All Comments on 'Eloise - A Tale of Young Love'

Lovely romance!

5

this story hasn't inspired but a single comment. It deserves more.

While I did see two places that should have been edited, the characters and the story line and the background so outweighed those nits.

Thank you. Well done.

It is quite likely that the reason this story hasn't gotten more than a single comment is because it is same-ole, same-old. Very pleasant, but the same as all Sister Jezabel's tales. This time is my last story of her collection because the slight variations between her stories no longer has its appeal. I will make a couple of critical comments:

Like so many of the British/Australian series on the tube, this story just had too many characters. Maybe others are interested in keeping a scorecard of who's who, but I found all the names blurring into a fog and I started to just ignore the multitude of names. Nice that everyone loves everyone else, even Eloise's biological father, but I was bored.

My other critical comment is really a waste of everyone's time, because no one pays any attention to my negative remarks about almost all writer's inability to learn how to use pronouns. Everyone seems to think it's classy to use "I" when often the correct pronoun is "me". As in: "John and I went to the store" and "Mary gave John and me a nice lunch". The trick is to drop the other person (John) and see if the sentence sounds right with the pronoun. "I went to the store" is correct - you;d never say "Me went to the store." And: "Mary gave me a nice lunch" and never "Mary gave I a nice lunch". It's easy and would satisfy the nitpickers like me. Happy writing.

Good storyline I got lost in the names some as my short term memory is weak.

My wife gets on to me I have happy tears for TV shows. I loved it.

Please ignore the naysayers, you’re a talented writer and there’s nothing wrong with happy endings. Thank you for sharing this story of love and hope.

The transition from the experience with Ned to start using Eliot's name (her bio father) kinda freaked me out on page 2.

Sister Jezabel, you have great story telling talents. I have read two of your stories so far and have loved both of them. Please keep up the excellent writing, can’t wait to read more.

I’m sure he drove Michael to the formal but I’m not sure he drove I to the formal.

Nice story but I have to agree with the comments about there be being far too many names to try and remember,

LOVED IT!! 5+ STARS

I'm trying to read all of your stories in order and I think this one may be my favourite atm. Will surely be coming back to reread this soon!<33

You lost me when at least 19 characters’ names were in a single paragraph.

A very nice story and also well written. But Jiminy J. Cricket, and as others have commented on, way too many names to fathom. I’m a guy, and like a lot of guys I’m not good at remembering names. Other than that it’s really a very good story, Sister Jezabel, and I thank you for sharing it.

I've read all the comments to date. Some of your readers have grown jaded, but I'm a newcomer and to me it was utterly charming. No twists, no antagonists, just good people overcoming tragedy and interlacing the scars of tragedy into their life courses.

There are a few points of constructive criticism on the level of nuts-and-bolts mechanics. Others have mentioned the tenuous grasp of pronoun forms. Let me add that, like 95% of Literotica authors (including the good ones!) you would benefit from a tutorial on the difference between transitive and intransitive verbs. Transitive: lay/laid/laid and raise/raised/raised. Intransitive: lie/lay/lain and rise/rose/risen. These errors don't cause me to downgrade your work, but they are blemishes that leave it unpolished.

As always, any story you write ends up touching my heart. I am a guy, but have read catagory romances for years. Your stories hit all the right notes to warm my heart.

I am a romantic and look for Romantic reads. I realize I am an outlier amidst your many fans, but this story just didn't deeply tough me. It lacked something and I wish I could put my finger on it. As a counselor, I fund her therapist to be flat and shallow. I found the MC to be inconsistent. I know the story sounds like happily ever after, but I do not find the deep unselfish love that makes it work so well. Thanks though, for a great effort,you obviously have made the lives f may brighter with your writing.

Eloise's mother is an annoying interfering babymaking bitch!! Agree with previous comment, there is something lacking here!!

Maeve was making plans for Finn's rooms over the Xmas holiday and telling him what the sitter Eloise should be doing!! Then when they're back from their weekend, the bitch Maeve spins her shit about knowing Eloise's feelings about Finn!!

Finn was in medical school and a GP so what did he have to do with Jarrod's law firm after Gabby died????