Everything Looks Better Ch. 12

It saddened him greatly to think of his erased family, but it was the only thing in his mind worth evoking. Even the difficult times, which would creep unbidden into his contemplations, like a back-attack he didn't see coming until he was already hurting from its strike. Rough patches in their shared life came and went like speed bumps, but it was their unplanned pregnancy that turned into a continuous rift between them, always looming and building, leading to that one night when Raine came home early.

Auron had been feeding Basil smashed potatoes with a miniature spoon and Willow was in her booster chair, feeding herself the chicken he had already cut up for her. He heard Raine come in and she threw her overcoat over the banister, looking drained as she usually did.

"Mommy!" Willow cried, sliding down from her chair to greet her mother. Raine managed to give Willow a weary smile and pick her up to kiss her face.

"You're home early," Auron commented, expecting a drawn out story of how she got Colton to cover for her or how she hustled all day to get out on time.

She was still caked in studio make-up, which she used to wash off before leaving work, but she skipped it now so she could rush home. "We'll talk about it later," she said, walking by to put Willow back in her seat and kiss the top of her head. "Eat your dinner." She went to the stove to make a plate for herself.

With an arm like a gavel, Basil was impatiently slapping the surface of her high chair, her little mouth open in anticipation of her next bite. Auron was inadvertently holding the spoon just out of his daughter's reach, torturing her with it as he conversed with Raine. When he realized it, he lifted the spoon to her and she gummed it quickly, already eying the next bite from the bowl.

"No vegetables?" Raine asked.

"I made potatoes."

"Potatoes are not vegetables," she said shortly. "They're a starch."

Auron suppressed a sigh and said nothing, feeding his anxious daughter another spoonful. He was not a good enough cook to prepare vegetables in a way the girls appreciated and most of the time the greens ended up on the floor, in Basil's hair or in the garbage.

Raine set her plate in the last available place setting and circled the peninsula to Auron. Her perfume had worn off and now she smelled starchy of the office. Auron raised his chin to kiss her hello, but she ignored him, detaching Basil from her chair. Basil gave a whimper of aggravation, reaching for the fresh spoon Auron had scooped for her.

Raine kissed her rosy, potato-laden cheek. "I think there are some peas in the refrigerator," Raine said to her, emoting excitement in her face and trying to sound upbeat about it. Basil responded with another cry of distress, looking longingly at the potatoes, but Raine bounced her a couple times to draw her attention. "Should we have peas tonight? Should we?"

Auron threw the spoon in the bowl and whipped the towel off his shoulder, irritated. "Do you want me to feed her the peas?" Somehow, he didn't think this was about the peas.

"I've got it," she snapped, her tone much darker talking to Auron than when she spoke to Basil. Her high-heeled pumps sounded daunting on the wood floor and it put ice over his heart.

"Fine." Auron jumped out of his chair and stomped out of the room. He busied himself with some laundry in the girls' rooms and left Raine to chat with Willow about their day at the beach while she fed Basil peas on her lap. He let Raine have this time with them. It had been at least a month since she'd been home in time for dinner. He was beginning to know a little what it was like to be Jory, getting only her remains, after her job and the girls had picked her over.

Willow's birth coincided with the premiere of the sports show she was in line to host and the network hadn't been willing to push it back, so the job went to another sports anchor instead. It had been a year of hard work with nothing to show for it. When she couldn't have it, it somehow made her want it more and just after Basil's birth, another opportunity presented itself. Since then, Raine was working doubly hard to make this new show happen, staying late and going in on her days off. Before the children were born, Raine used to stay up late with him and all it took to put her in the mood was for him to rub her hip a little. But now, when she finally did come home, she had just enough energy to eat cold dinner, kiss the girls while they slept and crawl into bed.

Laundry done, Auron headed back to the kitchen, but Raine and the girls had already finished. In their bedroom, the bathroom door was open an inch and he could hear the running water, drowning out their gossip as Raine prepared them a bath. Auron removed his robe, hung it on the hook behind the closet door and stepped out on the back deck to watch the moonlight from the patio chair.

Raine was in her late-thirties now, looking better than he'd ever seen her, yet he still caught her at the bathroom mirror, examining imaginary imperfections in her face. After Basil, there was some mild pressure at the network for Raine to take off the baby weight, so they kept up their exercises in the morning. It helped Raine expel some of her work-related stress, but Auron found it only added to his, discovering the sweaty tension of their combat intensely sexual and she had less and less time to help him with his release. Sometimes, he wondered if she still wanted to. He was almost sixty.

