Enchantress 3 - The Last Elf

"I didn't want this to happen," said Nick. His head was spinning, it was both aching and spinning free, threatening to pop off his shoulders. "I didn't want for any of this to happen. I just want to hold my wife and watch our baby grow. I want to be a husband and father, not an emperor, duke, witch. I can't even speak their language! I don't understand it. I've even tried to use magic the way Dad used magic to teach me to read. There's no way Agatean is too alien and complex! No wonder why the illiteracy rate is so high."

"So what would you do if you were king for a day?" asked Granny without looking down at him. {She is far taller than he is}

"I would demand that people be taught the Morporkian alphabet. I'd just give it a different name, like Agatean Lite, and make the government learn it so they could communicate with other countries."

"Well, Mister Worblehat-Stein, if a temporary king can do that, why can't the temporary emperor?"

It never occurred to Nick, or Octavia that being an emperor or empress carries some weight to it. They were settling squabbles and maintaining the status quo. He can tell somebody to do something, and it gets done. He doesn't have to worry about a polite way to ask, he can just tell people to do it, and it gets done. "I can do so much to improve the empire, but I have no idea how to get him ready for his duties."

"Who trains a prince to be king?" asked Granny.

"The king. I've heard Princess Esme and her brother complaining constantly about her father's indoctrination. I know what you're going to say. If a king can do that, why can't he also teach a future emperor?"

Granny smiled. She wasn't going to say that, but Nick would never discover it. But he did have a good idea. Before she could tell him what she was thinking, he dashed ahead of her and with a sudden flash of a color there was aneagle flapping its wings and heading rimward over Breeders Peak towards Granny's home in Lancre Town and the Palace. The nice thing about being a duke is that you can request an immediate appointment with the king and get it right away.

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Partridge Cottage, Creel Springs, Lancre

Sunrise at Nana Partridge's Cottage {Nick refuses to name the little mountain cottage Wægn Manor, that name is reserved for the redoubt he and Axemir explored} happens a bit earlier than most areas of Lancre this time of year because the slow silly sunlight of the disc prefers to ooze down the valley between Bear Mountain on the hubward side of the valley and Breeders Peak on the rimward side of the valley causing early dawns and warmer autumn temperatures than other portions of Lancre. It's called HowandaSummer and the warm temperatures make autumn harvest festivals just a bit more joyful than other areas of Lancre.

"Ok, is everybody dressed warmly?" asked Nick.

"It's hot here," complained Jia, then he turned his nose up at the little two wheeled Ralli cart that Nick wheeled out in front of the cottage. "What's that?" It looked like a box set on an axle with two large and fragile looking wheels.

"That must be the empress's cart," said Ning. "She told me about it last night."

"Other than clothes, it's the first anything we ever owned," said Octavia.

"We bought it with the first coins we ever earned," said Nick. "Ok young master, are you ready?"

"Ready for what?" asked the young boy.

"To pull! Tradition states that the youngest must pull the cart while us older people ride."

The cart that Jia once thought was tiny now looked huge to him. "I can't pull that!"

"Sure, you can. I've done it dozens of times. It's easy. I have pulled this cart over the entire duchy!"

Octavia gave Nick a withering look, "Honey, we will miss lunch with the K. I. N. G." Still weeks away from delivering their first child and she's learned to spell certain words when little ears are in the area.

"Ok, it's really simple, you just do this," and Nick stepped between the traces and suddenly a horse was waiting to be buckled into the cart.

Jia gasped. The man that could become a dragon impressed Jia by becoming a Black Mountain draft horse. Like the Lancre Mountain Walking Pony, Nick selected a breed that was larger and had a long, full blond mane and tail while having a dark brown coat. "Are you going to help me?" asked Octavia.

After receiving a nod from his mother, Jia, he happily helped Octavia with the buckles and reins and surreptitiously running his hands over the powerful horse. When they finished, they hopped on the cart and Jia sat between his mother and Octavia and they were on their way.

"Does he talk when he's a horse?" asked Jia.

"What would he say?" his mother asked.

"I could tell him what we did last night." Nick's voice gently eased into Octavia's mind, reminding her of the pleasures they quietly shared while Jia and Ning slept on a cot in their future nursery.

