Exposed

We hung up, and I had a feeling that she wouldn't be falling back to sleep.

The phone quiet, it was just Allie and me, alone again. Neither of us said anything for a minute after talking to Mom. I felt tears trying to form when I realized we might never see Mom and Dad again, even though they were right next door. I took a halting deep breath and tried to focus on what to do.

I said, "Allie, do you have an extra pillow or something?"

She grabbed a tissue and wiped her eyes before answering. "Yeah. There's one on the top shelf of my closet. I guess there's room for you on the floor next to the bed."

I got up and found the pillow, along with a light blanket. "OK. I guess I'll get changed and lie down."

She said, "Fine, but let me have the bathroom first."

"Sure."

While Allie was in the bathroom, I brushed my teeth at the little sink in the kitchenette. The rote action mercifully helped distract me, but it was too short for a lasting effect.

I took off my shoes and socks and laid down fully clothed on the floor next to Allie's bed. I tried to relax on the carpet, but it wasn't remotely comfortable. Part of me felt I deserved it.

A few minutes later Allie came out of the bathroom wearing what I always remember as her nighttime attire: a white tanktop and baggy grey shorts. Without a word she climbed in bed and hit the switch by her head to turn out the lights. It was pitch dark and deathly quiet. I'd gotten used to the constant noise in the dorm, someone always closing a distant door, the HVAC running, traffic audible even through the window. Here, there was not a sound.

The dark and quiet left my brain nothing to do but worry. I couldn't imagine falling asleep anytime soon. I second-guessed myself: Why did I have to take that particular flight? There were literally dozens to choose from. Why not any other? And why hadn't I taken an Uber home? To save a few bucks, that's why. And now saving a few bucks could mean Allie has to die. I couldn't hold back the tears this time. I tried to be quiet, but of course Allie could hear.

She said, "Jase, are you OK?"

I sniffled. "No."

"Yeah, me too."

I felt like telling her everything would be all right, like Mom used to say when one of us had skinned a knee. But I couldn't say it, because I didn't know.

---

At some point I must have fallen asleep because when I opened my eyes, the sun was poking in Allie's windows. My phone said 6:52. I was a little sore from lying on the carpet, but this didn't concern me. I sat up, stretched, and looked over at the bed, where Allie was looking back at me. "Hi," I said.

"Hey."

"Did you get any sleep?"

"Not really."

"Yeah. I stared at the ceiling a long time. Maybe slept an hour."

We turned on the news, where Zara was the top story. Once-peaceful Vermont, overtaken by a deadly African virus. There were no specifics about who was infected, but the story made me wonder if our names would be released to the media. We sat at the foot of Allie's unmade bed, glued to the screen.

The news showed a lot of general information about Zara symptoms. You feel fine the first day after exposure. Never better, actually. Then on the second day a cough starts, light at first, doesn't seem unusual at all. But it gets progressively worse, and after about 12 more hours the coughing becomes uncontrollable and bloody. On the third day your internal organs progressively shut down and you die. It's remarkably fast.

Allie and I watched all this in silence. My heart was pounding, but there was still a sense of detachment, like all this couldn't be happening to us. The news went to a commercial and Allie muted the sound.

"Jase, do you know who the guy was? On the plane, the guy from Africa?"

"I've been thinking about that," I said. "I don't really know. No one really seemed out of place or anything."

"Was anyone coughing?"

"No. I mean, once in a while someone would clear their throat or something, but no one had a coughing fit."

Allie beamed with a revelation. "So that means the guy on the plane was on his first day after exposure. Any more than that and he'd have been coughing."

"Yeah, I guess you're right."

"So that means today is probably the guy's second day. At some point today he's either going to start coughing or he isn't, and then we'll know. I think we're going to find out today if we'll live or die."

"Jesus."

"And since it's our first day, we're going to feel fine all day. If that Samantha lady calls with bad news, at least we'll feel healthy."

The news came back on, but they went on to a different story and Allie turned the TV off. I stood up and said, "Well, if it's my last day to feel good, I need to take a shower."

Allie took my cue and stood up too, then smoothed the sheets and blanket. "Sure, go ahead."

"The thing is, I wasn't exactly joking earlier about my suitcase. All my clothes are dirty."

