Exxxotica Expo. 2017

I spoke at the Exxxotica Expo. My topic was cuckolding.

I had everything planned out, as far as what I was going to say. I told those who attended my seminar when I got to a certain point that I would take questions.

My lecture went as follows . . .

What is a cuckold? A cuckold is a man who gets turned on by the thought of, or the action of, his wife or girlfriend having sex with other men.

When people think of someone who takes part in cuckolding, they think of a loser, a type of person you might describe as a wimp. The truth is men who can share their wives with other men are risk-takers. Cuckolds are bold, confident, and they challenge social norms.

Men who take part in cuckolding, as cuckolds, suggest it can help create profound and positive life changes -- both in the short-term and long-term.

Over the long-term, these experiences support sustained well-being. Benefits include realizing that emotions, such as fear and jealousy, traditionally considered negative emotions, do not constrain a person.

These reflections can often change everyday lives -- cuckolds describe no longer being bored with life or sex. They also report seeing other people in a much more positive way after being cuckolded.

Cuckolds often describe extraordinary sensory experiences of the sort not usually available in everyday life. During cuckolding, the senses become enhanced.

Of course, when taking part in these types of activities, risks are always involved. Perhaps this is why non-participants find it hard to understand why anyone would willingly allow themselves to be cuckolded -- unless there is something not normal about them.

What's not normal about enjoying sex and wanting to share that experience with others?

Cuckolds also have a well-tuned knowledge of their own physical and psychological capacities and limitations. Cuckolding is not for men who give in to fear or are afraid of taking risks.

Cuckolds can shine a light on what it means to be human -- and what other human beings are capable of. To realize this, as a society, we need a cultural shift that accepts cuckolding as beneficial, along with a change in view that recognizes cuckolding as an example of what is possible when a couple communicates and trust one another.

Cuckolds are often successful business owners, college-educated, well to do people. These people are laid back but focused and not afraid of taking risks.

A cuckold's brain may be naturally lower in levels of dopamine and/or serotonin, according to research from Monasterio.

Dopamine is a neurotransmitter that helps manage your brain's reward and pleasure centers, plus it regulates physical and emotional responses.

The neurotransmitter serotonin regulates psychological and bodily functions, including mood regulation, sexual desire, sleep, and social behavior. When out of balance, both can lead to depressive feelings, fatigue, anxiety, and more. But instead of sitting on the couch and brooding, many cuckolds fix this by having their wife have sex with other men. Problem solved.

Moments before the wife has sex with another man, a cuckold feels a surge of fear and excitement. Their heart rate spikes, and their insides rumble. When the wife is entered by another man, those feelings give way to an intense rush. Then comes deep focus.

The cuckold must place himself to get the best view. Then, he must watch the other man make love to his wife, a few times, often for hours or more.

Cuckolding forces emotion out of the cuckold, and that primary emotion is fear. So, the person who has difficulty with emotions goes into cuckolding to feel emotions.

If a man has difficulty experiencing and expressing emotions in everyday life, then cuckolding becomes an exercise in empowerment, conquering the most primal emotion of them all: fear. They get a strong sense of living life to its fullest, reaching their full potential.

Humans are social creatures by nature. Even those who are introverted still need some level of socialization to stay well-adjusted emotionally.

Studies have even discovered that socialization is critical for cognitive functionality, another area where cuckolding receives high marks. Cuckolding can strengthen the bond between a husband and wife. It can also give the two of them the many benefits of socialization.

Exposure to stressful encounters, like cuckolding, can physically change your mental make-up to help you better handle other stressful situations.

We all have an amino acid called neuropeptide Y that, among other things, assists with the regulation of anxiety, acting as a natural sedative. Researchers from Yale Medical School tested whether it's possible to increase our natural levels of this stress-beating chemical by monitoring the biological data of cuckold men who have watched their wives have sex with multiple men.