"Hush you!" said Octavia but unfortunately, she said it out loud. Luckily, they were pulling up to the guardhouse before Jia could ask who should hush because Eryri and Axemir stole his attention. The two dwarfs were standing waiting with a halberd at their sides. Behind them, the mule Dave stood strapped to a simple four-wheel cart.

"Are you ready, your grace?" asked Eryri. Today, her beard was done in a lovely French braid.

"Yes, we are," said Octavia, happy to be out on such a fine day.

"Then let us get underway!" The two dwarves climbed into Nick's buckboard wagon, that was loaded down with spoils of the harvest of Wægn Duchy. Bushels of vegetables, fruit, whole pumpkins, and smoked meat as a gift for the king. As soon as Eryri and Axemir were seated, they were off, Dave sadly leading the procession, pulling the wagon with their halberds set in their wagon mounts and swords at the ready. The dwarves were ready to protect their duke and duchess. They were followed by a regal-looking draft horse pulling a comically small cart with the duchess and two visitors from the Agatean Empire wearing typical Lancre autumn clothing.

In a short period of travel up the treelined road, they came to a familiar-looking rock, but this time, two watchmen wearing breastplate and helmet stepped out and cried "Ting!" The wagon and cart came to a halt. Ting was a duress code developed by Nick and the Dwarves. It means "Halt" in Agatean, so it should not be terrifying for Ning and Jia. They hear it a dozen times a day as they move through the Agatean palace. But to the dwarves and the Duke and Duchess, it meant danger ahead.

The watchmen approached the wagon and, as one inspected Dave, the other checked the Dwarves' ID cards and whispered to them. Once they finished with the wagon, the two guards came to the Ralli cart. "Good afternoon, sir," said Alfie, the first thief that ever dared to rob the duke. "May I see your ID cards?"

"What's going on?" asked Octavia as she handed Alfie two common playing cards. Since they captured Alfie and Carl, then hired them, the bandits never failed to call Octavia "Your Grace." This time he called her Sir and the normal chat and small talk with them, their first real friends, was nonexistent.

Alfie studied the two cards, then palmed them and handed her two different cards. The cards he returned said in small letters, "Armed force looking for Duke, half a mile ahead, watching us, disguise yourself." Alfie cleared his throat and said, "Nothing out of the ordinary, sir."

"Sir?" Ning almost shouted.

Octavia grabbed her wrist and began to speak in poor Agatean, "Granddaughter, we must be kind to our protectors as we visit their land."

Ning looked again at Octavia, who was now a very elderly and a bit portly Agatean gentleman, bald, bearded, with wrinkled skin and merry almond-shaped eyes. "Grandfather?" then realizing what had happened, she smiled and softly said in Agatean, "Yes, forgive me grandfather."

"Grandfather?" asked a confused little boy.

"Stay brave, great grandson," said the now ancient Octavia. As Dave and the Dwarves moved out and Carl finished whispering in the Nick's ear, the ancient Agatean tapped the horse with the long buggy whip, and they were off and heading uphill. Soon the road began to double back on itself as it snaked uphill, trying to crest Breeders Peak Pass. They wound uphill with several switchbacks and when they reached a flat area of the road, the horse stopped and began to shake its head, refusing to move.

"Ok, everyone off," said Octavia, now her young pregnant self again. They got off the cart and she and Axemir held on to the traces as the horse became Nick in a flash. He dashed over to the side of the road and peered down and there, far below them, hidden on the side of the road that they just traveled, were a dozen armed troops lying in wait.

"Is this your land, your grace?" asked Axemir.

"It is," said Nick with a growl, "All the way to the top of this hill." He turned around and looked at a scared young boy. "Hey Jia, would you like to see a really big bird?"

Jia smiled and said, "Yeah!" breathlessly.

"Ok, watch this!" Nick stood and held his arms out and fell forward over the edge of the cliff and suddenly he was a really big bird. Actually, he was a really huge terror of the rimward skies, the rok. Imagine a bird three times larger than a full-grown emu. That's not large enough, think bigger. It had a long neck with a big heavy head armed with a sharp beak that was filled with even sharper teeth. Its legs were tucked into the body, which was amazing considering how long they were, and the tail trailed behind. Occasionally the tail would open to help slow down its flight, or maybe he was just showing off, but it was brightly colored and decorated with dozens of red, white, and blue roundels. The most impressive part was the wings, they were incredibly huge, the overall wingspan had to exceed 25 feet from tip feather to tip feather.

