Eve & Lucy Ch. 05: Show Time

There's a chorus of agreements. Mel was such a diamond, though we (or rather Suzy's dads) had paid her for her time on this occasion.

"Right, in that case, I will email you all the contracts now." We hear her tapping and clicking. "Right, that's away. I've added my e-signature. Please read, sign and get those back to me."

We nod. My phone pings.

"Ok, now, onto more practical arrangements. So, Florence wants you to audition for this show, all three of you - she seems to think that if the three of you audition together it will increase your chances. The auditions are next Thursday, here in London. Is that possible for you?"

"Hang on." I quickly check my exam timetable. I can't decide if I'm pleased or disappointed that I don't have any exams that day. "I have an exam on the Wednesday, in the afternoon."

"Well," wheezes Suzy, "I guess we could all get a train up that evening? We could all stay with my dads in Chelsea?"

"Thanks Suzy," Amanda says, "But you haven't told us anything about the parts or the show yet?"

"It's a multi-generational lesbian drama. Florence wants the three of you to audition for the lead roles: Suzy for Sarah, Carrie for Rachael, or Ray as she's known, and Amanda for Lizzie. They are hoping to line up a reunion between Lena Headley and Piper Perabo as Ray's aunt Jen and her girlfriend Lynne, and if they agree that will really pull in the viewers."

"Oh wow! Like, Lena was in Game of Thrones right?"

"Yeah. But you three would be the leads."

"Can you send us the script?" I ask.

"No, I can't, but I can send you the original stories that the script is based on. I think they plan to be pretty faithful. I'll warn you that there are a lot of sex scenes in the original text, but these will be toned down and there will be intimacy coordinators and all-female crews for those scenes that remain."

I want to ask more, but she hurries on. "I'm sending you links now. You'll see that there are eleven stories, but really, for your parts, you want to focus on Pretending Life is Sweet and Hope a Little Longer, which detail Sarah and Ray's childhood and adolescence, then the main story is Each and Every Corner, which is where Lizzie comes in, though my understanding is that they plan to flesh out Lizzie's backstory too."

"Um, who ends up with who?" I ask.

"Well, do you mind plot spoilers?"

"Oh, yeah, actually, like, good point, don't tell me," says Amanda.

"I want to know," croaks Suzy.

"Okay, well, Amanda, why don't you mute the conversation. I'll give you a wave when I've finished telling Suzy."

I lean over and mute the conversation. "Does it matter to you babe?" Amanda asks me. "I mean, it's just acting?"

"Yeah, sure, of course."

On screen, Suzy's smile is growing. She's rivalling the Cheshire Cat. I see her give a little soundless squeal. I feel an unease growing in me.

Joan gives us a wave and I click the sound back on.

"Girls, I am so here for this!" enthuses Suzy. Somehow hearing that does the opposite for me. "Promise me you'll keep an open mind?" Her voice is all husky.

"Like, of course." Amanda agrees for us, squeezing my hand. She still hasn't banished that speech pattern completely. "Now, Joan, can we go through the practicalities, you know?"

"Sure."

The rest of the meeting is basically logistics: where to go, how to get there, times, what to expect, what to wear, how to behave, who'll be there, etc.

"I think the writer is going to be there, so it really helps that the three of you look like the principals, especially with that haircut Carrie."

Joan has some more advice for us and also a few other suggestions of castings we might go for. Apparently, Radio 4 want Amanda for Women's Hour, and if she can stay on in London she can record that on the Friday.

"Yes, of course you can stay another night. You too Carrie. Hell, let's make a weekend of it! When were you last in London?"

At which point I have to admit I've never been.

"Seriously! Then you have to stay 'til Sunday. We can do the whole tourist thing. I'll give you a tour, Carrie."

"Let me check and see how the revision for the exams goes first, ok? But thanks for the offer Suzy." Honestly, if Amanda wasn't holding my hand tightly, I'd be scratching it furiously right now.

Joan asks if we've any requests, any type of parts we'd really like to do. Despite the obvious strain on her voice, Suzy talks for ages, but I'm completely thrown.

Drama for me was initially just a GCSE and A Level I thought I could get a good grade in (which it was) and then a chance to escape myself for a while. I never thought of it seriously as a career. I was going, no, I am going to be a counsellor helping people with substance abuse issues.

This whole conversation is so absurd. This isn't me. This isn't my future.

The itch along my inner arms only increases when Suzy pauses for breath and Amanda jumps in.

