Emptiness

Val mused sometimes about trying to find someone new, and shifting her focus off her brother. She was feeling more and more like she might be ready to try dating again.

Sebastian kind of kept her busy, though, and having Ash around just always felt like he was an easier target for her occasional minor needs. Not her larger, deeper needs, but they hadn't been making too much a nuisance of themselves yet. She could feel some yearnings emerging, though, things she hadn't felt for years, probably. And sooner or later she'd have to do something about them.

****

"Maybe I should get a cat too," Ash said.

Val was busy dancing around a cat toy on a string while Sebastian fiercely pawed and pounced at it. "It's been a solid decision for me."

"I've noticed."

"It'd mean committing, though."

"I know. I might be ready for something like that."

"Oh really? Finally maturing, are we?"

"I'm mature."

"Ok."

"Why would you suggest otherwise?"

"Your long string of relationships that presumably were attempts at faking being an adult."

"Whoa, dude, that's not cool. Looking for happiness isn't some personal fault. Even if I haven't had the best luck or made the best choices necessarily."

"Oh sure."

"I'm just as good an adult as anyone."

"You're not wearing pants, though."

Ash was, in fact, only in boxers from the waist down. "We agreed that was fine!"

"We did. But it somewhat undercuts any talk of maturity."

"Oh really?"

"Yes."

"So if I go put pants on I'll be more of an adult?"

"Having to ask means it won't really help."

"You've got such double standards sometimes."

"Only when it's funny."

"Ah."

Val got down on the floor with Sebastian and played with his tummy until he decided he'd had enough and brought the claws out. "I think you should really look into it. Cats are great."

"You're biased."

"I am. But you wanted one, didn't you?"

"Seriously thinking about it."

"So do it."

"You're right, though, I'd have to commit. And before you say anything, I am aware my follow-through on these things has a pattern of being... temporary."

"Everything is temporary. You're just... more temporary than most."

"Oh thanks."

"You think you're really ready to settle here then?"

"I mean, if that's still cool."

"It is. And let's be real, once you found your dream job, what kind of sister would I be kicking you out and risking all that?"

Ash gave Val an unamused look. "Part time at a drive through is not my dream job and you know it."

"Oh. My mistake."

"I'm still working on something better. But... staying here means so much less pressure. Don't have to worry about getting a really good job. Not for a while, maybe, if nothing comes up."

"True."

"I think having a pet to come home to would be nice."

"It is."

"But... what if I'm jumping the gun on it?"

"You mean what if you meet someone, yeah? And you want to immediately move in with her?"

"Well, not immediately."

"Uh huh. Maybe don't worry about it, dude. Or maybe try and learn and grow from your experiences and next time you meet a girl, really get to know her before thinking about moving in together."

"I usually don't anyway."

"Oh good. So no problems then."

"You think?"

"Why not?"

Ash thought about it. "Well maybe I just will."

****

Val put her hands on her hips. "You can't call a cat Dragon."

Ash grinned. "Absolutely can."

"I'm sure that wasn't her name before you adopted her."

"Ah, but it is now."

"That's... that's not a name. It's a mythical animal."

"So?"

"So you can't call her that."

"Not up to you, I'm afraid. She's my li'l Dragon. Too late to stop me."

Val sighed. "Whatever." She looked around. "Where'd she get to anyway?"

"Um... yeah, not sure about that. She's kind of an independent soul. As dragons can be."

"She's still just a cat. Why wouldn't you get one who liked being close?"

"Like Sebastian? Because if I was looking for a dog I would have got one. Cats are cats. Gotta just respect it and deal with it."

"Sure. Fine. Are we gonna look for your cat or what?"

"I mean, if I haven't seen her in half an hour or whatever, I'll take a look. Otherwise I'll just assume she's scouting her territory."

"Scouting?"

"Yeah. Gotta know what she's working with."

"You're insane."

"Thanks for noticing."

****

Dragon continued to display a more lone wolf sort of behaviour than Sebastian, though the two cats thankfully reached a sort of mutual respect and tolerance for one another. Dragon didn't much care for being caught being affectionate with her counterpart, but their respective people found it adorable.

"I weirdly feel even more like a parent now," Val said. She sat sipping at a glass of wine at one end of the living room couch, Ash at the other end. "Even though Dragon's not really mine."

"No, I getcha. It's like... like having a step kid, kinda. Not yours, but yours."

"Yeah. Something like that."

"Mine's cuter though, obviously."

"Pff, you wish."