"That showoff," said Octavia with a chuckle as those huge wings caught the updraft and lifted him higher and higher. Soon as it was over the troops laying in the ditch, it dove. If the troops arrayed on the ground noticed the massive bird, the thing they saw most was those awful teeth in the wide-open beak. The thing they never imagined was the huge rocks clenched in its massive talons. The bird released the rocks at the last moment, then pulled out of his suicidal dive, shooting out into the valley at breakneck speed.

The rocks struck the edge of the road spraying the hiding troops with rocks and gravel, before careening into their formation. The troops scattered, running downhill, tripping and falling, and never noticing that one of their midst disappeared. The bird scooped him up as he bounced down the incline and flew off with the screaming soldier.

"Blimey!" cried Alfie as they watched the trapped prisoner being carried higher and higher.

"The old stories said they could carry off cows," said Carl as he watched the rok circle overhead in a figure eight, still holding a panicked soldier.

"They never said a cow. They always said cows," agreed Alfie while he bound the wrists of the leader of the attackers. "Follow me fella, we're going to introduce you to the Duke of Wægn," and they began hiking up the hill to where the wagon was parked.

Nick dropped the soldier on the ground behind the buckboard wagon, and the soldier screamed in fear the whole time that Axemir tied him up. "That damn bird!" shrieked the soldier. "They told me that they were gone! They don't live here anymore! They all live out on the rim!"

"I think you're right," said Nick as he crouched down to inspect the soldier, "but I found one who likes to do me favors." The dwarves grabbed the trussed-up soldier and sat him up on the back of the buckboard wagon as Octavia took Nick into her arms.

"You were so bold," she whispered as their lips met. "I love it when you come back safe and nobody gets hurt" They kissed deep as the baby rolled gently in her belly, maybe to let dad know he was happy too. "Now stop doing that!" huffed Octavia as their kiss broke. "You're getting careless."

"Oi! No one gets hurt? I spoiled myself!" complained the prisoner.

Octavia held open her hand and suddenly Virga, her wizarding staff, appeared from under the cargo that was on the buckboard. Virga was now a hefty stick covered with many mysterious carvings that slithered around the stick. At the top, a softball size knob that could be wood or a precious metal depending on how the light struck it. Made of sapient pearwood, this walking stick could walk with the little feet that sprout from the end. The enchantress stood Virga in front of the prisoner and said, "Virga, keep an eye on him."

The knob at the end of the stick opened and became an eye. The white of the eye was ivory, the iris was deep blue lapis lazuli, and the pupil was anthracite black. It glared at the prisoner as Nick drew Octavia away. "What are we going to do with him?" she asked.

"I don't know," said Nick. "How does one handle warfare? I don't do war. Let's take him to the king and let his highness sort it out."

"I agree," said Octavia and as they turned, they saw Alfie and Carl leading another soldier up the hill.

"We caught the leader of the lot of 'em," said Alfie proudly.

"How do you know he was the leader?" asked Nick.

Carl shoved the soldier forward and said, "He held the purse to reward whatever one killed the duke."

Octavia's blood suddenly went cold. Someone was trying to kill Nick, someone knew he was coming up the road today. She seethed as Alfie and Carl trussed the second soldier on the back of the buckboard with the soldier that Nick caught. Then Axemir and Eryri approached and said, "If there's this bunch, there may be more ahead."

Nick looked up the road, once so familiar and now treacherous. He said, "I don't think so. We'll be in Lancre Township soon. That's fully the king's territory. That means an assault on the king. I believe whoever set up the ambush wants me and not the king. Let's get going."

Alfie and Carl returned to the cottage while the rest resumed their trip to Lancre Town. The trip seemed to take forever. Every noise was a potential assailant and now Nick realized he had made a big mistake by pulling the Ralli cart. It has no brakes and if he had to change bodies, it could flip over or roll downhill. As they finished the climb over the summit and were into Lancre Township territory, they felt like they could breathe a sigh of relief.

Ning turned to Octavia and asked, "Did you really become my grandfather?"

"No, I could have, but that would have hurt the baby. It's hard to explain, but I made a mask around me that looked like your memories of your grandfather. If you had touched me, it would have popped like a soap bubble.

"Can you change shape like the emperor changes into a horse?"

