shoulder and said, "No harm done I'm sure, Evan looks like he's fine. A pretty girl kissing him suddenly on Valentine's Day is no hardship I'm quite certain!"

Shanti was lost in thought, but she was pointedly not looking at me or talking to me anymore and I didn't blame her. She nodded slowly in agreement with mom, then said, "It's just weird that Ella left without saying anything, I mean I texted her to say I was going to ask Evan out and she just said 'no problem' or whatever. Then why would she be, like, really upset?"

Even in a buzzed state of mind, Shanti is a bright woman with good interpersonal awareness, and she was slowly realizing the one thread of the situation that didn't make sense. The sort of thing she might puzzle over the next day until a bunch of other little occurrences snapped into place.

I couldn't think of anything to say that would explain why Ella basically ran away from the sight of us while not creating additional questions that would leave Shanti even more potentially suspicious.

"Well, it's not my place to say," mom smiled at Shanti, and shrugged, "but, between you and I, Ella has spoken very highly of you. She thinks you're a very attractive young woman too. Maybe she has a little mostly platonic girl-crush on you?"

Shanti paused, then her eyes went wide. "Ooooooh, wow. I, uh, hadn't thought of that. Ella told me once at a party that she thought I was cute and gave me a little kiss but I didn't... oh!" She looked at me and shook her head, "Damn I'm an idiot. No wonder she was so weird about me hitting on her twin. I mean, she's hot and everything but I just thought she was messing around." Damn, I didn't know that.

Mom held up her hands and continued, "I'm just saying maybe Ella was extra surprised. I have no idea what she feels, or what or who she's into, that's for her to decide and her to say. I'm only guessing. But she did seem shocked."

Now, mom turned to me and said, "In fact, Evan maybe you should go look for her? She didn't respond to my text just now so maybe her phone battery is dead?" Yeah no chance, it was a family joke that Ella never let her phone get below 50% whereas I often find myself with an uncharged phone halfway through a night out.

I was nodding and turned to leave when my phone buzzed. For a split second, I was thrilled until my brain realized it was the goal horn ringtone. I turned to look at my mom as I answered and said, "Hi dad!"

"Hey Evan, look this is dumb but I'm still on my way to UBC and I'll be there in like half an hour. But your sister isn't answering her phone and I think she's with your mom? I don't want to just ambush Rebecca so I want her to know I'm coming but it would probably be... best if she heard it from someone else. I hate to put you guys in the middle of this bullshit, but do you know where they are?"

Mom was staring at me but wasn't giving me much to work with, so I had to assume she knew even less than I did about this one stupid thing.

"I'll make sure she knows dad, I'm not at the apartment right now but I'll try to be back there in half an hour when you get there."

With his voice tight with some barely repressed emotion, he replied, "Thank you, son. I'm sorry again about this. Love to you and your sister, this will be for the best, ok?"

"I'm sorry about everything too dad, love you. Talk to you tonight at some point for sure." We both hung up, and I guiltily realized that having spoken to dad and telling him I loved him on the phone twice that night was probably more honest appreciation and affection than I'd given him in the previous year. Fuck this tough guy shit, I'm going to start telling dad I love him every time I talk to him.

Putting my phone away, I looked at mom and said, "Dad called me a little earlier, he said he's coming down to talk to you. Said it's important and can't wait."

Mom looked nervous and sad. She glanced at Shanti, who could tell something was up also that it probably wasn't her business. Mom sighed, "Sorry honey, my husband and I are having some... issues right now and that's partly why I was here visiting. Thank you Evan, I'll hang around with Sushanti and get her a cab or something while you go find Ella. I'll meet you back at the apartment."

Looking between us, Shanti had an unhappy look as she said, "Oh shit, I'm sorry for adding to your drama tonight then Mrs. Gardner. And Evan I should have been able to see it, no wonder you guys are all had a, uh, vibe today."

I felt dumb I ever thought Shanti was being at all shady, she was such a good friend and even after an embarrassing situation and not knowing the whole story was quick to sympathize with us.

"No problem, like I said Shanti. But I gotta go, talk to you guys later," I nodded at them both as I finally broke away and headed north. I was going to call Ella's cell until she answered, but I headed towards the rose garden, it was next to one of Ella's favourite pubs and she loved the place, and if she had just kept going the way she left it was in the right direction. Maybe she was there? As soon as my phone call went straight to voice mail, I hung up and started jogging.

