Enchantress 2 - Warrior Duchess

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Eryri and Octavia's army watched from the shore of the river in horror as the peak of the mountain grew like a collapsible telescope being extended, then the mountain waited, breathing nervously. Then a sphere of light starting at the extended peak grew larger and larger, engulfing the top of the mountain down to the tree line. A piercing shriek filled the air and the ground shook, then with an ear splitting roar the ball of light flew off into the distance, shrieking and rending the atmosphere as it soared, arching down and landing they knew not where.

"What was that?" gasped a Bruce.

Before they recovered from the marvel the ground began shaking again, and again a loud, shrieking banshee wail filled the air. The assembled crowd at the base of the mountain looked up and saw the mountain was covered with a white-hot ball of light down to the tree line and with an ear splitting roar the mountain released another tremendous blast and another sphere of light traveled off into the distance.

For a long moment the mountain was silent and all Eryri could wonder was, "What the hells is she doing up there?"

"It's gunna blow again!" cried one of the Ecksans, but this time the sphere only engulphed the top of the extended shaft, and with a shriek it was gone.

"What the hells is she doing?" Eryri finally shouted.

One of the Bruces looked up at her and said, "She's looking for her man."

Soon the entire Army of the Duchy of Wægn was chanting "'TAVIA! 'TAVIA! 'TAVIA!"

Up on the peak Granny was not impressed by the power exhibited by Octavia and her mountain redoubt, what she was impressed with was Octavia's display of self-control. She could have turned that whiny little drunk that sold her husband into a greasy stain on the quad, but what she left was a sniveling brat chained to the remnants of a statue. "What did that do?" asked Granny as she watched the final shot hit the library and she saw a bookshelf rotate ninety degrees and close off the end of an aisle.

"I closed off Brazeneck's access to L-Space," said Octavia but she was no longer worried about Pseudopolis. Brazeneck will figure out their problems eventually, but they're going to have to cut another gate through their wall somewhere else. The gate she cemented shut will never open again, and access to L-Space will need the approval of two master librarians and a Chief Master Librarian, good luck getting that. And they're going to have to consider long and hard before they erect another statue on that campus.

Now she's scanning the Agatean empire.

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Axemir Stronginthehead was thrown to the ground in a simple yet at the same time lavish throne room. Red silk curtains hung on every wall, and all furnishings and fixtures were solid gold. The low ceilings were mirrors and the marble floor was polished to a mirror finish and it was dizzying to try to determine what was real and what was reflection. In the far corner was a huge and expansive library where several armed guards stood watch. Book theft must be at an all-time high.

To his left was a large perch which contained one Lancre Black Eagle. The Lancre Black is normally a very regal looking raptor, glossy plumage, sharp beak with a hook at the end, and always an intelligent look about it. This one looked scrawny and under nourished. One leg was chained to the perch, the other leg had a strange purple metal band on its ankle. As he watched the bird occasionally it would start gnawing on its leg, not the one with the chain, the leg with the purple band.

"Looks like we both come here to die, eh fellow?" said Axemir sadly.

"What are you?" came a disgusted child's voice.

Axemir slowly turned and saw a throne, a gold and red silk seat fashioned after a folding stool but much larger and more elaborate. Lounging on the throne was a young child dressed in pajamas. Next to the throne was a small skinny man wearing golden robes and a hat that looked like a golden board lying flat on his head with golden screens hanging down from all four sides of the board hanging down to shoulder length.

{The screens didn't accomplish much, but they looked quite... to be honest, they looked stupid, but the Emperor designed it when he was six. The skinny man, Prime Minister Lung Mist was a pragmatic man and he realized that it's best to wear a stupid hat and look stupid than to not have a head to set the hat on and look... shorter}

"I am a dwarf," said Axemir.

"There's no such thing as dwarves," said the child.

"I get that a lot," replied Axemir.

"Dwarves come from fairytales. That shall be your name, Fairy Tale." The child laughed at his own wit. "Speak your name dwarf... while you still have a tongue to speak with."

"Fairy Tale, sire."

"Do you like dragons?" asked the child on the throne.

"I find them entertaining," said Axemir. He was thinking of the swamp dragons that flutter about the Sunshine Sanctuary for Sick Dragons in Ankh-Morpork. Even the way they occasionally explode was entertaining.

