Eva Pt. 19

And Maria was a part of the problem as well. She was growing into a very beautiful girl and she enjoyed being open about her body. But she had to learn there were appropriate and inappropriate times to be open around others. That conversation would be better handled by Eva. It would be less embarrassing for Maria than if I talked to her.

That night as we got ready for bed, Eva and I had a discussion. She obviously noticed Drew Mellor eyeing our underage daughter, and she also caught on that Maria enjoyed flirting a little with him. He was a thirtysomething man. I understood a young person having a crush on an older man/woman; I'd gone through it as a teenager myself, and I was sure Eva had as well, plus Cammy and our other kids. It's natural. But there's a big difference between having a crush and flirting.

We'd been talking about it for a few minutes. "Don't worry, Jon. I'll talk to her tomorrow. Maria...well she's finding out who she is. But I need to set some limits with her. And I think she might be binary. What we used to call bisexual. Sometimes I notice she's looked at women a little more closely than typical."

That caught me by surprise. I hadn't suspected that possibility at all. "Are you serious, Angel? Because I haven't noticed anything at all."

"Sometimes when she see's an attractive woman, I see her looking closer than a straight woman would normally do. Some things she's said. I don't think she knows yet herself. I don't think she's figured it out yet. That doesn't bother you, does it?"

"You know me better than that, honey. All I want for our kids is for them to be happy and healthy and be true to themselves. I want all our children to love who they love and not to worry about disappointing us. But Angel, you have to talk to her about flirting, especially with older men, and about dressing appropriately in the right circumstances. I COULD do it, but I'm sure she'd feel more comfortable hearing it from you. God knows I'D be more comfortable if you did it."

"I will, Bear. Tomorrow. Especially with Laurie and Tim Royce inviting us to their pool party Sunday. It will be a chance for Maria and Vince to meet some other teens. I don't want them to have no one to hang out with for the next six weeks. They'll get bored and they'll hate it here without really giving it a chance."

I was satisfied for the time, but something else was nagging me, something I wanted to talk about. "Eva, honey, do you think our kids have used drugs? Or specifically, are they using drugs? Even grass?"

"Why are you bringing this up now, Jon? I mean, we never worried about this with Connor or Rachel. I'm sure Connor never tried anything. He was too focused on getting into the Navy. Rachel....I know she tried marijuana but she got over that quickly. Again, she was focused on her music and wouldn't risk it."

"I know. I figured things the same way with them. They both had high goals from a young age. But with Vince and Maria....they're both so smart and will do fine in college. But I don't see the same focus on their futures, not yet anyway. If Vince is smoking weed, I'm not worried, even though he is underage. I'll talk to him, remind him Georgetown is a tough academic environment and if he's doing anything he shouldn't to think about quitting now. He'll get over it. Maria though... I think she's more susceptible to peer pressure. Especially with moving to a new city. I think we should talk to her about drugs again."

"I'll have the other talk with her tomorrow, Jon. Then we'll find a time in the next few days to talk about drugs. I don't want her to feel overwhelmed or ganged up on. Oh, and I don't want that bastard Drew Mellor in our home again. I won't take it out on his wife. But he's not welcome here."

"Hey, Angel, you know what? You called this our 'home'. Not our house. Our home." My arm went around her waist and she moved closer to me. "We're not there yet, but I do like this house. It has a warm feeling. And I really do love having a pool." I smiled at her and she returned it, making me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

"It will be our home soon, Bear. I love you so very much. That's what makes a house a home. The love inside it. " We kissed, a couple of quick ones, then a much bigger kiss. "You know, we've been so busy, and so tired at night. We're here five days and we haven't broken this house in yet."

"Well, shame on us. That means I've been neglecting my wife as well as my husbandly duties."

"That's ok. I'm very forgiving. I'll just let you make it up to me....stud." She said it with a seductive manner that had me getting hard right away.

"Now there's an offer I can't refuse." We broke in the new house and the new bed. Twice. I guess we were feeling invigorated.

