Everyday I'm Shuffling: Book 2 Ch. 03

🎼Habits

I woke up Sunday evening, stiff and sore from sleeping on the couch. Trevor wasn't on the couch with me anymore. I stood up and stretched, my head throbbing from all the crying I did. I headed to the downstairs bathroom and took 2 Ibuprofen pills from the medicine cabinet. I swallowed the pills dry. I could deal with the chalky, dry taste in my mouth if they would relieve my headache. I was already feeling confused, hurt, and lost. I didn't need a headache on top of all that. I just wanted to feel normal for once. Fuck, what did normal even mean anymore? I didn't know, but I was sick and tired of this.

I went into the kitchen, expecting to see Trevor. I was surprised to see Sammy.

"Good. You're awake. I was just about to wake you up. Dinner is served!" She announced. She had plates set with Boston Market's rotisserie chicken, red-skin roasted potatoes, cream spinach, and cornbread.

"Thanks Sammy." I said, grabbing a plate. She followed me into the living room. The coffee table was still covered in the junk food Trevor bought, but I ignored it and sat with my plate in my lap. Sammy grabbed a TV tray.

"No more junk food. Eating crap will just make you feel crappy. We're both going to eat and live healthier. I wanna tone up and if you're really done with him, you wanna be the winner of the breakup."

I wanted to burst her bubble about Boston Market being healthy. I didn't even wanna think about the calories in the creamed spinach, at least not while shoving spoonfuls in my mouth, but I was too intrigued by this winner of the breakup thing.

"What do you mean? Winner of the breakup?" I asked.

"Since you don't wanna blast him online, the next best way to come out on top is to show him how much better you're doing without him. Gaining weight is not gonna do that."

I shook my head. "I don't care about that, nor do I wanna do that."

I truly didn't. I loved Sammy, and she gave entertaining advice, but that didn't mean it was always right. Maybe I would care about showing how good I was doing if I didn't know how crushed he was. I kept seeing his face after I told him I couldn't be with him...

"...if you still wanna be with him. That's the best way to get him to come crawling back." Sammy continued when I tuned back into her.

I shook my head again. "I don't want that either. I don't know what I want. I think I'm gonna take some time to figure that out." I told Sammy, simply, hoping she would respect my choice.

She grinned at me. "I'm so glad you said that. Hurry up and eat so we can get ready to go out."

I groaned. "Sammy! It's Sunday. I don't wanna go out."

"Trevor said you're not eating and he found you, crying in your bed. He told me you shouldn't be alone so you can come out with me or I'll drop you off at Rocky's." Sammy threatened.

Fuck. I should have known I couldn't have fooled Trevor. "Since when do you listen to Trevor?" I asked.

"When it fits my agenda. Now, what's it gonna be?" She said, standing with her plate.

"I'll call Rocky." I lied to get her off my back.

"You're so full of shit. I know you're not talking to her." Sammy exclaimed. She walked to the kitchen to put away her plate. When she returned, I was still planted on the couch.

"C'mon. It's a party the Honey-Bs are working at a rooftop bar. I invited Patrick and Lamar so we won't have to worry about guys. Just free drinks, music, we can stay an hour, 2 tops." Sammy negotiated. "Didn't we have fun at that bar?..."

Urgh, why not? Maybe it will get my mind off of things. Crying alone definitely didn't help. I nodded, getting up to get changed.

"I'll let you borrow a dress!" Sammy called after me.

I rolled my eyes. I hadn't shaved my legs since the breakup and it was still chilly and windy so a dress on a rooftop wasn't happening.

I picked out a white slinky blouse and my black faux leather leggings.

With that settled, I took a long hot shower. I pulled my hair back into a neat ponytail because I didn't feel like doing more than that, so I didn't. Sammy offered to do my make-up so I let her. She was holding a black dress in her hands when she saw what I set out to wear.

"You're wearing this!"

"No. I'm wearing what I picked out." I informed her.

She sighed. "Alright. Don't be surprised if you feel outta place. I'm warning you it's fancy."

"We're only going to be there an hour right? 2 tops? I'll suck it up." I said, sarcastically.

She rolled her eyes but did my make-up. The results were flawless, as usual. I had on a full face, including dramatic lashes, contoured cheekbones, and red lips. I thanked her before finishing getting dressed. I pulled on my pair of red, slouchy, 3-inch knee-high boots. I splurged on them in California when Bianca picked them out. I was anticipating wearing them for the right occasion- A fancy rooftop party sounded good enough.

I went downstairs when the doorbell rang. I let Lamar and Patrick in. Lamar looked me up and down.

