by onehitwanda
It started a little too slowly for my liking, and I guess I was looking for something different. It's a shame, you have talent, but I dislike the way you enter into the story here. Take for instance the whole beach scene; it really does nothing for the overall story. Don't give me that 'it establishes character' crap. It's boring and leads to inane conversation between the two characters. Learn not to waffle and pad. Cut the crap, and learn about your craft. Get a better editor who makes you look at the work. Draft, draft and draft again. If you can't pull this back to three pages, don't bother posting here.
I had to put the sibling relationship out of my mind because I dislike incest.
Unlike the Anonymous commenter who disliked the way the story developed, I thought the early parts established the character and there was no part that was redundant. I especially enjoy Wanda's ability with dialogue and her descriptions of sex activity, which is erotic but nicely restrained.
I read it because it was a OneHitWanda story and she writes superbly. It could just as easily have been a story about two long-term friends rather than twins, but to each his or her own I suppose. Maybe those who like the idea of incest will enjoy it even more than I did.
Lue
What a fantastic job you do!!! Anything you write is perfect and I will eagerly read it. Thank you for what you do. You are the definition of a writer. Know... what do I do until you write another masterpiece??? Lol. Thank you very much again Ms. Onehitwanda !!!!!!!
I had high hopes for this one thanks to your other stuff, and you sure did not disappoint. The transition from mere siblings to full fledged lovers was so nice I almost forgot it was just 2 days, it sure went crazy addicting really fast. And don't get me started on the evolution of their feelings, it was simply perfect.
Now I only hope you'll get around to someday write the sequel to London Girl.
Meanwhile I'm giving this a 5*!
Excellent - most stories fail because they are about characters who I would not want to be, or be with. Your story easily beats this test.
If forced to complain about something, I suppose I would say that the ending felt a little abrupt, but only a little. I'm always ecstatic to see that you've produced another story, and I always find myself hoping for more at the end.
A little long, but the character build up was great as was the banter back and forth. Good ending.
Honestly I don't think you could write a bad story in my eyes and I know many others.
Well developed characters, very good..
The end ended very quickly, but I gave you 5 stars..
Your grasp of and demonstration of the building tension made this an awesome page-turner. You obviously understand the importance of sensuality when it comes to crafting a sexy story. Even though the reader can guess what will eventually happen, the tension you kept growing through the story made it impossible to put down. In a perfect world, porn would be written and produced like this instead of the all bums, tits and dicks that is the porn staple nowadays. Thank you for a great story.
I have been reading stories on here for years, and this rates in the top of what I have read. The way you lay out the scenes it's like reading a movie. It's so fluid and beautiful that it paints a perfect picture. The way you build up the tension, and make it so realistic it could happen just the way you described, is amazing. If you wrote a novel like this I personally think it would be a best seller easily. Please continue writing you're truly gifted.
Just a wonderful read.. Can't thank you enough or beg you enough for more.. Just a great story
Oh please, Wanda, please wrie a follow-up story of Shannon and Oliver!
The story sucked me in nicely. I wanted to yell, "Just FUCK already!" I knew right away that if I waited, they would fuck and it would be good. I haven't read a really good brother/sister story in a long time. My dry spell is over along with the brother and sister. Great read; I seldom get into a story like I did with this one. A five, a fave, and my imagination is running away with probabilities.
RS
This is worth a whole sky full of stars! This is the most well written story I've ever read here! Not only was the story believable, easy to read and oh-so-sexy, it was also edited to perfection and that's something not many people here take the time to do anymore. Great job! Keep it up! You've restored my faith in this site's writers!
There are great writers and there are great story tellers. You are both.
This is the best description of love/sex between twins that I never read in LIT!
The relationship of Shanon and Olly as described in crescendo until they arrives to the climax, and the way than is described is lovely, fulfill of feelings. If they no are twins, this story can be in Romance section.
Waiting more chapters of this story, I really liked.
5* for you!
I apologize for my English, is not my native language.
Dialogue, story, heat. This story has it all and is exceptionally well written. It was hot and sensitive and it's not all that easy to have both when writing. 5*
Excellent story. Definitely not too long; but then, I have a strong preference for relationships with my stories over having just a quickie :)
One of the best I've read, and I read this genre a LOT. It belongs in the Hall Of Fame now!!!!!
Wonderful....best twin story id read....
thank you for this 5 star story.....
The fantastic build up, the obvious close connection of twins that are such good friends and being so close when growing up, then the long separation, the return of Olly, slowly raised the tension be tween the two who were in reality were one; the build up to the realism of becoming one physically, the completion of the natural realm of life!!!!!!!!!
