All Comments on 'Erin on the Gambling Table Ch. 03'

I liked this story a lot. There's some room for editing, but the characters and plot both work well, and the writing is good and well-thought out (though would benefit from an editor to catch minor issues). I enjoyed the ending, and am glad we got a happily ever after for the couple. For a second there I honestly thought she was going to be lost in a bet.

It maybe felt slightly rushed in this last chapter. A lot happened in a short period of time, and possibly could have been stretched out further, such as with an additional encounter with Justine half-way through the story, and maybe some build-up for Ryan. I'm also not sure on the phone call with the slaver, it comes off as overly grim with its allusions to snuff and breaking (realistic, but a mood killer).

Overall though, a great self-contained story, and I'll be eagerly awaiting your next story when you get the time to write one. Great job and keep up the good work ^_^

5/5 stars

Editing is the worst part about this. I swear I check like 20 times and each and every time some new mistake shows up. It's like Word is trolling me.

I'll take note on those issues. I know for sure part 2 felt rushed for me. It's something I can hopefully fix for new stories. I'm a little surprised to hear what you said about the slaver. I felt that part needed to be overtly grim to snap Cassius out of his fantasy, but I thought she was pretty grim from the beginning (but that's maybe cause I always had a clear picture of her in my head). Hopefully it wasn't too off putting. I'm also surprised to hear you thought she was going to be lost in a bet; that's not the part I thought would fool the reader, but if it works, then that's great.

Anyway, I'm glad to hear you liked it. Writing on a different language is an interesting challenge, so it's good to hear people enjoy it. Thanks for the 5 stars.

This is a rape story. Not BDSM. Keep it in the correct category. There's a few assholes in here who Really want to thin the line in real life and there IS a line that turns it from kinky fun to monstrous crime.

I've been watching this story in non con until you disappeared it here for some bizarre reason, and I got to say. Get an editor. The twist makes no sense. Working out and taking some acting classes doesn't magicallyy make you into a new person close friends can't recognize. That's just stupid.

And a question... Why the hell would she trust a rapisst who pretended to be her friend and stabbed his generous friends in the back and stole from them? He has no loyalty or integrity.

... but gift us with another fun and erotic epic tale.

Yes, the prev. editing comment is correct. Indeed, there is some room for improvement towards "good".

However, the combo of creative and convincing plot with a fun to read writing style beats mistake free but boring, at least for me.

Thank You

Right. First, This IS the correct category. There's no non con in this part. What is it with you random anons and your mod complex?

Second, if you're going to criticize me at least pay attention to what you're reading. His change is not "a few acting classes". If you've ever seen how an actor gains or loses a few pounds and gets a new hairstyle, and that's enough for you to have to look twice to know who that person is, then you would understand what I'm talking about. Have you genuinely never bumped into someone you haven't seen in a few years and you don't recognize them because they've changed a lot? Take that and crank it up a few notches. Imagine someone who has changed so much only a couple of details remain the same.

Third, because that's the whole point, dude. They're childhood friends. She doesn't trust him when he's an stranger to her but when she finds put who he is is a different story; there's an emotional connection between the two. Also, if you hate a person (Ryan), by proxy everything someone does in their detriment and your favor you're going to like. At least make an effort to put yourself in the character's position.

Thank you, I absolutely will.

I've been reluctant to get an editor mostly because I think it might make the publishing a bit too slow (It's already slow as it is). But I know the minor mistakes are annoying, and a lot of people are suggesting it, so... If I can get one for free I will.

I'm glad you enjoyed the story.

Thank you for your response Serpens, it always feels good to hear from a writer in response to my commentary. I didn't go very in-depth the first time around, so hopefully I can explain myself a little better this time.

Editing - Completely agree with you on this one, it's a pain! I mentioned it originally because it was something I noticed, but didn't consider too bad in truth. In comparison to some of my own early writing (I write elsewhere, in a slightly different medium) it's head and shoulders above the mess of editing issues I faced. I think this is an issue that, short of finding an editor for your work, is just something that'll improve over time. Also ... I agree that Word seems to conspire against us, though I like to blame my cat ;)

Pacing - Again, something that I didn't mean harshly, so I hope it wasn't taken that way. My observation was more that there was enough plot and character to the story that it could have gone another chapter, though I'm still very much happy with the story produced.

