Emptiness

Ash watched a while longer. "This Spyro?"

"Yeah. It's a pretty chill game. I need that sometimes."

"Sure. You wanna just play, or you have something two player?"

"Uh... we only ever had a few games that I liked. Wasn't that much into 'em. But there's Mario Kart, I guess."

"Ooh, that's be sick on this screen."

"That's true."

"Wanna do it?"

"Ok. Lemme finish this level."

After breaking out Mario Kart and spending a few races being suitably enamoured with the overly large screen to play it on, the siblings retreated into a more mindless playstyle that left time for quiet introspection.

"I had a thought," Ash said.

"Well quick, write it down before you forget."

Ash expressionlessly reached over and pinched Val in a sensitive place on her tummy. She yelped and drove into a wall, too slow to catch her brother's hand with a wicked slap before it was gone again.

"I had a thought," Ash repeated patiently.

"Better hear it then," Val said, rubbing where she'd been pinched.

"What if you got a dog?"

"A dog?"

"You know. Four legs, furry, waggy tail, barks, often-"

"I know what a fucking dog is!"

"Oh good."

"I mean, what would I do with a dog?"

"Well, you were saying about having this whole place and it being too much and kinda empty and stuff. A dog'd help."

"That's what I got you for."

"To be a dog?"

"To fill space."

"Ah. My life's purpose revealed at last."

"Happy to help."

Ash set his controller down in between races while Val selected a new character and vehicle. Her previous choice being 'unlucky.'

"For real, though," he said, watching Val for signs of her actual feelings on the subject. "Could be something to consider."

"S'not the same as a family," Val said quietly without looking at him.

"No, I know. I didn't want to sound like I was saying it was. Just... could be something." He toyed with a stray thread on his shirt. "Not to belittle anything, but sometimes dogs are better than people. A lot of the time, actually."

"You're not wrong. I don't think I want a dog, though. Not now, anyway. It'd be all that work. Getting everything ready. Always having to take it for walks. Always needing to provide attention and affection."

"What exactly did you think kids would be like?"

"Well... you know, somewhat fewer walks, I guess."

"But you can't put them on a leash."

"True."

"So tie game, more or less."

Val sighed and temporarily abandoned her selection process entirely. "Maybe I wasn't even ready to be a mom at all."

"Well I wouldn't-"

"You're right. A dog would be easier than kids. Or at least not any harder. And here I am dreading the amount of work it'd be. How the hell was I ever gonna raise kids?"

"Maybe you just don't want a dog. That might be all it is."

"Maybe."

"And you woulda had a husband. Wouldn't have just been you."

"I guess. Unless it turned into one of those things were he spent all his energy on work and the kids were all mine. I don't think it woulda been that way, but he made way, way more than I ever did, and he loved his work. Coulda happened."

"Uh, sure."

"Just sayin'." Val waved her hand at Ash. "And it wouldn't be such a different scenario with a dog, either. Like, it'd be way easier if you were gonna be here to help, but we don't actually know how long you're staying. And then what if the dog gets all attached and then you leave and I've got a heartbroken pupper and-"

"Val. Val. Shhh, it's fine. It was just an idea."

"Yeah. An idea."

"I've got more. That was a first draft."

"More, huh?"

"I'll let things settle before I try again."

"No, go on, try another one."

"Really?"

"Yeah. I wanna see if you actually have other ideas, or if they're all just about getting a pet. I've thought of it myself, you know. It's not just your brilliant idea."

Ash sat pensively a moment. "What about a cat?"

Val rolled her eyes and swung a cushion at him. "That's about what I thought."

"Cats are different. Less work, kinda. More independent."

"I know. And I'd be more likely to get one. But I don't think I'm there yet."

"Well what if we just went to see some. Get a sense of how you feel being around them."

"Yeah, why not. Something to do, I guess."

Ash nodded. "Something to do."

"Just to think about. Tomorrow good?"

"My schedule's open."

"Good. We'll check it out tomorrow."

****

In spite of Val insisting on driving to the animal shelter the next day, Ash had to drive them home. The reason being Val's arms were all full of kitty.

"What ever happened to just looking anyway?"

Val didn't take her eyes off the cat purring cozily against her chest. "Well I couldn't leave him. Someone else might have taken him."

"That'd be how it works, I s'pose. But again, just looking."

"He's the one. You can't mess with fate like that. He honestly hasn't stopped purring since I picked him up."

"Might be a kitty con man, just waiting to get home then he'll rob us. You don't know."

