Enter the Chad

Despite the clear February sky I still vaguely felt the sharp tinge of winter in the air.

Spring wasn't far away though, and the park was bustling with activity. After a long cold season many were eager to embrace the warmer half of the year. Especially the children that were all over the various activities on the playgrounds.

As a self-proclaimed student of human behavior I was thoroughly enjoying the simple act of relaxing on my bench and observing the various goings on. It was almost like a meditative experience. Laughing children and smiling parents. A mood enhancer of the most wholesome variety. Balm for a weary winter soul. In fact, I felt positively elated.

At least until the person I was waiting for arrived.

*******

The man who majestically perched himself on the bench beside me was the kind of man whom all other men secretly loathe on sight.

Not for any personal reasons mind you.

But everything about him seemed specifically designed to remind ordinary Joes of what they could have looked like, given the proper dedication, genes and a generous selection of steroids. From the perfect haircut, through the angular face with the sharply coiffed full beard, over the lumber-jack shirt desperately fighting to contain his wide shoulders and deep chest, he was the very image of masculinity.

A man's man.

A total Chad in every sense of the word.

He was also my ex.

"So what's up?" he inquired in a melodic voice flashing a set of way too perfect teeth.

"Not much. Just hanging out waiting for some jerk," I replied in a neutral tone. "Looking good."

"And you look like crap." he retorted, still wearing that insufferable smile. "Let me guess - fridge filled with pizza and beer?"

A tinge of irritation rose in my throat.

"So did you call me here today to criticize my lifestyle?"

"Sorry," he added in a lighthearted tone indicating that he actually wasn't. "Old habit I guess."

"I'd say five years is quite a long time to hold on to old habits. Haven't you moved on? You sure as hell look that way."

"Have you?" the man countered with seemingly genuine curiosity. "Moved on, I mean."

I decided to dodge the question.

"Anyway, why are we here? Not trying to give you a hard time or anything, but we have neither seen nor heard from you for half a decade. To what do I owe the pleasure on this beautiful day? Or to put it more delicately, why the hell did you suddenly decide to show up now?"

"It's Valentines," he noted with a crooked smile. "Do I need any other excuse for meeting the love of my life?"

"You missed the last five Valentines," I growled with irritation. "What's so special about number six?

The man seemed to swallow a lump, and this time he was the one who changed the subject.

"How are they? Are they doing well?"

"Yeah," I replied in a somewhat softer tone. "They're both off to college. I put all the money you sent into a college fund, so their educations are secured. Martin plans on becoming an engineer, and Sue is aiming for a medical degree."

Once more he flashed those teeth that were practically begging for a fist.

"Sounds like you've done a fine job raising them."

"Yeah, for a single parent of a broken family, I guess I have."

That retort morphed his smile into a slightly pained expression. Good!

"I know I hurt you - hurt you all, "he began." I can never apologize enough. But please believe me when I say, that I had no choice."

"Hurt us? " I blurted out a little too loudly. "You fucking destroyed us!"

"But I never..." he gulped, apparently taken aback by my biting reaction.

However I was losing control at that point. So he got both barrels straight to the chest.

"Can you imagine what it feels like to have your wife of ten years suddenly inform you out of the blue that she is filing for divorce. Not because she felt mistreated or had met someone new, but because she want to BECOME A FRIGGIN MAN? Can you imagine how the kids have been affected by that? Can you? Can you really?"

"I'm sorry Bob. I truly am, but please let me explain."

I wasn't finished yet though.

"I could have competed with another guy," I interrupted him." I would have understood, if you had fallen out of love with me. But how the hell was I supposed to react to something like that? I mean, what the fuck?"

I slowly got my feelings under control and leaned back with a sigh. My zen was working overtime to quell my frustrations, and it finally won out.

"What do call yourself now by the way? I assume that you don't go by Alexia anymore with that giant wad of face-fur."

"Alex. I'm Alex now. I've even got my passport updated. But I would like you to call me what you always called me."

"Ok, Lexi. I guess I'm listening, since I'm here. If you feel the need, please go right ahead and explain why you broke our family apart. The floor is all yours."

With apparent trepidation Alex started his tale.

*******

"You know that I was always quite the tomboy, right?"

I nodded.

"But what I've never told anybody - not even you - is, that it was more than just a phase for me. In truth I didn't feel like a girl at all. Traditional girly things never appealed to me. I was into action sports, right? I loved fast cars. Most of my friends were guys and we did guy-stuff together. I felt no connection to my biological peer group whatsoever."

"I do remember that," I nodded. "That's what attracted me to you at first. You were so easy and fun to hang out with. You were like one of the guys."