The slaver (AKA Tone) - My issue with the conversation with the slaver was that up until then I wasn't sure how far you were going on the route. Some non-con based stories get very gritty and realistic, whilst yours felt slightly more upbeat (heading towards a Happily Ever After at least). Narratively it makes a lot of sense though, and I don't fault your reasoning. I'm also a bit easy to make go queasy over little details like that in erotic, but that's personal preference.

The bet (Plot) - I was legitimately surprised by him not losing, but that's not a bad thing. My writers brain suspected that Ryan was going to win her, leading to Cassius finally realizing how much he cared for her, and having to win her back, showing her how much he thought of her. Either way is fine, and I enjoyed the plot you wrote. Just caught me slightly by surprise in a good way that this was how the plot ended up progressing.

Literotica Genre - Not one of my observations, but I just wanted to chip in slightly on this one. I've seen authors do this both ways, either by considering all their story in one genre, or going chapter by chapter based on current themes. I slightly prefer when authors keep it to one genre, as it allows you to keep track of it easier without having to favourite every author to keep up with them, but equally you will end up with people complaining about genre whichever way you do it. Don't let it get you down ^_^

Once again, it's been a pleasure chatting with you. I very much enjoyed Erin on the Gambling Table, and look forward to what you'll put out in the future. In particular, I take my hat off to you for getting a complete story under your belt, an achievement that many authors stall out on before completing.

Good luck, and happy writing ^_^

Please continue this story! I’d love to hear about them getting married and having a baby!! This was the best story I’ve ever read on this website. The best. The best. The BEST. Please write more!!! It was so amazing.

So, first things first. thanks for the compliment. I'm so glad to hear you enjoyed it that much.

Now, these two characters are amazing. I love them. I want to keep writing about them. But it's very important to know when to retire a character. It's very tempting to keep using characters you love and keep writing about them over and over, but you end up ruining them.

The thing about me is I don't just write sex scenes, I write stories, with a plot and a conflict and all the rest. Looking backwards, I got too fixed on the idea of making this in three chapters when I could have made it even longer and more detailed. But, to be honest I told the story that I wanted to tell. There's not really anything more to this one, so to keep writing I would need a good new plot. I'm not discarding the idea. Maybe in the future I think of something, but for now, here's where it ends.

I'm thinking of writing some sort of "Erin on the Gambling Table II" at some point, but it wouldn't be about these two characters, it would be a story where the events are somehow related. There's not any plans right now to bring these two back.

I can promise you this though: I will be back with stories and characters that you'll love as much as these. Just be patient :)

"Third, because that's the whole point, dude. They're childhood friends. She doesn't trust him when he's an stranger to her but when she finds put who he is is a different story; there's an emotional connection between the two. "

Sorry, that's not how people function in my experience. If he treats you like an asshole today, the normal reaction is to wonder why you ever felt a connection to them - all the more if they neither look nor act the way they did in the past.

As others have pointed out in past instances, this isn't a healthy BDSM relationship. It's clear abuse, and on the criminal end of it. She's not acting like a submissive, but like someone with Stockholm syndrome.

Ok, so, let me try to explain it like this. On the one hand, Erin has the memory of her childhood friend, someone who she deeply trusted and loved. On the other she has the actual Cassius. There's a struggle in the story to reconcile the two of them. Now, if you notice, as time passes he becomes sweeter and sweeter. By the end he's not really mistreating her anymore, not a lot anyway (this third part, which encompasses a week, and the last part of the second, is mostly just happy sex and him pampering her. Also, mistreating means something a little different here because she's masochistic and get's off on humiliation). My point is, he didn't reveal who he was at the beginning when she's mostly sad and scared, and the whole story he's trying to make her more comfortable and more accepting. By the time he tells her who he is, the only thing that's still bothering her is the fact he didn't let her choose. That's the only thing she still resents by the end, and the fact that he was a good friend is the reason why she forgives him (you're more likely to forgive someone with whom you have a deep emotional connection, rather than a complete stranger).