"I'll take that chance." Val traced her fingers down her cat's tail, then gently booped his little paw. "He's the most adorable thing of all time, just for the record."

"Duly noted. What's his name again?"

"Sebastian. You couldn't possibly have forgotten already."

"I was looking at other cats. And how'm I s'posed to remember a cat named like a person. Cats should have cat names."

"Like what?"

"... I dunno. Sebastian should be a person, is all."

"Disagree. Strongly."

"Evidently so." Ash sighed. "Well they had some stuff there, the basics, but we're not supplied properly at all for this."

"So we hit a store. Who cares?"

"Before or after going home?"

"Um..."

"Because if it's before, he needs to go in the crate. And if it's after, you have to decide whether you're gonna leave him home alone right away."

"... can't I just hold him?"

"Probably not."

"Shit. I don't know. Maybe just go home and we can scrounge what we need somehow."

"Scrounge?"

"Yes."

"From your home that hasn't had nearly enough time to accumulate occasionally useful junk?"

"... yes."

"And definitely doesn't have cat food lying around somewhere?"

"I said yes, ok! Stop bringing logic into this!"

"Right. My mistake."

****

Most of the rest of the day was spent trying to get Sebastian settled with the things he needed. Which was fine because neither sib really had anything else going on.

Ash was more than ready for a break by that evening. He'd enjoyed the day, and certainly didn't mind having an excuse not to think about his own life for a while. He sat lazily on the couch, got Val's massive tv working and playing the first movie he found that looked watchable.

When Val came in a little later, she stopped by him long enough to give him a quick, affectionate hair ruffle.

"What was that for?" he asked, only half curious.

"For having a good idea after all."

"Oh?"

"I already love him. Sebastian."

"Yeah, I knew who you meant."

"I didn't think I would, but... I really do."

"Good."

"He's sleeping in my room. I didn't want to leave him alone. He doesn't know the house yet. But I couldn't move him. Didn't have the heart."

"He'll find you if he wants to. Cats are notoriously quick studies of architecture."

Val stared at Ash as she sat down on the couch with him. She stretched her legs along the length of it, casually invading his space. "I can't tell if you're saying nonsense, or if there was actually a fact in there disguised as a joke."

"Guess you'll have to wait and see if he locates you or not."

"So I'll know if he's a student of architecture?"

"Yes."

"Oh sure." Val chewed her lip for a moment in thought. "This might sound crazy-"

"I'm used to that."

"Shut up. This might sound crazy, but I kind of, like, I feel some of those 'mom' feelings."

"What are those?"

"You know. Like what a mom feels."

"Which is what?"

"Just... the stuff I'm feeling."

"Ah. Well you know I can't actually feel the things you're feeling. You have to describe them to me."

"I can't."

"I sense this is going to be tricky conversation."

"It's good. That's all I'm saying. It feels nice. Feels warm and important and stuff. I dunno." Val leaned her head against the back of the couch and stretched her legs a little further, setting her feet in Ash's lap. "Some stuff I thought I'd feel with kids, except that didn't happen. Different, though. Better, in some ways."

"Better than kids. What a world."

"I'm being genuine and emotional here. Would you please try and-"

"You're right. Continue. Please."

"You're just gonna make another joke the first chance you get, aren't you?"

"Most likely, yes."

"Why do I even bother?"

"Because I'm your brother and you love me."

"No. That's not it." Val clicked her tongue softly, pretending to really consider the issue. "I think maybe it's because... you're the only one here."

"That is one of my finest talents. Nearly won a prize for it once."

"No you didn't."

"No I didn't."

"Ash?"

"Yeah?"

"Even though you're being kind of a smartass as a defense mechanism, for some reason I still love you and I'm glad you're here."

"Defense mechanism?"

"You know, when you're emotionally vulnerable so you-"

"I know what it is. That's not what I'm doing, though."

"You sure?"

"Yes."

"Ok. But ya know, you should be feeling some things too."

"I should?"

"Yeah. If I'm a cat mom now, you're kinda like a cat dad."

"He's your cat."

"You helped bring him into this home, mister."

"That's-"

"He's gonna need a father figure. That's you."

"You're getting silly now."

"Nuh uh."

"Yuh huh."

"Nuh uh!"

"I didn't sign on to be a cat father."

"But we have a cat now. Ergo..."

"You mean you have a cat."

"Our house, our cat."

"It's still just your house."