"Breaking up looks good on you." He said after I hugged him.

"Thanks." I said, moving to hug Patrick.

"You hunting for the next ex tonight?" Patrick grinned at me.

"No! Sammy said I'm dressed down so that's what I'm going for: low-class bitch." I grinned back at him.

"You look fine. Sammy doesn't understand subtlety." Lamar commented.

Sammy then emerged from the top of the stairs, proving his point in a little black dress with her cleavage and back on display.

They laughed as she flounced down the stairs, flipping her hair.

"What's so funny?" She demanded as she joined us.

"Nothing. Ready sexy?" Lamar asked.

"Born ready." She grinned.

We drove to a hotel in downtown Dallas. Once Sammy gave her name to the front desk, we were escorted up to the rooftop. It was swanky, to say the least. A DJ was playing top 40s music and the guests jammed out on the dance floor, lingered around the multiple martini bars, or lounged on couches. It was the 40th birthday of Sammy's boss's financial advisor Regina. All the bartenders were wearing yellow blouses and black pencil skirts.

After retrieving drinks, Sammy led us over to a section of couches. I saw that the couch was occupied by a couple, but Sammy still headed over. I saw why when we stood in front of Ron Jackson, the owner of the Honey Bs. He was seated and talking to a pretty blonde.

"Sammy, how good to see you. Please, have a seat." Mr. Jackson said.

Sammy sat beside him and I sat beside her. Lamar and Patrick sat across from us. Introductions were made as we settled in.

"So... is this a recruit? Why isn't she working?" Lisa, the blonde, asked Ron with a smile.

"She is, but she's a guest tonight." Ron answered.

"Are you an old recruit?" Sammy asked, emphasizing the 'old'.

I took a sip of my drink hiding my grin. Sammy was so crazy for no reason.

The blonde narrowed her eyes at Sammy. "No. I work with Regina. Ron and I go way back. Way before he started Honey Bimbo Bartenders." Lisa responded, giving Sammy a pointed look.

My eyes widen. What. The. Fuck.

"Bees Lisa." Ron glowered, shooting Lisa a scathing look.

"My apologies," Lisa responded, not sorry at all.

Sammy smiled sweetly. "No worries. I'd rather be a bimbo than a bitch."

"Lisa, will you excuse us? I want to take Sammy and her guests on a tour." Ron said, standing up before Lisa could reply.

Fuck a tour. I wanted to watch the catfight, but Sammy stood up and took the arm Ron offered, smirking at Lisa. I stood up to follow them and Patrick and Lamar did the same.

After the brief tour, Sammy left with Ron so he could introduce her to the event planner. Patrick, Lamar, and I found a spot to look at the view.

"What was that?" Patrick asked me.

"I have no idea!" I giggled, sipping on my second drink. "I'm so mad he stopped it."

We finished our drinks, then headed to the dance floor. We danced together for half an hour when "All Me." by Drake came on. I grinned and recorded myself singing the lyrics "I'm the lightskin Keith Sweat. Imma make it last forever."

I posted it on Snapchat with the caption:

I saw Sammy standing at the bar with a guy. He was older but cute. I took a break from dancing and headed their way. Sammy ended the conversation, getting his business card when she saw me approach.

"Hey! Who was that?" I asked her, linking my arm through hers.

"Some guy." She said, plainly. "You ready to go?"

"We can hang out a little more..." I said, leading her to a couch. We sat down together. "I'm having fun, especially watching you and Lisa go at it. What was that about?"

"She's a cunt. I hate women like that." Sammy announced.

"Who likes a cunt?" I joked. When she didn't even crack a smile, I continued. "Thanks for taking me out. It took my mind off Ja- everything." I cleaned up. I didn't wanna open the door to a Jake conversation.

"You know, you're a lot like her." Sammy said.

"Like who?" I said, confused.

"Lisa." Sammy said.

"I'm a cunt?!?" I asked, shocked that she would say that.

Sammy smirked. "No. Well, sometimes, but I deserve it. I meant like smart and educated with a career and beautiful. Why you put up with Jake's nonsense was beyond me. You can have any guy you want."

"Says the girl who's pulled more hot guys than I ever have or ever will. You already have a business card from a guy." I said, forcing a smile. Hopefully, flattery will get her off talking about Jake.

"Because guys fuck girls like me, they marry girls like you." Sammy informed me.

"Sammy..." I started, not knowing what to say to that. She brushed me away and flashed me a dazzling smile. It was a complete 180 from what she was saying.