I am amazed at your skill. Character, sentence construction, believable interactions. Always a delight to read one of your tales. Thank you for sharing! 5*
Far and away the best story I have read on this site, as well as any other site of this type. I look forward to reading more.
the feels...thank you for another great story from one of literoticas best...keep writing...
Brilliant writing! Another few chapters would be most welcome.
Among the very best.
Thanks for your submission!
I will now have to look into the other stuff you've posted.
So well written! It gave enough to be relatable and still wonderfully erotica. It was very eloquently drafted.
Easy to follow, but you need to put more in for the girl as it is written from her perspective. If it had been done as 3rd person POV then I would have said it was great.
It is exceedingly rare that I leave feedback, but felt compelled to do so with this story. The depth and build up of this story, long and slow, makes for an engaging read, and the characters involved were brought to vivid life with real world and deeply felt relateable problems. Everything about this story felt right to me, and engaged me like very few stories ever have. Look forward to reading more from this author.
As always, very well written. Shelter in an intimate relationship from sometimes uncontrollable forces outside. Keep them coming.
...& I can't wait for the 10th & the 11th & the 12th... & the 100th! :) Just keep 'em comin'...
~MD
This is the second story of yours I've read and I am going to read all of them! Perfect and beautiful! Incest in the natural way it occurs! Again, thank you so much!
It's very well written, as always, but it's basically a rehash of Elysium, with only the names, setting and point of view changed. If you want to improve, try something really different.
Beautifully written. Sensuous and delicious. Thanks for sharing your wonderful talent.
Don't get off watching two lesbos. they get off seeing two women naked to possibly fuck. IF they reject him, as for me, I will gladly leave the two to their mental illness. Do what ever knocks you out skanks.... shaved pussy??? I prefer a woman not a 12 year old. No hair in my teeth means I haven't had a real pussy...LOL!
If this author isn't aware that he/she is in the #1 spot in the hall of fame. Congrats!
I loved it. You do amazing work. Please expand on the story. I would love to see the relationship develope.9
I got so lost in the words and content of the story. Very vivid, very hot. Shall be checking out your other work. Hope for another chapter to this!
I had my girlfriend read this and she claimed that at the end, when the main character asks her brother to stop and he responded with a simple "no" that it is just like what I do in the situation.
Furthermore I will now look for a part 2 on your profile, I haven't looked yet. And I will be disappointed if there is not a second part to this story.
And the part when he says that he wouldn't have sex with her, then she starts feeling bad, his response hit this whole story to home for me.
If I could only have a twin and be as close as they were. This story is so hot! If only I had a brother.
Have to re-read to savor the intensity and the climax. Hemmingwayish!
Great story! I loved the slow and intense build up. I could see everythimh perfectly in my minds eye. Best line of it all for me was: "I'm going to make love to you." This described the relationship and love between them perfectly. Thanx!
Incredibly well-written. Amazing character and relationship development, seamless story flow, delicious love scenes, and just the right touch of emotion. Well done. I'm a fan of your writing.
What a wonderful well done piece of work you have give us. Loved it and can't wait to read more of your work. Thanks a bunch
Very nicely done. Intelligent and erotic. I liked the slow buildup to the very explicit sex at the end. I'll think of this for the next story I write.
Usually I read something that quick into the sex and what not but this... this was something else. I didn't want this to end. The build up was awesome and the story line was beautiful. You have an amazing talent for writing. I sincerely hope you write another story about Shan and olly :)
Such a nice read, and such nicely formed characters. I really do like reading pieces where I feel like I'm falling a little bit in love with the characters, and I did here. Five stars for sure.
That's the hottest, most sensuous stories I've ever read: tt made me ache for my late wife. Thank you, thank you, thank you. More, please...
You, my friend, have a gift. The story telling was exquisite, from the build up to the detail to the characterisation to the small teases half way through to keep the reader intrigued... This is fantastic as a story, masterfully written. I simply cannot praise you Enough for you his. 5 stars!
..., much more!
Because you really know how to build up, slowly, steadily, and with an absolutely incredible finish.
I love your style, and would love to see a lot more of it.
A well earned 5 Stars, and another instant Favorite.
Thank you, very much.
You have given this 87 year old great grand father memories of the wonders of youth.
"Those were the years my friend, we thought they would never end"...
You are a fine writer.
Wonderful!
Hard to continue, but please write more about siblings and twins. J.
I have been reading stories on this site for well over 10 years, but this is the first time I've read one of your stories. I can't recall ever having enjoyed the prose of a Literotica story as much as I enjoyed yours in this one. Beautifully written. Well paced. The relationship was believable and the characters were well developed. And very erotic, too. Bravo.
