Every Girl in Edgarville

This is my entry in Literotica 2022 April Fools Day Story Contest, set in small-town western America in 1975. Don't worry, the joke's not on you.

"Want me to freshen that?" Peg had a coffee pot in hand with just enough coffee left to swirl around the bottom.

Abner pushed his cup across the counter. "Sure, why not? I ain't sleepin' any time soon."

Only the brightest lights from outside showed through the diner's big windows: headlights on the highway, the traffic light at Main changing from yellow to red, the flickering neon sign on Shorty's little market across the street. Inside, a young waitress bent over a booth to wipe off a table, and the salt and pepper shakers clattered against the napkin dispenser as she arranged them.

The coffee in the pot was hardly fresher than the coffee Abner already had, but Peg emptied it into his cup. He watched the view from behind as Peg poured water into the coffee maker and added grounds for the next pot.

The way Peg pinned her hair up, the way she tied that stained apron across the spread of her hips, even the way her red lips curled when she turned back and found him watching—they had all become familiar.

Peg stopped and watched the new girl work as a train rumbled on the tracks out past the highway. "You done your taxes yet?"

"I have a mess to file this year." Abner turned to look when a pickup blasted its horn. Some kid whooped from the passenger seat as it ran the red light, and Abner looked back at Peg. "More mouth-breathers from Edgarville?" He cocked his head at Peg. "Doc Dillon finally passed?"

"Did. Now it looks like I'm gonna have a little time for another book keepin' client."

"I'm in," Abner said, and gave Peg a thumbs up while the waitress tossed her cleaning rag on the counter and climbed onto the stool beside him. Peg dropped the rag into a bucket under the counter and pointed at the girl. "Abner, you know Jeanie? This is her second night."

Jeanie tossed her dark ponytail over her shoulder and stopped chewing her gum to smile. She was young enough to be Abner's daughter. That upturned little nose was kinda cute.

"How long have you guys known each other?" Jeanie asked.

Peg rolled her eyes. "Since grade school, and that's been an age. I've been here all that time, but Abner, he's been gone for a while."

"Must be good to get outta here," Jeanie said. She rubbed her forearms and shivered. "It's chilly in here and it's slow. Jake's even sleepin' in back."

Abner tipped his cup and finished his coffee. "Snow tomorrow, so count your lucky stars tonight."

Peg glanced into the kitchen. "Jake can sleep as long as the kitchen's clean and the place is empty." She checked the coffee pot and then the clock over the order window. "It'll be hoppin' after the Continental bus gets in."

The minute hand clicked past twelve, and Peg gave Abner a wink. "It just turned April. You could tell Jeanie your April Fool's Day story. That'll keep her busy."

Abner pushed his empty cup away. "Hardly anyone's heard that story but you, and it was years ago." He cocked his head at Jeanie. "Peg hears all the stories."

Jeanie turned on her stool to face Abner. "Go ahead. I'm not goin' anywhere, and I love old lies."

Abner raised one eyebrow at Jeanie then nudged his cup toward Peg. "Keep it comin', and you'll get a story."

Peg splashed coffee from the fresh pot into Abner's cup and leaned against the counter to listen.

"Guess you'd say I was a late bloomer," Abner said. Peg laughed and covered it up with a cough. "Mom was startin' to worry about me. I was eighteen and about done with school, but I was still a skinny, pimply kid. Didn't know my way 'round girls at all.

"My big sister, Megan made fun of me all the time, and mostly I didn't even get it. She was a piece of work, let me tell you. She was two years older than me and married a railroader when she was right outta school. He was gone a lot, and that left her with time on her hands."

"Her and that Sharon Saddler," Peg said. "Not Sherry, mind you. Sharon. They were the biggest gossips around."

Jeanie stopped Abner from going on. "Wait, is that the Saddlers with the big ranch down south of here?"

"Yep," Abner said. "'Sharon married into that, and that made her and Meg cousins. I mean, their husbands were cousins, so it was like they were family.

"They sat together up front in church like they were better than us, and if there was anything you needed folks to know, you just told either one of 'em. People from Sherman to Horse Springs would know about it in a New York minute."

A gust of wind shook the diner, and sand rattled against the front windows. "Maybe that storm'll be here a little early," Peg said.

Abner shrugged. "Could happen."

"Back in those days, the Volunteer Fire Department had a fundraiser every April Fool's Day. They called it the Liar's Auction. The idea was to donate somethin' worthless and give the auctioneer a funny lie about why it was so valuable.