Chapter 12 - Thinking It Through

-Ella-

The panini was incredibly delicious, but perhaps mainly due to my hunger. I hadn't eaten since the morning, and now it was almost 6:30 PM. I devoured it in like 2 minutes, and as I popped the last piece into my mouth I almost smiled at the thought that I was wolfing my little meal down like Evan would demolish a huge plate of wings and somehow still want dessert. The smile disappeared as fast as it had bubbled up.

"You weren't joking about being hungry Ella," Chris chuckled. Now that we were all sitting inside, I could see Chris was probably around 23 years old, same as I guessed Beth was. Chris had longer hair and a bit of a tattoo poked up from her left arm above the collar of her shirt almost to her neck. The two women had been chatting amiably as I ate and drank some of the hot chocolate. True to her word, Chris had insisted on buying the hot chocolate, but I hadn't let her pay for the panini.

Feeling better already, I sat back and smiled at the women sitting across from me, "Thank you both for looking out for me. I guess I looked like a mess wandering around huh."

"Nah," Beth said, "you just looked unhappy and cold. We only wanted to make sure you were alright."

I smiled again, but even I could feel how unconvincing it was. Was I alright? I've never been great at hiding my emotions, as Evan told me a million times growing up. Stupid idiot, I was totally in love with him for years and he never knew a thing, did he? But other than that, I guess he had a point.

Chris could tell I was lost in my thoughts, and she quietly asked, "Anything you want to talk about Ella?"

I sighed. "Sorry. Just thinking about my dumb life obviously. When I saw my friend and that guy, he called out to me when I ran off. I think I should have stayed there and talked to them about it like an adult. Maybe I wasn't seeing what I thought I was seeing?"

Chris smiled and winked, "Or maybe you did see what you thought you saw, but that's OK too? I mean, you said there's no reason your best friend can't date your other friend, right?"

This was the limit of vaguely telling my story, I guess. But based on what Chris would have gathered from my blabbering, she was totally accurate. With a sigh, I admitted, "I suppose so. There is no reason for my best friend, her name is Shanti, to know why I would really be unhappy if she dated the boy we both know. Other than I knew him from high school and, well, I guess she wouldn't know because I keep it pretty hidden but I've really liked him a long time. But he didn't know during high school, even though I considered him one of my best friends. As far as she knows, we've never dated or anything."

With a chuckle Beth took another sip of her tea and said, "So yeah, a confusing situation I'm sure but really I do think it's not a bad idea to just talk to them about it. Whether they are on a date or not, now that you are over your surprise maybe just check in with them. One at a time though, no need to make it extra awkward, but I'd give your best friend a call."

I nodded thoughtfully, "That's a really good idea. I sure can't just ignore it and I don't want to let it linger. And just to put my mind at ease about what is going on with them, one way or the other." I didn't mention that I was going to call my best friend, but that was honestly Evan.

Quickly gulping down the rest of my hot chocolate now that it wasn't quite so scalding hot, I smiled. "I was definitely being a bit over dramatic, it's not like they are in some huge relationship that I didn't know about, I'm hanging out with one or both of them like 90% of my waking hours. It was probably nothing. And regardless, for me to just run off like that may have upset them too." And the more I thought about it, the more I felt it must be true. I was still mad, I mean I know I saw Shanti step up and kiss Evan, but it wasn't like he had his tongue down her throat. He actually looked surprised, even in the split second before he saw me. And Evan would never do that to me. I knew it, deep down, even as part of my dumb brain was all panicked about thoughts of losing him.

"Hey, you're a freshman, being dramatic is basically half the gig!" Chris laughed, "If you think you may have ruined their date or whatever - and if they are on a date that's fine too! - don't worry about it. Everyone acts the fool sometimes, you can always apologize."

"I think you're totally right. And I'm being a dumb little girl, turning my phone off when they are trying to get a hold of me." I reached for my bag as I remembered my Dad had called. Fuck, it was shitty of me to flake on his call, considering what he and Mom were going through. "Thank you both so much for listening to me and being concerned. I really appreciate it, and you've helped me relax and think my stupid drama through. But I should go, if nothing else I need to get back home to apologize to my brother and be there for my parents. And I will call Shanti back and make sure she knows everything is fine."

As I started putting my coat back on, Beth said, "Awesome! You are very welcome Ella, we are both so happy we could help. Where do you live? Do you need a ride?"

Chris nodded firmly and said, "I have my car here, and it's cold and drizzly out. How far are you going?"

"Uh, I live right by the Thunderbird Arena actually..."

Beth laughed, "Well it's bold of me to offer Chris' car but that's pretty far away, a couple of kilometers maybe, let us give you a lift!" Chris mock rolled her eyes at her friend - partner? I couldn't quite identify their relationship and I wished I had more time to ask about because they were awesome - but clearly agreed.

