Facing the Frat Boy Ch. 06

"You may not have had feelings for me, but you knew how I felt about you!" He yelled, pressing the boys' wrists deeper into the treated wood until his knuckles were white.

"And yet you fucking strung me along for all that time cause you're a selfish asshole who didn't know what he wanted!"

Ryan let go of him and watched as he pitifully straightened himself up. Even with fifty pounds of muscle over him, Jeremy Cabrera couldn't have looked smaller. The boy fixed his jacket and tried to regain composure, but it was useless. He walked back into the house and pulled what Ryan assumed were his friends and left. Twenty minutes after they came, it was like they were never even there.

He stayed outside for a few more minutes, holding his head up by his hands. He looked down at the poorly maintained grass with holes still left from the tiki torches that dug into the ground like scars of an unrequited love that refused to heal. He sat there for a bit, not wanting to face any of the frat boys in his current state- especially not Levi who was still out getting more ice.

Eventually, he went back inside, managing to pass by a few of the brothers with the best fake smile he could muster. He walked straight to Levi's room, hoping he could hide away for a bit until someone would notice he was gone.

As soon as he laid down the bed, he heard the door open. Ryan couldn't bear to look at him, so he stared at the popcorn ceiling and the spinning overhead fan. Levi slid into bed with him, close enough that they could feel heat coming off each other's bodies. He didn't know what had happened, but he didn't want to assume that Ryan wanted to be touched.

"I came back from the store about ten minutes ago to find you in a heated conversation with some guy." Ryan winced, hoping they hadn't been seen.

The older boy went on, "I came to check on you and saw you pinning him against the fence. I really thought you were going to punch him but-" he paused, "that's just not who you are."

Levi exhaled, "You don't have to tell me what happened." He stopped, "Only if you want to."

Ryan swallowed hard, hoping he could keep it together.

"In high school I fell for a boy who didn't have the capacity to feel the same way about me."

He continued to stare up at the ceiling, watching the fan blade make four full rotations before he went on,

He spat out, "Out of all the parties in this city on this fucking night, he ends up here. Even eight months later, I'm reminded of how stupid I was." He breathed, "And how I let that affect a lot of my decisions."

Ryan didn't want to say any more. He hoped that Levi could read between the lines.

The frat boy slowly moved his hand, lifting it at the speed of someone who needed a while to heal. He touched Ryan and was beyond relieved to not feel him recoil. When it felt safe, he interlocked their fingers together, feeling the tight grip on his hand. It was like a glove that after an entire game spent missing, finally managed to catch the game-winning ball. Ryan held on like his life depended on it.

He looked over at Levi, seeing concern on his face paired with a matched apprehension- like he was only going to move if he was allowed to do so.

Ryan sat upright and latched onto the boy, gripping against his torso as Levi's hands slowly rubbed along his back. It was too much- too much compassion for his body to bear. Ryan pressed his face into Levi's shoulder and started to cry. He didn't know where the tears came from- maybe they were from a reservoir he'd filled up eight months ago and had forgotten about. But once he started, he couldn't stop.

"Let it out, Ry." Levi said as he clutched onto the broken boy.

Ryan wept in his arms, pouring saline over Levi's olive until the color darkened. His body had given up- leaving only traces of his senses: the grasp of Levi's arms around his back, the scent of his laundry detergent on his nose and the sight of his clothes, neatly folded into a pile on the boy's desk chair after having left them all along the floor that afternoon. "I'm so sorry!" The younger boy pleaded as he continued to sob. Levi thought he was apologizing for ditching the party or being an emotional mess. But it wasn't until he felt how strongly Ryan was holding onto him that he knew there was more to his apology than tonight's events. He placed their foreheads together and looked into Ryan's tear-soaked face. His eyes blinked so fast like they were windshield wipers hopelessly trying to work in the rain.

"Hey, hey." He said, clutching onto Ryan's jaw. "Look at me." He waited until the wiper blades had stopped.

