Enchantress 3 - The Last Elf

He dropped his jaw to roar at men that dare threaten Octavia and the bellow that escaped from that terrible maw shook everybody in the building except Octavia and Lung Mist. Granny was shocked and terrified, but she wasn't going to let these foreigners see that. The terrified landowners who a moment ago thought they were going to seat a new emperor on the throne were now scattering for the exits.

"Zuò!" {Sit!} Lung Mist roared, obviously enjoying the opportunity to verbally abuse the men that abused him for years. As the metallic golden dragon rumbled, a comically small wirehair terrier stood next to the dragon and shouted, "BARK! BLOODY BARK! BARK! ... LISTEN TO ME WHEN I'M BARKING AT YOU! BARK!"

Octavia walked carefully in her wooden sandals, her pregnant belly shown off by the tailored silk gown, her large round breasts larger than usual in preparation for their child. She walked to the dragon's enormous head, and she saw a tear coming from the dragon's one good eye. He didn't want to be angry, but he had to scare back the threat to his wife and child. His left eye was metallic gold, like the rest of his body, but Nick said that it worked better than a real eye. She reached up to brush the tear away, but she realized that he wasn't actually there. He was just an image, a loud, roaring, image. But he was real enough to terrify the landowners back in line.

Octavia whispered, "Thank you my love," and she pretended to give the gigantic dragon a kiss on the nose.

"I tried to come to you. I was worried," he whispered.

"This was absolutely perfect. Thank you so much... I can't wait to cuddle with my big golden kitty." Then in a loud voice, loud enough that all in the palace could hear her she said "Huí jiā," {Go home} and with a rumble Nick bowed his head and with one last show of his fangs he and Gaspode disappeared from the throne room.

For his part Lung Mist was overjoyed, three times the dragon has appeared in this palace, and three times the dragon has saved his life, and a young pregnant woman has shown the most powerful men and the poorest men in the empire that she controls the dragon. Soon, the news of this revelation would spread across the empire. All would know that a true emperor and empress ruled the Agatean Empire. For the first time in decades, Lung Mist felt good about working in the palace. He escorted the empress back to her throne and supported her as she sat down. Then he took his normal place and called the penitents to order.

Granny sat with Octavia and smiled at her with the pride a teacher shows when a progeny displays that she learned her lessons well. When Granny realized that the dragon wasn't real and it was a ruse to get their attention, she was proud of Octavia. The pregnant empress has powers undreamed of by the wizards of the discworld, but she chose not to use them even when it started to look like all was lost. "Now that's proper headology," said Granny, who was a big fan of scaring respect out of rude old men.

<><><><><>֎<><><><><>

Bear Mountain, Creel Springs, Lancre

Axemir wanted to dash into the mountain opening after Nick and Gaspode and follow them, but the sound of screeching coming from the open doorway scared the mule, Dave and the fairies. The little flying naked women clung to Axemir's shoulders and whimpered in fear, their wings folded tight against their trembling, shapely little bodies. Axemir found a sack with a drawstring and a hole in the bottom that he pulled over Dave's head with his nose sticking out the hole in the bottom. He secured the bag with the drawstring and Dave calmed down. "Ok girls, let's go," said Axemir and he started walking toward the door in the mountain.

"I'm a boy," said one tiny voice.

Axemir walked across the open courtyard and stepped up to the open door and he found himself in the throne room of the Agatean emperor, he was on the side of the room next to the grand library that the previous emperor built, and next to him was Octavia's walking stick Virga and a terrified little boy. The golden knob at the top of Virga was now a large eyeball watching everything that was going on. "Who are you?" asked the little boy.

"I'm Axemir, a dwarf. Who are you?"

"See that lady? She's my mom."

"The empress?" Axemir teased.

"No, the pretty one!"

"The one with the pointy hat?"

"NO! I said the PRETTY ONE!"

"Oh, the cute one, why didn't you say that?" Axemir's teasing got the boy's mind off his fear for a moment.

"Is that dragon going to eat us?"

"No, he's the emperor, he might nibble on the empress a little." The little boy gave him a shocked look but Axemir said, "Don't worry, she'll like it."

