Eve & Lucy Ch. 02: Cast

"One moment please Amanda." She says. "Now, do you think you would categorise this as a problem or a puzzle?"

"Er..." I look at Sarah for help.

"Problem," she mouths at me.

"Um, I think it's, like, a problem?"

"Ok. Problem sub:Amanda 7," she says as she types.

"Seven? Have there been other -" I begin but Sarah nudges me.

"Just... don't," she sighs.

"Ok, Amanda, could you describe the nature of the problem for me?"

"Well, um, like, you know I slept with Carrie, last week right?" She nods. "And it was meant to be, you know, a one time thing, because we didn't think we were, like, both going to be in the play.... But now... now, like, I can't stop thinking about her. I mean, I want her, but what I really want is, like, for her to really want me, you know?"

There's a pause. She types something.

"Thank you Amanda. Now tell me about your previous relationship with Carrie before you slept together."

"Well, you know, she's, like, my rival. Well, I mean, she always got the best parts - Viola, Blanche - and I could see it was because she was talented. She didn't, like, not deserve those roles, you know? But I always thought she, like, resented me, or disliked me, 'cos she was always so icy, like polite, but also kinda distant? And I used to be, like, "Whatever!" but, then, after the audition, when I did my ankle, she was so lovely, so sweet, like she opened up a bit, and it was, you know, fun, hanging out with her, like, we both knew I'd get the part, so it was, like, we could let our guards down? And, it was, like, so... warm? So... nice? And now, I mean, her guards are back up again, and it's like she doesn't see me again? But, like, I can't not see her, 'cos I know what's under her, like, ice shield or whatever. And I.... I just, like, want her to... see me." I'm sniffing again. Louise hands me a tissue.

Samantha types some more. She pauses. I start to open my mouth but Sarah puts her hand on my arm and shakes her head. Samantha seems to be scrolling through what she's written, tapping away occasionally.

"Ok, Amanda, thank you. Now I would like to ask you a few questions. Is that ok with you?"

"Um, sure." I feel mildly unnerved. I always feel like I have to be on my best behaviour with Samantha.

"Can you explain what you mean by Carrie having her guard up?"

"Yeah, well, it's just, she doesn't, like, talk about herself. You know, she'll give the minimum amount of information necessary to answer your question. I mean, she's said to me that she doesn't, like, have time for a relationship, but then won't say why... but after the audition, she was, like, so full of enthusiasm for my performance and, like, she was talking a bit about her, you know, ambitions for the future. I mean, I could really see her, and she was just, like, wonderful. And I felt, like, she saw me. And I want that again, you know?"

"Thank you, that was helpful. Just let me write some notes please."

This is so weird.

"These notes...I mean, they're private, right?" I ask.

"Yes, of course. Now, can you tell me about how you had sex with Carrie please?"

I blush a bit at this; she's so direct. "Well, I mean, we were just, like, sitting on the sofa and then, like, I was flirting with her and then, like, she kissed me and then she carried me through to the bedroom."

"Ooooh, hot!" teases Louise.

"Yeah, it really was. I, like, totally wasn't expecting her to be so strong!"

We giggle a bit. "So, like, yeah..." I add, rather uselessly, "then, we, like, well, you know... had sex!" I whisper.

"I'd like to know more, Amanda, to have the full data set."

"Like, what do you want to know?" I ask, a little horrified. I'm no prude, but still!

"Did you go perform oral sex on her? Did she perform oral sex on you? Who went first? Was there tribbing? Did you use toys?"

"Like oh my God, I can't tell you that!"

Samantha blinks at me. "Why not?"

"Seriously, Amanda," Sarah says, "you should tell her. Louise and I can leave for this bit if you want..."

"Hey!" Louise interrupts.

".... but you should tell Samantha it all. She's the queen of lesbian sex, I swear to God."

"Sarah, please don't exaggerate or raise false expectations. Amanda, to be clear, there is no Queen of Lesbian sex; it is not hierarchical, nor competitive. Besides, I only have and desire sexual experience with Sarah."

"Yeah, but you've probably read more lesbian porn than anyone else on Earth."

"That was purely for research purposes."

"You don't hear me objecting!" grins Sarah, "seriously, Amanda, just tell her. Come on Louise, let's go wash these mugs up..."

"Aw!"

"... Samantha, beautiful, don't share your hypothesis or action points until I'm back, ok?"

"I can't see why I shouldn't but if you say I shouldn't I'll trust you."

I wait until they've left and the door is shut, then lean forward and gush out: "Ok, so, like she fingered me until I came, then, you know, she went down on me until I had another orgasm, then she sat on my face and came. Ok!"