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That Sunday pool party at the Royce's was fun. Eva and I were in kind of a strange position. We almost never socialized with our teachers back in Pennsylvania because it could make for difficult situations, socializing with the people we were supervising. It was the same thing here but it was tougher here, being early summer. There was not much opportunity to meet new people in early July; we could join a synagogue but not until September. We didn't have anyone or anywhere to meet people. Besides, we didn't want to be rude to these nice people. So we went, we brought our children, flowers and a couple of bottles of wine, and we all had a good time. Vince hit it off with a girl, Donna, who was going to be a senior this coming year, and Maria met some girls her age who invited her to go cycling during the week. That meant a trip to the bicycle store on Monday for a new bike and helmet, plus some clothes, a thousand dollars plus. I grumbled good naturedly that she better ride it everywhere while the weather allowed.

August 1st, with our new home almost completely set up, Eva and I went into the school to start setting up for the year and learning our way around. Maria came with us to check out her new school and help us with small errands, like making copies, getting drinks etc. Gopher work. We met the office staff and the two assistant principals. So far, so good. We re-read everyone's files, and then read them again. We wanted to be familiar with every teachers' background and evaluations before they came in the following week, ten days before school started.

The first day with the teachers, August 8th, we started out by having a meeting with everyone in a small auditorium designed for staff meetings. Eva and I introduced ourselves, spoke about our background and our teaching philosophy. We promised that every teacher would have the Fall semester to demonstrate whether they should be kept on going forward or let go. If they hadn't been performing well, they had a few months to get their act together. That was the stick. Then the carrot. We let them know everyone's salary was going up 8%, including office and support staff (groundskeepers, custodial etc.). It was a good morale booster and brought some applause and smiles.

The next two days we did workshops that taught how we expected situations to be handled. Conflicts with parents, conflicts with students. Methods of engaging with students for those who had been not connecting. A whole host of issues. We brought in lunch every day from a local restaurant or sandwich place, at our own expense. We wanted to form good bonds with our new staff.

The teachers who were already considered 'strong' were no problem at all and they actually started to feel appreciated, which they hadn't for some time. The 'weak' teachers, who had been on the bubble, were a mixed bag. Some saw the writing on the wall and we could tell they were going to step up their game. But a few were just resistant, were going to stick to the old ways, and that was that. If that's what they wanted to do, well, it wouldn't be a Merry Christmas come December. If they thought Eva and I weren't serious, they were sadly wrong. We had a mission and a mandate, and we had three years to get it done. We didn't have time to be lenient with non-productive staff. And to make sure there were no surprises or claims of unfair termination, everyone would get a mid term review by October 12 so they all knew where they stood. We weren't taking any chances.

While we were busy with everything getting ready for school, we called the Dean's office at Duke and made an appointment to introduce ourselves. Dr. Ellen Miller had us come in at 5PM, the Friday before our classes started on Monday August 16th. We sat having coffee in her office and explained that we were new in the area and principals at Durham Academy. We said that we were Jewish and the Jewish New Year was very early this year (starting the evening of Monday September 6th) and we wanted to host a holiday dinner for ten students and two instructors, preferably Jews who couldn't get home to be with family, but a few non-Jews would be welcome as well. We also wanted to host a weekly Friday night Shabbat (Sabbath) dinner for a different dozen students and teachers every week starting after Rosh Hashanah. She was very appreciative, knowing a lot of students were homesick during holidays. And so that began a tradition that we kept up for our entire tenure in Durham of hosting mostly but not exclusively Jewish students on holidays and Shabbat during the school year. It was a way for us to keep connected to our roots and do a good deed for our new community. And it always led to some very lively discussions on a whole variety of topics. We would make a few chickens or a couple of briskets with all the sides, usually a day or two in advance for reheating with Maria's help. She came to feel more comfortable around our Judaism than her own Catholic roots. We came to love those Friday nights and holiday dinners.

