Failure and Success

Kara Preston entered my life on August 23, 1986 during new student week at UW Madison. We were both wait listed for a class we wanted and ended up chatting for an hour while getting our schedules straightened out. It turned out that we were in a lot of freshman lectures together and both of us were planning on careers in pharmacy. The other thing we had in common was a definite attraction for one another. It turned out that we both had recently broken off long term relationships and were looking for fresh starts.

My name is Kyle Anderson. I'm from Middleton, a western suburb of Madison. It may seem not too imaginative for me to be going to college so close to home but I was interested in Pharmacy, UW has a first rate program and both my parents had graduated from here. It also helped that my mother was on the UW staff and so I got some fabulous help with the tuition, room and board.

I caught up with Kara after the first Chemistry lecture and we headed for the Union for a coffee. Casual contact in classes and a few more visits to the Union and we were doing State Street on a Friday night after a brat at the Nitty Gritty. There was definitely chemistry between us and a few casual polite kisses morphed into some really serious spit swapping. The only problem was privacy. We both were in the dorms with roommates who like never went out. Kara solved that problem by introducing her shy roommate to my shy roommate and they decided to be shy together for the rest of the semester. We now had the run of at least one private room and we did our best to properly inaugurate the spaces.

Neither Kara nor myself were virgins and we never intentionally discussed past lovers or relationships. We started with a clean slate and made love with warm passion and fucked with a white hot intensity. I spent many hours worshiping her body from top to bottom and all the points in between. Kara was one of those unique women that just naturally radiate sexuality without any playacting or pretense. The other really great and maybe the most important things about her were her intelligence and personality. So here I was involved with a beautiful, smart woman with a great personality. What could go wrong? Apparently nothing until Christmas break.

Kara was from California and tearfully kissed me goodby as I put her on the plane at Truax. The break itself despite the time of year was sort of sad and quiet. I talked to Kara twice on the phone and she seemed a little distant but I put that down as she was also sad about our separation. Then two days before New Years I got a call from Kara's roommate Eileen. She was from Ohio and was in a twit because she had left some paperwork in her dorm room and needed the information for her scholarship next semester. Since I was in the area could I possibly get the stuff and give her a call? Of course I said yes, the dorm was only 30 minutes away, Eileen was a peach, kept my roommate busy and I didn't mind doing her a favor.

I hadn't been in the Kara/Eileen room since early in the semester because Kara spent most of her time in my room. What I found when I got in the room really crushed me. Oh I found Eileen's paperwork just fine but I also found a carton labeled 'Craig'. Since the label was in Kara's handwriting and the box was decorated with all different kinds of hearts and flowers, I was curious. Inside was a stack of letters from a Craig Gilbert to Kara Preston. The postmarks went back four years so clearly this was a collection from her former long term relationship. The problem however was that a dozen or so were postmarked in the last three months. All it took was reading the letter postmarked December 10th and I knew my relationship with Kara was going to take an abrupt about face.

To My Wonderful Cocksucking Whore

I am sitting here stroking Old Faithful and daydreaming about what it's going to be like to have your luscious lips wrapped around him again. The stupid cunts here at Cal don't hold a candle to your talented mouth, tight little pussy and cute ass. I've got several parties lined up for you to pull a train as you requested. You are also booked as the headliner for the New Year's Eve Party before the Rose Parade. Can't wait to see you babe but I've got to go. Maybelle Hawkins is laying on my bed with her legs spread begging me to fuck her. I'm enclosing a snip of her pussy red hair. That's right she dyed it just for me.

Your favorite cocksman

Craig

I didn't bother with the rest of the pile. I just grabbed a sheet of paper and added my own note to the pile.

GET TESTED FOR STD'S AT STUDENT HEALTH!

KYLE

That night I called Eileen and gave her the info she needed. She thanked me profusely and I told her I would see her the following Monday. I didn't tell her that her roommate would be moving back in. The next day I carried two large bags of Kara's clothes and other gear back to their room.