"When you had your orgasms, were you lying side by side or were you on your back or on top?"

"Err... like, I was on my back." How is this relevant, I wonder?

"Ok thank you. Is there anything else you feel I should know?"

"Um... no... er, like, did I show you her note?"

"Yes, you did. I can recall what it said."

"Did I tell you that she, like, gave me a lift home the other day? Or brought in space heaters to the audition today so, you know, we wouldn't be cold?"

"No, you didn't. That is useful to know."

"I was, like, flirting the whole time, and I mean, she just, like, acted as if I, like, wasn't," I start to tear up again.

"Ok. Well, I think I could call Sarah back in now. Also, Louise, if you do not object to her hearing my advice."

Samantha gets up and opens the door. Louise practically bursts in and jumps on the bed; Sarah follows more sedately.

"Samantha, gorgeous, I think I should probably have a look at this before you share it with Amanda."

"Oh. Ok. If you think so, Sarah."

"I do." Sarah scooches down next to Samantha and reads her screen. "Yeah... ok.... Oh, that's... wow, yeah, that's pretty insightful..." I notice her wince a bit as she says this.

"Like, come on, you gotta share!" I protest, "I mean, this is my life."

"Yeah... hang on..."

I start to move forward. I can feel Louise following me.

"Wait, wait, wait," Sarah commands, "a little patience. Unfiltered Samantha can be a little, um, much? You don't want that babe, so just hang on?"

I sigh and flop back on the bed.

There's silence, just the occasional click of the mousepad.

"Yeah, that's great, beautiful!" She kisses Samantha. "I wouldn't have thought of some of these, so go ahead and share your action points, Samantha."

"Oh, thank you Sarah. Ok, Amanda, are you ready?"

"Yes!" I say, sitting up, "like, hit me!"

"Action 1: Amanda needs to recast her perspective on her relationship with Carrie and befriend her. She has attempted a rivals to lovers plot device, but this hasn't worked because they are not technically rivals, at least not in Carrie's eyes. In any case, friends to lovers tropes are far more common, more likely to succeed and more likely to result in caring companionship."

I'm about to ask why Carrie doesn't see me as a rival when Louise interrupts: "but just because it happens in the stories, doesn't mean it can happen in real life?"

"Actually, Louise, Harari (2015) argues that human society essentially exists only in our shared imaginations, in the common fictions we create, an idea also supported by Anderson (1983). The stories we tell ourselves are what we aspire to be; the friends to lovers scenario is popular because it is what many of us desire."

"Yeah, I totally agree," Sarah chips in, "that's basically the foundation of Sociology: we are all living out the stories we grew up on. Stories show us who we can be, what we can and cannot aspire to, and the paths to get there. I mean, if you've never heard of something it's hard to imagine yourself doing it, which is why conservative societies always try to ban books. Come on, you must have heard that great fiction holds a mirror up to the reader, right?"

I find myself nodding.

"Yes, you're right Sarah. I could never imagine myself as a lesbian until I had read about it," adds Samantha.

"Right... I guess that makes sense," agrees Louise, though she still sounds sceptical.

"Hang on! Off topic!" I almost shout, "I mean, what I don't get is, like, why you don't think we're rivals?"

Samantha opens her mouth but Sarah's quick to jump in. "Why don't you let Samantha finish with the actions?"

"No, like, come on, let her tell me."

Samanatha looks at Sarah, who gives a huge sigh and drops her head. "Ok, fine. But let me tell her Samantha."

"Oh, ok."

"Right, Amanda, try and see this from Carrie's point of view. You were pretty equal billing in Into the Woods and since then....?" she looks at me, gesturing for me to finish the sentence.

"Yeah...?"

"Well, what kind of parts did she get, and what kind of parts did you get?"

"Like, well obviously she was, you know, the star in Streetcar and Twelfth Night, like, duh!"

"Right, so would that make you seem like her rival to her? Or would she be more likely to see Suzy as her rival? I mean, she played Stella and Malvolia, right?"

"I mean..." suddenly, I'm speechless, "you know... uh....oh, but, like, now I'm Eve and..." Oh, bollocks.

"Yeah," says Sarah, taking my hand, "and that's an important part, but she's the devil, which is also an important part."

She's being kind. It's actually a much bigger part. Oh. Wow. Ok. That's a home truth right there.

My voice sounds hollow as I say, "tell me the rest."

Samantha looks at Sarah, who nods.

