by Gojenngo
A great beginning to a well-written story that I hope is going where I think it is.
Why did she not blame her father? Are you so insensitive as not to delve into that. She was fucking rape as a revenge to her father and she did not mention it to him? I find that hard to understand.
I can actually understand her decision. She wants to erase the rape and take her possibly only opportunity to make love to someone. She knew that she was attracted to him and that it could be pleasurable. He was reluctant and awkward and tried to give her some pleasure to start with. She doesn't trust him exactly, but at the same time, if the rape is her only experience with intimacy, the longer she goes on, the harder it will be to have something positive later. Looking at her options, she may never have a man in her bed again. Her station is too high to be a courtesan and in any household she joins, the man of the house is unlikely to allow her a lover.
she has been raped, why would she want her rapist to make love to her ?! It does not make sense. I just scrambled past that turn of events and pretended it never happened. For me, it just ruined the entire story.
How is that he saw the intent in her eyes when it was all too dark for her to se him at all?
One obvious solution to Sabrina's problem would be emigration to one if the colonies, married off to a second (or third) son. Perhaps she does consider this in later chapters though that doesn't appear to fit your intent (else why the ballroom scene at the beginning?).
At little less modern language would be nice as well. "Okay"? "Sweetie"? The former certainly wasn't in common usage in England until the mid-20th century. The latter, besides being completely out of place in the context of the scene, doesn't seem consistent with the class your characters belong to.
Also, it's "cravat" if you mean his tie and "navel" if you're referring to her belly button and "breathe" as in "I can't breathe".
This is like the best start of a series I have read in forever. Love it!!
This is one of the best literotica stories that I have ever read. It has the perfect ballance of passion and romance, refreshingly different and captavating storyline. Hope there is a part three soon. You are an exceptionally gifted writer.
Yes, I will have to add this my collection of favorites. Great start! Wonderful command of the language!
Grammar aside, a fantastic story, please do continue this story as soon as possible!
If it was Douglas Radcliffe, I'm going to scream. Way too many hints dropped along the way. They're right about the editor, but I loved this chapter, warts and all. I look forward to hearing more from you.
Grammar aside, I truly love this story. I sincerely hope you continue this. Please post another chapter soon!
I really like your story. For a first it is excellent! Minor mis-tense aside, did a wonderful job. I felt for the girl and for the hero(who is tortured I'm willing to bet and who will find her again and love her as it should be). Do get an editor because it's always good to have someone else take a fresh look at what you've written. I do look forward to the coming chapters. Thank you for sharing.
Great story, I can't wait to find out what happens next. As for the writing, personally I think your writing was very good, I don't know what the other commenter is on about. I like the style you've written in... reminds me of romance novels set in the victorian era.
I enjoyed this story very much. It held my attention all the way through. I can't wait to see what happens next. :)
but some are like that. with most of the chapter as a past event it seemed too long and there was no return to 'current' time. some grammar and tense issues but not bad. good effort.
The storyline itself is actually very entertaining. But the writing is "not so great". Learn something about spelling and grammar, and then get a good editor. Each place the reader has to pause to figure out what you intended to be saying, is a disruption to the story. Again, the plot is quite interesting; it's just the delivery which needs some work.
-- KK in Texas