New Years Eve I went out to a couple parties with High School friends. My ex was at one of them so I didn't hang around at that one. I did manage to hook up with one of the looser girls in my class so at least I had a female to kiss and feel up at midnight. She made it clear that she was ready to fuck all night but I thanked her, squeezed her ripe nipples and saved myself the cost of a VD shot by going home and beating off.

I went back to my dorm the day before classes resumed and ignored Kara's call. She probably wanted to know why I didn't pick her up at the airport. Much later in the day there was a knock at my door and guess who was there.

"What the fuck Kyle? What's with the clothes bag and not picking me up?"

In answer I handed her a three pack of condoms.

"What?"

"Until you get a clean bill of health for STD's you are putting any partner at risk. I"m told there are some wicked strains of germs floating around out there but then you probably would know more about that kind of thing."

She just stood there looking at me with a puzzled expression on her face.

"I was getting some info for Eileen in your room and saw the Craig box on your desk. Read the top letter about your plans for the Xmas trip."

"You don't believe that shit do you? He's got a warped sense of humor and gets off on sending me that stuff. If you checked the pile of stuff there most are dirty birthdays cards and other supposedly funny crap."

"Look Kara here's the deal. Back in September we acknowledged that we both had had histories with others. Thats fine. We never pledged to be exclusive but I stupidly thought we were. We sure acted like it for the last three months so I was surprised to read that letter. Then on New Years I called your house and when I asked for you your sister said that you were out on a date. I asked if it was with Craig and she said 'Yup, old lover boy is back in the saddle.' So, I'm sorry we didn't last longer as a couple because I really thought we had something going. Good Luck in your endeavors and Good Bye."

Kara just stood there crestfallen and not knowing what to say. I handled her indecision for her by slowly closing my door in her face. It took a while but eventually she wandered off. About a month after our split up I got a letter from her and I have included it here.

Dear Kyle

That I am sorry for what happened goes without saying. We were on track to establish a wonderful permanent relationship and I royally fucked it up. For the record I didn't let Craig and the boys fuck my brains out but I was weak and slept with Craig once on New Years Eve. During the preceding week we were thrown together at several High School Class parties but we only socialized and talked. He played the sad little puppy dog and I fell for it because of our long history. Then on New Years he laid it on thick and I fell for his line. I found out later that he had been feeding me EX but I take full responsibility for putting myself in that position. Maybe it's for the best that my inner slut came out now rather than later in a relationship.

I hope that we can put all this behind ourselves and be friends or at least be social. I value your opinions and besides the wonderful sex we did make a good study team. We are in so many classes together that it would be nice to have a civil relationship.

Your friend

Kara

Time passes. I threw myself 100% into my schoolwork and my terrific grades showed it. By senior year I was doing honors work and was committed to the PharmD program. That would take another four years of school and at least a one year internship but the end product would be would be a high paying career and the ability to take over my families pharmacy chain and even expand it.

My love life was somewhat inconsistent following the Kara debacle. I had a couple two or three month affairs that went no where and some shorter term hook ups but nothing that really clicked. Then Fall of senior year Kara was back in the center of my field of vision. Actually, she had really been there the whole time because we were in basically the same career path and classes. She was doing well and we always politely nodded when we saw each other. We had no significant social contact until our Honors Professor assigned us to work on a Senior project together.

We started our collaboration over a soda in the Union and the ease with which we defined the scope of the project and agreed as to who was going to what, when and where reminded us of how compatible we were. She was the first to open the gates to what was really on both of our minds.

"I'm really glad that the Prof put us together on this Kyle. We always meshed so well when we studied together."

"As I recall we meshed pretty well on a personal level also."

"The best meshing of my life Kyle. Again, I'm so sorry I screwed things up."

As I looked into her blue eyes I saw her trying to hold back tears and as I held her gaze one started to roll down her cheek and I impulsively reached out and grasping her by the shoulders, pulled her to me. Our kiss was one that was tied together all the sorrow, anger, longing, lust and a thousand other emotions of the past three years. It was forgiveness and commitment.