Having soothed the small boy's nerves, the throne room began to fade and Axemir found that he was in a large, round room carved out of solid rock. It was well illuminated, but it was impossible to tell where the illumination was coming from. Nick and Gaspode stood in the middle of the room but they didn't cast any shadows, and the faint image of a huge Agatean style dragon surrounded Nick. It appeared to Axemir that a faint image of Octavia walked up to the faint image of the dragon and kissed its nose, then the faint image of the dragon became real and solid, as if it was pulled back here from thousands of miles away. It looked at Axemir and the little fairies squealed in terror, but the dragon faded away, leaving only Nick, who slumped to the ground and the red silk drapes completely faded away.

"That was neat!" cried one fairy.

"Do that again!" cried another, and the fairies started to flutter but they stayed near Axemir who dashed to Nick. He found that Nick was alive and breathing. He had just fainted. Axemir found a stool that looked like it was carved from rock and propped Nick's feet up on it to return the blood to his head. Then he sat down and waited while the fairies begged Gaspode for information.

When Nick woke up, he was lying on the floor, his feet propped up on a cube of stone, his head resting on a folded jacket. Gaspode was telling Axemir about how Octavia was almost attacked by the rich landowners of the Agatean empire, but he appeared and barked at them and scared them away.

"It happened," Nick said as he sat up. "He was a brave dog."

"Well... there was a dragon there, but he didn't do anything... ornamental, I guess," said Gaspode.

"Come here, you," said Nick and he petted Gaspode. "Yes, you were totally brave. Thank you for protecting Octavia."

"Lunch anyone?" asked Axemir and he sat down next to Nick and unpacked the canvas sack of sandwiches and apples that Nick packed before they left that morning "What's this bone for?"

"ME!" yelled Gaspode, and he leaped off Nick's lap and snatched the bone from Axemir's hand and dashed off to a corner to gnaw on his bone.

As Nick and Axemir ate their sandwiches, they watched the fairies flutter around the large warm room. "Annoying little bugs," Axemir finally muttered.

"You don't like them?" Nick asked.

"They get in the way," said Axemir.

"They're cute," said Nick as he sliced off tiny bits of his apple with a knife and gave them to the fairies. They looked like a person eating an enormous slice of watermelon when they ate the apple. "Are there any males?"

"Of course, there's males," said Axemir in astonishment. "One of them is a boy." The fairies must have heard Nick's question because they all started laughing in their high, squeaky voices.

"They all look like females to me," and Nick's assessment would be seconded by anyone unfamiliar with fairies. They all looked like sexy little human females, cute faces, large breasts, narrow waists, rounded hips and beautiful round asses, not a hint of hair anywhere but on their heads. They looked like little versions of Octavia to Nick. The three blond fairies started pointing at the brunette and began giggling.

"He thinks you're a girl," they taunted.

"The females are blond?"

"No, the males are brunette. The female's hair is anything but brown, and it changes color on a whim."

Nick smiled for the first time in a very long time. "You have to admit that's cute." He broke a chunk of cheese off the piece in the lunch sack and gave it to the male before Axemir could warn him not to do that. "What's wrong with cheese?"

"NEVER give a fairy cheese!"

"Why not?"

"Because now you're responsible for them. Now he's going to give a piece to his favorite female and they're going to be married and that's going to cause squabbles and..." but as they watched the male, he broke off three pieces and gave some cheese to all three females. "What a horny little bastard," grumbled Axemir.

The four fairies lined up in front of Nick and fluttered in line, smiling. "What do you want now?" asked Nick.

"Names!" said one female.

"Yeah, you have to name them now. It's part of the cheese ceremony," groaned Axemir.

"Boys first!" insisted the blonds.

Nick looked toward Axemir, and he agreed with the little blonds. "Males are kind of rare. Maybe one in eight is male, so the females prioritize them."

"Ok, ummm... I name you... Arthur."

The male frowned at Nick, then finally said, "Not a silly name!"

"Ok, umm..." and he thought of the manliest name he could think of. "Havelock."

"Not a silly name!" demanded all three girls.

"Ok, how about... Sundrop?"

This time there was an audible chime, and the name stuck and the three girls clustered around Sundrop and kissed him.

"Ok, you girls are going to have to remember your names, because I might forget, ok?"

"KAY!" they chimed eagerly and soon they were named Starbell, Moonpuff, and Applewhisp. Happy with their names, they munched on the apple that Nick sliced into tiny pieces for them and the cheese that Sundrop gave them.