And now he was thinking of Colton, always the natural progression of his thoughts after remembering his age. Colton and Raine had been working together since they were both sports journalists, competing for interviews in Blitzball locker rooms. Auron sensed Colton was sniffing around his wife even before Raine began preparing him to take over as sports anchor, when she was up for another promotion. Spouses were encouraged to attend office picnics and holiday parties, where Auron sat impassively listening as Raine and Colton chatted about work and Blitzball and season starters and anything else Auron knew little about. This year, they brought the girls to the annual picnic. Auron was convinced Colton was trying to impress Raine by spending the whole time showing the girls slight-of-hand tricks and teaching them knock-knock jokes, which Auron heard about a dozen more times on the train ride home. Auron trusted Raine, but not Colton.

But there were times Auron thought he should step aside. Maybe Raine should be with someone closer to her age, to face the challenges of growing older gradually as her age allowed. Already, Auron could feel himself slowing down and the girls were only going to get more active, how was he going to keep up with them? If Colton was their father, he would share Raine's sense of playfulness and have the patience to teach his daughters riddles and games.

Carrying a beer, Raine joined him on the deck, kicking off her heels before approaching him. Her blouse was untucked, the silky sleeves rolled up, and it was splotched dark with bath water. She had washed the makeup from her face, leaving her skin red and raw from the scrubbing. A gob of green peas was mashed into her collar. She nudged his knee with hers and he straightened to allow her on his lap.

She rested her head on his shoulder and toyed with the buckles on his collar for what seemed like an eternity, cradling the beer against her breast, pulling from it occasionally. He thought she might hand it over to him at some point, but whatever she had to say must have required the whole bottle.

"Did you watch the game today?" she asked.

"I'm sorry. We got back from the beach late and they were hungry."

"It's okay." She sighed. "I realized something today."

"What's that?"

"I figured out what my pull is."

Auron only frowned at the ocean, uncertain where this was leading.

Her head came off his shoulder. "Did you forget already?"

"Refresh me."

"That night at Rin's. I said Blitzball is Tidus' pull, guarding is your pull. You asked me what my pull was."

"I remember now. Do you still think it's Summoning?"

She snorted. "I think we both know it's not."

"So what is your pull?" Don't say Colton, don't say Colton, don't say Colton.

"Being a mother."

He kissed her hair in relief, detecting a little perfume on her still. "Of course it is."

"I quit my job today," she whispered.

Auron's heart stopped. "You what?"

"I...didn't get the show."

Auron internally sighed and his arms tightened around her. "I'm sorry. I know how hard you worked."

"I hardly ever see the girls anymore."

"I thought you loved being a Blitzball anchor."

"It was fine, but it's not who I am." She snagged his gaze. "Are you angry? You look angry."

He relaxed his face. "I'm...surprised."

She groaned. "I know the timing isn't good. The plumbing needs replacing and the air is doing that clicking thing again and we have those plans for a second bathroom—"

"We'll be fine. I'll swing by the docks tomorrow and see if there's any work."

"Oh," she said and her eyebrows knit together as she shook her head. "No, I have a meeting tomorrow with the manager of the Abes. She may have a job for me."

"Not playing Blitzball, I hope."

"No," she giggled. "I'm thinking about being a scout."

"A scout?"

"It's less money, but at least I can make my own hours. I mean, tournaments will get kind of crazy—"

"A scout..." Auron said again with a half-smile, getting used to the idea. She'd make a great scout.

"I know it's not as exciting as being a Guardian, but I appreciate you doing the stay at home dad thing."

"I like doing it, but they miss their mother. Will you be home by dinner?"

"By dinner? Baby, some days I'll be home in time to make dinner."

"That's a relief. Willow's looking a little deficient nutritionally."

"That will happen if you only know how to grill meat. I'll be home in time for other things, too." Her eyes softened on him. "You're looking a little hungry yourself."

"I've been keeping busy."

"Grilling all that meat?"

Auron tipped his head. "Mostly cold showers."

Her lips found his blind spot and his hand vanished up the front of her skirt, but when she started doing that swirling thing on his eye with her tongue, he knew they weren't going to make it to the bed.

Later, slipping naked and flushed under their covers, Raine stayed up late with him, chatting with him the details of the day: the snarky things she told her boss, the conversation she had with the Abes manager and how all the make-up artists told her she should have been the one to get the show.