"Like old Ms. Webster that year—she gave 'em a chipped tea pot, but her story was that it could conjure up a genie that'd wash your dishes and do your laundry.

"It was supposed to be a fun way to get some money out of crap that was just goin' to the dump anyway, but Meg got the idea that she'd sell me at the auction—or maybe it was Sharon that came up with that. I never really knew which one started it."

"You'd have to agree to something like that," Jeanie said. She looked from Abner to Peg. "Wouldn't you?"

Abner shrugged. "Sure, but they couldn't tell me the truth or I wouldn't agree. They told me they were sellin' me for window-washin'. I was OK with that, 'cause I wasn't washin' anybody's windows.

"Come the middle of March they started spreadin' a different story around so everyone but me would know their joke before the auction. They figured no-one would tell me, and they were almost right."

Jeanie leaned on the counter and looked at Peg. "This story has a long build-up, doesn't it?"

"It's a long story, dear," Peg said. "Just listen."

"OK, I'll play," Jeanie said. "What'd they tell everybody else?"

"Their story was that they were sellin' me for stud service. They said I was a proven performer 'cause I served every girl in Edgarville. They were makin' fun of me, and they were makin' fun of every girl in Edgarville."

"Wait," Jeanie said, and looked from Abner to Peg. "Y'all know I'm from Edgarville, right?"

"We know that hun," Peg said. She reached across the counter and tapped Jeanie under her chin. "Now try chewin' that gum with your mouth shut."

"It was the same then as it is now," Abner said. "We all go to the same high school, but sometimes folks from Grover and folks from Edgarville don't get along. It'd been that way ever since the two towns were built."

Peg looked up when headlights glared through the diner windows. A pickup stopped out front. Its lights went dark, and a thick-set man in a heavy coat ducked his hat against the wind and pulled the outside door open. He stomped his feet on the mat and bought yesterday's paper from the vending machine.

Cold air swirled after him when he stepped through the inside door. He looked around, and Jeanie said, "Sit anywhere you want." She gave him a grin and her ponytail bobbed when she slipped off the stool. "I'm your waitress."

Abner glanced over his shoulder, but he tried not to be noticed. "Know him?" he asked.

Peg shook her head. "Not from here. It's dry out, but he stomped like he had snow on his boots. Probably over from Wyoming."

Jeanie poured coffee and got her customer a slice of Peg's apple pie. She stopped with her hand on her hip to chat, and then refilled Abner's cup before she put the pot away.

"He came all the way from Casper," she said. She leaned on the counter beside Peg with her elbows on the counter and her chin in her hands.

Abner nodded to Peg—she was almost always right—and smiled at the view down the ruffled shirt that Peg made Jeanie wear for work. Jeanie whispered so her customer wouldn't hear. "So, if nobody told you the story, how'd you figure it out?"

"The folks had Meg over for dinner that Friday night, and I heard her tell the tale to someone on the phone. It explained why people'd been giving me funny looks for a couple days.

"I coulda said 'no' right then, but if I did, then I wouldn't have this story to tell. Besides, I hardly knew what that meant—servin' every girl in Edgarville. What I knew was that they were already makin' a fool of me. I stared at the ceiling that night and decided to try and fix it.

"I worked Saturday at the Coast to Coast, and people probably thought I was an idiot 'cause I couldn't think of much but what I was gonna do. I hopped the westbound freight after work, and the damned thing didn't even stop in Edgarville. I had to jump off, and it rolled me in the dirt by the stockyard.

"Dusted myself off 'til I only smelled a little like cow shit and then went lookin' for girls."

"Eew," Jeanie said, and wrinkled her nose. She pushed herself back from the counter and picked up the coffee pot. "Be right back."

They watched Jeanie earn her tip, and Peg said, "Best Edgarville has to offer."

Abner turned his stool to look at Peg. "Suppose she'll be around much longer?"

"Nah. She's goin' off to college. She's been outta school for nearly a year, but she stayed around to help her mom. There isn't much to keep a girl here or in Edgarville."

Jeanie handed the nearly-empty coffee pot to Peg. "He likes your pie. Said he'll stop on the way back and maybe try the cherry."

She sat with Abner again. "So, Mr. Stinky, where'd you go lookin' for girls?"

Abner snorted at Jeanie and said, "I didn't smell that bad. Had no plan, even after tossin' all night. The market on the highway was close, so that's where I started.