"You don't have anything to be sorry about."

He kissed Ryan on the forehead before being pulled back into a tight hug. That seemed to soothe the boy for a bit- at least it stopped him from crying. He'd stay all night like this, holding him as long as he needed to.

When the sniffling had stopped and he felt that Ryan couldn't have tried anymore, he pulled him just to face him again. Even in the midst of all of that, he was still the most beautiful person he'd seen.

"I-" Levi started to say, but quickly fought against. He sighed, "I''ll always be here for you." He chose instead, knowing that neither a Pi Kappa Party nor a run in with an old flame were not the best occasions for those words.

That proved to be all Ryan needed to hear. Levi held him for a bit longer as the music outside continued to play.

"Do you want to change before bed? I just washed the clothes you left here from the last time."

"Yeah, okay." He said as Levi reached over and handed him a clean shirt and some shorts. Ryan stripped out of his clothes, and tossed them aside. They felt tainted and he wanted nothing to do with them. He watched as Levi did the same, shucking off his shirt and jeans until he lay beside him in his boxers.

"Don't you have to get back to the party?" He asked, thinking he'd be sleeping alone until everyone had left.

"Fuck the party." Levi said simply before he walked over to the door and locked it. He flicked off the light, leaving Ryan to only hear the sound of his footsteps before the weight of the bed shifted and he felt that warm, hard body against his. He inched forward, tangling his legs with Levi's and nestling his head at the boy's chest.

***

The next morning, Ryan's alarm went off just after 10:30. They'd slept peacefully the entire night- not even the repetitive EDM beats or sounds of drunk college kids could make them stir. Ryan felt emotionally exhausted- like he'd just gone three rounds with his inner demons. He reached over to shut it off- glazing over the note on his phone.

"Fuck" He said as he wiped his eyes.

Levi turned, "What is it?"

"The lunch" He said as sat upright. "I forgot we were supposed to go to that lunch in like an hour."

Levi sat up too, "Ry, you had a pretty rough night. I'm sure your cousin would understand if you wanted to cancel."

Ryan shook his head, "No, he and his boyfriend have already driven all the way up here." He reasoned, "Plus it would be really nice to see him."

Levi nodded as the boy pulled him into a hug. He loved feeling Ryan's bare skin on his: the feel of his curly locks brushing against his face like feathers and the scent of his body under his nose.

"Look- about last night." He started, "I-I'm honestly just so embarrassed that you had to see me like that." He carefully looked over at the muscled boy sprawled along the bed, somehow looking perfect after having just woken up.

"You don't have to be embarrassed in front of me."

Ryan nodded, "I know that now." He stopped, "When we first met, you reminded me a lot of him. And that's why I kept my guard up for a while." He wanted to say more, but that proved to be enough.

Levi took the boy's hand, "I'm not him, Ry."

Ryan leaned in and kissed him softly before squeezing his hand, "I know, thank you" He gave a smile- a real one- which seemed to put the both of them at ease.

The frat boy nodded as Ryan went into the bathroom to get ready.

***

Levi followed Ryan as he led them to the back of a little cafe where Jamie, Ryan's cousin, and Chris, his boyfriend, said they were seated. The two were huddled together in a corner booth, chatting away without a care that anyone else was around. It was like they were in their own little world, leaving Levi to wonder whether that's what he and Ry looked like out in public. Once they got close, the two looked up, donning bright and smiling faces as Ryan rushed over to embrace them.

Chris was just as Ryan had described, with his milky skin and jet black hair standing out against the bright blue tee he wore. The guy was twenty four, but looked like he could slip into their college classes without anyone questioning a thing. He let go of the freshman and pulled Levi into a half hug- one of those embraces that you give people you just met, but seem to have a connection with. If anything, they were like practical in-laws meeting for the first time.

"Nice to meet you, man." Chris said as he let go, offering the Vietnamese boy a warm smile.