"So, what happened yer grace?" asked Axemir. "I've seen you change, but I think being invisible isn't part of the deal." Being his closest and other than Octavia, Nick's only friend, "Your Grace" is never used, so Axemir was looking for a genuine answer and he wasn't going to let Nick tap dance around the subject.

"I don't know. I felt Octavia calling me the moment I opened the door. It's like this room was made for me or something. I knew I couldn't go to her, but I felt like I could let her see me and since she felt threatened and she was in the throne room and everyone in the throne room is afraid of me as a dragon, I let her see me as the dragon."

"And you figured that out in a few seconds?"

"If that long."

"That's why you're the duke and I'm not."

"No, I'm the duke because I did some truly stupid things. The king occasionally needs someone who will do truly stupid things for him."

"Like what? What did you do to make the king want to make you a duke?"

"Have you noticed those starry clouds in the night sky to the widdershins?"

"The nebula?"

"Nebula, yeah. I swam there. Not in this body, but I swam there. I had a mean character chasing after me and I left him there in the nebula."

"And for that, he made you a duke?"

"Well, no. Actually, he made me a duke mostly for coming back... and keeping you guys in line." The terror of being trapped in space, the breathing apparatus of the body he was in was plugged with dust, a terrifying beast just behind him ready to kill him... then there was a mountain full of dwarves that wanted to kill him... Nick needs a job he can do at home. "Let's look around this rock palace," said Nick, before he started screaming in terror.

They got up and found that whatever this was; it was big. Dozens of people could live comfortably in the series of rooms they found carved into the mountain. There was room after room after room, all built and all waiting for a purpose. And it wasn't dusty. It was as if there was a cleaning service that dusted and swept every day and as Nick entered a room, illumination from an unseen source came on. There was some furniture, tables and chairs, desks and benches, not a lot, but there was nothing to give Nick and Axemir a clue of what went on in there. There were no books, documents, or paintings on the walls. Maybe it was a shelter. There were no windows except up on the upper floors. Up there were windows they could look out of and, if needed, shoot out of as well.

"So how does it feel almost being a dad?" asked Axemir.

"It's exciting and scary and probably the greatest thing ever. Why are you and Eryri thinking of...?"

"Bite thy tongue, young duke!"

Chuckling, Nick studied the view out of one window. He could look down on the roundabout and the whole road up to this area. The road was narrow and winding. It would be impossible for a large military unit to travel in a large group. They couldn't bring battering rams or anything other than small carts like the one they rode up here in. He somehow got the feeling that this was built for him and Octavia, and Marlon, a place to hide.

Nick was getting the weirdest feeling from this place, especially as he examined a room with an arrow slit window. He opened a door in the room and it turned out to be a large closet. Closing the door, he thought, "this would make a good armory." He heard a noise inside and opened the door again to see that now the closet was full of bows, arrows, swords, maces... "Axemir! Come look at this!" when the dwarf entered the room, he looked into the closet and saw the collection weaponry. He lifted a long hafted battle axe from the collection. "Gods of Cori Celesti!" he gasped. "I haven't found a thing, and you find a treasure trove of weapons that you don't know how to use!"

"Watch this," Nick closed the door and thought, "This would make a perfect office to study in." When he opened the door, the armory was replaced by a desk and the walls were lined with bookshelves yet the Halberd remained in Axemir's hands.

"What did you do?" gasped Axemir.

"I didn't do anything but make a suggestion." Nick considered this castle, then said, "When I opened this place, you were talking about the Mountain Ergonians," said Nick.

"Well, yes. I was telling Gaspode an old dwarves tale, one we tell the young to get them to go to sleep."

"You once told me that dwarves were the best historians because you don't have active imaginations and you keep the details correct."

"Yes, so?"

"When you recited your old dwarves' tale, you mentioned the Vanemate Rasside Jõud."

"Yes, the last book of the Mountain Ergonian Elves, so what?"

Nick's hand was visibly trembling. "I've seen the Vanemate Rasside Jõud."

"Silly human, that book is dust by now. It's several millennia old. If it exists, it has been lost to history."

"No, Axe, I've held it. I looked at its pages. It was printed on a very odd vellum but bound like a paper book. Axemir, I repaired the binding, and I reapplied the gold leaf on the cover."

"That had to be a reprint or something..."