{Swamp dragons also known as Common dragons which grow to two feet in length and have a wingspan anywhere from four inches to four feet as some species have purely ornamental wings. The primary cause of death for a swamp dragon was SOD, Sudden Onset Detonation, giving a whole new meaning to the term "SOD me." Agatean Dragons, when they existed, were an entirely different breed of animal}

"And what do you think of my dragon?" asked the child emperor pointing at the eagle.

Axemir looked at the eagle who looked back at him. He saw the golden left eye and the tuft of feathers that looked like a silver key and remembered the stories he heard from other dwarves of the duke that could spy on them as an eagle... the golden eyed duke he was to have assassinated. "You have an amazing dragon, your eminence."

"Very well, I shall add you to my menagerie and you shall teach my dragon how to return to his original shape. As you can see, my dragon thinks that he's a bird."

The eagle and the dwarf looked at each other for a long moment then Axemir said "I would be honored, sire."

"And what do dwarves eat?" asked the emperor.

"Our needs are simple, your highness. We can survive quite well on Shekim."

For several days Axemir tried to befriend the eagle, and while he could eat himself senseless on the dwarven nirvana Shekim, the despondent eagle refused to eat. "Please sire!" pleaded Axemir, holding a piece of raw rabbit to the eagle's beak. "The duchess, I know she's looking for you, I can feel it."

And the odd thing about it was that he could feel it, several times a day he felt a wave pass over him, the feeling of a frustrated searcher danced at the edges of his senses. And he knew the duke felt it too, whenever the feeling passed over him the eagle began biting at its leg, not the leg with the chain, but the leg with the purple band. It didn't make any sense to Axemir, why would the eagle try to bite off that leg and not the leg with the chain?

"How is my dragon today?" asked the emperor.

"I found a way to get him to eat," said Axemir. "I hold a spoonful of Shekim to his nose and when he opens his mouth in revulsion I put some meat in his beak."

"Does he spit it out?"

"No, I don't think eagles I mean dragons, I don't think dragons spit."

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As the search of the Agatean Empire wore on, Octavia became more and more frustrated. Granny tried to distract her with talk of "headology" which was far superior to book learning which was filled with nonsense like jometery and stronomy and the like. "Now when you gave that Rifty dwarf your pain instead of the beating he deserved, that's good headology. He won't forget that and he may never heal from it."

"Granny, I intend to write down everything you've told me about headology so when we find Nick he can read it and you won't have to repeat yourself."

"Now that's the smartest thing you've said all week," huffed Granny.

"Writing it all down will make headology book learning. I'll make sure there's a copy in every witches cottage so the new young witches will learn it after you retire."

Granny thought about it then shook her head and sighed, "you're learnin' girl."

Octavia sagged to the floor, her knees drawn up, the back of her head thumping against the stone wall. "What am I doing wrong?"

"We'll find him girl..."

"I felt the baby kick today!" howled Octavia, "and he wasn't here to share it with me."

Granny now realized that these tears were tears of true sorrow, and that Octavia doesn't need a granny, she needs her daddy. She's heard all the stories of being raised by the librarian and of his book-learning, but also his orangutan wisdom, and she didn't believe much of it at all, but one bit of wisdom made a lot of sense to her. It was true headology. She pulled a Lancre Crimson Delight, the world's most perfect apple, from the sleeve of her dress and handed it to Octavia. "Have a banana, and then go back to worrying."

Octavia took a bite and it truly was the best apple she's ever eaten. Tart but with enough sweetness in the background to scream "Put me in a pie!" She chewed and her head was jumbled with a million thoughts. "What am I doing wrong?"

Ever the devil's advocate, Granny asked "What are you doing?"

"I'm using the Eye of Knute to find the most powerful magic user on the entire Agatean continent. There's not very many magic users left in Agatea, I guess there was a purge in the empire last year."

"Ok, can you tell it to find a Lancre black eagle?" asked Granny. "There may not be many, Lancre Blacks don't like foreign parts."

"Yes," sighed Octavia in frustration, "I found three, two were in rich people's estates, one was in the empirical throne room, none were magical."

"How many have a purple thingy on its leg?"