Levi did the same before they both took a step back, giving room for the two cousins to embrace. Jamie pulled Ryan into a wide hug, filling the restaurant with a thump as their bodies made contact. Ryan had explained to him before that, although they were just cousins, they'd grown up more like siblings. In any case, Jamie was the last piece of Ryan's immediate family he'd get to meet.

"I missed you, little dude." The older boy said as he squeezed Ryan- wringing all the worry and stress out of him. He finally let go with dorky smiles plastered on both of their faces, It was almost like that hug was enough to make him forget that Jeremy even existed.

"It's been too long, J."

Jamie nodded, "Well, I wanted to let you get settled first and find your way. Back when I was in school, the only family around was Auntie Cheryl down in SoCal."

"Plus Jamie just got promoted a few weeks ago." Chris added, beaming with pride.

"It's nothing." The older guy said bashfully. "If anything I'd been doing the work of a Project Manager for a few months so now the title and paycheck had finally caught up to me."

They laughed before Jamie turned and looked straight at Levi. It was clear that he and Jamie were related, sharing the same crop of curly black hair that the older one had kept shorter. The dead giveaways were those infectious little smiles they had- like they were in possession of the funniest joke known to man, only telling it to people deemed worthy. Levi would be lying if he said he didn't find the older cousin attractive. Though if he were being honest, he only liked the physical qualities about Jamie because he'd already seen them in Ryan. It was simple math for the frat boy: Ryan was the hottest guy he'd ever seen, and since Jamie looked like Ryan, he too was attractive- though the freshman couldn't be beat.

""It's real nice to meet you, dude." Jamie said as he pulled Levi into a less smothering hug.

"The same can be said for me, to both of you." He added, looking back to Chris as well.

They both smiled and nodded as everyone took their seats. Almost immediately, the two older guys started bickering after Jamie had settled on a Cubano with a side of waffle fries.

"J, you just said yesterday that you wanted to cut back on meat and that's literally pork on pork on pork!"

Jamie rolled his eyes, "Yeah, but not today!. Babe we just drove three hours and I'm fucking hungry!"

Chris rolled his eyes, falling victim to the island boy's pouted grin. The younger boys just laughed, each wondering to themselves if that's how they sounded.

The rest of lunch couldn't have gone better. Jamie and Chris' antics constantly left the boys cracking up, almost challenging Levi in a battle of whose wit was stronger. Eventually about two hours had passed without any of the four noticing. Levi sat there like he was relearning an entire culture. He took in stories of Jamie and Ryan's childhood on Guam- full of foreign words he couldn't pronounce and a long list of family members he'd never be able to remember. There was something about his interactions with all of Ryan's family that legitimized their whole relationship. He wasn't just dating Ryan Blas- the freshman he met at a party. He was dating a boy with a life and a past- one that he wanted to be a part of.

There was also something pretty comforting about being with a couple pretty similar to them. He caught those little sideways glances that Chris gave his boyfriend- mostly because he'd been guilty of passing off similar ones. And then there was the touching and little winks that they shared. It seemed hopeful- like this new world of being gay wasn't so foreign anymore. Ryan's hand on his thigh reinforced that.

Chris got pulled away by a call from his sister, not before Jamie urged, "Tell her I said hi." He nodded, as he walked outside of the cafe to answer it, just as Ryan excused himself to the restroom. It conveniently left Jamie and Levi alone at the table- along with a bit of an awkward silence.

"Why do I feel like that was a set-up?"

Jamie laughed, "Trust me, it's not. Ryan's always had a bladder the size of a small woodland creature."

Levi smiled, "Let me guess, you're the big scary older cousin?" He asked with finger quotation marks.

Jamie shook his head "I think we both know which of us would win in a fight."

He shrugged, "I do wanna know where your head's at with all this- mostly for Ryan, but partly for my own clarity." He explained, "I'm the more jaded one of the cousins but that boy- he wears his fucking heart on his rolled up sleeves. When he told me that he started hooking up with some straight dude, I held my reservations to myself."