His expression lit up, as if I'd just put my finger on the exact point he was trying to make.

"One of the guys indeed. And I felt the same way. You were my best friend Bob. The one I could share everything with. Do everything with. That's why I fell in love with you. That's why you were the only one for me."

I was getting a little confused. Something didn't quite add up.

"You're telling me now that you didn't feel like a girl? You sure as hell rode my cock like a girl though. We were fucking our brains out at every opportunity."

"No thanks to you," Alex remarked dryly. "I can't believe how hard I had to work in order to get you in bed. You were dense beyond belief!"

I couldn't help smiling at the memory. Those were fun times.

"Like I said, you were like one of the guys," I protested. "My best buddy. Normally you don't fuck your best buddy, y'know. How was I supposed to know what you wanted?"

"Beats me," Alex responded with a hint of sarcasm. "Maybe the fact that I was doing my best to dress and act sexy around you might have tipped you off? Or maybe the fact that pretty much everybody else knew that I totally had the hots for you? Well, everybody except for you, apparently."

"I guess I really was pretty dense back then. Mea culpa."

"No shit Bob! I was horny twenty-four seven and you had me fucking friend zoned! I masturbated myself raw every night. I even named my vibrator Bob. In the end I practically had to force myself on you at Luke's party. Remember?"

Oh yes, I remembered. How could I ever forget? Lexi and I were play-fighting in the garden, and suddenly she had my cock in her hand. Shortly thereafter we took each others virginity in one of the guest rooms, and from that moment on Lexi was no longer one of the guys. She was my lover. And what an amazing lover she was. Absolutely insatiable. Willing to try everything.

I was torn out of my sweet reminiscence by Alex clearing his throat.

"What here you just thinking about?" he enquired with a knowing smile indicating that he knew perfectly well. "Something you wanna share with the rest of the class?"

I quickly gathered myself.

"The Roman Empire of course!" I stated firmly. "But back to the topic at hand. You claim that you didn't feel like a girl. But you pursued a relationship with me -- aggressively, I might add. And you were doing me like a girl."

"Are you sure about that Bob?"

"Huh? What the fuck do you mean? Are you saying that I don't know who I have my cock inside?"

"No, I mean, are you sure that I did you like a girl?

"Are you high or something Lexi? You were a girl. We were fucking like any other straight couple."

"And why do you assume that I'm straight?"

"What??"

"Well," he continued smugly. "I felt like a boy, but I fell in love with you. That totally makes me gay, doesn't it? In spirit at least. A boy loving a boy. One of them just happened to be born with a vagina. Which in our case was very convenient."

I was flabbergasted! So apparently my girlfriend, and later wife, was a gay man in a woman's body who fell in love with a straight guy and had two kids by him, and.... my brain felt like it was about to spill out of my ears!

"Are you ok Bob?" Alex exclaimed worried. "You look like you're about to faint."

"You... you never told me any of this," I stammered. "This is so fucked up!"

"I should have confided in you, but I just couldn't. I was afraid. I wanted you so badly. And would you have believed me? It sounds super weird even to me, and I was the one living it."

"So basically whenever we had sex, I was being straight and you were being gay? What in the ever loving fuck kinda relationship did we even have?"

"A good one," Alex said with conviction. "The best."

"So you were perfectly satisfied with us together?" I asked.

"Yes, very much."

"And what about the kids? Do you regret having the kids? Giving birth is pretty much the most womanly thing you can do y'know."

"Absolutely not! I'd do it all over in a heartbeat!"

"Assuming that I believe you, why did you leave us then? Please explain that to me, because I still don't get it."

Alex sat quiet for a minute seemingly trying to find the right words.

"Listen, can you imagine what it feels like to live a lie? To constantly reject your authentic self? To see a reflection in the mirror every day that isn't you? Something that's just wrong, yet irrevocably etched into your very biology?"

I just shook my head.

"It grinds you down Bob. Not at first, but over time it gradually becomes more and more unbearable, until you feel like smashing that mirror into a thousand pieces. I felt betrayed by my own body. I wanted to scream to the world: This isn't me! But it was me."

Alex looked down clearly flustered. This wasn't an easy subject for him.

"I was slowly going crazy from being torn between the love for my family and the mental pressure from hiding my dysmorphia. I had to do something or risk ending up in a bad way."

He made a slicing gesture across his throat.

"Holy shit Lexi. Why didn't you level with me for fucks sake?"

"I was a coward. And let's be honest Bob - would you have understood?"

I thought about it for a second, before admitting that I probably wouldn't have.

"So I ran away seeking the only treatment for my situation that I could think of."

"Becoming a dude..."

"Yes, becoming the dude that I was always meant to be."

