All Comments on 'Emma Ch. 01'

Keep up with this story, nice beginning.

Pretty decent, enjoyed the majority of it. My primary complaint is that there is too much exposition and that it's not very well placed. Of course seeing as this is Chapter 1 I expect this is a one-time thing. You also could have used some more time put into revision, but I understand why a story like this wouldn't concern you to be perfect.

I did enjoy it for the most part and will most likely read your new chapters. Are you planning on having this story go anywhere in particular, or is it just going to be sex?

But deserves a part 2, maybe where Emma gets her friends to join the harem together

When you can do anything without any effort, where is the satisfaction in the achievement? Put another way, considering he could fuck as many girls as he wanted to, whenever he wanted to and make them do anything he wanted them too, it would get boring.

After all, for me, the best part of being married is lowing that my wife CHOSE me, she could have had any guy she wanted; but she wanted to be MY wife. Not because I forced her, not because I persuaded or manipulated her and certainly NOT because I mesmerized her. She liked me enough that she wanted to grow old with me.

Now, which do you think is more wonderful, more amazing and more difficult?

May I ask why in that case you bothered with a story in the Mind Control section?

Good stories include an element of dramatic tension. Most of the best MC stories include some kind of risk or challenge to the protagonist. This is too easy for the protagonist and it makes for fairly dull reading. As others have noted, there's too much exposition.

On the plus side, good grammar, good spelling, no painful typos, and reasonably good writing from a technical perspective.

Keep up the effort!

You write very well. I've added this story to my favourites, and you as an author, to my favourites. I look forward to reading the next instalment.

If you have any other stories, lurking on the PC/laptop/whatever, please consider sharing them with us.

Sorry I lost interest when you didn't know where a womans virginity was. The hymen sits across the entrance to a vagina you wont get one millimetre in till its gone.