As we partly pulled apart we were suddenly aware that we were surrounded by strangers who were applauding our performance. We gave a sort of half bow while seated and with a few hoots and whistles the crowd disbursed. We just sat for several long minutes looking into each others eyes. Finally the silence was broken by Kara asking the obvious question.

"Does this mean that we can give us another shot?"

"I think another shot would be really appropriate. Now, do you have any other classes today? I'm done but you've given me such a wicked hard on that you are going to have to walk out of here ahead of me."

We kissed again which did nothing to help my hard on. Luckily it was a crowded time at the Union and we made it out without further embarrassment. I was now in an efficiency apartment close to campus but surprisingly we took our time getting there, arms around each other's waists while we caught up on family and friends.

Suddenly her voice got very quiet and she said

"I want you to know that I'm clean and on birth control. I even went to Student Health to get a STD test just last week. I know it was presumptuous but when the Prof assigned the project to us I got my hopes up that we could get together."

"I'm sorry that you did that. I know it must have been embarrassing. I made that remark because I was angry and pissed off."

"As you had the right to be. I want everything fresh between us. OK?"

Our progress to my apartment was delayed because of a detour into a doorway for another kiss and full embrace the made a passerby tell us to get a room.

"We are trying to get there" I said.

My unit was on the third floor of a building just off State Street and only was about 400 square feet. Beside the bathroom it was just one big room with a chair, couch, desk and bed. By coincidence I had cleaned up this morning and even changed the sheets.

After dropping our backpacks I took her chin in my hand and gave her another deep kiss. With no objection I unbuttoned her blouse and she opened her bra while I unbuttoned her jeans. Those and her panties quickly followed and I just held her at arms length and admired her beautiful body.

"I've missed this view. You are an incredibly beautiful woman Kara. I could look at you all day."

"I hope not. I've got a few ideas myself that are a little more action oriented. Now, do you mind if we get you undressed?"

Then it was a race to strip me. Care had to be taken disengaging my cock from my underwear however because of the painful erection impeding progress.

"Someones been working out I see."

"Had to do something to take my mind off of you babe."

Then it was time to just embrace and soak in the marvelous feelings of togetherness, warmth and sexual anticipation. My bed was only feet away and she was a light bundle to carry. There was no foreplay. Seconds after hitting the bed I was in the vagina that I remembered so well. After fully penetrating her I pulled back about halfway, changed my angle and found her g spot exactly where I remembered it. No more than a dozen strokes later she was digging her fingers into my back as she loudly orgasmed for the whole apartment building to hear.

As she came her kegels clutched at my cock and I added my voice to her announcement. Our next round just merged with the first with me never completely unsheathing. We did however roll over so that she could ride on top. She loved the control and I loved the view of her gracefully bouncing breasts and the look of passionate concentration on her sweat streaked face and chest. Now we were making love and getting reacquainted with each other's bodies and souls. I had been with five or six girls in the last three years but compared to Kara it had been mindless sex. I assume she hadn't been celibate either but I hoped she had similar feelings.

After our next orgasms we curled up and napped till early evening. We had a cozy joint shower which almost led to another session but hunger won out. Being a Friday night we grabbed a fish fry close by at the Plaza and had a few beers. It was so nice to talk to someone who cared and had intelligent responses and opinions. We must have talked for an hour or more when suddenly I realized we were wasting time. In mid sentence I just reached across the table and laid on a wet kiss.

"What brought that on sweetie? Not that I minded."

"I just realized again how beautiful you are and here we are wasting time when I could be worshiping your delectable body."

Ten minutes later my wish came true and we were again joined physically and mentally. For the rest of our Senior year there was not a single day that we were not together. In May we began using the "L" word and I believe that we both meant it with all our hearts.

