All Comments on 'Estranged Aunt Helps Me Out'
by Serck
- 16 Comments
Anonymousalmost 3 years agoA very excellent first story. A few typos and grammar slips (possessive forms, mostly). But a good story told with an economy words. A little more description of why the aunt was the black sheep and how her story was different would add a little more character interest. Why did she dress the way she did? Why did she live alone? What would be the consequence if his family found out he was living with his aunt? Why? Not essential, but it would add some depth to the characters.
Frankie1952almost 3 years agoMore please, this only just beginning to get hot n sexy. 5 for your first story. Well done
Anonymousalmost 3 years agoTake time to read your story out loud and word for word. It will help you find some of the many errors in your writing...
Anonymousalmost 3 years agoGave you 4 stars. Would have been 5 but you need to read it before submitting it. A lot of errors.
Anonymousalmost 3 years agoSimply another very positive comment.
Wonderful back story, even though a bit shallow. More detail about the "Black Sheep" could make this more forbidden than presented. Greater/broader descriptions of Aunty, her body and general appearance might also help.
As others have mentionned, spelling, tense, grammatidal uses . . . And of course - read allowed and/or get a editor that you feel speaks well.
sp9983almost 3 years agoA lot of talk, and a couple of flashes and she fuck him, you could do better than that. Details, physical descriptions. It needed more detail.
Anonymousalmost 3 years agoit was a good story, but, stopped reading because of to many spelling errors.
Anonymousalmost 3 years agoAt the Thanksgiving meal you changed telling the story from the third person into first person, from past tense to present tense.
It was confusing and bad writing.
Stick to writing in the third person as it's easier to read.
And get someone to edit your stories.
LegallySaneover 1 year agoI don't see how he could fuck her after she keeps embarrassing him with her talk. Terrible story.
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