"Purple thingy on its leg..." Octavia almost laughed, purple thingy... what was Granny thinking of? "Oh shit," Octavia gasped.

"Young lady I DO NOT approve of obscene language!" Then she saw the look of You Reeka spread across Octavia's face and added, "in this case I may make an exception." {You Reeka was the name of the Klatchian philosopher that while trying to determine a method of measuring the volume of irregularly shaped objects, accidentally invented the bathtub}

"I forgot about the octainium band! It absorbs magical energy!" Without getting up she grasped the shaft of Virga as did Granny, and soon the throne room of the Agatean Empire came into view, and now the eagle came into focus, "Oh Gods!" Octavia wept, "He's trying to chew his leg off!"

"Another obscenity now would be permissible," said Granny.

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The day coach from the rail head at Hot Dang pulled up to Nick and Octavia's Bookstore and Sir Samuel Vimes and Commander Carrot Ironfounderson stepped off the coach, they had a murder and an assault on a couple of undercover officers to investigate. There was quite a crowd in front of the bookstore, a mix of men and dwarves, there was even a dog. The King and a Queen of Lancre was there adding to the uproar. {Actually, it appeared that the Queen was next door at the blacksmith's shop trying to make a horseshoe}

"Do you mind if I ask what is going on here, your majesty?" Sam asked King Verance.

"It appears that these men and dwarves have returned from the Bear Mountain mine site and we are trying to make sense of their stories."

"And Queen Magrat?" asked Sam.

King Verance looked over at Magrat as she hammered out a horseshoe. "It's her turn."

Carrot's wife, Angua stepped down from the coach and asked Carrot, "where do I start?"

Carrot looked overwhelmed but Sam said, "Start with the dog."

"Start with the dog. Right." Angua looked disgusted. "It's because I'm a werewolf, isn't it." She turned to the wire haired terrier that was sitting on a bench in the shade looking oddly sad and said, "Where were you on the night of Sektober the second?"

"I ain't got nothin' to say, not without my lawyer," and Gaspode hopped down and walked into the shop. The look of shock on Angua's face was one for the newspapers, unfortunately no one had an iconograph to capture the moment.

"You knew that would happen," spouted Angua, she pointed at Sam, "You put me up to that."

"That was the Duke of Wægn's best friend," grinned Sam around his cigar. "By the way, where is Nick?" The entire crowd went stonily silent and all stared at Sam and Carrot. "Where's the duchess?"

A broken hearted female dwarf looked up at Sam and said, "He's been kidnapped... an' it's all my fault!" and started weeping. She was soon surrounded by a group of rough and tumble Ecksans who tried to reassure her that she was used by a cad. As they tried to staunch the flow of her tears the ground started trembling and everyone looked hubwards. The air was rent with a horrible screaming, it was Octavia's warning siren.

"She's going to take a shot!" cried one of the Blokes from Ecksas as the ground started shaking.

A roar went up from the dwarves and soon the Bruces joined in the chant, "TAVIA! 'TAVIA! 'TAVIA!"

"I say, this is quite exciting!" said King Verance smiling for the first time in weeks. For her part Queen Magrat never looked up, she finally found a way to work out the anger and frustration and she swung her hammer with glee, often ruining her horseshoe but never dampening her spirits.

"What the hell?" gasped Sam. At the peak of Bear Mountain, a blazing white ball appeared then with a bark and a roar the ball shot across the sky racing rimward faster than the eye could trace it, a crack and roll of thunder followed its path across the sky.

"You shoulda seen the BIG ones," sighed Eryri.

"Gods I hate coming into a case this late," groaned Sam.

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Axemir was having a horrible day with the eagle, all it wanted to do was chew its leg off or stare sadly at the library. "I suppose if I don't get a dragon out of this eagle, I will cut both of your heads off, that should be worthy of entertainment," said Emperor Fu Ki.

"Your excellency, maybe if you allow me to remove this purple ring from his leg, maybe that's what is keeping him from changing," said Axemir, completely unaware of how utterly correct he was.

"No," said the spoiled young emperor. "I like the purple, it goes well with the red furnishings, don't you think?" He swept hands around the room acting like he designed the centuries old furnishings himself.

"Sire..."