"I held it in my hands... a wizard was threatening Octavia while I was touching it and it transferred its power into me, that's how I can do this..." and with a flash Nick was standing over Axemir as a seven foot tall dingaroo, snarling and slavering. Axemir cocked back with the battle axe and with another flash, Nick became human again. "That's how I became the eagle, and the dragon."

"What in the name of all eight hells was that?" Axemir shrieked.

"That's a dingaroo. It was what was trying to eat Nick when Octavia fell in love with him," said Gaspode as he gave the fairies a doggy ride around the room.

The moment Gaspode said that, Nick felt a sudden urge to apologize to Octavia. He's been so lost and confused and he just hasn't been there for her while she has been carrying his child and carrying all his responsibilities. "We need to go back." Axemir and Gaspode agreed, but the mountain had one more secret to show them.

<><><><><>֎<><><><><>

Imperial Palace, Hunghung City, Agatea

The curtains were drawn; the petitioners were leaving, and the empress had to pee. "Is there a toilet around here?" Octavia asked. Ning said something to her son Jia, who ran off, then came back holding an ornate enamel bucket, and he knelt in front of Octavia, holding the bucket for her. "No!"

"I'm sorry, your highness, is something wrong?" asked Ning.

"No, I'm not going to pee in a bucket in front of a little boy with all of you around!" She took the bucket from Jia's hands and took it behind the curtain where she crouched over the bucket and relieved herself in privacy. As she did that Jia looked up at his mother, his lower lip quivering.

"You didn't do anything wrong, honey; emperors are different from people. We just have to accept that." Soon Octavia came out from behind the curtain with the bucket and Ning told Jia "Now you may finish your job." Jia dashed up to Octavia and snatched the bucket out of her hand then ran off with it, then dashed back a moment later with a damp cloth to clean up with and a towel to dry her hands, then he dashed off to empty and wash out the bucket.

"What a sweet child he is. I hope Marlon is just as sweet," said Octavia with a sigh.

"Marlon?" asked Ning

"Oh, I mean," and she patted her tummy, "Ying Zhizi, Eagle Son." Nick and Octavia both have Agatean names also, Nick is Ying Long, Eagle Dragon, and Octavia is Ying Huanghou Eagle Queen. "We need your help. The emperor and I are going to rebuild the court, and since we are not familiar with their names, we would like your help."

"I..." Ning has no excuse. When she is not in the palace translating for Emperor Ying Long and Empress Ying Huanghou (Nick and Octavia's Agatean names) she has nothing to do other than care for Jia. She was originally brought into the court to care for Fu Ki after Emperor Shì Hai killed his wife, Fu Ki's mother, in a fit of anger. The brat emperor abused Ning. She was not allowed to discipline him; she spent her time cleaning up after the little brat suffering one indignity after another. He even threw his own feces at her.

After Fu Ki's sudden, horrible, and much appreciated death and Nick was told that he had inherited the Agatean empire, he hired Ning to stay on as Assistant Translator. It was no secret that Nick didn't trust anyone in the court, including the official translator Lung Mist, so it was Ning's job to translate what Lung Mist also translated. Usually, the translations were the same, but sometimes the difference was glairing and Ning and Lung Mist were sat down, and the difference was discussed. The difference normally was Lung Mist trying to avoid embarrassing the emperor.

Ning's shoulders dropped. She had no excuse. There was no way she could refuse the empress's request. "Yes, your highness. May we change clothes?"

"Yes, by all means, and bring a coat. It might be chilly."

"Chilly?" Ning was shocked. It has been quite warm, and the weather wizard said that the warm weather may last for several more weeks.

"Yes, Hánlěng. Trust me. Joining us for tea, Granny?"

"I wouldn't miss it."

Not long after, they stepped through the tight aisles of Nick and Octavia's bookstore. Ning and Jia looked around in amazement at the little store full of books and book related items. "How did we do Nanny?"

Nanny Ogg looked at the small hourglass and said, "About seven minutes."

"How many times did you turn that glass over?" demanded Granny Weatherwax. "We were in foreign parts for six, maybe seven hours! We even took a lunch break!"

"That's not possible. Look at the timer! She even put a spell on it to keep me from turning it over," insisted Nanny.

"Ladies!" called Octavia as she came out from the corner where she was changing. She was now wearing a simple gray frock that Ena McCrory gave her. "We did a little time travel. We left here at noon, got there at nine in the morning, did the business of the land until three, then came back here at noon."