"Good thing I'm not looking to get married. Let's go dance." She declared. I shook my head and followed her to the dance floor. We had a great time dancing and hanging out with Lamar and Patrick until the party ended. Lamar and Patrick were going to hit up a hookah lounge, but I begged off. I had work in the morning, and being hungover twice in two weeks wasn't a good reflection on me. Sammy came home with me. On the way home, I saw I had a text from Forrest.

Forrest:Rachel said we can have Keith Sweat played at the wedding if she can walk down the aisle to Drake

Me:LMAO Fair Compromise. Best I Ever Had?

Forrest:Fake Love

Me: Yikes. 😬😬😬 John Legend is a classic

Forrest:lol thanks a lot Lily

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At work, I had to admit I was feeling a little better. I focused on my patients to get me through my day. At lunch on Monday, Jordan showed me her pictures from the fair and the game. All the pictures of them eating food made me so anxious to go.

"You better hurry up. Next weekend is the last weekend." She informed me.

I got on Facebook and updated my status.

Last weekend for the State Fair. Who's Down? And before you say no or don't respond, remember I'm going through a rough time 💔

I saw that I had a friend request from Kendal. I didn't know how I felt about having coworkers on my page. At least with Jordan, we didn't work in the same department or report to the same boss. I figured that being friends with him would help me edit myself online, so I accepted him.

I spent Tuesday finally trading out my winter and summer clothing. I was keeping up the trend of staying busy so I wouldn't think about Jake. It was easier when I was mad, now I was sad and lonely. I treated myself to lunch and did a little shopping. I needed a light jacket, something nicer than a hoodie. At the mall, I found a Jr. Drum set as well. I texted Ethan if he thought EJ would want it while I was standing in line to buy it.

He didn't answer by the time I purchased it. Later on that evening, he finally texted me back.

Ethan: He might. Christmas shopping?

Me: No. I know he might like it shopping.

Ethan: He really doesn't need any more toys at the house.

Me: Ok.

Ethan called me after that.

"Hello?" I answered.

"Ok? That's it? No argument from you?" He questioned.

"Who am I to argue with you?" I asked, sarcastically.

"Never stopped you before." He returned.

"We were friends before." I commented.

"Lily... I told you I didn't mean that." He said.

"When? I remember you saying you were bitter, but not you were sorry or that you didn't mean it." I said.

"I'm sorry Lily. I didn't mean it." He repeated. "I wanna be friends. Who else is gonna keep me humble?"

"And buy EJ drums, which I already did."

"That's why you didn't argue? You went against what I said anyway? Why even ask?" He questioned. I could tell he was irritated. Surprisingly, that didn't upset me like before. It was pleasing.

"I did not. You said he didn't need any more toys at the house. It will stay at my apartment." I grinned.

"Until Christmas?" He asked, hopefully.

"Nope. Until the next time he comes over."

"Already rethinking this friend thing."

I grinned. "Bye Ethan."

"Bye Lily."

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After work on Thursday, I finally messaged Rocky. She was babysitting EJ after school and I was anxious for him to try out his drums. I also figured it was time to clear the air with Rocky. She texted me back, saying they would head over after EJ finished his homework.

Around 5, they finally showed up. EJ was thrilled with the drum set. I recorded a video of him experimenting before Rocky and I left him in the den for the quiet of the living room.

"Long time no see or talk. How have you been?" Rocky asked.

"Pretty shitty. I ended things with Jake, for good. Seeing him last week at the house was hard," I started accusingly, "but it made me realize I needed to make up my mind.

"I don't know about that. I would rather you take your time and came up with the best decision than rush into anything. That's why I was so pissed Brandon set y'all up like that." Rocky said.

"Brandon?"

Rocky nodded. "He feels so guilty."

"Why? He never wanted us together. He should feel proud." I said, sorely.

"He's not. He sees two people he cares about hurting. That's why he is trying so hard to get you two back together." Rocky confessed.

"I'm sorry. I thought you set me up." I sighed.

"I figured." Rocky said. "It's ok. I know you're going through a rough time."

I nodded. "Yeah, but Jake and I fucked up our relationship. Brandon has nothing to feel guilty about, but don't tell him that. Let's wait till after the fair. Maybe we can get a corn dog out of his guilt." I grinned.

"Corn dog? That's child's play. I want a turkey leg." Rocky smiled too.

We sat and caught up. I filled her in on the conversation I had with Jake, the history with Cara, and my decision to focus on myself for the time being. She told me what led up to the fight between Jake and Omar. Apparently, Jake wasn't excited when Omar announced that Kelly was pregnant. Words were exchanged- Jake said something about being glad Omar was having a kid so he would stay out of his business. Omar punched him first, then they were exchanging blows at the bar.