Once school started, we were very busy getting to know a whole new group of students and parents. As had happened thirty years before, there was a testing period where the students tried to see whether we were up to the task or not. But we weren't rookies and we handled anything they tried. Practical jokes, fights, drugs (sigh), boyfriend-girlfriend issues or other sexuality issues...we dealt with it all. Maria fit in well. It helped that she made a few friends before school started so she wasn't a total stranger in a new school.

The week after school started, we shipped Vince's things to Georgetown, then two days later Eva flew with him to get him settled there. Maria and I would have loved to have gone as well, but Eva and I both couldn't take off a couple of days right after school started and Maria couldn't miss classes either so soon, so Eva went with our son. It was a hard goodbye, hard enough for me to say goodbye to my son for the first extended time. But for Maria is was extra painful. When they lost their birth parents, it was just the two of them for a few months until Eva and I came into their lives and they were very, very close siblings. As close as Cammy and I were, at least. After they left that Tuesday afternoon, Maria was almost inconsolable. I comforted her as best I could and after an hour or so, the tears dried up and she just cuddled with me on the couch while we listened to music.

"Dad, I knew this was coming" she said with her head on my chest, so much like her mother would do when she was sad. "But I didn't think it could hurt this bad. Vince and I are as close as twins. He always protected me, especially when our parents died. You know how he looked out for me, even though he was hurting as well. That group home they put us in...." Maria shuddered as she remembered that awful place that housed almost forty young people, some who were long term victims of the system. Those homes could be very tough, and the older kids tended to victimize younger, newer children. Charles Reed had told Eva and I about the home and how bad it could be. He had also told us that Vince was trying to protect Maria as best he could, and he was getting beaten up a lot because of it. But this was the first time Maria had talked about it to me in over ten years.

"Sweetheart, you can tell me as much or as little as you want about that place" I said softly, kissing the top of her head. "I would never compel you but you know I'm always here to listen. About any problems you're having now, your experiences back then. Whatever you need."

She hugged me tighter. "I appreciate that you and mom never forced me to talk about it. I did tell the therapist at that time and I know she told you." I was quiet; it was true, the therapist told Eva and I of the horrible things they went through at that home, with the kids permission. "I don't want to talk about it. But I do want to say that Vince was my hero. And I know you understand. Aunt Cammy told me how you and mom took care of her. I know you've told the story, but she really told me how you loved her. She also told us about the shooting back in Wayne. Something you've really never told us much about."

I reflexively touched my left shoulder, right on the scar of that now old wound. "I've never told you or Vince much because you had enough pain in your lives when you were young. It's something I don't talk about even with my closest friends, like Larry. It's something that happened and I'm glad I'm here, obviously. But I don't think about it if I don't have to."

"You know, I asked Mom about what happened that day, a couple of years ago. Vince and I. She wouldn't tell us much, but she got upset. Then she told us to ask you, but not to be surprised if you wouldn't talk about it. Dad, please tell me. I want to know. The only thing Mom told us was you were a hero that day to a lot of kids and teachers."

"Sweetie, I was not a hero. There are men and women who are, like your brother...both your brothers...Vince for trying to protect you and Connor because men and women like him defend this country, our homes, every day. But I'm not a hero. I didn't didn't save one young man when I should have." My mind went back to that October day twenty years earlier.

"Dad, talk to me. Please? I'm your daughter; I have a right to know about you."

I don't know if I agreed with that, but she really did want to know. So I closed my eyes and recounted in an almost monotone voice the events of that cool, cloudy October day, a little more than a month after 9/11. How Corey Romano had been an emotionally abused child, what he did, how I ignored the training we all went through to follow him after he killed his father. How I had Eva stay with Tom Sorenson and how she saved his life. And then the horrible moment in the gym, when I was shot and the police killed Corey. I may have been flat in my voice, but tears were falling down my cheeks.

They were falling down Maria's as well. "Dad...you really were a hero. You saved so many lives. My father is a real hero."

"I'm not, sweetie. I didn't save Corey. I couldn't save him." I was sobbing now, and Maria sat up and hugged me as tight as she could.

