Enchantress 4 - Turtle Eclipse

Finally, Nick came back into the cottage with a half dozen eggs and a quart of milk. "Would you chaps like to stay for dinner?" Nick asked.

"No, oi have to get back to the library and these chaps have to get back to class before somebody notices that they're missing."

"Students?" asked Nick.

"Na, they're professors."

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The next day Nick spent delivering Hogswatch cards to the people of Creel Springs and visiting with his neighbors and the children he delivered as the county witch. He ended up with "The Boys" at the blacksmith shop, watching Trei fashion bits of metal into functioning tools. "G'day yer grace," said Trei as he noticed out of the corner of his eye that Nick had joined his audience. "How is fatherhood treating you?"

"It has definitely interrupted my sleep schedule."

All the Boys chuckled knowingly. "So, he was born at home, eh?"

"No, he was born in a bamboo forest in Agatea," said Nick, knowing they wouldn't believe him, but it was the truth. He was born one month before Hogswatch Eve on Ember Thirty Second, Year of the Chartreuse Beagle.

"I saw that you bought a couch for the wife for Hogswatch," asked Trei between blows of the hammer. "I saw them delivering it yesterday."

"Uh, actually, we stole that. It's the ancient and most honorable throne of the Agatean emperor. We dropped it off in front of a library in Four Ecks and the head librarian brought it the rest of the way."

The Boys were laughing uproariously. Nick tells the best stories. Nick gave up trying to convince them that he was telling the truth when they asked him a question about his activities. He just told the story as it happened and reveled in their side splitting laughter. Trei believes him, but the rest would chuckle whenever they met. Nick supposed it was best that their Duke entertained them instead of angered them. "Yer grace," said Ninian McKenna, the only member of The Boys younger than Nick. "Is it true that you covered our taxes this year out of your pocket?"

"Yes," said Nick. "The books for this duchy were so convoluted I had no idea who owed what. I asked the king how much money we owed him, and he told me, and we had the money, so I paid. This year Hogswatch is a tax holiday."

"Thank you so much sir... me mam, she said she couldn't have made it if you hadn't..."

"It probably won't happen again," sighed Nick. He patted Ninian on the back.

Just then the afternoon coach from Lancre Town to the railroad station at Hot Dang stopped near them and a couple that was waiting in front of the bookstore climbed on, but the coachman opened the boot and took out several large boxes, gayly wrapped for Hogswatch and came over to The Boys with his arms full. "Is the Duke of Wægn here?"

"That would be me," said Nick.

"These are for you." And he handed Nick the boxes.

"Holy smokes!" gasped Nick.

"Quite a family you have there, yer grace," said Trei. "Looks like they remembered you this year."

"We just have Octavia's dad," said Nick.

"I hear your family was much larger than that, yer grace," said Sieffre Merrick, the senior member of The Boys. "Young Ninian, why don't ye help the duke with his Hogswatch largess."

"Aye, Mr. Merrick," said Ninian and he took half the boxes from Nick and said, "after you, your grace."

"Thank you, Mr. McKenna," said Nick.

"It's just Ninian, your grace."

"Fair enough. Thank you for your help." They walked up the hill to Nick and Octavia's cottage when Ninian began to chuckle. "Care to share Ninian?"

"Well, your grace, I was raised to believe that dukes, and counts, and kings and such were huge hulking men with money coming out of their ears and names as long as your arm. We have the best duke ever, and he's no taller than my little brother, and his name is Nick."

Nick truly is short, five foot three but he carries himself like he's six foot tall or better. He has black unruly hair, a well trimmed beard to hide some scars but a scar on the right cheek shows through the beard. He wears a crockelgator eye patch on his left eye to cover the empty socket, but the Prime Minister of the Agatean Empire gave him a false eye made out of pure gold at their first meeting.

"Well, if it makes you feel any better, my true name is Pommeraie de la Montesquieu Worblehat-Stein. I was called Nick by our Duchess because she thought Pommeraie de la Montesquieu wasn't becoming for a partner of hers."

Duchess Octavia isn't tall herself, she's five foot six and highly voluptuous. Long silky black hair to her waist, large round breasts, a narrow waist that has recovered quite nicely from childbirth, and sexy round hips. But to Nick the sexiest thing about Octavia is her smile and her beautiful brown eyes.

"Is it true that you've been to Four Ecks, your grace?" asked Ninian.

