All Comments on 'Endless Love Ch. 01'

Good theme and a good start. your dialog needs to be smoothed. It seems to be some sort of dialectics. But that is not bad. Of what ethnicity are you? Some times ethnic dialects are good if you keep with it.. you seem to wander on that score at times. But yeah your storyline is good.

1. Get an editor there are so many mistakes it's very tough to read

2. This is just a thing for me but giving inches or "7 minutes" takes away from as enjoyable read. This is just constructive take it or leave it.

Other than that excellent start look forward to the rest of the story.

A very good start ( I think). I like the characters and the premise of the story. I liked the dialogue and the banter between the characters. To me, that is what takes the story to the next level. Stories with only a little dialogue and too much sex are boring so please be interesting. I liked the build up also. Please continue and thanks for your time and imagination.

Get an editor. I managed almost half the first page before I was forced to skip to the end, where I saw the text was entirely in italics. All I could do was shake my head sadly and click the 1 star.

Without an editor, or maybe some years of intensive study of the English language, I won't be making any attempts to read your stories.

I don't know why there is so much negative freed back. I think you have the beginnings of a strong story. Keep on writing, I look forward to the next chapter.

Here are some areas to study to help you write a smoother, more natural sounding narrative.

1. Articles - a, an, the

2. Possession and use of the apostrophe

3. Being consistent about tenses (past, present, future) and knowing when a change of tense is appropriate

4. Choosing the correct form of verb to use - I'm thinking of your use of LAY.

If you do not have a good English dictionary, an English language grammar book and an English verb book with conjugations, I think these could be helpful. You might find them in e-book form or on a reputable site. Keep on writing! Good luck!

It’s a good start but by far not the best thing I’ve read. I look forward to seeing you improve.