"It's maybe a little bit weird thinking of them as step kids though."

"Because they're cats?"

"No. Because that would mean we're, like, together."

"It's only what it feels like. Doesn't mean we're actually parents, and actually... a whole family. Or whatever." Val paused and took another sip of wine. "Though we actually are family. Just not in a married way."

"You think that's why family's not allowed to marry? 'Cause they're already family and it would get complicated if people could double down?"

"No, I think it's because of the weirdness and grossness and abuse and stuff."

"Oh. That."

"What's the complication anyway? If anything, it'd be simpler. No worrying about last name changes."

"Some people don't change them anyway."

"Yeah, but there wouldn't even need to be a discussion, let alone paperwork."

"True" Ash rubbed his chin thoughtfully. "So you're saying... it actually makes more sense for family to get married."

"Except for the weirdness and grossness and abuse and stuff, sure."

"Well yeah, obviously except for that. Goes without saying."

"Uh huh."

"But, ok, let me ask you this, though."

Val arched an eyebrow. "What?"

"If it was us, just for example, I don't think it'd be that gross. And there wouldn't be abuse. Maybe a bit weird, sure, and I can't totally rule out stuff. But overall, maybe not that bad."

"Dude, how much have you had to drink?"

"Hardly anything."

"Then what's this whole line of questioning about?"

"I mean, not to really think about it. Just as a for example."

"... you're serious?"

"As a thought experiment, yes. I'm really asking."

"I mean... ok, yeah, it's probably less a big deal in some situations. But there's... there's... you know, kids getting all fucked up."

"Couldn't have any anyway."

"Yeah, but for other people-"

"This was about us."

Val glared. "Is this about me letting you see me half-naked on a regular basis? Because I might have to stop that."

"Seriously, not actually suggesting anything. Nothing at all. Just hypothetical. You think I'd actually wanna... do... stuff?"

"I'd hope not."

"Good. 'Cause I don't."

"Good. It'd be weird."

"But not gross."

"But not gross," Val agreed. She hesitated. "Wait, maybe it should be gross too."

"Are you kidding? I'm super hot. And you're ok too."

"Excuse me?"

"I said-"

"I heard you. I'm hotter than you, though. Easily."

"You wish. And me and my cat versus you and yours... no contest."

"Dude. You bringing cats into a hotness contest?"

Ash raised a finger, then stopped and shut his mouth. "Shit, I think I might have. Pretend we were talking, like, cute or something."

"Nope. Too late." Val smirked. "And besides, Sebastian and I would have cuteness on lockdown too."

"In your dreams, sister mine. You got nothing on..."

Ash trailed off as he looked over at where he'd last seen Dragon. She was right where he expected, but was now napping curled up with Sebastian, nearly close enough to be considered cuddling.

Val caught the sight too, and both siblings smiled when their eyes met again.

"Fuck it, they got us beat," Ash said.

"That they do," Val concurred. "Adorbs."

"You notice they only get that close when they don't think we're looking?"

"That's yours. Dragon's all tough and independent on the outside, even if she's all fuzzy and wants to be loved on the inside."

Ash glanced at Dragon again, feeling his heart melt just a little. "You noticed that too, huh? Yeah, she's a li'l sook if you catch her in the right mood. Or if no one's looking."

"Mmhm. Sebastian's just a little attention slut though."

"True dat."

Val kept looking over at the cats, while Ash used the chance to study her freely.

"What are you smiling at?" Val asked.

"Nothing."

"Really?"

"No. Just you. The way you were looking just now. Kinda like Mom. Kinda."

"Oh?"

"Yeah. You ever see the way she looks at us when she doesn't think we're watching?"

"I think I know what you mean. All... maternal and stuff."

"Yeah."

Val's eyes flicked over to the cats again and she grinned. "You think she'd be happy finding out she's only getting grandkittens?"

"Ha, not what she was expecting, is it?" Ash shrugged. "I think she'd be happy if we're happy."

"Probably, right?" Val sighed. "And somehow, I think I really am happy right now. I don't know that it'll last or anything, but it's nice. Mostly just not even worrying about anything. 'Cept Sebastian."

"Sure. Easy going. What's not to like?"

****

Val was in the shower the next morning, not a care in the world. She was caught somewhat by surprise when the door opened. The brief nervous panic at being intruded upon only lasted a second. It was only Ash, after all, but still.

"What is it?" Val called out over the sound of the water.

"Nothin'."

"Um... wait your turn then?"