Interestingly, researchers discovered that these men did have higher amounts of the chemical in their bodies than men in monogamous relationships, suggesting that one can become a more resilient person through exposure to stressful experiences, including participating in cuckolding.

What makes cuckolding so attractive to some men?

Thrill:

The thrill is the single most attractive factor that attracts many to cuckolding. The adrenaline rush is what differentiates it from any other type of sexual activity.

The thrill derived from seeing another man ejaculate into your wife is paramount. The cuckolds are fully exposed.

Cuckolding is also widely condemned for the same reason, as many don't think it worth it to put their relationship in harms-way just to see their wife orgasm with other men.

Pushing The Limits:

Cuckolding is about pushing limits. Cuckolding is about living life on the edge. Cuckolding is about getting out of your comfort zone and just going for it.

The cuckold allows another man, or other men, to do for and to his wife what he may never be able to do himself. He is giving his wife to other men for their pleasure. And his wife is doing what society says is just wrong.

Accepting Your Short-comings:

When you see another man please your wife in ways you possibly never can, you become very aware of your short-comings. Along with becoming aware of your short-comings, you become keenly aware of the talents and blessings bestowed upon other men.

Cuckolds consider it pointless to strive to become someone you're not. To keep up a façade over time is exhausting and strips you of your authentic self. You are who and what you are. And cuckolding is a way of helping you understand just where you stand.

Taboo:

For some, nothing titillates like the taboo. Doing the impermissible can lend itself to some of the best sex ever. For many cuckold couples, it feels so good to be so bad.

Watching:

Ask most any cuckold, and they will tell you that there is nothing like seeing your wife in the throes of passion with another man or other men. When a wife cuckolds her husband, he gets to see his wife become the woman he always knew she was and could be. She becomes his favorite porn star.

What's In It for Women?

1. A stronger bond between the primary couple.

Many couples report stronger feelings of unity and connection after starting to practice cuckolding. Many also report having more appreciation for each other and better communication in their primary relationship. Cuckolding can lead to a renewed sense of trust, closeness, and togetherness. All of which is hugely beneficial for the long-term health of the relationship.

2. More exciting sex between the cuckold and his female partner.

Most couples who practice cuckolding have been together for a long time, often ten years or longer. For them, cuckolding breathes new and exciting life into a relationship that, while loving and committed, may feel a bit boring and stale.

The voyeuristic and taboo nature of cuckolding, combined with kink and BDSM for some couples, can open endless possibilities for exciting, titillating, and highly satisfying sexual experiences.

3. Greater sexual satisfaction for the female partner.

Women who successfully engage in cuckolding report feeling more sexually satisfied than ever before.

Variety is the spice of life, and cuckolding offers ample opportunity for a woman to enjoy a wide choice of enthusiastic sexual partners.

Some men (also called Bulls) may offer particular sexual skills that a primary partner may not have. Or they may fulfill other sexual fantasies and desires. No matter the specifics, women who engage in cuckolding get access to more frequent, enthusiastic, and satisfying sex.

4. Increased empowerment and confidence.

When done right, cuckolding can be incredibly empowering to a woman. While our society still struggles with the idea of women enjoying sex for its own sake, a hotwife or cuckoldress has the freedom to enjoy sexual pleasure with a variety of eager partners.

While popular media still perpetuates the myth of a macho alpha male surrounded by a gaggle of besotted and passive women, in the cuckold dynamic, the woman has her pick of virile and sexually interested men.

The positive impact of this new-found confidence potentially extends further than the woman herself. Her cuckold partner also reaps the benefits of a woman who is assertive, voracious, and unapologetically sexy: all the qualities that make sex with her so much more exciting and pleasurable afterward.

Cuckolding isn't for everyone, but for those involved, most wouldn't want to live any other way.

***

When I told those who had attended my seminar that I was open to questions, one woman raised her hand. She was possibly in her mid-thirties. And I noticed she was wearing a wedding ring.