With only a brief hesitation I nodded in relief, "If it's not too much of a hassle that would actually be great, it's like a 20-minute walk from here and I'd really appreciate it. You two have been beyond wonderful to me, I really can't thank you enough!"

The women got up and grabbed their bags and jackets quickly. They could tell that now that I had made up my mind I was antsy to get back and start fixing my shit instead of just wandering around aimlessly, crying to myself and feeling like a sad loser.

By the time we all bundled into Chris' old car for the quick 5-minute drive to the Panorama Point apartments I was powering up my phone again. It started vibrating and beeping as soon as it finished booting up. I read a few messages, quickly responded to one from my mom, quickly acknowledged one very panicky one from Evan and then stared longer, with some real confusion, at a text from my Dad. As Chris pulled in front of the apartment building, I took a deep breath.

"Thanks again, for everything," I said as I opened the door.

Chris smiled as she said through the open window, "It was nothing, thanks for giving us something more interesting to talk about than Beth's thesis!"

"If you ever want to talk about anything Ella, we are hanging around that cafe most nights," Beth said from the passenger's seat. I nodded and waved as they waited to make sure I got to the front door of the lobby, then drove off. I know they drove off because just as I got to the elevator I saw another text message from my Mom. She was at the Beanery, and I sent her a quick reply to say I would meet her there. I left the lobby and crossed Thunderbird into the little park that lay on the way to the coffee shop. I had only gotten a few steps along the path when I saw Mom coming towards me, looking at her phone.

"Mom!" I said and she looked up, just in time as I grabbed her in a hug.

Chapter 13 - The Park Bench

"Ella!" Mom said as I squeezed her tight.

"Mom I'm sorry I ran away like that, it was dumb. I got your text saying that Evan and Shanti weren't really doing anything that bad but I had turned my phone off so I didn't see it right away and-"

With a laugh, Mom interrupted me to say, "Let's not stand here in the middle of this creepy park maybe."

I smiled, the 'park' was barely twenty paces across, but it had some big Douglas-fir trees, so it got dark in the center. We continued walking back to Thunderbird Boulevard, and very soon saw the entrance to our apartment building across the small street.

"I feel like we keep missing people, walking back and forth and playing phone tag," Mom said. She gestured to one of the rare park benches facing the street on the park's pathway, "let's just sit out here and talk for a bit. If Evan gets home we'll see him for sure."

"Yes, definitely. I need to start fixing things," I said, much more confidently than I felt. Mom sat down on the park bench and looked up and down the quiet street. It was dark out, and a bit chilly still, but the light drizzle had stopped at least and seeing people and cars moving down the road closer to the Arena was strangely cheering. I sat down too and took out my phone. "I should call Evan. I texted him to say I was ok and we'd talk soon but I should call him."

Looking up at the high branches partially screening the night sky from us, Mom agreed. "You should, yes. And then we can talk."

As I hit the option on Evan's contact to do an audio call (not something I can remember doing often, honestly) I realized I wasn't exactly looking forward to this conversation. I wasn't looking forward to whatever Mom had to say either. And I had to kinda-sorta ask forgiveness to Shanti too even though deep down I was, perhaps irrationally, a little mad at her. Probably apologize to Dad as well, for ignoring his call. Jesus, I was the one who got super sad and upset and yet here I am getting ready for an atonement tour, it hardly seemed fair.

But... it was fair. This all started because I lost that damn coupon book. Because I have this secret love with my twin brother that's seemingly threatening all our 'normal' relationships. Because I let my jealousy and fear control me. But I'm not going to give up on being with Evan. Hell no, I'm going to fix this shit and figure it out and I'm going to have the love of my life and it's going to last for our whole lives and I don't care if it sounds like a ridiculous thing a 19 year old girl would say it's the goddamn truth.

"Hello? El?" Evan sounded both winded and almost panicked as he answered. My heart broke a little just for making him worry.

"Sorry Ev, I'm home now with Mom, we're waiting on the bench across the street from the front door."

"El, thank god you're ok, hey I'm really sorry I know what it looked like but-"

I laughed, well it was half laugh, half sob but still it was enough to make him pause and I said, "It's ok baby I'm an idiot. But we'll talk when you're here, just hurry home. Please."

Now Evan gave a short laugh and said, "I'm at the Rose Garden, I was just about to check the Corner Pub to see if you were there."

Shit, he was about as far away from us as you could get and still be on campus. "Damn baby, do you want a ride? I can go grab the car and come get you, you're like 20 minutes away."