"Yeah, well, could be ours. Kinda."

Ash stopped for a moment and stared suspiciously at his sister. "What are you asking me to move in permanently or something?"

Val shrugged. "Maybe. Just... you don't have to. I want you to feel like you could if you wanted, is all. You were saying you had no plans. You could have no plans here. Could be like a little make-pretend family thing."

"And I'd have to be a cat father?"

"Cat step-father, if the full commitment was too much."

"I feel like that's worse. I don't know why, but I feel like it is."

"Well, just think about it." Val leaned over and patter Ash's knee as she stood up. "I'm gonna go check on Sebastian."

"You left him alone for, like, ten minutes. He'll be fine."

"New mom anxieties. You know how it is."

"I really don't," Ash told Val's back as she left the room.

****

Things settled in for a few days. Val got used to her new responsibilities and slightly altered schedule thanks to now having a dependant. Ash got some of that too, but much less so than his sister.

There weren't any more wardrobe issues initially either, until Val came to the kitchen one morning wearing a shirt very similar, length-wise, to the one she'd flashed Ash in. He stared at her disbelievingly for a moment until she caught his gaze.

"What?"

"Nothing," Ash said, looking away.

Val looked down at herself, and very quickly made the connection her brother had. "Oh, this? Don't worry. I remembered underwear this morning."

She lifted the hem of her shirt just enough to flash some colour beneath.

"Nice panties," Ash said. "You didn't really need to show them off, though."

"Nah, but I thought you'd be more willing to drop it if I proved there wasn't going to be... inappropriate viewings."

"Showing me your panties is still kinda inappropes, Val."

"Totes inappropes?"

"Enh. I wouldn't say totes."

"Oh good." Val moved past Ash, who couldn't help still taking note of just how much bare leg she was showing, in spite of that being very unhelpful. "We have to find the happy medium for decorum versus comfort, you know."

"We do?"

"Yes. And I know you know what I mean. Don't think I've missed you cheerfully waltzing off to the bathroom in just your underwear. That's more revealing than what I'm wearing, let me tell you."

Ash held up a finger like he was about to make an important point, then faltered slightly. "Well... I didn't know you were watching."

"Ah."

"I had to pee. I often have to do that when I get up in the morning, you know."

"I do. Hence the happy balance we're finding. Unless you truly find the way I'm dressed objectionable."

Ash involuntarily raked his gaze softly up and down the length of Val as she stood there faintly smirking at him. "That's not the word I'd use, no."

"Not objectionable?"

"Not hardly."

Val flushed, and her smirk lost it's confident edge. "Thanks, I think."

She wasn't any more certain than Ash whether it had been a compliment, nor what it meant if in fact it was one.

Val was saved from having to think too hard about it by a soft but insistent, "Mrow?" She smiled and bent down to pick up Sebastian, who seemed to have followed her on his own lazy schedule.

"You still probably should be careful about bending over like that," Ash said.

Val pursed her lips and narrowed her eyes, all while holding and cuddling her kitty.

"Just thought you'd like to see 'em again."

"Your panties? I mean... you're gonna make it weird."

"Well I could take them off, but that might be weirder."

"Ya think?"

"But then again, it's a much more presentable area than last time."

"Val..."

"Trying to get back into the habit of regular maintenance, you know."

"I don't know, and-"

"Yes you do."

"Ok, I do. What are you getting at?"

"Me? Mostly deflecting from the fact that I forgot what I was doing and flashed my butt again."

"You... oh. Well, I didn't think you were going admit it."

Val shrugged. "It's early. I'm not fully awake."

"Yeah, I get ya." Ash shifted awkwardly. "Far be it from me to tell you you need to wear pants in your own home..."

Val snorted. "Really? You're gonna say it anyway?"

"No, I'm going to heavily imply it."

"What happened to me not being objectionable?"

"You're still not. Just... you know what I start thinking about when there's a girl first thing in the morning dressed like you are?"

"No, I... wait, you mean like one of the loves of your life?"

"Generally, yes. Someone I had a 'sleepover' with. Or more."

"Oh gross, dude."

"What do you want me to do about it? It's the association I have."

"Yeah, well, don't think of me that way. If you're gonna enjoy the show, enjoy it. But only thinking of me as a sister. Not... not one of them."

"... are you sure that's better?"

"How could it be worse?"

"I'm sure it could. I just can't think of why right now."

"You can't?"

"No. Too distracted by those legs of yours."