"Well, you definitely managed that. I hardly recognized you at first."

"Thanks. It has been quite a long and arduous journey."

"Surgeries?" I asked curiously.

"A few, but nothing major. Some facial reconstruction and breast tissue removal, is all. Most of it was hormone therapy and training. Lots of training."

"Breast removal?" I remarked sarcastically. "You were two M&M's on a surf board. That must have been a very minor surgery."

He laughed and mock-punched my shoulder, the way Lexi used to do when we were goofing around. It felt good in a familiar way.

"I wanted my pecks to show properly, so whatever chest fat I could get rid of, I did."

"So are you happy now?"

"Yes and no"

"No?!"

"I miss you Bob. I want to come home."

"Wait, what?"

"You were and still are the love of my life. I want you back. I want to be your wife or your husband or whatever you want me to be. I can even be your dog. Woof woof!"

Of all the things he could have said, this was something I did not expect to hear. I didn't know how to respond, so I just sat there staring at him with a dumbfounded expression.

"Are you seeing anybody?" he asked.

I couldn't say that I were, so I shook my head slowly.

Alex smiled.

"Did you see anybody since the divorce?"

I sighed.

"I kinda tried a few times, but nothing ever came of it. Guess my heart wasn't in it."

"Same here," Alex noted. "The last person I was intimate with was you. I've been functionally asexual ever since we parted."

That got me curious. Not interested mind you - just curious, ok?

"Are you able to... y'know..."

"Am I able to have sex, you mean?" Alex smiled.

He leaned a little closer and lowered his voice to a seductive whisper.

"Wanna find out?"

I recoiled slightly feeling goosebumps emerging all over. Alex laughed.

"Seriously though Bob, nothing has changed down there. Everything is exactly as you left it, except a lot harrier. But you always liked a healthy growth in the right place, as I recall."

"The right place being the operative word," I added darkly. "That never included the face."

Alex looked a little pined.

"I really like my beard though. It's like the ultimate expression of my new masculine self. Nothing says man like a big beard. But maybe we could compromise. How about a stache?"

"Mustache?"

"Yeah. like Freddy Mercury. I always wanted to try rocking his style. Could you live with that? You're welcome to call me Freddy when you orgasm."

"Oh yeah! Fuck me Freddy!" Alex then yelled in a way too loud voice, causing a group of elderly ladies to stare disapprovingly in our direction.

Frantically I yanked his shirt and sneered at him to shut the fuck up. He just laughed.

"You're still way too easy Bob," he smirked. "You definitely need me around to pull that stick out of your ass."

He leaned in closer and whispered.

"But of course you are free to shove a stick up mine as far and as often as you like."

I pushed him away, still a little annoyed.

"Seriously Lexi. You're a dude now. Hell, you're more manly than I ever were." I protested vaguely.

Alex grabbed my shoulder with a strong well manicured hand and felt-up my sorry excuse for a bicep through my windbreaker.

"We can fix that easily. I work as a personal trainer these days, and it won't take me long to whip your lazy ass into shape. We'll train together. It'll be fun."

"But in case it slipped your mind, I'm not gay Lexi, and I never will be. I can promise you that. I'm as straight as a highway."

"Don't worry," he laughed. "I'm gay enough for both of us."

Then in a more somber tone he added, "C'mon Bob. Let's just go home please. Whatever happens, we'll figure it out."

"You are really serious about this Lexi?"

"More than you know. I'll do anything to get you back. Anything! "

"Anything?" I asked with a wry smile.

"Anything, except for that. There is no reversing this Bob. What you see is what you get. Please don't ask for that which it is not in my power to give."

I ran my eyes over the muscular frame of the handsome Chad beside me and could clearly see Alexia in him. Most notably in those clear blue eyes that I'd spent so much time gazing into for most of my adult life. And despite a deeper and more resonant voice he sounded unmistakably like Alexia too.

My decision was clear.

In fact, I was forced to admit to myself that it had been clear ever since he made the initial proposition. But he was waiting for me to say it out loud.

So I did.

"You know, I think I would like to try. I've really missed you too Lexi."

"Then it's all settled." Alex exclaimed happily and rose from the bench. "Let's head home. I'll shave my beard, and then I want you to fuck me five years worth with that raging hard-on you've been sporting ever since we started talking."

Alex leaned down for a kiss, but I pushed him away.

"Beard first!" I chided.

*******

As we walked through the park hand in hand, I couldn't help reflecting on the strange turn my life had taken in the span of the last hour.

What would the kids say?

Would my family accept us?

How would my friends and neighbors react?

But guess what? I didn't give a shit.

"I love you," I said spontaneously to the Chad walking next to me.

And I meant it.