"Because you want him to make his own mistakes?"

He shook his head, "Because I didn't know you."

Levi nodded, "Thanks for not passing judgment on me. Ry's had every reason to be apprehensive, and so I always work to make sure he knows I care about him."

"I'd say coming out to your frat and meeting the fam have proven that."

Levi chuckled, "He told you about that?"

Jamie rolled his eyes, "He tells me everything." He paused for a second to drink his iced tea, "and I mean, everything." He emphasized. "You worked your Vietnamese Voodoo on him."

Levi laughed, "Fuck, is that what you call it? I don't know if I should be offended." He joked, having been the first time he heard that.

"Well according to Ryan, I'm whipped. He says Chris has this Chinese Charm on me." He explained, with air quotes.

They shared a laugh together like fast friends.

"It's nice that we got to meet." The frat boy said with a genuine smile, "I was worried that Ry would have wanted to cancel after last night."

"What happened last night?"

Levi frowned, "He ran into this Jeremy dude from back home at a party and was pretty shaken up after."

"Ah. The little straight boy that could." Jamie said, leaving Levi confused.

Jamie chuckled, forgetting that Levi was new to all of this, "Every gay kid has at least one in their life: it's the straight boy who shows some interest in us and makes us think that if we try hard enough, we can make them realize they're gay."

He chanted. "I think I can, I think I can."

Jamie went on, "But no matter how hard we try, they'll always show their true colors sooner or later. I was home last summer with Chris when Ryan realized his relationship with Jeremy was a sham. I was scared he was gonna change his mind about moving here, but he didn't, and here we are."

Levi nodded his head. It made a lot of sense now- like he'd been given all the pieces and was finally able to finish the puzzle.

The frat boy reflected, "You know, I didn't think that first night with Ryan would lead to all of this. But one thing I did know" he paused, "Is that I'd never do anything to hurt him."

He laughed, thinking back on it, "I swear I met him and suddenly everything changed, you know?"

Jamie smiled wide, "Yeah, I do know. I was all set to move back home with my tail between my legs a few years ago when I met Chris. And then the more time I spent with him, the more I realized that plans change." He paused, "And that my plans needed to include him."

Levi felt like he'd just struck a gold mine of info. Jamie, as young as he was, was his gay spirtual guide like Uncle Iroh or Tenzin- really he couldn't decide which series was better.

"Piece of advice from a baptized gay to a born again gay?"

Levi laughed, "Is that what you're calling me?"

"It is now." The older guy teased.

"Don't keep things from each other." He sighed, "I almost ruined- actually I did ruin everything with Chris- because I wasn't being honest with him. I learned from that, and eventually, he took me back."

The frat boy let that sink in for a few seconds, just as Chris and Ryan came back to the table. He watched the tall asian guy give his boyfriend a wink, telling him that their little set-up was indeed intentional. He laughed to himself, thankful for the insight.

They stayed there a little while longer, with Levi taking in all the little family stories of the two cousins from Jamie sneaking Ryan out of the house so they could go snorkeling down South, to the two of them plus an annoying Scott walking a mile in 97 degree Guam heat so they could get soft serve ice cream at the gas station. Ryan and Levi both put up a fight when Jamie reached for the check, but they knew they had no say. Jamie just smiled as he signed his name, saying "It's the promotion money" before they all got up.

They said their goodbyes with the two cousins holding on a lot longer. Back on the bus, Levi stared at Ryan's profile as he looked out on the window, wearing an impossibly wide smile.

"How are you feeling?" He asked, just as they passed the retro movie theater.

Ryan turned, now aware that he'd wandered off into the galaxy that was his mind. He reached for Levi's hand- the tether that brought him back from the nothingness he was dragged into last night.

"Better." He said with a smile. "Much better." He clarified.

Levi nodded as the boy leaned in and kissed his cheek, saying "thank you" without the need for words.