"Aye, many times, I got this scar in Four Ecks," he traced a slim line through his close-cropped beard where hair wouldn't grow. "And I lost this eye in Four Ecks and got it replaced with gold in Agatea." Nick tapped the crockelgator skin eyepatch over his left eye. Occasionally he'll flip up the patch to reveal a solid gold eyeball that works as good if not better than his real eye. He just wears the eyepatch because he thinks it makes him look tough. His eye patch is no obstacle for that magic gold eye, he can see through the patch. He can see through most things and to him, his beautiful wife is naked most of the time.

Traveling to places like Four Ecks and Agatea is considered a lifetime of travel in the Lancre mountains. As Ninian listened, mouth agape, Nick continued, "we have friends in Four Ecks and we visit quite often. A good friend from there will be spending Hogswatch with us."

"How... how do you...?"

"Don't forget, the duchess is a wizard, she's very powerful. It can save on travel expenses." This was just to end the questions. They've rarely used Octavia's powers to travel, she prefers to use L-Space to move about space and time or to fly if they have to. Using her powers to teleport gives her a headache.

When they reached the cottage, Octavia had seen them coming and opened the door for them. "What is all this?" she gasped as they brought the large boxes in. "Just put them on Marlon's couch." They set the packages on the ancient and most honorable throne of the Agatean Emperor and Octavia handed Nick a towel to wipe the snow off of the boxes. When she took the towel off her shoulder, she revealed that she was nursing Marlon, but Ninian was more interested in the couch.

"This isn't new at all."

"It's about 700 years old," said Octavia. "There's probably still some bamboo leaves stuck underneath from the night Marlon was born.

Ninian lay on the floor and looked underneath. "Is this a bamboo leaf?" He extended a long skinny leaf that looked like a weeping willow leaf but was much longer.

"Yes, it is."

"There are some huge gouges on the inside of the legs."

"Dragon claws," said Octavia.

"Really? So is it true? Mr. Merrick tells me that you hallucinate, then think you can change shape."

"I have magic that lets me change shape," said Nick. Then he became a Labrador Retriever for a few moments. When he returned to human shape he said, "didn't you hear them talking about me turning into a horse and running off to check on someone?"

"So you really did fly from Hunghung City to Four Ecks?"

"Yes we did," said Octavia then handed Ninian a large gingerbread pig, still oven warm, but it had magically appeared in her hand.

"Wow, thank you Duchess." Ninian's eyes grew wide when he saw the cookie appear in her hand. "I have to be leaving now." He took his leave and headed out into the snow as Octavia turned to look at all the gifts that appeared in her house.

"Who are these all from?" she asked.

Nick just shook his head. "They have tags, but the tags don't say who sent them." He tried to find room under their tiny tree for the five large boxes and it almost looked comical when he finished.

"This one is asleep," said Octavia, indicating the baby at her breast. "Do you think we can..." she smiled and waggled an eyebrow at her young husband.

"We can sure try!" quietly they crept upstairs and gently lay Marlon in his bassinet, then they turned to each other and kissed sweetly. It seemed like it's been weeks since they could do this. They crawled into bed and kissed again, and within minutes, they were both fast asleep.

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AM&SP HR Station, Hot Dang, Lancre

Train Number 7, the Ramtops Challenger, the glamor girl of the Ankh-Morpork & Sto Plains Hygienic Railway eased into Hot Dang station dead on time at 2:00 PM. It only allowed twenty-five minutes for passengers bound for Überwald to get off and Ankh-Morpork bound passengers to get on the train. A fueled and ready locomotive would be coupled to Number 7 for its trip back to Ankh-Morpork as Number 8. For passengers wanting to continue on further, train #27 would continue to Überwald, the country was so demanding, the mountains so steep that everything past Hot Dang would require a narrow-gauge train to negotiate the mountain vastness, and that was #27's job.

Indy De Veen needed to visit her ailing sister in Smaltzburg, but she was terrified to travel alone. However, the gentleman that sat down next to her was very nice and quite polite, and his stories made the miles fly by. Finally, the train pulled into Hot Dang station where her son and his wife would pick her up. "It was so nice to talk with you, sir," said Mrs. De Veen to the rider sitting next to her. "Some men you meet on the train are such animals! Thank you for being a perfect gentleman."

"Ook."

"And a Happy Hogswatch to you too!"