"Who got it?" Auron asked.

"Oh," Raine said, shifting uncomfortably against him. "Colton."

The silence seemed very long in the darkness. Auron said, "I thought you were friends with Colton."

He felt her nod on his arm and a moment later, he felt her tracing the hair on his belly, stirring him. "I thought so too, but I think he just wanted the promotion. It is okay if we don't talk about that right now?"

"What would you like to talk about?"

"Nothing." She patted his chest. "Now lie back. Let me do the work this time."

In the morning, Raine had left early for her meeting with the Abes manager. Auron got the girls ready to leave the house and dropped them off at Aunt Naya's with a bag of extra diapers and snacks. "I won't be gone long," he told the older woman. "I just need to run some errands." He took the train to Raine's network station and when he left, he was escorted out by security. Colton's nose had been reset before the show's premiere, but the warning Auron had given would last him forever: "Stay away from my family."

Never again would Auron think he wasn't enough for Raine and the girls.

Already Auron could feel Raine and the girls fading from his mind, as though he had dreamed them up, their faces clouding over from holes in his memory. Wandering the Farplane, Auron never tired and never needed a break unless it was to disrupt the monotony of travel, but he was suddenly aware of the difference in scenery. Instead of the crunch of gravel, he heard the grassy whisper on each foot fall. Peering down at his boots, Auron found they were crushing several delicate flowers. The fog bowled around him like steam, ribbons of Pyreflies everywhere, but he had roamed into a meadow of lavender, red tulips and buttercups. At least he felt like he was getting somewhere; the landscape hadn't changed in several thousand foot-treads, but now the first signs of insanity were beginning to settle, starting with the laughter he heard in his head.

He ignored it at first, avoiding the downward spiral he was apparently heading to, but when he heard it again, it sounded nearer. Wading through the colorful blossoms, he forked off in another direction in attempt to follow it. A shadow appeared in the mist, small and dancing, and when Auron went closer, saw tiny fingers reaching for the playful Pyreflies as they jostled around, just out of her grasp. Messy blond hair swayed at the child's back as she jumped, disturbing the vapor around her.

"Raine?" Auron said. The horrible sink of his heart was unbearable as he realized this place was not the Farplane, but his own private hell. What kind of place would make him spend eternity with the love of his life...as a child?

The little girl turned around, the dark mirrors of his own sunglasses finding him, and her face lit up like a spark. Dropping to his knee, Auron's arms extended to her as Basil charged into him, crushing his collar, a mighty squeeze for such small arms, and stamping her feet in excitement. His hug was brief before he drew her back by the shoulders for a confirmatory inspection and then collected her again to resume the reunion.

"Have you seen Mom? Or Willow?" Auron asked.

Stepping back, his little girl nodded emphatically. At least she had enough of her mother in her to convey dialogue in her gestures, even through the added buffer of his sunglasses, which had always made Auron impervious to interpretation. That wasn't the only reason he had handed them down to his daughter; the truth was he just couldn't stand looking through them anymore.

"Where are they?"

Something in her expression bordered desolate.

"You were separated?" Auron guessed.

Sadly, she nodded.

"We'll find them," Auron said and before she waned too far into grief, he wrapped his arms around her and planted noisy kisses on the side of her face until her legs buckled and she giggled. "Besides, I have a bet to settle with your mother."

She squinted at him, slanting her head in question, and Auron chuckled.

"Your mom doesn't believe in the Farplane," he said. Although Auron suspected when Raine saw his own Pyreflies departing his body after almost sending him, it was enough evidence to tip her over to the agnostic side.

With a keen nod of understanding, Basil smiled, furtive, as if to say: we'll show her.

Auron had never been overly happy about Basil's vow of silence, but Raine convinced him it was another phase, like taping down her eye and wearing her mother's turtle-necks with the collar fully drawn-out to hide the lower half of her face. Internally sighing, Auron pinched the eyewear she was wearing by the nose clamps and carefully slid them off her face. Basil could have been Raine's twin, except for Auron's amber eyes, which were now looking at him quizzically.

He folded them, tucked them away in an inside pocket of his cloak and said, "Trust me, everything looks better without these."

End

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Thank you for sticking with this story until the end. Somebody once told me writing a male's point of view was not my strong suit. I would like to hear someone else's opinion on that matter, or any other matter that fancies you.

Clunk