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"Borland has his flings but he tends to find sedate lovers and his punishments are now more or less tame. Now, this finally brings you to the present. I confessed to Borland a fling I had over Thanksgiving and in response, he 'punished' me with Pixie. He had her stay with us over the holidays and he'd make stupid arbitrary rules and then punish me with doing things with her, for her, to her. When he made a mistake, I had her do things for me. You certainly see the attraction, right?"
I nodded.
"Well, Borland said I had to make her eat cum out of me and gave me till midnight or I was going to have to be celibate for three months. He's done that before and I have to tell you he teases me mercilessly when I am celibate. I fucking hate it. That, that was why I was so desperate to have you do me. It was getting late and I knew Pixie was on the way to the apartment."
Suzanne smiled then. "So you see, there is nothing nefarious about it but it was fun, wasn't it?"
I nodded, dubious but not about the pleasure of the other woman or Suzanne herself. I just did not think I quite understood the situation. I kept that to myself.
The waitress brought us port, which I enjoyed and when it was gone, Suzanne told me she needed to be going. I did also. The game was over by then and I had no idea who won. Alabama lost, it turned out, much to my surprise and I wasn't alone.
I kissed Suzanne on the cheek and left the hotel, suddenly exhausted. I think it was the port. I drove home to find an empty house. I went to bed. Happy fucking New Year!
- COMMENTS
Anonymousover 6 years agoWow, your writing is never dull and positively addictive
..Can't wait to read more of your sexual eye candy!! Bravo
NutRanchalmost 9 years agoThe first few pages, all of the characters sounded the same. The flow of words was needlessly broken by the use of multiple comma's (for all characters). A simple change in word order would have made the sentences flow for an easier and more pleasing read and still conveyed your intent.
I believe that you overreached yourself on this chapter. The intent is muddled, the execution is... not terrible, but it feels forced. I feel you tried for too much complexity. I would suggest that if you had broken this down a bit into more bite sized elements to expand on them individually, it would have made more sense without losing your goal. By expanding the individual elements a bit, yes it would have made your offering longer but cleaner. Overall, again, not up to your normal standards but still good enough for 4 stars. I would have given you 3.5 but that is not an option.
What hypocrisy.
Not your hypocrisy, but mine, to criticize you when I have no offerings of my own on this forum. My lapse is truly egregious and I beg your forgiveness if I have overstepped myself. The intent of my comment will hopefully be received as the constructive criticism it is meant to be.
I do at least have the courage to post under my ID and not anonymously. You deserve that much and more for having the courage to post your work.
I wish you well on your next offering.
kplusmcalmost 9 years agohave enjoyed all your stories to date, keep writing the length is what it is don't change your style. I prefer a longer story if the writing is good and the narrative doesn't drag your doesn't. Just hope it won't take three months for the next chapter.
Anonymousalmost 9 years agoDon't care about what the previous guy say, it's not too long. Some other story with only 2 pages seems longer, this one was rightly wrote so it's easy to read those 12 pages. Can't wait ti read the next one.
Anonymousalmost 9 years agoYou are a damn good writer. Write what you want not what others may suggest. It is what makes your stories different and is much better than most.