"I'll be quick."

"Dude, I'm in here."

"I know. I'm not looking. It's all fogged up anyway."

"How do you know that if you're not looking?"

The smirk on Ash's face was practically audible. "Ok, you got me. I peeked."

Val waited, but Ash didn't leave. "I know we've been taking liberties, Ash, but this is maybe a bit much."

"Why, are you peeking?"

"No, but still."

"'Cause you're nakey in there?"

"Yes. Obviously."

"Well I'm done anyway. And I'm not even gonna flush the toilet on you."

"Gee thanks?"

"You're welcome."

After finishing her shower, Val barely took the time to fuss with her wet hair a bit to make it damp and disheveled in an attractive way before marching off to find her brother. She caught him just outside his room. She wore only a towel wrapped around herself, but her expression and arm-folded posture forced him to take her at least somewhat seriously.

"What was that all about?" Val demanded.

Ash was uncowed, despite his sister's attempt at fiercely staring him down. He was barely any more dressed than she was, having been interrupted before he could get around to putting clothes on. "I needed to pee."

"So wait! Or use the other bathroom. I can confidently say it wasn't in use."

"It was farther away."

Val raised her eyebrows dangerously. "I don't think you needed to go that badly."

"I'm a sucker for convenience."

"You-"

"Why the sudden concern anyway? I thought we were being all cool and casual about clothes and whatnot."

"Yeah. Not about, like, sneaking in while I'm naked. That's way different. Bathrooms are off limits. You know that."

"Ok."

"Ok?"

"Yeah. Sorry. I honestly didn't think it'd bother you."

"Well... you caught me off-guard."

"I s'pose I did." Ash shrugged and smiled shyly, but with a sly sort of charm. "If it helps, I really didn't see much."

"Much? I thought you didn't see anything."

"I saw the vaguest of blurry skin tone somewhere in there. Not even any shape to it, really."

"Uh huh. You've made it worse again. You know that, right?"

"I don't think that's what I've done."

"You told me you saw nothing. Pretty soon you're going to be admitting you saw everything."

"Well obviously I didn't. You couldn't see me, right?"

"... mostly right, sure."

"So I couldn't see you any better than that."

"... fine."

Ash nodded to his doorway. "Can I go get dressed now? Unlike some people, I do have places to be this morning."

Val smiled wickedly and slipped past Ash into his room. "Be my guest." She sat down on his bed, carefully crossed on leg over the other without flashing anything, then just sat and waited.

"Really? What, you're gonna watch me dress?"

"Seems only fair."

"In what way? We established I didn't see anything."

"Sure. But it's an invasion of your privacy you weren't expecting, isn't it?"

Ash rolled his eyes. "Ok, fine. Sit there and perv on me. See if I care."

"Will do."

In fact, though Ash would have gone through with it, having very little choice in the matter, he didn't get very far at all. His plan had been simply not to change boxers just now while Val was watching. Everything else was relatively inconsequential.

"Oh my god!" Val said, her eyes going wide.

Ash stopped dead and turned to look at her. "What?"

"You're hard! I didn't see it before, but when you turned... oh my god, dude. Ash, what the hell?"

Ash gave Val a heavy look. "Well I was doing my best not to show you. You rather insisted, you know."

"I didn't think you'd get hard!"

"Have you seen you!" Ash shot back.

"What?"

"You! Sitting there like that. In your towel. All damp and... and showered. I can see most of your boobs. You must know that. And your crossed legs..." Ash shook his head. "Fuck's sake, Val, what do you want from me?" He held up a finger. "And to be fair, I'm not even fully hard. Somehow."

Val went through a quick range of emotions, anywhere from total embarrassment to furious wrath. She didn't really land on any of them such that they stuck.

She delicately uncrossed her legs and adjusted her towel, though there was a very limited amount she could do about it.

"Oops," Val said.

"Yeah. Uh huh."

"Well I didn't think it through."

"I can tell."

"Could you please stop being turned on? I can still see it getting bigger."

"Stop looking."

"Put pants on."

"I was trying!"

Val abruptly dissolved into uncontrolled giggles. Ash tried to maintain composure, but didn't last much longer than Val. The two of them laughed with and at each other, each desperately trying to keep themselves somewhat decent, and failing just a little more with each passing moment.

"Ok. I'm gonna leave you be," Val said.

"Thanks?"

"Mmhm."