"Dad, Corey was in pain in a lot of ways. I don't know if you could have saved him. But you stopped him from killing any children. You took that bullet for them. I'm sorry he's gone. Any life lost is a tragedy. But if you had lost your life, Vince and I wouldn't have ended up saved by you and Mom. So in addition to protecting those kids that day, you ended up being around to save us as well."

I looked at my daughter, a beautiful young woman with smart eyes and a serious expression, more serious than any fifteen year old should have to show. And in that moment, I saw her future. Not the specifics, but I did see that whatever worries Eva and I had about her, about drugs and about not being focused on her future, were unnecessary. Maria was going to turn out just fine, like our other children. She'd find the thing that would make her feel fulfilled. I kissed her cheek and hugged her, her adoring father. She was every bit as much my daughter as Rachel was.

After a few moments I eased up on my hug. "Sweetie, you remind me a lot of your Aunt Cammy when she was your age. She was an 'old soul' like you. That's not a bad thing at all. It means you're more in touch with your feelings and your soul than most others at your age. You know yourself, and you see things in others. You have great empathy for other people. And you just made me feel better about that day than I've felt in almost twenty years." I kissed her head and she did the same back to me.

"Dad, do you really worry about me still?"

"Of course, Maria. I worry to varying degrees about all my children. That includes Connor, even though he's thirty eight and a Commander in the Navy. (Note: His rank was Commander, as most submarine Captains were, but on any boat or ship, the commanding officer is called 'Captain'. So he was Captain of his boat, but a Commander, three stripes on his sleeve and a silver cluster on his collar). I worry about Rachel as she travels the country and the world. I worry about Vince as he goes off to school. And I worry about you as you start to find your way in the world. You're my children. I'll always worry about you to some degree. You'll discover that some day when you're a parent."

.

Maria just stayed like that, with my arm around her as the stereo played. An hour later we fixed something for dinner together; Maria loved helping in the kitchen and could cook an entire meal for the four of us if Eva and I were too busy. While we were eating, my phone rang, Eva calling from Washington at dinner with Vince. We had a long, kind of sad conversation, sharing our phones with Vince and Maria so we all got to talk to each other. Then when Vince went to the Men's room, Eva said, as discreetly as possible, "I'm going to miss not sharing a bed with you tonight, Bear. You'd better be prepared to make it up to me tomorrow night."

I lowered my voice and turned so I faced away from Maria. "Ummm, Angel...I'm not exactly alone here."

"Oops! I thought she left the room! Sorry, Bear!" She proceeded to tell me about Vince's roommate and how lovely the campus was. She was coming home the next evening so it was only one night, but it would be lonely. Then Vince came back and we all said our goodbye's.

When we were alone again, Maria was smiling. "What did mom say to you?"

"None of your business, young lady. It was personal."

She giggled in a way that reminded me of Eva. Even though she wasn't our 'natural' daughter, she picked up so many traits from Eva (and a few from Rachel) over the years, that aside from her physical differences (Maria was dirty blond and really looked nothing like either of us) she was believably our daughter. Vince had picked up less of my traits, but there were some things, most of all his love of music. His knowledge of music was almost encylopediaeic. "I think it's cute that my parents still love each other so much. Out of all my friends back in Wayne, I think you two love each other more than any of their parents do. I used to find it a little annoying. But now I like it. A lot." She kissed my cheek and cleared the table while I got the dishes rinsed and into the dishwasher. Then she went upstairs to do her homework and I did mine in the library.

Eva got home around 8 the next night, wiped out from working with Vince on his room, the flight and all the driving both in DC and when she drove home from the airport. After kissing Maria and then me, including a big hug, I made her something light to eat and after she ate, Eva went upstairs to get comfortable. I sat on the bed, talking to her while she used the bathroom and sat at her vanity (a new one) and then she sat next to me. We kissed a couple of times before she said "Bear, can I get a rain check? I know I kind of had you expecting a fun night, but I'm honestly too pooped."

I kissed her head and then her lips. "I pretty much expected that. This weekend will be fine, Angel. We're not exactly in our twenties these days."