WoW....just wow ,This story was fucking AMAZING ^_^!!!!!!!!!!!
Love how u built up the character's and kept us on our toes driving our minds crazy thinking a 100 times "When will they fuck" then I kept telling myself have patience for only the best comes after a long wait.....And I was absolutely right . .....The scene keeps repeating rapidly in my head like a live show . *_*....5 star...heck this deserves 50,000 stars ;)
The highest praise I can give is the deep desperate want for More!
J
That was so provocative, some parts had me smirking, followed by a big smile oand not least but last had me so turned on it was buzzing.
Thanks for such an unequivocally one of the horniest stories i ever did read ๐๐พ๐๐พ
That was the most intense orgasm I've had in years. The building climax was simply amazing.
Beautiful story , strong realistic characters , Hot steamy sex! Perfect! 10 stars if I could!
Couldn't help but join in and masturbate as I pictured Olly and Shan and their sexual escapades. Plenty of lead up...teasing...foreplay...just the way I like it.
One of your best Onehit.........I especially like the fact it was written from a females perspective. I love knowing how females feel and what turns them on.
Thank you very much for the effort. Very nice read, I really enjoyed it.
One thing though: Tirol is part of Austria. South Tirol is part of Italy.
This is important to the people living there, there had been some very blood wars in that part of the Alps.
Since most of the American people don't even know where Austria is located, just take it as an unfamiliar chance to learn sth.
Had me wet, drooling, and ever so ready for my climax. The intimacy was well felt.
What a wonderful story. So delightful to read from the female perspetive.
Mmm, this is a slow burning singalong, if you take my meaning, heh. Sensuous, sexy, hot, needy, aching desire fulfilled. Scoop up my sister, buy a nice used sailboat, see the world, alone, together...mmm.... Think I'll reread the juicy parts later tonight when I'm wound up again! ;)
I felt my body, and it was hers. I felt his hands on my breasts, his fingers on my clit, his heavy body pressing me down, his cock deep inside me... All this following an amazingly erotic tale that was both exhilarating and comfortable, familiar. Agree with another poster that this is literature. You set a scene, a moment in time, a perfect place... Thanks for the many orgasms. A+
-a straight male
And it's reeled me in completely. I hope you find time and the inclination to entertain us with another tale.
just an absolutely great story. A lot of authors on this site don't always get the conversation interplay between characters right. You have got it perfect in this story, the conversation between Shan and Olly is just so real it brings the characters to life.
Loved the story
What I wouldn't give to feel that desired again... that wild tidal wave of untamed passion and love. Thank you for helping me to remember.
I am hooked on your style. You are a good writer, and I would love to read a published work some day!
The writting is great.
The story ... is normal.
Can' feel funny, hot, cute.
The writting is great. About circumstance, about mind description... ...
One of the best and a new favorites. This one rang all of my bells - best friend sibs that are respectful of each other, love each other deeply finally overcome taboos to share all aspects of their love. I love the slow burn build up and the deep love between twins.
I hate all of the disrespectful, non-consensual, especially non-consensual or sneaky impregnation stories on Literotica. You are the antidote, one of those few to give me a reason to keep reading. Five stars out of five. Please keep writing these sib love stories.
What a beautiful story of such a special love! One of my new favorites! Keep writing!
Nice build up. Good bro/sis story filled with love.?
Thanks for sharing.
This is my third time reading this story. It continues to be one of the best I've ever read anywhere! I am grateful that the author shares her talents with us. Thank You.
One of my favorite reads. I have read this story at least 3 times and love it more every time I read it. I wish you would submit more stories on this site.
Hard to find stories with more than just carnal pleasure. Good shit man.
I've read through this multiple times. I will read it again. This one is competing for my personal favorite.
Exellent. Good story development, drama, suspense, conclusion. Superlative writing.
Beautiful bro & SISTER LOVE STORY CULMINATED ,PAGE FIVE WITH A PROMISE FROM HER TO SLEEP NAKED FOR HIM 2 FINGER HER PUSSY or GENTLY PUSH HIS COCK IN 2 HER BALD NAKED CUNT !!
VERY VERY HOT STORY !! ๐๐ฎ๐ณ๐ฌ๐ง๐๐๐๏ธโค๏ธ๐น๐๐ ๐๐๐ค๐
Fabulous story! Don't suppose we'll get a sequel someday? It doesn't need one but I can never say no to more well written story progression.
Not at all what I expected. Given the ratings of this older story I thought it would be so much more. Sadly it doesn't live up to the hype. I'll try another, maybe that will be better, part of the problem is the story is so wordy and boring.