"There was a woman busy at the cash register. There was an old couple buyin' butter, and a lady that dragged her kids past the Cheerios. I was gettin' discouraged 'til I found two girls I kinda knew, laughin' over the cucumbers. They were soft girls," Abner straightened his back and cupped his hands in front of him, "with big, soft boobs."

"The brunette looked up and sneered at me before I could even remember her name. 'Dang me if it ain't Abner Johnson, the boy that's done every girl in Edgarville.'

"Irene. Her name was Irene. She graduated from high school the same time as my sister, but they weren't friends.

"The other one was Carol, and she stepped away from me. Maybe it was the smell, I don't know. She told me, 'Must notta been too good. I don't remember it.'

"I stood there by the turnips like some fool. I didn't have much to say at first."

Jeanie glanced at her customer then looked at Peg and jerked her thumb at Abner. "Was he always that slick with girls?"

"Oh, hun," Peg said, "you couldn't look at this suave hunk of man now and even imagine what he was like then."

Jeanie laughed, and Abner shrugged. "We all start somewhere," he said.

"I told them that Meg and Sharon made up that story, and I didn't want 'em mad at me for something I didn't do. I toted their groceries so they knew I was sincere, and we ended up at the diner on Main.

"Irene looked over her chicken fried steak at me like she was gonna catch me in a lie. 'Now every girl in Edgarville wants to get your sister and her friend, but why are you mad? Are you that put off by the idea of doin' a girl from Edgarville?'

"That's when the waitress shoved my shoulder and told me, 'Move over, Abner.' She had a stray lock of dark hair that she tucked behind her ear. 'You're the only table I got, so I'm sittin' down to hear this.' That was Becky. We were in school together.

"I musta turned red. I told 'em, about the Liar's Auction, and Becky laughed the loudest. 'Abner here hasn't done any girl yet, right?' She nudged me with her shoulder. 'The joke's on him more than it's on us.

"Maybe I got even redder, and Carol said, 'Now that's just sad.' She looked at Irene and she looked at Becky. 'Someone needs to fix those girls.'"

"They talked so that I could hear some of what they said, and some I couldn't. Then Becky got another table, and Carol and Irene pulled me out of the booth. I hauled their groceries, and they hauled me down Main to an apartment over the gift shop.

"We went 'round back and up some stairs. I was gonna leave when their groceries were put away, but Carol made herself scarce and Irene handed me a beer. 'You aren't leavin' yet,' she said, and she pulled me to the couch."

Peg held her hand up and said, "Just a sec." The man from Casper folded his newspaper. He left it on the table and Peg met him at the cash register.

"Damn," Jeanie said, "Now I'm trying to figure out whose moms Carol and Irene are." She slipped off the stool, brushed by Abner, and left to take care of the table.

Abner nursed his coffee until Peg came back. She watched Jeanie wipe the table and whispered, "Does she look like you might've seen her before?"

"She does, a bit." Abner said and sat back while Peg filled his cup.

Jeanie touched Abner's shoulder when she stopped beside him. "I was watching you guys. I think my ears are burnin'." She looked from Peg to Abner, and neither one of them denied it, but neither one of them explained themselves. Jeanie shrugged. "Irene just put you on the couch. I think I can tell where this is going."

"Yeah?" Abner raised his eyebrow at Jeanie. "The question is, do you want the 'PG' version, or the 'X' version?"

"The real story was pretty 'X'." Peg said. "Let's get the real story."

"I like some truth, anyway," Jeanie said and climbed back on her stool. "As long as we're the only folks here, I'll take that 'X' version."

"That was 'bout twenty-five years ago," Abner said. "Some of it I forget. Some of it I remember like yesterday. Irene turned on the radio. It started with the news from Korea, but it switched to a Patti Page song before she sat down next to me. That's when I knew something was up.

"She snuggled in close and told me, 'We're goin' to start fixin' those girls right now. Pretty soon, that big lie of theirs won't be such a big lie.'"

"I never drank much before, so my head was spinnin' a little when she touched my leg. I took a second to figure I should put my arm around her.

"Irene got all soft, and her breath was hot on my neck." Abner pointed to a spot below the line of his jaw. "Right here."

"Now, I kissed a girl once, but not like that." Abner watched the lights reflected in his coffee and swirled the cup before he looked up at Jeanie. "She was older than me, and she knew stuff I didn't know. You know how it is when things get too excitin' and shit just happens?"