"I'm a huge fan of Caryl Churchill, so if there are any revivals of her plays, I'd love to audition for those."

Pinching the folds between my fingers, I try to stem the creeping horror from overwhelming me. She's talking about theatre. Being in London or Stratford or off on tour for weeks, months even. How could we have a relationship with me working here in the day and her working in the evenings in another city?

My skin feels like it is blistering and splitting with every word she utters.

"Anything by, like, Alice Birch or Lynn Nottage too. Or maybe an Aphra Benn revival, you know?"

"Ok, got it. Actually, there might be something coming up next year. I'll keep you posted."

We chat on a little more, or rather, Amanda, Joan and Suzy do. Just pleasantries really. I'm feeling rather spaced-out.

We say our goodbyes and Amanda leans forward to flick the laptop closed. Then she slides herself onto my lap, facing me and kisses me. It's not a probing kiss, just an affectionate one.

It does make me feel a bit better.

Then she does something that makes me feel a whole lot better.

* * *

We're reading in bed. It's a great story, though I can't help but feel that of the three of us, Amanda would be able to best relate to Ray and Sarah's childhood.

Amanda's hand slides into my boxers. I look up from my screen and see she's still reading. She looks up at me and then pulls her hand away.

"Sorry! I didn't realise what I was doing." She bites her lip. "The story has just got me hot!"

"I wasn't complaining."

We kiss. It starts to get heavy.

Then she breaks away. "Sorry! It's a really exciting bit!"

"Ok gorgeous, carry on." I put my phone down. The writing really is very good, especially when it's Angela's point of view. I wonder who they'll get to play her? I wonder if we could persuade them to audition Haile for the role of Andy?

Amanda is biting her lip and her hand is idly tracing circles on her bare stomach, where her pyjama top has ridden up.

Slipping beneath the covers, I hook my fingers into her waistband and start to pull her pyjama bottoms down.

"Stop distracting me!" Her voice is mock annoyed.

"Is this not ok, sexy? I don't mind if you carry on reading."

"Mmmmm," she seems unsure, "ok-ay."

"Are you sure, beautiful?"

I note the little shiver that runs through her at the compliment. I must remember that.

"Yeah." Her voice gets small. Barely a whisper. "Go on."

I slip between her legs. Her now trimmed triangle still seems strange to me after months of seeing her own personal lady jungle, but it does allow a freer access to her gorgeous pussy.

I take my time. I'm going to tease her.

I kiss slowly around her hips. Down her thighs. Behind her knees. I suck her flesh into my mouth, delighting in the catch in her breathing, letting it spring back, leaving trails of wetness over her legs.

I flick my eyes back to hers. She's still holding her phone with one hand, presumably reading, but her other hand is playing with her nipple.

Fuck, that's sexy.

Brushing my thumb across her clit, I'm rewarded with a little twitch. She spreads her legs wider.

No, I'm still in the mood to tease. I return to kissing her legs. They are fantastic anyway. And the smell of her. It's heaven.

I move my mouth up and down her thighs, coming slowly closer to her centre each time. She scooches down, giving me a better angle and almost, almost, managing to push her pussy into my lips, but I pull back just in time.

"Carrie, please, stop teasing."

Her hand comes to the back of my head and I feel her trying to pull me closer, but I'm not giving in that easily, still kissing around the top of her thighs.

"Please Carrie."

"Anything for you my amazing Amanda."

I surrender control, letting her draw my head to where she wants it. As my lips touch her labia I slip my tongue between savouring her flavour.

"God yes Ray." Ray is it?! I try to turn my laugh into a hum, but can't quite manage it.

"Oh God, sorry Carrie!"

"I'll play Ray for you baby," I purr. Then I return my mouth to the task at hand. My hand too.

* * *

"So which bit were you reading that was getting you so hot?" I ask later as we cuddle in our post orgasmic glow.

"Are you sure you want me to plot spoil?"

"You can't be that far ahead of me."

"Um. I kinda have a confession: I skipped straight to the bit with Lizzie. Sorry. I figured I'd go back afterwards, but I wanted to see what my character was like so I can start building her profile in my head. I need to practise my Yorkshire accent."

"Ok. Well just give me the gist."

"Well, um, she ends up cuddling Sarah in bed because Ray is away and Sarah's upset. Ray asks her to. Then Ray gets back and it's all very platonic and lovely but, yeah, wow, the sexual tension."