The Librarian handed the lady her bag from the overhead bin, then shrugged on his greatcoat and plopped on a derby hat. It wasn't the best fitting hat that he has ever owned, but it makes him look rakish. Outside, the snow swirled around and he hurried off the platform and ducked into the station, where a tiny coal fire did its best to heat the large waiting room. Hogswatch travelers milled about, and the station was bedlam until the call to board #8 to Ankh-Morpork was called and many people left the waiting room.

The Librarian saw his bag on the luggage dolly, and he grabbed it and headed for the 'street' side of the station. As he stepped back out into the swirling snow, he heard the familiar and much missed cry of "Daddy!" There was a beautiful white sleigh with red pinstripes and red cushions on the seat. Pairs of oil lamps glowed front and back and they were decorated with red bows and pine boughs. A dark-colored horse pulled it up to the curb and inside the sled was his most precious possession, his stepdaughter.

Nick handed the reins to Octavia and hopped out. He dashed up to The Librarian, took his small case, and said, "Thank you so much for coming. It's warmest if you sit between us."

"Ook."

"Yes, sir!" Nick placed the suitcase in the small boot and got back into the sleigh just in time to witness The Librarian get his first look at his grandson.

"You can hold him daddy," said Octavia, "you held me just fine when I was the same age... see? He likes you."

"Ook," said the librarian, overwhelmed with emotion. There was even a tear in his eye.

"People say that all the time," said Nick as he got into the sleigh and pulled the warm blanket over them. "Personally, I think he really is smiling at you." With a flick of the reins, Nick called, "Let's go home, Trixie!" and with a jingle of sleigh bells they were off. They wove through the bustle of Hot Dang, a growing town with nearly a hundred permanent residents. There were several sawmills in town and what was forested a couple of years ago was now an open lot with logs and lumber stacked neatly, waiting for a train to take them to a growing city.

Soon they were out in the countryside and the road wound through the forests of tall pines, climbing hills and dipping into valleys. The snow was building up on tree branches, giving the entire forest the peaceful look of a Hogswatch card. The Librarian was telling a wonderful story of the Archchancellor's cat when Nick noticed that a tree ahead was leaning; it was jerking; it was falling; it was going to hit them. "Hold up girl," called Nick to his horse. He pulled back on the reins to stop Trixie; the sled also has a brake and Nick pulled back on that lever and the brake skid dug into the snow, dragging the sleigh to a stop just before the tree hit them. Trixie jumped in fear and snorted; the tree just missed her.

Nick turned to his left and asked Octavia, "Are you ok?" just then an arrow punched solidly into his right shoulder. Nick bellowed in pain and as he did, the bellow changed into something deeper, throatier, angrier. An enormous wolf rocketed out of the sleigh from where Nick was sitting and charged into the woods. The Librarian was not one to let a good fight go and he raced after Nick. The screams of men could be heard over the barking, snarling of the wolf.

"AAAAAHHHHH!!! RUN!"

"Get it off me!"

"It's got my leg!"

"He's got a monkey helping him!"

"Make it stop! Make it stop! Make it stop!"

That's when Octavia realized she was alone with the baby in the sleigh. She hugged Marlon closer to her and threw up a ward around the sleigh and Trixie, then she hid as best as she could under the heavy quilt as the sound of the fight went on. She heard her father's orangutan battle cry; she heard the shrieking bellow of the Four Ecksian dingaroo, then with a shriek of terror, the sounds of the fight ended.

Slowly, Nick and her father emerged from the woods. Nick clutched his injured shoulder as they approached the sleigh. He also had two longbows and two quivers of arrows slung on his left shoulder. Octavia removed the protective ward, and when she did, all the snow that accumulated on top of it fell on her, causing Nick and the librarian to start laughing despite their pain. "Ha. Ha. Very funny. What the hell was all that?"

"Ook."

"Are you sure they were after Nick?"

"The way they were talking, it sounded like a plan to take me out and grab Marlon." Nick winced in pain as Octavia pulled his blood-soaked jacket back and examined the wound. "If they had Marlon, they could control you."

As the Librarian held the fussy little Marlon, Octavia checked Nick's wounds. She placed a finger in the arrow hole and said, "Stop fidgeting, it's only going to hurt worse when I..."

Suddenly, the smell of burning flesh filled the air. "YEOW! SHIT!"

"...cauterize the wound. What happened to the arrow?"

"That hurt, ouch," Nick gave Octavia a kiss and continued, "I pulled it out of my shoulder and stuck it in the ass of one guy."

"You're lucky you're not dead," moaned Octavia as she peppered his face with kisses.