This woman asked, "What's the point of getting married if you're going to have sex with other men?"

I'm always happy to answer this question.

I explained, "Consider your spouse or boyfriend as your local corner store. Your corner store knows you. They know your name. They know what you like, and they trust you as you trust them.

Your local corner store is not only familiar, but it's also convenient. And they usually have almost everything you need.

Then you have the big-box store about five miles away. Here, I'm referring to other men. They have everything your local corner store has, and more.

If your local corner store is established and has been around for a long time, the chances of it closing just because a big box store opens up near them are slim.

Your local corner store has always been there for you, and you feel a sense of loyalty to them. Although you may sometimes shop at the big-box store, you always return to your local corner store for the items you need every day.

Your local corner store may have almost everything you need on a daily basis, but there are going to be items that you can only get at the big-box store.

Your local corner store may be able to order the item you want that they do not normally carry, but often it's more expensive and takes time for it to arrive. On the other hand, the big-box store has what you need now. You have a choice and options.

Let's say that your local corner store doesn't carry microwave ovens. Yours stopped working, and you want or need one now. Do you wait for your local corner store to order what you need? Or do you go to the big-box store and get it right then and there?

Just because you buy your microwave oven at the big-box store, that doesn't mean you're going to stop shopping at your local corner store. You just went to the big-box store because they had what you needed when you wanted it.

If you don't go to the big-box store for what you want and or need, you settle with what you have or don't have, but why? If you can get what you want and need from the big-box store, why not go there and get it?

The big-box store has more than just what you need. They have what you want. Your local corner store is there for your staples.

You could decide to only shop at the big-box store, but you wouldn't have the relationship with the big-box store that you have with your local corner store.

You could also decide to only shop at your local corner store, but if you did, you'd have to settle with the limited items they can and or do offer.

I'll always shop at my local corner store, but there are times when the big-box store has that special item that I may want that my local store just doesn't have."

I asked this woman if I answered her question to her satisfaction. She nodded.

Another woman asked me, "What happens if you're married and you develop feelings for another guy?"

I smiled and answered, "You consider a polyamorous relationship."

The second woman who asked her question asked, "So what's the difference between hot-wifing, cuckolding, polyamory, and open marriage?

I told her, "All four fit under the umbrella of non-monogamy. And all four include commitment. Cuckold relationships are often like open marriages, but, usually, only open on one side.

Hot-wifing and cuckolding are very similar, but many people believe that cuckolding, as opposed to hot-wifing, includes some form of humiliation.

Polyamory includes three or more people. Each is aware of the other, and along with a commitment, there is a love aspect that may or may not appear in a cuckold or hot-wife situation.

Open marriages are those in which each partner is committed to the other, but each partner can date and or have sex with other people with their partner's permission and encouragement.

What ties all these types of relationships together is that honesty, commitment, trust, and openness are paramount."

Another woman asked me, "What would you consider your marriage? Open? Polyamorous? What?"

I told her, "I try to stay away from labels. Yet, if I had to choose a label for our marriage, I'd say it's an open marriage. I'm okay with my husband having sex with others, and he is okay with me having sex with others. Yet, we are committed to each other.

My husband may have some cuckold tendencies, yet he's also bi, and he has sex with me and other men and other women. I prefer men, black men.

I enjoy Ray, my husband, sexually, yet, I also enjoy having sex with other men. My husband may prefer men, but he also enjoys sex with me, and other women.

The great thing about being in a relationship is that you can design your relationship to fit your desires, wants, and needs.

Marriage is not a one size fits all kind of thing. It's one size fits most.

My husband has always said that just because you can wear yoga pants, it doesn't mean you should. And that can go both ways in relationships.

Many people say that you can date and have sex outside of your marriage, but you shouldn't. I say that you can be monogamous, but should that be the only option?