Suddenly, the relaxed feeling our orgasms gave me vanishes and I'm imagining myself as Ray coming in to find Suzy and Amanda in bed together. I know this is hypocritical - Suzy and I will have plenty of sex scenes together if we land these parts - but I can't help it. My skin tightens and I fight to stop myself from scratching.

"Are you ok?" she asks.

"Of course," I lie. I kiss her before she can ask more questions.

* * *

All the revision seems to pay off and my exam on Wednesday goes fine. This despite the fact that Amanda insisted on doing to me what I did to her while I tried to read through my notes the night before.

Anyway, I feel pleased with how it goes. I only need a 2:1 to get on my course, but I may have even done well enough for a first. My dissertation got 73, so the Maths may be in my favour.

I walk out to meet Amanda and Suzy, who are waiting outside with our bags. I see them first and note how close Suzy is to Amanda. It makes my hands hot.

Suzy's eyes flick in my direction and Amanda is spinning and moving towards me.

"How was it sexy? Did you ace it?"

"I don't know about acing it, but the questions were what I'd anticipated and I was happy with what I wrote."

"I'm sure you did brilliantly." She wraps her arms around me and kisses me deeply. "I love you."

"I love you too."

"The Uber's here you two!"

Suzy's quick to jump in the back seat, pulling Amanda in with her, not bothering to put their bags in the boot. I contemplate squeezing in the back too, but that just seems silly.

Reluctantly getting into the front seat of the car, I wonder again, like I have been repeatedly for the last few days, what I am doing.

I can't move to London!

I've got my course starting here in September: filming is meant to begin then. This is what I've been working towards since I was a teenager, determined to fix other families so they wouldn't break like mine.

My skin feels too tight, like it might split.

And how can I leave my Mum? Yeah, it seems like she's in a good place right now, but that only means that the crash will be that much worse when it comes.

There are ants crawling under my clothes now.

The closer we get to Temple Meads, the more nauseous I feel. There's a dread in me, a fear. I'm at the threshold of something I cannot bring myself to cross.

Soon, I am literally crossing that liminal space, as our tickets are scanned through the barriers and we make our way through the underpass to the platform. I want to bolt and run, but Amanda has my hand and my heart, for all that Suzy is monopolising her attention.

The train is coming up from somewhere South, so we have a short wait at the platform.

When it does squeal and hiss to a stop, I find I am frozen. I can't make a decision, so my body revolts against movement. If the moment passes, I can avoid deciding, right?

Amanda drops my hand to squeeze in line for the door and I watch her go. She looks back at me, puzzled, and resists as Suzy tries to get her on.

"Carrie, what's the matter?"

"Amanda, I'm sorry. I can't do it. I can't go to London."

Moving back to me, she takes my hand, running her thumb over my knuckles. "I understand. I know. It's a big step. But it's not for certain. Come and see. You can always turn the part down."

I nod. She's right.

The whistle blows.

"Come on!"

I go to follow her, but as she steps onto the train, I slam the door behind her.

Her face in the window is full of shock and fear as she wrestles with the door, but the automatic locking system has kicked in.

She's banging on the window, yelling that she loves me as the train pulls away.

My heart feels broken, but my skin feels whole. Will this always be a choice I need to make?

* * *

Shoulders slumped, I put my key in the lock.

Gran's shocked face greets me on the other side.

"Carrie? What are you doing here? Aren't you meant to be on a train?"

Mum comes down the stairs.

"I couldn't do it."

"What!?"

"What do you mean?"

"What the hell are you talking about Carrie?"

They are both bombarding me with questions. I can barely think. They chase me through to the kitchen where I down a glass of water.

"Stop, stop! Look, it just seemed like a waste of time. The shoot would be in London, but I need to be here because..." I can't look at Mum, can't hold her eye. She's why I need to be here.

But they know.

"No you don't," Gran starts. "She's my daughter, not yours."

"Yes but-" I begin.

"No! I wasn't there before because your Grandad was sick, but this time I will be, so you don't-"

"I'm moving to Gloucester!" Georgie shouts.

"What?" Gran and I say simultaneously.

"Bex asked me to move in with her. It's stupid just seeing each other at weekends, especially as that's the best time for me to see Charlie and Cameron."

"When did you decide this?" I'm stunned and slump into a chair.

"Just now. I mean, she asked me two weeks ago and I've been mulling it over, but if me staying here is going to trap you here too, then that's it decided." She sighs and looks at me lovingly. "It's time we both started living our best lives, Carrie."