"NO. The purple stays. If he can't figure out how to do it with the purple ring, I'll just get a different dragon."

"Sire please..."

"So shall it be written, so shall it be done!" The boy emperor crossed his arms and nodded his head for effect, then plopped down on his throne.

"Megalomaniac much?" Axemir muttered under his breath. Of course, the Prime Minister didn't say a word, his life was threatened twice already today, and he didn't want to know if the third time will be the charm. It was for the last Prime Minster.

"Nick." The voice came from everywhere and nowhere at once. Perfectly reproduced, the love and pain in the voice could not be mistaken. The eagle cried in response and the voice continued, "Nick darling, look up, raise your wings."

For the first time since he was shot down the eagle stood proud, he raised his wings high and cried out in his high pitched raptors voice. The sound rang through the throne room attracting attention from Emperor Fu Ki and Prime Minister Lung Mist, the emperor got up from his throne and moved closer, a grin of victory on his face, "Finally, my dragon is coming."

"Keep looking up honey, I'm sorry but..." A white hot flash of light burned its way through the thousand year old tile roof of the ancient palace, through the back of the exquisite ceiling mounted mirror and through the eagle's right leg.

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"Got it, come on Granny, we gotta go!" shouted Octavia feeling alive for the first time in a month.

"I can't, this broom doesn't start very well..."

"I'll tow you, come on!" Octavia mounted Virga like a witches broom and grabbed the shaft of Granny's broom and the four foot high wall slid down. "We'll go on three, ready? One!... Two!..." and suddenly they were plunging down the face of Bear Mountain, steam still rising from the plant life that had almost taken hold before Octavia started shooting. Granny's broom finally kicked in as the tree line came up to them and they found themselves racing down the mountain at tree top level, flying so fast the trees blurred into a blue/green carpet beneath them.

"What happened to three?" demanded Granny.

"Three! Sorry, I got a bit excited."

"The brakes on this broom were never any good."

"Then slow down, I'll catch you if you need help," and Octavia continued her headlong plunge down the face of Bear mountain. She flew faster and faster, a small crowd of people at her cottage waved to her as she shot overhead, less than a mile to go! She lowered down flying between the trees on either side of Nana's Driveway, it was like flying through a green tunnel.

"Clear away from the bookstore door, I'm coming in hot!"

"What was that?" demanded Sam Vimes.

"That was the duchess," said Eryri as she shoved the Duke of Ankh out of the way.

Sam shook his head, he hated being the only person who didn't know something.

The sound of a skid and a cloud of dust rose into the air, the crowd was showered with gravel as Octavia slid to a halt in front of the bookstore door. She pointed at Carrot and Angua, "Are you guys cops?" when they nodded Octavia said, "I need you and you, Bruce, Bruce, and Bruce, Eryri, and Gaspode, where are you Gaspode?"

"Waitin' on you momma," came from inside the store.

"Ok, you guys, let's go, oh, and can somebody catch Granny? Her brakes are shot."

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The eagle's leg was shot off! Axemir watched in slack jawed wonder as bolt of light sliced the eagle's leg clean off, in fact the leg and purple ring remained clutching the perch as the eagle pitched forward. It was off balance with its leg missing, it flapped its wings to adjust its direction of fall, then before it could fall it became a man who was starting to fall. But the image of a falling man lasted only for a blink of an eye and as the chain exploded off the man's left leg, he was replaced by a huge golden Agatean dragon.

Horrible in its glory, the Agatean dragon was over twenty meters long from its nose to the end of its writhing, sinuous tail. It's head resembled a lion with a permanent toothache, with foot long fangs, massive, powerful jaws, a short, muscular neck and a long, muscled body built for destruction. Its four legs were similar to a tiger's legs, thick and muscular, right at home with ripping something's throat out. Its wings began to unfold yet they remained close to its sides, and like its entire body the wings were metallic gold, glittering as they reflected the lamp and candlelight.

"My dragon!" cried the emperor and he ran forward but the emperor failed to take in account that the dragon was still falling and with a leg missing it wasn't going to be a pretty landing. Fortunately for the Agatean Empire, between the falling dragon and the marble floor was Emperor Fu Ki. He didn't do much to aid the dragon's landing, but the dragon's landing did quite a bit to aid the life of the average Agatean.