"Action 2: Carrie believes she doesn't have time for a relationship. Amanda needs to convince her otherwise. I suggest that we try to ascertain Carrie's movements and arrange for Amanda to meet with her and spend time with her e.g. sharing lunch times, working together in the library, to demonstrate to Carrie that spending time with Amanda need not mean forgoing other activities."

There's an expectant silence.

Louise breaks it. "So, you want Amanda to stalk Carrie?"

"Not Amanda, Louise, all of us," Samantha says.

"What?" I ask, perking up a little.

"I mean Amanda, that we will all help you. We can keep watch, work out where she goes and when and then message you so that you can arrange to be in the same place as her. Of course, it would be even simpler if you could persuade her to add you to a find a friend app. Perhaps, if you manage to get her to give you a lift some time, ask her to add you so you can be downstairs waiting."

"Oh, like, wow, that's a great idea." I pause. "You know what? I mean, as amazing as the sex was, I think that's, like, what I really want." I turn to Louise. "Like, you said 'Friends with benefits', but, like, I think what I really want is 'friends'. I mean, before we slept together, I was, like, having the best time with her."

They are all smiling at me. Sarah and Samantha are holding hands. They are so sweet.

"Oh! She gets, like, the 8 something train into Clifton Down during the week. I remember her saying. So, maybe we could start there?"

"Good idea," Sarah nods.

"I can do that tomorrow if you like?" Louise volunteers. "I can text you; maybe you can bump into her on the street?"

"Mmmmm. Maybe. Seems, like, a bit dishonest though. Maybe she'd like to hang out?"

"Can you call her to ask?"

"I don't have her number.... But, like, Keke will!" I pull out my phone and message him. "I mean, maybe if I, like, make it clear I just want to be friends, she'll be less stand-offish? I have been, you know, coming on pretty strong!"

"While naked!" Louise adds.

"Yeah, exactly!" My phone pings. Keke's sent Carrie's contact. "Oooo, got it. Should I call her now?"

"Hang on... there's one more Action Point," Sarah nods to Samantha.

"Oh. Yes. Action 3: Amanda needs to allow Carrie to do things for her and look after her. This will tap into Carrie's natural Top tendencies, allowing them to come to the fore and encourage Carrie to view her interactions with Amanda through the framework of Top/Bottom."

"Um... what does that mean?" I ask.

"Though this is not true of all lesbian couples, it is common within them for one partner to be the Top, that is the one who takes the dominant role. From your description, that was Carrie. It's possible she may be a Switch, but there isn't enough data to determine that. If she is a natural Top, then allowing her to do things for you will allow her to feel secure and valued in that role, and also for her to start to see you as the Bottom. As she is used to seeing you in a supporting role, you already have an advantage in this case."

I hear Louise audibly wince behind me. Yeah, like, ouch.

Sarah interjects: "Samantha means to let Carrie, I don't know, open doors for you? Help you with stuff? Buy you a drink? Little things... you know, like how Samantha always cooks for me? Tops often have this caring side, like they want to look out for everyone and take care of them; so let Carrie look after you."

"Oh," Louise says, "so is Sarah your top then Samantha? She's always looking after you."

"Oh. No, Louise, actually I'm the one who wears the-"

"Trousers!" Sarah interrupts, blushing furiously.

"Well, that's true, I do prefer trousers, but actually Sarah I was going to say-"

"Yes, I know sweetie. And I love that you do. But remember that we discussed over-sharing? I think this is a textbook example."

I knew it! They have a strap on! That was totally what she was going to say!

"Oh. Ok. If you say so Sarah."

"Yeah, Louise, Samantha is the... um... Top in our relationship, although that doesn't mean that I can't take care of her too. It's not a one way street. But to get back to Amanda, the point is to try to let Carrie take the lead. It sounds like you've been trying to force it the last week, and that's not going to work, especially given she doesn't think she has time. But if you find ways for her to look after you..."

"So, like, I should sprain my other ankle?" I snort in disbelief.

"That would not be a good idea Amanda," Samantha says.

"No, that's not... I'm not saying fake anything, just, let her take the lead. Like, if you do manage to get her to agree to lunch, let her decide where."

"Oh right. So, like, just let her be the man, yeah?"

"Kind of?"

"Well, at least she's got experience there!" I laugh. They look at me blankly. "Cesario? Lucifer? I think she, like, knows something about taking the male role."

"Oh yeah!"

"But... you know," I say, "Now we've all talked about it, like, I wonder if that is what I want? I mean, I think I may have mentioned that the sex was, like, amazing."

"Just once or twice," Louise teases.

