by SEVERUSMAX
Where is the rest of this story. It is GREAT and should be completed as soon as possible.
....chose to attack it, albeit without specifics, other than a vague reference to "dialogue". People improve over time, but what exactly was bad about the dialogue in your mind you haven't made clear. Yeah, brilliant critique....rolling eyes now. If you have a real critique to offer, then I'll consider it. I give you kudos on having the chutzpah to use your username and not be Anon like most trolls, however.
no one speaks like this. came across as so bad that it almost seemed like satire, but sadly wasn't.
Great work leaves you wanting more. A great cliff hanger!
As usual I loved your story. Your ever devoted fan and slave!!!!
1/2 enough or less, you have a great mind use it and make the story line longer You know more sex, how did she bring the next girl to him did thet share? Think and give us more with each story.
I can see where this might develop into a very interesting series and am looking forward to seeing more.