"I probably could if I tried, but I use a very different magic than the emperor. I don't want to harm the baby, so I do minor magic." Octavia pulled a pigeon out of her sleeve, causing Jia to gasp and let it fly away. "Magic like that."

As they traveled, the walking stick walked behind the buckboard wagon. The Eye of Knute atop the stick glared unceasingly at the two trussed up soldiers. At first, they weren't scared of it, but soon they were truly scared, and in time they confessed to every crime and sin they ever committed and offered to make up some more if the damn thing would just blink! The infernal staring was driving them crazy.

Eventually, they crossed through the portcullis and stopped at the castle entrance. As they pulled up, Axemir called "Ho! We bear gifts for the king!"

"What did you bring?" asked Sean Ogg, the head of the guard.

"Fruit, vegetables, meat for the larder, and two conspirators for the dungeon."

Sean eyed the two soldiers and said, "What did they do?"

"We tried to kill the duke, we did. Just make that stick go away!" shrieked the leader of the conspiracy.

"Wot, Virga? She's an old friend of the palace, aren't cha girl?" as Sean talked to Virga, Octavia came and claimed her walking stick.

"These two mercenaries were operating on Lancre soil intending to kill the Duke of Wægn," said Octavia. "I'm sure you'll find them willing to talk about how they ended up in Wægn under arms."

Nick finally arrived. He had to stay with the Ralli cart all the way to the stable before changing into human form. "Are you ready, buddy?" Nick asked Jia. "You're going to meet the king."

"Is a king like an emperor?" asked the little boy.

"In some ways, even better! They have princes and dukes and barons to help the king get all his work done," said Nick. The herald led them through the castle, Harold Lorechestershire who seemed to be overjoyed to have foreign visitors.

Harold pointed out each room they passed in the castle as they walked through the large old structure, describing many of the paintings and explained the different suits of armor. As they reached the main dining room Harold stepped inside, stood at attention, and called "Your highness may I present their grace, the Duke and Duchess of Wægn, Pommeraie de la Montesquieu and Octavia Worblehat-Stein. May I also present the Princess Ning Hau Chung and her son the crown prince Jia Hau Chung of the Agatean empire."

The King and Queen of Lancre were on their feet greeting their guests, Queen Magrat cooing over Octavia's growing belly and King Verance shaking hands with Jia. "My, what a grand-looking lad. How old is he now?"

"He's seven, your majesty," said Ning.

Verance was taken back a bit. For seven years of age, Jia was tiny, but in a country ravaged by famine, tiny children were the norm. Being able to eat at the palace, Jia was a little larger than other Agatean seven-year-olds. "Why are we laughing, little one? Do I amuse you?"

"No, your highness, I'm not a prince."

"Well, if you stay with us for a while, we can teach you how to be one. How does that sound?"

Jia clung to his mother and said softly, "I'll think about it."

Just then, another boy appeared, larger and huskier than Jia. Queen Magrat said, "Prince Jia, this is my son Prince Exavier. You two are about the same age. Would you like to spend the day together?"

Both boys nodded eagerly. Then Exavier said, "Come on!" and off they ran into the depths of the castle. Ning gasped but didn't call Jia back. It was the first time in his life he had run off on her and something very precious deep down inside hurt.

Magrat placed a motherly hand on Ning's shoulder and whispered, "It's ok, Exavier is a good boy, he will have Prince Jia back in time for lunch. And true to her word, the boys were back a few moments after the bell for lunch rang, out of breath and full of stories of everything they saw and did.

During lunch Nick and Octavia outlined what they wanted to do with the Duchy of Wægn, but filling in for the emperor was taking some time. "We're trying to find trustworthy advisors for Ning, then build up some enthusiasm for a return to Hau Chung rule."

"That shouldn't be a problem," said Ning. "famines were fewer then. I worry about his current employment becoming a point of ridicule."

"Current employment?" The king looked perplexed.

Nick shrugged because he had never seen such a thing before, and neither had Octavia. "He would hold a bucket and..."

"Oh! A piss boy!" said the king. "I haven't seen one of those since my grandfather ruled this kingdom. Many places still use that institution. It shouldn't be a point of ridicule. Many leaders started that way, and many secrets were overheard by the lads."

"Where are the soldiers?" asked Jia unexpectedly.

"Axemir and Eryri? They went into town to visit with some friends. Once their cart is empty, they'll take it and Dave home," replied Nick.