She glanced my way. "Oh."

"Do you have something I could wear today? I promise, I won't even go outside."

"For god's sake." She went over to her dresser and extracted a pair of blue sweatpants, followed by a T-shirt too big for her but smaller than I would normally wear. "These will probably fit you. I was thinking about getting rid of 'em anyway, so now they're yours."

"Thanks, sis. I'll cherish them for the rest of my life."

"Very funny. Anyway, sorry, but you can't have any of my panties."

I laughed as I went in the bathroom to get cleaned up.

---

After we both had showers and something to eat-peanut butter and triscuits-I was feeling a little better. I was grateful to have a better sense of the timing, because at least we knew there would be an end, not just vague uncertainty.

After the crackers were put away, we sat on the bed, leaning back against the wall. The room only had one chair-a metal folding contraption with no padding. It was fine to sit in for a few minutes, but no more than that.

We sat in silence for a few minutes, but the silence was making things worse. I was imagining myself infected, and it was making me nervous again.

I broke the silence. "What do you think you'll miss most about the future, Allie?"

She thought a while before answering. "I was really hoping to have kids. A family, you know?"

"Yeah. Who would you want to have kids with? Any idea?"

This time she gave one little chuckle and half-smiled. "Probably someone I haven't met yet. None of the guys I know now. Definitely not Max."

I'd never heard her talk about anyone named by that name, so I said, "Who's Max?"

"Oh, he was my boyfriend for a while this year."

"A guy from school?"

"No, but his younger brother went to my school. We met at a football game and went out for about three months."

"So it didn't work out?"

"That's an understatement."

"What happened?"

She shifted her legs on the bed and crossed them in front of her. "I suppose I can tell you. It's not like you're going to blab."

"Dead men tell no tales."

"Stop it. I don't like it when you say stuff like that."

"Sorry."

"Anyway, Max was really nice at first. He doted over me, Jase, literally doted. He took me places, made me feel like I was a princess. One time to surprise me he picked me up at work with a picnic, and we drove out by the lake and watched the sun set while we ate. It was so romantic. He made it seem like he really cared about me. I truly thought he had future potential."

"Sounds like a real jerk."

"Yeah, well, all that changed one night. We were at his place, watching a movie on the couch, making out, everything was fine. We'd made out before, and I always liked it."

"It's weird to hear about my sister's love life. But go on."

"So you have to promise not to tell anyone about this. Even if we live."

"I promise. Your secret's safe with me."

"Twice before I'd told him I wasn't ready to, you know, go all the way. And I said it again that night. But he wasn't listening, or he wasn't paying attention, or-" Allie's voice trailed off.

I waited, but she wasn't continuing, so I said, "Are you saying he forced himself on you? He raped you?"

She tucked her knees up to her chin and hugged them with her arms. "No, nothing like that, not exactly."

"Then what did he do to you?"

"We were kissing like usual, and then he started pulling off my clothes, which I liked at first, but then I didn't. Pretty soon all my clothes were off, and he unzipped his fly and took out his, you know."

"Yeah."

A tear rolled down her cheek as she spoke. "And one minute we're kissing and I'm enjoying it, and the next minute he's squeezing that thing inside me and it wasn't feeling good at all. I was yelling and I tried to shove him off me, but I couldn't."

"Let me get this straight," I said. "He had sex with you and you didn't want to. How is that not rape?"

"It wasn't rape, I'm telling you. I never felt threatened."

"Have you told anyone else about this?"

"No."

"God, Allie, I'm so sorry that happened to you. What that guy did is inexcusable. It's a crime, actually. If you'd called the cops they'd have put him in jail. Don't you know about the Me Too thing? It's been all over."

"Yeah, well, instead I broke up with him."

I said, "Oo, that's even worse than jail, right?"

She smiled, then sniffled and wiped away a tear. "And you want to know the worst part? That was my first time. I broke up with him, but not before he took my virginity."

I put my hand on her knee. "Allie, that's awful. What a terrible first time. After what that guy did to you, I feel like going over there to deliberately breathe on him."

This got a little laugh out of her.

I continued, "You know it's not supposed to be that way, right?"