Originally Kara was scheduled to go back to California for the summer but with my families help we both got intern like jobs in my dad's stores. Unfortunately we would be in different stores but we would both be in the Madison area. We were both admitted to the PharmD program for the Fall and so we rented a nice two bedroom apartment off of University and about four blocks from the Pharmacy School. Both sets of folks wern't too keen on us living together but then they were realistic enough to accept our decision.

It was a great summer. We worked 8, loved 8 and ate and slept the rest of the time. Our apartment was originally set up with a desk and bed in each bedroom for two guys. We grouped the desks into one for a study, got the beds put into storage and bought ourselves a new queen. Since we were spending so much time in the sack it was only logical that we would want to save our backs.

My Grandfather, Dad and Uncle have six pharmacies between them so now you know why I'm going to go to Pharmacy school. It helps that I'm actually interested in the field and have a head for the kind of memory retention things Pharmacists need to have. I have two older sisters who have no interest in the business, one now lives in Oklahoma and the other in Georgia. With six stores there are plenty of different jobs that need to be done from the menial to super sophisticated. From 16 on I had experienced all the non professional occupations but this summer both Kara and I got into the Compounding Lab to learn how to mix and package generic drugs. At first we were working different stores but that really screwed up our schedules and transportation. Therefore I worked out a deal that we would work crazy schedules and days as long as we did its together. This meant we might have off days in the middle of the week or be on third shift for five days but we didn't care because all of our off time could be spent together. Frankly we didn't care if our loving time was first, second or third shift. Fantastic sex is fantastic sex no matter what.

School started in late August and after the prep that we had had in the real world it really wasn't that bad. Studying cut down on our sex life a bit but the breaks were terrific.

From time to time we talked about the future but it always seemed to be about what and where we wanted to go with our degrees, not where we were going marriage wise. We of course used the love word a lot but for some reason neither of us seemed to have the need to talk marriage, kids etc. So we were together, committed and ...?

The four years of the PharmD program flew by. We studied, screwed, worked and repeated the process. As time went on I frequently wondered exactly where our relationship was going. We were exclusive, I thought in love and should be ready to make a life long commitment but something kept putting us off. Then, when it was time to apply for internships I of course opted for my families business but Kara surprised the shit out of me by interviewing with the big Pharma companies that recruited on campus. When they saw her great grades, super bod and sunny personality the offers started coming in. She was conflicted but then one night she told me she had accepted an offer out of state with a large company.

To say I was shocked would be an under statement. I had no interest in leaving Wisconsin and changing the course we both knew I had been on from my youth. It became clear to me that her going away for this job is no doubt the reason we had never discussed marriage. I was just a convenient good fuck and I told her that. She hesitated for half a second before denying that that was the reason but it was long enough to tell me she was lying. In a huff she left the room.

Rather than fight I went out for a walk and after an hour or so I was walking past a grocery store and saw a pile of cardboard cartons that they were disposing of. I picked up what I could carry and brought them home. Kara had gone to bed so I left a couple boxes in the living room and took the rest to the study/bedroom and started packing her computer and books. It didn't take long and I had cleaned up all of her stuff from there and so I progressed to the kitchen and living area. I then went down to our storage locker and got all of her suitcases and other possessions. It took a couple of trips but I had everything except for her clothes and cosmetics in the Living Room. I was working on loading up her bathroom supplies when she appeared out of bed.

"What the fuck are you doing?"

"Just helping you pack sweetheart. Everything I could identify as yours is in the Living Room. We just need your clothes and the packing will be complete. Now or tomorrow?"

"I wasn't planning on moving out everything Kyle, I will be back from time to time and maybe I can convince you to move to New York with me."

"Why would you be coming back. As you know I don't take kindly to sloppy seconds. You are clearly severing our relationship and I'm not going to be a cuckold. You are moving away without discussing it with me. I am not moving as I have responsibilities here. I naively assumed you did too. I stupidly believed that we were a couple and would make joint decisions. I was wrong. I will help you finish packing. Questions?"