"But, my course is going-"

"Oh fuck your course, Carrie! You are a talented actress and you don't need to define yourself by helping others."

"But, I've got my place and-"

"That course will still be there next year! Now, get your fucking bag and get in the fucking car right now! I'm driving you."

I glance to Gran for support. But instead of admonishing Mum, she puts her hand on my shoulder and says, "Carrie, so help me, if you don't do what your mother says then you can just fuck right off and live somewhere else. Get in the fucking car!"

I gasp in shock, and then they are both dragging me to the GT.

"Here's your bag. Right, have you got your phone?"

"Yes."

"Wallet?"

"Yes."

"Do you have directions to the place in London?"

"Yes."

"Now go get your girl Carrie." Gran kisses me on the cheek, then shuts the door and moves back to the house to wave us off.

"Look Mum, you don't have to drive me to London. Just take me to the bus station or train station and I'll get the next one from there."

Mum starts the engine. She closes her eyes for a moment and just listens to the rumble of the car. She looks completely at peace. She turns to me.

"Carrie, my lovely, wonderful, talented, selfless daughter, I am your mother. I've been a shit one, but I am still your mother. Mothers drive their daughters to auditions. So that's what I'm going to do. Please, Carrie, let me do this for you."

I nod.

"I love you Carrie."

"I love you too Mum. Thanks."

"My pleasure." She pulls out. "Oh, and you'd better call that wonderful girlfriend of yours before Suzy tries to comfort her."

Fuck, shit. I nearly drop my phone. I call her number.

"Carrie? Are you ok baby?"

Her voice! She called me baby! "I'm fine. I'm so sorry. I had a panic. I'm so stupid. Please forgive me. I'm on my way now though. I'll be there."

"What do you mean?"

"My Mum and Gran basically threatened to throw me out of the house unless I came to the audition and now my Mum's driving me there."

She laughs down the line. "God, I love your family! Um, any chance your Mum can swing by Temple Meads before she gets on the motorway."

"Why?"

"We got off the train at Bath. We weren't going to do this without you. We've just got off a train back to Bristol."

I fucking love this girl. I can't keep the tears from flowing. "Mum! We need to go to Temple Meads."

She looks at me. "Why?"

"We need to pick Amanda and Suzy up."

With a grin, she indicates and changes lanes, so she can pull a u-turn at the next roundabout.

"Road trip!"

Epilogue. One week later. Georgie

"Hi Bex baby!"

"Georgie! Gorgeous! How are you? I hope you aren't calling to cancel on me."

"Nope, not at all. Quite the opposite in fact."

"What do you mean?" I can hear the apprehension in her voice. It mirrors that in my heart.

"I accept. I'll move in."

There's a familiar shriek of joy on the other end of the line. At heart, she's still that same girl I grew up with. Fell in love with.

"Yes, yes, yes. I love you!"

"I love you too. Thank you so much for your patience with me."

"Pah! I think it was the other way around. So what changed your mind? No, forget that, I don't actually care, except if your answer is anything other than my body I'll be cross, so maybe don't answer it. What I-"

"Obviously, it was your body. And your hair."

"-want to... Aw, bless you, you have learned well. No, what I-"

"Your lips. Your tongue." I purr.

"- really want to know is... Oh shush, stop turning me on, I'm trying to talk."

"Your eyes. Your arms."

"All for you babe. Now let me finish! When can you move in?"

"Well, I've given my notice in today, so I've got one month left at the garage. I was going to start sending my CV around to garages in Gloucester today, though Nicci had an intriguing proposal for me, which was that she and Leigh might be up for investing in another branch of With Her Wheels, so if I can find a suitable location in Gloucester and at least one other female mechanic, perhaps I can set up my own branch? They'd stump up the capital for equipment and the first 6 months of overheads for a 60% share."

"Oh wow, that sounds good."

"I know, right?"

"How's Carrie with all this?"

"Well." I pause for effect. "She got the part!"

There's another squeal down the end of the line. "Yay! That's amazing. I must message her my congratulations. Oh, how about-"

"All three of them got the part."

"Fantastic! That's brilliant. So exciting. So, Carrie's moving out too then?"

"Yep, Suzy, the other girl, has this huge house in Chelsea and they are all going to live there during filming."

"Oh la la, fancy. Although is that wise? I thought you said Suzy was trying it on with Amanda?"