English Pub Landlady Ep. 02

After a bath, some food and a good night's sleep, I didn't feel too bad about my experience. At breakfast Harry said that the bar had been almost empty last night. I wasn't surprised. I just had a funny feeling that the raffle may have been fixed somehow and that I had been set up.

-

A few days later I was in the village when the vicar stopped me and thanked me for the £950 contribution to the church roof fund.

I said, "I thought we only sold £800 worth of tickets."

The reverend said that Farmer Ted had given him an additional £150. Ted told him that he had raised it by selling something of mine for ten pounds a time.

The vicar thought that he had said something about buttered buns and that they must have been good to sell for that price.

Just then I spotted Ted further down the street. Before he saw me I had caught hold of his elbow.

"Here," I said, "I want a word with you."

He said, "I'm really sorry about the other day."

I let him know that I was OK with it. Everything had gone back to normal; apart from my nipples which had only shrunk slightly but I quite liked their new look. I told him that the vicar had told me that Ted had been whoring me out at ten quid a fuck.

"That's not exactly what I told him," Ted replied.

I said that I was cool with it. It was for Charity after all. What I didn't understand was by my count I wasn't shagged fifteen times. Where did the other money come from?

Ted said, "I couldn't possibly say."

I asked him, "What would you prefer first, to be barred from the pub or have your balls cut off?"

"Well," he said, "Harry asked me to tie him up naked in the hay-loft somewhere where he could get a good view of everything that was going on. If I did, Harry said he would chip in another fifty quid."

My first reaction was to go home and kill Harry. But then I thought it could be a lot more fun to take my revenge on him very very slowly.

"Look Ted," I said, "don't tell Harry that I know about this."

He said, "I don't know about that, it's not the sort of thing that one chap does to another."

"If you do it as a favour to me, I'll owe you," I pleaded.

"Oh, in that case it's our little secret," said Ted.