I sighed after she told me everything. "See? That's exactly why I needed to just walk away from the relationship. It's way too much drama for 2 months of dating. I'm gonna focus on myself for the time being."

"Amen to that." Rocky hyped me.

Suddenly, we heard EJ banging on the cymbal. Over and over again.

"Amen to drum lessons." I smiled.

Rocky rolled her eyes. "Yep, at your place. Hallelujah!"

I laughed, genuinely. I hadn't laughed since my last meeting with Jake. It felt great.

Friday night, I came home from a run, knowing the apartment would be empty. Sammy already informed me that she was closing at Dave & Buster's. After showering, I grabbed my phone. I needed something to do to keep myself occupied and not think about Jake.

I kept waiting for the day I would wake up and be over it. I was getting increasingly frustrated with myself. I know Ethan and I were never serious, but I truly felt my feelings for him were real. When he decided we shouldn't be together, I accepted it. Maybe because he didn't want to be with me, so I didn't have a choice. It hurt, but I got over it. I was ready fairly quickly to be Ethan's friend. I wanted the same with Jake, but as much as I tried to get over it, I couldn't.

I grabbed my phone and called Trevor. Trevor was my first-choice hangout buddy. We had so much fun together even doing nothing. I hoped he wasn't busy.

"Hey, what are you doing?" I asked him when he picked up.

"Driving to Austin." Trevor answered.

"Again? When are you coming back? You're not going to the fair with us tomorrow?" I exclaimed. I couldn't help but think of the girl that tagged him and Bilal in a picture on Facebook.

"I'll be back Sunday. I'll catch the fair next year." Trevor replied.

"Ok." I said, disappointed. Sammy, Corey, Rocky, Brandon, Rachel, and Forrest were all going to the fair. Even though Trevor never said he would, I assumed he was going with us. Now I would be the 7th wheel to all the couples.

"Are you ok? Do you need me to come back? I'm only 2 hours out." He asked.

He was so sweet to offer to come back, but I needed to get over myself. I was supposed to be a strong, independent woman. No guy defined me or my happiness. Besides, Trevor had plans. He didn't need to drop them for me.

"No Trevor. I'm good. Have fun. She better be worth it!" I said, finally.

"Who?"

"The girl you keep going to Austin for!"

"Why do you think it's a girl?"

"Because I know you T-Rev."

"Not well enough Lilypad. See you soon."

"Alright, bye." I hung up and called Rocky next as I raided the fridge.

"Hey, girl. What's up?" She answered the phone.

"Nothing much. Bored. I need something to do tonight." I informed her. I didn't see anything I wanted to eat in the refrigerator, so I pulled down a box of frosted flakes from the pantry.

"Have you talked to Amber? I think she and Gigi were taking the kids to a pumpkin patch." Rocky suggested.

"Uhh, no. I have little patience to play nice with Will-"

"He's not going. He's having a guy night with Ethan." Rocky corrected me as I poured the cereal and milk into a bowl.

"I still don't wanna go to a pumpkin patch. What are you doing?" I asked her, sitting down to eat my cereal.

"Remember how we were setting up Malik and Jackie?"

"Oh, right!" I said. I completely forgot about it until she reminded me.

"Well, Reggie is DJing a club in Dallas. Everyone is going so it seems like the perfect opportunity to have them meet in person." Rocky continued.

My heart sped up in anticipation. "Is Jake going?"

I would be shocked if he wasn't. Reggie was dating his sister. Malik was his friend. Why wouldn't he?

Rocky sighed. "Yes..."

I was mentally going through my closet, trying to figure out what I should wear, when Rocky said, bluntly "I want to invite you, but it's probably best if you didn't come."

"Why?" I asked, surprised. I actually wanted to see Jake. Maybe it would be awkward, but maybe that's what we needed to move on. Rip the bandaid off, get the awkwardness out of the way and see if we could be friends.

"Brandon knows Jake doesn't want to see you. Normally I would tell them both to go fuck themselves, but tonight is for Malik and Jackie. I think he might be good for her. I don't want any drama getting in the way of that." Rocky explained.

"Fine. Have fun." I said, sharply.

"I'll see you tomorrow Lily. We'll plan another girl's night-"

I hung up, pretending I didn't hear her. I poured the rest of my cereal into the sink.

Of course he didn't wanna see me! He was moving on. That's what I wanted; I told him that much when I broke up with him. My stomach felt sick as I thought about him being happy with someone else. I couldn't even imagine being with anyone right now. I grabbed my phone and called Sammy's number. Crazy as she was, she would know how to spin this so I wouldn't care.