She looked down and didn't respond at first, and I thought she might not have heard the question. After a long pause, still looking down, she said, "No."

"Are you saying that was your only time having sex?"

She nodded.

"Dammit, I'm so sorry, Allie. I wish that wasn't your only time, because it's supposed to be way better than that." I leaned over and gave her a peck on the cheek. A brotherly gesture. As if our situation wasn't bad enough, I was dredging up more painful memories.

We sat quietly for a little while before she said, "Jase? Can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"It's OK if you don't want to answer."

"OK," I said, wondering what kind of question could prompt such a warning.

"Would you tell me what it's supposed to be like?"

I looked at her in shock. "What?"

"You know, what it's supposed to be like when you have, you know."

"Allie, I think you know the basic mechanics. Plus, it's not like you can't find plenty of examples online."

"Yeah, but I want to know what it's like for real people. I want to know from someone I can trust to tell me the truth. Maybe pick a time with Skye when it was really perfect, and tell me what happened. I told you about Max, after all."

"Are you sure you want me to do this?"

"If I wasn't sure I wouldn't have asked."

I coughed and said, "OK, well, if you want me to stop, just say so."

Allie sucked in a breath and her eyes widened like I'd never seen before. "Jase, oh my god, you coughed."

"Jesus, you're right." I took stock of myself and said, "But it was nothing. I'm feeling fine. Plus, it's too early to cough anyway. I'm not supposed to cough until tomorrow. I'm sure it was just a normal cough."

"Yeah. You're probably right," she said. "Go on with the story."

"Right. Story now, coughing later."

"Very funny."

"So. The time I'll tell you about is once when we went to Skye's parents' house for the weekend. They lived about an hour from campus, but they were gone on vacation and we had the house to ourselves the whole time."

Allie interjected, "How long had you been going out by then?"

"Let's see, this was over Veterans' Day, and our first date was September 20, so almost two months."

"And, was this your first time with her?"

"No, we were having sex already by this time."

"You stud you."

"Why thanks, Allie, I'm glad you noticed."

"Are you? Anyway, please keep going."

I thought about what kinds of things to tell Allie about that weekend, but I decided to start with a bigger picture. "At this point Skye and I were really in love with each other. We were at the stage of our relationship where we couldn't keep our hands to ourselves. When it's your first time with a new person, it's exciting because of the newness and you're not sure what the other person will be like. But by this time I started to know what she liked.

"So in the car on the way we were kind of playing around with each other. Laughing and joking, some double entendres. She put her hand in my lap and felt my-" I paused and turned to Allie. It was time to describe a certain body part and I wanted to give her another chance to shut me up. She was nodding, clearly wanting me to keep going.

It felt so unusual to talk about this with little Allie. I turned away from her and looked straight ahead, hoping that keeping her out of my line of sight would make it easier. "She put her hand in my lap and felt my cock," I said, my voice sounding smoother than I felt. "She ran her fingers up and down my shaft with a light touch. I was already partly hard from our conversation and from anticipating the weekend, but her fingers brought me to full strength."

"In the car? Does that happen a lot?"

"Sometimes. When the stimulation is right."

"Huh."

"So anyway, I said all that just so you know we were both pretty horny when we got there, and we were all over each other as soon as we went in the door. But actually, instead of that night, I want to tell you about the next morning. That night the sex was good, but it was, let's see, I'll describe it as frantic. It's what happened the next morning that I thought of immediately when you asked about a time with Skye that was perfect."

"Mm, nice," Allie said.

"I woke up that day in her bed, both of us naked. In fact, we were naked the whole day. Neither of us ever put on a single stitch of clothes."

Allie said, "Wow. I've never known anyone well enough for that."

I almost said, Someday you will, but I caught myself. I didn't know.

"Skye went to the pantry and brought back two packs of pop tarts. Real gourmet, I know. We sat in bed and ate, trying to keep the crumbs out of the sheets. I broke a pop tart in half the long way, put one end in my mouth, and looked at her. We tried one of those Lady-and-the-Tramp things, but the pop tart kept falling when one of us would bite through it, and we were laughing hysterically. It doesn't even sound that funny right now, but believe me, it was.