Many of us grow up to believe that monogamy is the only option. Other people believe that love shouldn't be limited. I believe that love is infinite. My husband and I don't limit ourselves. So, I guess you'd say we have an open marriage."

After I answered that last question, a man asked, "As a woman, how can you respect a man who wants you to be a slut? I mean, I like sex, but I could never let a woman I was married to, or even dating, have sex with other men."

I asked this man why he was so against a woman he was in a relationship with dating or having sex with other men.

He answered, "I guess I'm old-fashioned. I still believe that the man is supposed to be his woman's provider and protector. You don't just let other guys invade your territory. You protect it, cherish it. If you're a man, and you can't provide well enough for your woman, then you're not much of a man."

I asked this same man, "Are you a plumber and an electrician? Are you a doctor and a mechanic?"

This man shook his head.

I explained, "When you have a plumbing problem, you call a plumber. When you need an electrician, you call one. Even if you know a lot about cars, even mechanics will send you to an expert. Your local mechanic may be able to repair your car, but, if there's a problem with your transmission, you go to a guy who specializes in transmissions.

I've never met a man who is a plumber, a mechanic, an electrician, and a doctor. What I'm trying to say is that no man can do everything. We all have our limitations."

The man rebutted, "This is supposed to be about cuckolding. And even guys into hot-wifing look down on cuckolds."

I mentioned to this man, "Most men will agree that it's easier for a woman to get sex with men than it is for men to get sex with women. That being the case, wouldn't you be appreciative of a man who allows you to have sex with his wife?"

This man answered, "I might fuck a guy's wife, but I'd have no respect for him."

I said, "That's where people's views have to change. If you needed a car, and you didn't have one, and your neighbor offered to let you use his, I hope that you'd be appreciative. I hope that you wouldn't see your neighbor as a sucker or loser because he loaned you his car."

This man told me I was talking apples and oranges.

I asked this man if he'd had sex with more than one woman in his life. He told me that he'd had sex with several women. I then asked him if he respected any of the men who married women that he'd had sex with. And he looked at me confused.

I asked this man what he would do if he found out that a woman he was dating was also having sex with other men. He told me that he'd end the relationship right there and then.

I then asked, "What are your thoughts about people who have a partner that cheats but decide to stay together afterward."

He told me that those people were chumps.

I stated to everyone in the room, "We congratulate people when they get married, and we often tell people to divorce if something happens that we are against. The things we are usually against are the things we believe are wrong.

We're at the Exxxotica Expo. Walk around, and you'll see porn-stars, and people into all types of fetishes. Here you can find everything a person could want, as well as everything that other people fear and or despise.

William Shakespeare once said, "In time we hate that which we often fear."

You may not be porn-star material, but that doesn't make you less of a person. It just means that you may not have what the industry needs or is looking for.

And if you ask any porn-star, especially a male porn-star, he will tell you that what he does is hard work. Porn stars make it look easy, but what they do is not something everyone can do.

You may not be able to do what porn stars do, but does that mean you hate them for doing what they do? No. You wish you were them. And many men wish they had a wife or girlfriend that would have sex with other men. It's not an uncommon fantasy.

Jealousy is often the culprit. It's the fear of loss that often makes people judgemental of others. You feel jealous if another man looks at your wife or girlfriend, and then the fear arises. You fear that this other guy might have something you don't. And when a guy has no fear, you see him as a tool. You see yourself as better than him, and you have no respect for him.

There's a big difference between a guy that says, "Hey, y'all. Watch this!" and a man who gives his wife permission to have sex with other men."

I continued, "Other men will look down upon a man who does things that they can't understand. I mean, why would any man want other men to have sex with his wife or girlfriend? Where's the sense in that?

Many men want to get into swinging, but they have a hard time finding partners who are into it as well. Do you hate or envy men who have partners into swinging?

Even in monogamous marriages, there is envy. A man or woman in a dead bedroom situation may very well envy a couple who has sex as often as they wish they were.