All Comments on 'Emily and I, Do You Trust Me?'

Found it hard to follow and painful to read. Did you run this past an editor before posting? No real character development, stilted dialogue, and no engaging plot all conspired to sink this ship at dockside.

an outline. How does the reader know who the hell you are writing about? Emily, Jane, whoever. When the story needs a code ring to decipher it, it goes unread.

This is part of a series. You'd know the characters if you read the series.

to polygamy in an instant.

It was a good story until the end, and then you ruined it.

It didn't say it was part of a series, so how would we know? As a stand alone it reads like a bad first draft. I finished the first section and quit. I didn't vote, for which you should be glad.

Really should indicate it is part of a series, or at least connected to another story. Not all readers jump to the author section and scan his or her writings before reading a current story. Always be fair to your readers.

This is just rough notes posted as a story. The narrative is all over of the place. It is difficult at times to follow who is thinking what or saying what. I generally do not say anything if I do not have anything positive to say but this was painful!!

If an author intends to break a long story into a series, a) the title SHOULD say Part 1 or Chapter 1, and subsequent chapters should use the same title and the series number of this part or chapter.

B) IF the author wants to include a chapter subtitle, that is OK (not really great, but OK)

C) The second and subsequent chapters should have a prologue...at least 'part 2 of 5' or similar...preferred is also a brief summary of the story to date!

and deep in the heart of Texas and partners, TK U MLJ LV NV

I had no idea until I started reading comments. I thought that I had missed a page. There was nothing at the beginning that indicated a series or I would not have read this one first.

Oh, Well. It was interesting but I now know why I didn't undersand it all. I'll go back and read the beginning, maybe.....

Story was too hard to follow...gave up after page 2.

For finishing this long confusing story.

Good story. A little confusing at times. Doesn't seem to be quite complete.

This tale went in so many directions by the end I didn't care about any of the characters, dead or alive. Are we sure it's done? Maybe another chapter? Fuck if I know. Oh well.

shit story - part 2.

such a good story UNTIL...a three some??? This proves jane did not really love the guy, he's just a very good fuck. Emily was nothing more than a cheating whore and deserved ZERO love from anyone EXCEPT a cunt of a sister??? 1* when it could have been a 10*. author how could you fuck up an excellent story so completely?

so it is ok to eat another mans wife's pussy out what a bunch of hipocrets what will happen when charlie find out i wonder

... then it got kind of childish with the threesomes at the end.

more cuck shit.

Really a decent story in every sense of the word. Life can be good when adults act like adults. We are all in a constant need of forgiveness. I love how the players in the story live gracefully.

Maybe it's just a fantasy but I hope more folks can be in harmony.

new and original. We could argue the character's life choices but in this case, I'm just going to say I enjoyed the yarn.

I don't think there was any need to add threesomes. It didn't really add anything to the story which was already OK.

But do LEARN the difference between drug and dragged. One is a pharmaceutical and one the other the act of pulling along the floor..

Not believable therefore only laughable!!!

You don't explain who the characters are. You state that Jacy was married to Emily but in reality Emily was married to Alex. Emily was murdered by Alex's lover for some unknown reason. But Alex was not involved with Emily's murder. Then you throw Evonne into the mix where her husband is failing to sexually satisfy Evonne. Now we know that Jane helped Emily to lie to Jacy about being single when they met which was not true since Emily was still married to Alex. So why didn't Emily's two children tell Jacy that their parents were still married? Also Jane lied to Jacy about Emily being single, why didn't Jacy hate Emily's sister Jane? Jacy was duped by these sisters.

seattlejack

You should be pleased with this submission. I particularly liked the fact that for your plot you took a risk and thought outside the box. Sure, the plot had various strands that had me wondering at times...and I have to tell you Em's death came as a shock. Your characters were believable although the guy's situation at the end made me incredibly envious! Keep contributing, man and keep original.

I disagree with most of the criticisms leveled against the story, I thought it was an interesting and unique yarn. It did have a few holes in the plot line, but all in all it was very entertaining.

I had a really hard time following this story. it seemed to be all over the place. I still don't understand what it was all about.

Complicated but enjoyable.

Very nice. As Detective Almos said, "People are Amazing". Learning more about Emily et al.

Thank-you

Pasqual

I am with you

Too confusing so I gave up

First installment is required reading. I was confused when I first read this. It's a continuation of https://www.literotica.com/s/emily-and-i-1 and the first installment is necessary if you want to have any idea what's going on. Once I read that and came back to this follow-up, all was clear. Boy goes to war, gets shot, meets girl, gets separated from girl. Eventually girl finds boy again, they marry (except she never files it, because that would be bigamy). She splits her time between her two sales territories, each of which has a different man. Girl dies on a car crash, and boy meets sister. Then we get to this story.

No idea what was going on most of the time.

I am like most people here, this was a but confusing. His so-called wife wasn't really his. She was a slut, but only for him. The big question was WHY didn't she file or even tell him about her real husband? Was she in it for her husband's money, the girls welfare, or was it a revenge fuck because of HIS cheating. And when he found about Emily's other life, he should have confronted her and have her a choice. Just a sad pitiful story.

I can see how some might have got confused, however, it all made sense in the end. Emily pursued the affair because of the emotional distance from her surgeon husband. It was dishonest to J, but he did find out and chose to live with it. In the end, it worked out for all involved. Because of his actions, the lives of the others were made better. I mean, the fringe benefits definitely tilted in his favour. All’s well that ends well.