Val walked out of the room, pausing at the doorway to look back. Ash was waiting for her to actually leave before doing anything else. He didn't seem to realize, though, that with the angle he was now standing relative to her, she was getting an even better profile of his ever-larger erection.

"You should deal with that before going to work," she said lightly.

Ash flushed faintly. "I know how to handle it, thanks."

"Yeah I bet you do."

****

Val had a weird, nervous energy to her all day while Ash was gone. She had a hard time sitting still or focusing on much of anything. It wasn't a bad feeling, exactly, but not strictly a good one either.

She had to admit to herself that Ash was all she wanted to think about. Not him getting hard, or remembering him changing, though those both intruded regularly. But just... just Ash. Just generally.

It was a lucky thing Val had Sebastian, because he seemed to be the one thing that helped to her to chill. She held him in her arms lavishing attention while he purred some of the stress away.

"It's not fair," Val said.

Sebastian said nothing.

"I mean, you don't expect to have to worry about these things with your brother. I wouldn't have moved in with a boy so soon if I thought... if I thought there'd be any of this. Even just a roommate. You know, if there was potential. There shouldn't be potential with a brother. That's how brothers work, you know?"

"Mrow?"

"Yes I know I stopped petting for a second. My mistake."

Val kissed Sebastian's head and teased his ear a bit.

"You understand me. Well, no, you don't. But you don't argue. Or judge. That's more important, really."

Sebastian just purred.

"I mean, he was kind of right this morning. Don't tell him I said that. But, like, it's probably fine if he walks in while I'm showering. As long as he can't see anything. And I really think he couldn't."

Val sighed.

"So why'd I freak out? That's a good question. I think... I think I freaked out because maybe I was afraid I wouldn't freak out. And then I freaked out because I was freaking out."

"Mrow?"

"Shut up. What happened to not judging? I know it doesn't make any sense when I say it out loud. I know what I mean though."

Val stroked Sebastian some more.

"What would it make me," she said softly, "if I didn't mind my brother seeing me naked? What would that even mean? Don't answer that. It's rhetorical."

Sebastian wisely said nothing.

"So maybe I overreacted, because that's better than not reacting. But... if it's not a real reaction, is it actually any better?"

Val sighed.

"You've got it easy, little one. You can fall for whoever you want. Even if it was your sister somehow. People wouldn't judge. Not the same, anyway."

"Mrow?"

"No, obviously that's not what's happening. I'm just saying... if you... if something you did was..."

Val paused, but failed to reorganize her thoughts.

"Mrow."

"Shut up." She shook her head and groaned. "And now I'm losing arguments with my cat. That's not great."

****

Val had reached a decision by the next morning. She wasn't sure exactly what Ash would think of it, but there was only one obvious way of finding out.

Ash choked a little on the mouthful of orange juice he was in the middle of when Val joined him in the kitchen.

"Morning," Val said casually.

"Holy crap, Val."

"What?"

"That robe."

"You like it?"

"... that feels like a trick question."

"Why?"

"Because..." Ash waved his hand up and down, indicating her body. "I mean, it's super crazy short."

"It is a little on the scandalous side, isn't it?"

"Just a touch."

"I really like it, though. So silky soft."

"Uh huh. Why you wearing it?"

"I literally just said-"

"I know what you just said. Previous to that we established how short it is."

Val nodded. "Yeah, I haven't really felt comfortable wearing it in front of anyone before."

"Um..."

"And then I usually don't want to bother when it's just me. Feels like I'm getting all sexy for nothing."

"Only just yesterday you were getting after me about not even seeing anything. Now you're... what, dressing sexy for me?"

"Not for you. For me. But you can look too if you really must."

Ash shook his head. "I don't know what's happening here."

Val nodded sympathetically. "I know. It's a little sudden. But I kinda had a good conversation yesterday and I figured some things out. Kinda."

"With who?"

"... probably better if you don't know."

"What does-"

"Point being, I think I reacted a little more strongly than I needed to yesterday because... because I felt like I had to. Not because I really wanted to. And then I had to kinda figure that maybe, like, ok yeah, maybe I'd be ok with it if you... appreciate me sometimes. Like... like maybe more than before. More than what we agreed to."

"Oh."

"And it was an excuse to wear this robe, which cost enough that I really want to get some use out of it."

"Well... I guess I'm ok with that."

Val grinned coyly. "Just ok, huh?"

"I... appreciate it."

"Good. I could kinda tell anyway."

"It kinda falls open up, uh, here-ish," Ash said, indicating his chest while staring at Val's.