"Yeah, but, like, maybe what I want is the friendship? I don't know." I pause, musing. I shake myself. "Thanks Samantha, that was, like, really helpful."

"You're welcome Amanda. I was happy to help."

"I'll, like, leave you two to it then. I mean, it's only 9:40, so I think I'll try calling Carrie now. What do you think?"

"Yeah, can't hurt," Sarah asks, while Louise nods in agreement.

"Aw, thanks girls."

We all hug and then Louise and I go to leave.

"Also, Amanda, I will send you a story to read. It's called "the Mechanic". You might find it helpful."

"Ok, thanks Samantha. Like, for everything."

As I close the door, I hear Sarah start to say, "So, Samantha, is there really no time for..."

"Honestly, those two!" Louise giggles.

"I know! Listen, like, thanks for being there for me. I'm gonna try calling Carrie now."

"Good luck sweetie. Come and cry on me if she knocks you back."

"Thanks babe. Here's hoping."

Louise flashes a fingers crossed sign at me as I head into my room.

I shut the door, sit crossed legged on my bed, hug my pillow to me and pull out my phone.

I bite my lip. How will she react?

Oh come on Amanda, nothing ventured, etc.

She answers on the third ring.

"Hello?"

"Hi! Carrie? It's Amanda."

"Oh, hi. Everything ok?"

"Yeah, yeah. Listen, like, is now a good time to talk?"

"Well, I'm babysitting so I might get called away..."

In the background, I hear somebody ask "Who's that?"

"Amanda...sorry that's my brother." I hear a "oo-oo, it's A-man-da". "Hang on, let me go into the kitchen."

"Sorry, I didn't want to..."

"Nah, it's ok. Ok, I'm on my own now, so how can I help?"

"Well, like, actually I'm calling to apologise?"

"Apologise? What for?"

I sigh. "For making things awkward. I mean, I haven't been listening to you. Like, you told me you didn't want a relationship, but, like, I've been hitting on you..."

"Really? I hadn't noticed." She laughs.

"Oi! I'm, like, trying to be serious here?" But I giggle too. "Anyway, I'm sorry. You know, I meant what I said before, like, before we had the best sex of my life, about really liking hanging out with you, chatting with you." I pause. "I really admire you Carrie. Like, really. And I'd really like to be your friend. I've found it, like, really hard this week 'cos I felt like you'd let me in after the audition, then like, you'd just shut me out. Does that, like, make sense?"

There's quiet on the other end of the phone. Did she hang up?

"Carrie? Are you there?"

"Yeah. Sorry, I just had the weirdest sense of deja vu."

"Oh right." Not sure what to make of that. "Anyway, I mean, like, that's why I think I've been so flirty this week. Like, I wanted to get you to, you know, let me in again, as a friend. But I didn't know how to do that. So, like, sorry for making it awkward."

"No.... no, you don't need to apologise, Amanda."

I pause a moment, wondering if she'll say more. But my nervousness gets the jump on me.

"So how old are your brothers?"

"Um... well, Charlie's 14 and Cameron's just turned 16. Hopefully, he's upstairs studying hard for his GCSEs.... Though I suspect he's probably just gaming."

"You gonna go all, like, tough big sis on him about his homework in a bit then?"

"Probably not. I prefer being the hip big sis with the cool car."

"Yeah, you're right: like, that sounds way more fun! How come they still need a babysitter though?"

"Well, I'm not really babysitting them, to be honest. They've got a little sister, Evie, she's six, so I'm really her babysitter. I mean, I used to babysit the boys when they were younger."

"So, is she, like, your half-sister then?"

"No, she's... I don't know what she is... well, officially, we're no relation..."

I hear her sigh.

"It's ok," I jump in quickly, "I mean, you don't have to explain anything."

"No, it's ok. My brothers are actually my half-brothers. We've got different dads. So, Evie is their half-sister. My former stepdad Jeff, he's Evie's father."

"Oh right. Well, that's cool that you obviously still get on with him and, like, the rest of your family. I know I'm really lucky my parents are still together: I saw loads of messy divorces among my school friends."

"Yeah, I guess that's one way to look at it, I suppose. Sometimes I wish my mum had just sorted herself out and stayed with him, but then I realise that would mean Evie wouldn't exist and that's pretty harsh because she's a sweet kid."

"So is your Mum bi then? Sorry, like, don't answer that, none of my business."

"It's ok... Talking about my mum. Well..." I hear her blow out a breath, "It's not the most fun topic. Pretty fraught actually."

"Well, look, like, I'm sure you've got people to, you know, unload on, when you need. But, like, in case you don't, I'm always happy to lend an ear."