Now, I never said this was a healthy BDSM relationship. I said from the beginning what this was: a fucked up love story, and a fantasy about power and control. So, take it for what it is. If some people just don't pay attention or they want to insist this is something it's not, that's their problem not mine.

But hey, If you didn't like it, or you're not convinced, then that's ok too. I don't expect every single person to love it. I understand that the story might not be for everyone. :)

Love this story!

Hey, Thank you very much. Glad you enjoyed it.

I don't care if the other cmments say that this is not a healthy relationship n etc etc, for me this was an amazing story. The fact that she's free in the end is what matters to me, n this is fiction so it can go anyhow.

This was amazing!!!!! No matter if ppl understand this or not!

Hey, thank you very much. Great to hear you liked it.

I think one of the most appealing things about fiction is that it's limitless, precisely because it has no consequences. As long, obviously, as you keep it as fiction. Fantasy worlds allow you to bend the rules, while in the real world, fantasies wouldn't necessarily play well (in fact, that's one of the topics the story deals with).

Personally I hate stories about angels vs demons. The best characters to write about and read about are somewhat fucked-up, because the conflict and story comes from that specifically.

Now, some people might disagree of course, and that's fine. I don't delete comments. I think everyone has the right to express their opinion, and if someone raises an issue with my story, I'm happy to address it.

More than anything, it's just confusing how a few people will read through 3 whole chapters of a story but they don't understand the kind of story they're actually reading. I could place a disclaimer going "I do not condone blah blah blah" but honestly I don't believe in that. I believe everyone here is an adult capable of distinguishing reality from fiction, and deciding what they like and don't like to read.

So, don't bother about people that didn't like or didn't understand the story. I don't, and I'm the author, so if it doesn't bother me, there no reason why it should bother you. :)

This was an awesome story, and I appreciate you sharing it. I think its hard for people that are not in this lifestyle to understand it. But you were able to show how a relationship like this can work. Again, thank you.

Hey, Thank you very much! Glad to hear you liked it.

and mostly believable, as well! Plus it was educational - I never knew the past tense of "put" is "putted" ;)

So, "putted" is a legitimate word, but apparently it only applies to golf, you know to "putting", rather than the common use of the word "put". I didn't know that at the time, XD. Anyway, glad you liked the story!

Hello there, beautiful readers ;) My new story, Memories of Paradise CH.01 is out. Go check it out!

He comes across as a sociopath and she has Stockholm Syndrome. He’s clearly wealthy but that’s not an excuse for amorality. This isn’t BDSM it’s not even a “fantasy rape”, it’s a fantasy story about rape.

When you love someone you respect and value them, their needs, wants and desires what you don’t do is purchase them as an object remove all of their choices and free will and then hold them prisoner. Was the fact that her business was failing meant to be seen as a good reason for abandoning her life and just submitting? He “loved” her so much that she was used as part of a gambling stake where she could have been handed over to someone else. Yeah really feeling the love there.

You’ve written it as a successful but very unconventional “love story”, obviously successful because you wanted HEA so it was, from the outside looking in he’s still a deranged criminal and she’s had a mental breakdown to cope with what she’s been through. I found the whole thing deeply disturbing. I was looking for a reluctance story.

Tess (UK) clearly I’m on a roll with being self righteous.

Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, and I respect that, even though I think it's unfortunate.

I try to write erotica that isn't just about sex but there's actually a story and meaning, with eroticism being a tool for storytelling. For this story I had a whole idea about two broken people coming together and healing through their dysfunctional love. I like stories where characters are fucked up because I like letting their flaws drive the plot. It's not something you should aspire to imitate in real life, but that's the beauty of fantasy; it's limitless. And in fact, part of the whole theme about the story is that fantasies can be dangerous because they often don't play well in real life.

I think I've been clear from the beginning what kind of story this is. It's not meant to be something healthy or anything you should aspire to, just a dark love story for people who are into that. I get that many people won't be.

If it isn't your cup of tea, or you're not convinced, then that's perfectly fine. I appreciate you taking the time to read it and writing a review :)

What can I say? I'm a romantic, and I loved the last pages. Simply a fantastic story.