Jeanie hesitated before she nodded and Abner went on. "By the time I slowed down to catch my breath, I had Irene's big boob in my hand, she had her hand down my jockeys, and I couldn't tell you how we got that way."

"Irene told me how much she liked bein' the first girl to get her hand down my pants, and then she had 'em both there. Took her all of a second, I think, then I was gruntin', and she was laughin' in my ear. I jizzed all over us."

"So that was the first time a girl got you off?" Jeanie asked.

Abner nodded. "Was, but not the last time even that night.

"I was in la-la land with Irene wrapped around me when Carol started tuggin' on my pants. She'd gone off, and when she came back she wasn't wearin' anything I could see but an old flannel shirt.

"Irene handed me my beer, and Carol said, 'Gimme these.' Didn't know what she had in mind, but I lifted my butt so she could pull my pants off. I swigged the beer and handed it to Irene, and Carol got up and straddled my lap.

"There was all that near-naked girl on me and so many things I wanted to do all at the same time that Carol and Irene both laughed at me. I opened that shirt, and my God, she was like some kinda buffet.

"That's when Irene got up and let us be. Carol got between my legs, leaned over my lap, and squeezed my dick between her boobs. I never even thought about how that might feel, and it was too much for me. At first, I didn't see much but that old tin-tile ceiling, and then all I saw were the lights behind my eyes. Didn't even know what I was doin', but I grabbed Carol's hair, and I sprayed baby batter all over her big tits."

Peg watched a car slow down on the highway and turn in to the diner. She pointed to get Jeanie's attention when a couple headed for the door. "Somethin' else to keep you busy." Peg waited until they were through the door and told them, "Just sit wherever you want."

Jeanie slipped off the stool beside Abner and nudged him with her shoulder as she passed. "You hold that thought," she said.

Peg waited until Jeanie reached the table with two menus and the coffee pot then she leaned over the counter. "How'd your taxes get complicated? You ain't worked a day since you moved back here, have you?"

Abner shrugged. "I'll work when I want to. Angie always did the books, so now I need help."

Peg stepped back and watched Jeanie. "Looks like she's selling 'em on breakfast. I'm going to get Jake up."

Abner hunched over his coffee cup and waited alone until Jeanie left her order at the pickup window. She took Peg's place leaning on the counter and kept her voice low while she watched her table. "So now you've made a mess. What's next?"

Jake snatched Jeanie's order, and Peg settled on the stool beside Abner before he answered. "I hopped the mail train back home that night, and next day after church I borrowed Mom's old Ford and headed back to Edgarville. I thought those girls had a plan, and I was goin' along with whatever it was.

"I waited on the stairs to Irene and Carol's apartment, and they had Ann with 'em when they got home. Ann was a plain-lookin' girl, and her Sunday dress and her pink lipstick didn't change that. She pulled her sweater around her shoulders, dangled her little beaded purse in front of her, and looked me up and down—mostly down, you know?

"Carol and Irene wanted me to go with Ann. I didn't want to go at first. Didn't see how she was supposed to do me any good, but it was their plan. I walked Ann to Mom's Ford like some kinda gentleman.

"Ann was as quiet at first as she was mousy, and she pointed me to a farmhouse on the edge of town. We coulda walked there, but I drove and she had me pull into the tractor shed where no-one would see the Ford. She started talkin' while we walked to the house.

"'Mom and Dad went to Florida for the winter, and they left me here to watch the place.' We walked around the chicken coop and scattered the flock of chickens, and she opened a gate to the garden. 'It's been lonely, especially with John drafted and all.'

"I followed Ann through the kitchen door, and she told me, 'We were gonna get married, but he got sent off to the Army. So we decided to wait.' She left her purse and her sweater on the table and hauled me through the kitchen then up some narrow stairs to her bedroom. She stopped in front of a mirror and turned around close to me. 'Damn if he didn't find some other girl as soon as he was gone.'

"Ann ran her hand down my chest then turned around and faced the mirror. She held her hair up and said, 'Undo me.'

"She wasn't askin', and I didn't stop to think about it. Something about her smelled real good. There was a hook at her collar and a zipper down her back. I never figured out how girls pull a zipper like that up, but I could pull it down.

"Ann slipped the sleeves off her arms and lifted the dress over her head. Maybe she was kinda plain, but watchin' her hang her dress in the closet, and watchin' her shimmy out of her slip was all it took to get me hard.