All Comments on 'Esther and Star Ch. 01'

I mean, what happens with the couple?

People who enjoy reading about asshole men? What a terrible opening — I hate this arrogant prick!

This is well written, and I enjoyed it all until the last line. That legitimate threat of murder is fucked up. I'm assuming it's not going to happen, but still it threw me.

I hope that their will be a follow up

... you're a sadist... stopping the story like that. If only guys had an experienced woman to teach them the ins & outs, no pun intended, of how a women's body works, there would be a lot more people having great sex. The same for women getting an education about men's sexual equipment.

Good story. Please don't make us wait too long.

I wish there hadn't been a threat of murder and him relishing the desire to kill at the end. That really destroyed it for me too.

I'd note that while Patrick is fundamentally a broken person (who ruins their life because they don't want to have to be seen as listening to someone else?), and his transference of his personal failures to being someone else's fault, the mental steps he takes are completely human. His sister, while 'being helpful' now, was abusive in the past (the urine 'jokes' were anything but), and it is very easy to see that mental path.

Now, the sister should have probably gotten the two of them to a proper therapist, but that would not be the story the author desired to write. That said, the line from Star "She shrugged. "If Star [SIC] wasn't your wife, I'd be after her. No shit. But, she is, so I won't. Doctor's office."" is a statement that Patrick took as "No Lesbian Stuff." Yet another failure on the part of both Patrick and Star.

I don't want to blame Esther for a failure to communicate, and Patrick's failure to get her to open up is damning, but she never said anything even while she was reading the book.

In failure analysis there is a concept called the Swiss Cheese Model, which can be thought of as the idea that failures of an entire system only happen when failures of the individual layers (people, things, ect) all stack up in the same place at the same time. Any one of them not stacking and the total failure doesn't occur.

I do hope for a happier ending, but I haven't read other bits of the author's work so I don't know what to expect.

Teal Dear:

Patrick fucked up every step of the way, but that doesn't remove the fact that the sister is an abusive asshole.

I really like your work FSqueeze. You write proper stories, good sex scenes (nice variety, not too rushed and more importantly, terrific build-up). You take the time to paint the characters: their history, personality, feelings, what makes them tick etc, but it's your character interplay and relationships that really stand out. This one could go in a lot of exciting directions... although hopefully murder isn't on one of them! Keep up the great work and thank you, Amsterdam

A beautiful and realistic story. I love your style.

Very intense and delves realistically on a number of tangible issues in a fanciful way.

Ergo the obvious score !

Full marks *****

Pat seems like a good guy, inexperienced but not uncaring.

Ess seems like a sheltered, inexperienced young girl

Star seems to be your awesome bestfriend and hot girl next door bundled in one

Clearly the greatest and most telling issues of Pat and Ess's relationship is that both were(are) inexperienced virgins fumbling in the dark(which I think is perfectly fine, had they BOTH given considerations about how their lack of experience and knowledge might negatively impact that part of their lives and had talked about it!)

Its utter Bullshit to lay the heap of blame on Pat because he "Couldn't read the (sexual) signs" as he has no comparison, Ess never said anything and they always had sex in the dark, probably missionary style. Pat has potential however as he has a rather high libido it seems.

Ess is in a similar situation of inexperience which most likly lead to her misunderstanding the sexual dynamics of her marriage. Bring in the component of the religions upbringing Ess had and its clear to see that her lack of speaking about these things and perhaps just accepting them as they were did more harm then good.

Neither are to truly blame unless you can blame both parties equally imo in this instance.

Its would be outrageous to try and land all( or most) of the faults at Pats feet because he isnt some experienced playboy whos slayed a thousand cunts. Men arnt mind reading gurus or able to see/read emotions like heatwaves, I find the idea that men should "have it all figured out" or " to have known" or some other flimsy excuse unjustifiable you cant have the prince charming who shared his first time with you AND the experienced "badboy" at the exact same time.

TL;DR

Pat and Ess are equally at fault for the state of their relationship, no excuses. And its faul to try and blame entirely one person because of/ or the lack of their experience.

after reading (raised eyebrows, headshaking and frowning) 1-6:

nope no not gonna work

With this "thing" as a sister and this "woman".... Hard Reset divorce and also getting rid of sister dear (both are not working in their intended roles IMO)

MC isn't written as being a wimp or hateful towards the two women.... but he's also not described as someone who stands up for himself or is really close to his sister or wivey (behaviour, choice of words, thoughts)... he's more or less a zero line with scene-depending pings and doesn't advance the story in the slightest.

It makes the story annoying at best and head-shaking at worst.

the idea wasn't bad, but the execution...

Sorry, but after reading all the chapters, I think the author did a lousy job!

Why? Example:

-I guess he didn't want the sister to seem like a house-wrecking, stupid cunt.

Since she is the catalyst she actually has an important function but, also referring to other comments, she is instead the main problem of the story and makes it partly non-functional.... and hugely so!

-I also think that the MC should not appear completely mentally unstable (swings between murderous rage (rightly so imo) <> suicidally sad, lovey<>hate... moodswings).

-wife seems rather unfit for life and naive?! - partly she came across in the story as if she was only there for the siblings to have another sexual partner and less like a character (like an onahole with lines), sorry?

-and some other problems but by far the worst is the sis.

Intense...don't come across them that often at this site...Star really is a star.

Very curious to see how/where you take this.

5 and fave.

Star is a pornstar that ate out her own brothers wife, what a fucking cunt!!!! Esther needs to be in special needs that bitch is dumb.