"But look, I got two great new bows and three dozen arrows for Hogswatch. We can go hunting together!" He handed her one other thing, a leather pouch bulging with Ankh-Morpork coins. "Now I know what my life is worth," he whispered in her ear.

"You dumbshit, get in the sleigh. We're going to Midpoint Station." She handed Marlon to her father, then gave the tree that had fallen across the road an angry glare. With a bang, the tree bounced a foot into the air and fell to the ground, cut in sixteen-inch-long segments. The segments crawled off the road and stacked themselves up neatly next to a tree and the sleigh proceeded onward with The Librarian, ooking his approval of Octavia's method of clearing the road.

Midpoint Station is a small posting for watchmen halfway between Hot Dang and Creel Creek and there was one officer and two watchmen on duty. The young lieutenant recognized Nick and Octavia immediately when they entered the station. "Room ten hut!" shouted the lieutenant at the desk as they entered.

"Ook."

"Dad is right," said Nick. "You're the only one in the room. You don't have to call the room to attention."

"Duke's orders, sir," said the Lieutenant. He held a salute so tight his arm began to quiver.

"Do you recognize who I am, Lieutenant?" growled Nick.

"You're the Duke, sir."

"I'm the Duke," said Nick, "and I never ordered that."

"The other guy..." started the young officer, referring to the previous duke, that was stark raving mad. Octavia put a calming hand on his shoulder.

"The other guy is gone, relax," she said, and the lieutenant finally relaxed.

"Here's the new duke's rules," said Nick. "Relax, do your job right, and everyone goes home alive."

"Much better than the old guy sir, how can I help you?"

"Find the guys that tried to kill me."

Immediately, the lieutenant went back into panic mode, but Nick talked him through his job. "Get a crime report form, find a sharp pencil, take down whatever we say. Let's start with Bandits attempt to kill the Duke."

"Two miles widdershins you'll find a pile of cut wood," said Octavia. "Behind that is where the bandits laid in wait. They fell a tree across the road and when we stopped, they shot the duke with an arrow."

The station officer, a young lieutenant that practically melted in Octavia's angry glare, had heard that the duke's wife was a practitioner of magic, and he was terrified that she would turn him into a newt if he messed up this investigation. Nick tried to reassure the young lieutenant that he wouldn't be crawling on his belly soon. "I was angry, so I took off after the bandits. There's three of them. We roughed them up pretty good, and the snow is deep, so there shouldn't be much problem with finding them."

"Ook," added the Librarian.

"Right..." said the Lieutenant as he wrote down the Librarian's addition to the report, "follow... the... blood trails. Got it." The lieutenant was feeling better. Doing the job settled his nerves and got him back on track. "Sergeant Prescott!"

A young patrolman emerged from the back room. "Sir!"

"It appears that bandits tried to kill the duke. Two miles widdershins, look for a woodpile on the side of the road."

"Aye aye, sir!"

"And take patrolman Schultze. She may be able to use her nose."

"Aye sir!"

The lieutenant turned to the Duchess. "Patrolman Schultze is from Überwald, she's werewolfish, her nose should lead her right to our bandits."

After turning over the weapons and the purse full of blood money as evidence, they got back into the sleigh and headed home, not as jolly as before. By the time they got to the house, Nick was shaking and weak and he couldn't get out of the sleigh. "I think that arrow was poisoned."

The librarian produced several arrows that he kept and handed them to Octavia, who carried them with the baby and rushed into the cottage, followed by her dad and the farmhand Dexter, who helped carry Nick in the house. They laid him down on the Agatean throne and covered him up, and he began to shiver. As Octavia conjured a fire in the fireplace to warm the house up, the librarian retired to the kitchen and carefully studied the arrow tips. He sniffed them and held them up to the afternoon light coming through the window. Wordlessly Octavia conjured a warm fire in the oven and the Librarian went to work.

"Ook."

"Kettleman's Guide to Poisons, Hallucinogens, and Party Tricks," said Octavia, and she closed her eyes and with a poof, the book her father requested was in her hands. She handed the book to her stepdad, who nodded and made another request.

"Ook."

"Reversing the Unreversible, by Gladimeyer Hornsby." Another poof and she handed the thick tome to her dad. He nodded and made one last request.

"Ook."

"Where's My Cow, by Sir Terry Pratchett?" With a little pop, a slim children's book with pasteboard covers appeared in her hands. "You need this?"