"When the pop tarts were gone I kissed the sugar away from her lips, and pretty soon it was a real kiss, and our arms were around each other. Her breasts were pressed against my body, and I had this urge to get as much of my skin in contact with her skin as I could. It was never enough.

"OK, so now I need to tell you some stuff about Skye that you have to promise to never tell. If we live."

Allie said, "I promise."

"Skye liked it, when I had a day or two of stubble on my face, for me to scratch my chin and cheeks on her butt. I know it sounds weird, but she absolutely loved it. Is this too much information?"

"No. It doesn't sound all that weird, actually."

"So she would lie on her front and I would lick one side of her ass or the other and then move my chin around in circles. She would be in heaven, cooing and making such beautiful little noises. I loved the sounds she made, because I knew she was loving what I was doing. Giving her that butt treatment always made me hard, just from hearing her reaction."

Sitting there with Allie, describing the events of that morning was also enough to make me stiffen. I was wearing her sweatpants commando because of my lack of clean underwear, and as my cock thickened and shifted involuntarily I rearranged my legs to try to make it less obvious.

"For a while I would take a break from her butt, kissing her back, her neck, her shoulders, her earlobes, her whole body really, but I would always come back to her butt, switching sides every so often. She would never, ever stop me when I was doing this, she loved it so much. Usually we went on to something else after a while, but that day I kept going, just to see what would happen.

"After 20 or 30 minutes of this, when my nose was in the right spot between her legs, I got a strong whiff of her arousal. You know what I'm talking about, right?"

"Yeah."

"I had no idea she would get so turned on from this, but that one little sniff gave me a jolt of excitement. I pulled one of her legs to the side, bent at the knee, to give myself better access. I ran a finger along her lips, and she was soaking wet. I raised that finger to my nose and mouth, first smelling and then tasting her arousal.

"I put my finger back along her lips, gave it a different angle, and it slid right inside her. I'd never fingered her upside down like this before, and I kept wondering if she would stop me, or want to do something different, but she didn't. She was obviously a very happy lady right then.

"While my finger was inside her I kept working on her butt, and her little noises built up. Then something even better happened when I felt her body rocking back and forth on my finger. I loved it when she did something like that so I knew she was enjoying herself."

In the real world, I was now rock hard. The sweatpants Allie gave me were a little tight, and I knew the outline of my penis was unmistakable through the fabric.

"I arranged my hand a little differently so I could get two fingers inside her and a third finger would graze her clit on every stroke. She liked this so much, Allie, I can't even begin to tell you. She separated her legs as far as she could and put her hands on the wall, pushing herself against my hand even more firmly.

"And I didn't even mention the sound. She was getting so wet that my hand was making squishy noises on every stroke. She was really turned on, and still I kept thinking she would turn over or want to go in another position, but she didn't. She stayed right there, and she loved every second.

"I felt and saw her body tense when her orgasm started. The muscles in her back and legs tightened and she gave me a stunning series of moans. All the while her body kept moving as it had, and I made sure my hand kept doing exactly what it had. The orgasm went on and on, Allie, like I didn't know was even possible. I slowed down only when she slowed down. When I extracted my hand the whole thing was pretty damp, but two fingers were completely drenched and sticky."

"My god," Allie said. "Incredible. I never felt anything like that. I never would have imagined anything like that."

"Yeah, well, sex can be a lot of fun if you do it right."

"What happened next?"

"So as you might imagine, I was wild with lust by this point. My cock was like steel. So here's something else you don't know about me that you can keep to yourself. When I get really turned on I ooze out a lot of precum. There was a wet spot on the sheets everywhere my cock had been. These wet spots happen a lot."

She said, "Like now?"

I looked down at my lap and blushed when I saw the telltale dark patch right at the tip of my bulge. I squirmed on the bed and shifted my butt and legs, but this didn't help.

"Yeah, I guess so. Sorry about that. The story brings back memories."

"It's OK, Jase. I don't mind. Keep going. Please."

"Skye rolled me on my back and squeezed her body up next to me. She put her finger on the tip of my cock, felt the precum, and swirled it all around the head. It felt amazing after not having any contact for so long. There was enough precum to get the head and part of the shaft sopping wet, but not the whole thing.