Val smiled and cuddled Sebastian closer, kissing him before turning her back on Ash and walking away. "Enjoy 'em, brother dearest. Someone should."

"Don't sway your hips at me like that!" Ash called after her.

"Don't tell me what to do!" she retorted easily. "I'm gonna feed Sebastian. Start working on breakfast, would you?"

"I... fine, yeah. I'm hungry anyway."

****

"So I've been thinking about something," Val said.

It was a few days after her return to bare-legged mornings, and they'd only been increasing in frequency since then.

"Why does your tone inspire such anxiety in me?" Ash asked.

"I really couldn't speak for your inner nervousness."

"Maybe also don't speak with such foreboding?"

"There was nothing foreboding about what I said."

"You should have heard your tone."

Val shook her head and paused long enough to suggest a reset in the conversation. "Anxiety aside, let me know what you think of this. You know how I was married and everything?"

"I vaguely recall something about that, yes."

"And how Carl was basically the only guy I was with for... a while."

"Basically?"

"Entirely the only guy. Like, for years. The only one. And then... then there's been nothing since then. Alone. You being the most consistent male presence ever since."

"To be fair, I've been more consistently present than anyone else could really hope to match."

"That's true. But what I'm wondering is what that's doing to me, as far as like messing with my sense of relationships."

"I don't follow."

"Like, I could have rebounded on someone, yeah? Gone for a short-lived, ill-advised, messy relationship with the first vaguely promising guy who presented himself."

"I... suppose you could technically have done that."

"But I didn't."

"Right."

"So what if you're the closest I get to something like that."

Ash blinked slowly. "You're rebounding on me?"

"No! I'm saying I'm not rebounding on anyone. Or I haven't rebounded. I'm not going to. Something like that. But just... maybe it would have weirdly been better for me."

"I can't condone that line of thought."

"I don't need you to condone it. I just want to know if it makes any sense."

"... maybe some sense. A very little."

"Ok."

"Ok?"

"Ok."

Ash shrugged. "Ok, so assuming that's the case... so what?"

"So... maybe it explains how I've been feeling around you."

"Meaning what?"

"Meaning the way you look at my legs. Makes me feel kinda nice."

Ash looked away, flushing. Even though Val wasn't currently dressed in any particularly revealing way. "They're nice legs."

"Thanks. And that time I accidentally bent over-"

"There's been more than one."

"The main one. The very revealing one."

"Ah."

"I genuinely was more embarrassed that you weren't seeing me at my best than that you were seeing too much."

"For real?"

"At least partly, yeah."

Ash shrugged awkwardly. "So what am I supposed to do with that?"

"Nothing. I just wanted to say it. Let you know. Obviously it doesn't really mean anything."

"Obviously."

"But if you want to keep looking sometimes... that's ok."

Ash tapped his fingertips thoughtfully. "Is that sort of the same thing you're thinking when you look at me sometimes?"

"Hm?"

"You brought up about me being shirtless sometimes."

"I believe it was you prancing around in your underwear."

"I have never pranced in my life."

"But yes. The lack of shirt." Val smiled cautiously. "I appreciate it at times."

"Ah."

"We both get a little something to look at, on occasion. No harm done, right?"

"That's one way to look at it." Ash shook his head. "I knew you were looking. I just... I get sloppy. Not used to living so long with a girl and having to worry about shirts and things."

"You still don't, if you don't want to."

"And let my sister use me for her sick visual pleasures? What kind of boy do you think I am anyway?"

"You don't want me to answer that."

"Fair."

****

Ash wasn't quite sure what to expect after their most recent talk about clothing, or a lack thereof. It turned out not to be too bad, really. He'd toyed with the idea of being more careful and proper, but it just seemed like so much work.

The thing with Val was it was kind of weird being as casual around her as someone he was dating, but it was also easier and kind of nice too. There wasn't all the relationship stuff getting in the way. She was his sister, was all. Nothing to have to worry about. No dates or sex or drama. Just Val.

Sure it was weird knowing she was Looking at him, but it was nice having that little confidence boost from time to time, that he could even catch her eye. It wasn't always easy being between girlfriends, and having Val to check out occasionally and also keep him feeling interesting wasn't the worst.

Though neither knew the extent of the other's thoughts, Val felt fairly similar about things. Her perspective was different, coming from a much longer, more committed single relationship, but the boost to her confidence was well appreciated just the same. And experience teasing and mildly flirting with someone was more useful to her than it could ever be to Ash, given their respective histories.