Faith, Friendship and Passion Ch. 03

I hesitated and began to open my mouth in protest to where I suspected this would lead. Rebecca stopped me before I could speak by softly pleading, "...please..."

I conceded and reached to push my boxers down to my knees. I kicked them the rest of the way off before returning to my previous position behind her. I wrapped her back into my arms and held her tightly.

At first, I was acutely aware of my flaccid organ sandwiched against the soft skin of her backside. However, as the minutes passed, I was more aware of our physical and emotional closeness. Strangely, the experience was not sexual at all. Rather, it was a pure expression of our intense love. It really felt as if we were one body, mind, and soul in that moment. It was the one and only time I ever experienced that feeling with someone.

We laid as one and drifted into a deep, exhausted slumber.

*********

Sunday morning, we woke up, dressed, and said our painful goodbyes. There was incredible love between us but also a very strong sexual tension. We knew we had better say goodbye quickly.

Rebecca's conference continued until early afternoon on Sunday and she would drive home later in the afternoon. After she left my room, I quickly packed and headed home to meet Trish and the girls for lunch after church. It was a challenging drive to say the least. My emotions were on the edge as I battled to process events of the last 3 days and what they meant for me, Rebecca, and our families.

Luckily, I arrived at the restaurant before Trish and the girls and had a chance to splash some water on my face in the men's room. By the time I was finished, my eyes were only a little red and could easily pass for just being tired.

It was good to see the girls again and listening to their stories about the weekend gave me momentary reprieve from the pain of losing Rebecca.

*********

Weeks and months passed. I occasionally saw Rebecca coming and going from her driveway and continued to help her with trash on Wednesday nights. We verbally expressed our love for each other whenever we saw each other. Our strong emotional bond didn't seem to fade and the physical desire between us was stronger than ever. Somehow, we were able to resist our physical urges and behave ourselves.

However, I didn't do as well restraining my emotional love for her. One spring day, I was outside cleaning up the yard when Rebecca's family came home from a shopping trip. Like usual, the kids scurried into the house. Jonathan took position on a porch chair with a book and watched Rebecca struggle unloading an obviously heavy box from the van.

I couldn't take it. I went over and carried the box inside the garage for her. Then after she went in the house, I stomped over to the front porch and proceeded to loudly reprimand Jonathan like I had done during the early winter snowfall.

**********

A few more weeks passed and life continued on as normal. One Thursday, I received a text message from Trish that simply said, "Would you mind watching the girls Saturday afternoon?"

I replied back, "Sure. Why?"

My stomach dropped down to my feet when I saw the next message. "Rebecca asked me to go to Exhale spa with her."

I knew they talked occasionally when they saw each other outside but this would be the first time I was aware of that they intentionally did something together. What was going on? I knew Rebecca and I had agreed we wouldn't tell our spouses about us without the other's agreement. Still, the possibility, no matter how remote, made my stomach turn. I obviously wasn't ready to deal with the issue yet.

*********

Saturday arrived and I nervously waited for Trish and Rebecca to return home from the spa. I still had no idea what was going on.

Trish came home and I analyzed every move she made and every word she said. From what I could tell, she was acting completely normal which was much more than I could say for myself. We put the girls down to bed and I went down to the living room to watch some TV. Trish stayed upstairs for a while before I heard her footsteps coming down the stairs. When I saw her, she was wearing a little silk babydoll that I hadn't seen since very early in our marriage. That night, we had sex for the first time in over a year. It was still the normal missionary, automated sex we always had but at least it was sex.

I didn't enjoy it at all, partially because it was passionless and partially because I spent the whole time wondering if there was an ulterior motive behind it. Nothing was said though. We finished and went to sleep.

To my amazement, Trish initiated sex again the next night. It was then I knew for a fact something was amiss. I had to ask. After we finished and were lying in bed, I inquired, "What has gotten into you? The entire time we have been married, we have never had sex two nights in a row." And then inside my head added, "...and certainly not initiated by you."

Trish matter-of-factly said, "I've just come to the conclusion that I have to deal with my past and overcome what my parents taught me about sex. I know it has hurt you and hurt our marriage."

I looked at her in shock and asked, "I'm glad you feel that way, but why now? We've been married a very long time."

"I've been thinking about it ever since that horrible, judgmental visit from my parents at Christmas. Then a friend said something to me that made me realize I had to overcome it."

I knew she was referring to Rebecca and could feel my skin becoming clammy. Probing further, I asked, "What did your friend say?"

"She just made me realize how my issues must be hurting you and our marriage."

I left it at that and didn't push my luck.

*********

The next Wednesday I waited eagerly for Rebecca to pull into her driveway after church. When she did, I was over there the moment the kids were in the house and the door was shut behind them.

As I approached, I quietly but firmly asked, "What is going on?!?!?"

Rebecca smiled and said, "Calm down. I didn't tell her anything."

"Well, what did you say?!? We had more sex in the last week than we had in whole year before that."

Rebecca giggled and quipped, "Well, with her anyway."

I furrowed my brow and made it clear I wasn't amused.

"Stop," she scolded before continuing, "I told her I was becoming really frustrated with Jonathan and needed someone to talk to. I said I had a gift certificate for the spa and would really like it if she would go with me. When we were there, I vented about Jonathan being a jerk and how I felt our marriage was in a downhill spiral, all of which was completely true by the way. Trish comforted me by explaining all marriages have their challenges and went on to tell me about her upbringing and legalistic ideas about sex. She confided in me about how she has always feared you would leave her because of it."

She gave a knowing look and continued, "I told her about a 'friend of mine' ... 'from my church' that was in a very similar situation and her husband was driven to find emotional and physical love elsewhere. I said it ultimately destroyed their family. I was quite honest and told her I believed you were a better man than to leave your marriage but that it had to be hurting your relationship."

I was shocked. "How did you know what to say?"

"The same way you knew what to say to Jonathan...I love you and I was angry about how you were being treated."

"Thank you. I love you too," I paused before adding, "and I want you incredibly bad right now."

She laughed and said, "I know. I've felt that same way since you lectured Jonathan the other night."

We both knew we couldn't, or at least shouldn't, do anything about it. I took her trashcans to the curb and went home.

*********

That was all several years ago and a lot has changed since then. Trish changed shifts at the hospital and we are now home in the evenings together. We are starting to rebuild an emotional relationship together. It's still a long way from a perfect marriage but we're working on it.

I also have to give Trish a tremendous amount of credit for how far she has come in working through her issues about sex. We now have sex a couple times a month. It is still very reserved and nowhere near the passionate, eager experiences I had with Rebecca. However, she is making progress and that's all I can reasonably ask for. It means a lot to me that our relationship is worth enough for her to make the effort. It also means a lot to me that Rebecca occasionally challenges Trish to keep making progress.

Life has changed for Rebecca too. Jonathan has lightened up...a little...on his legalistic beliefs and has become slightly less of a jerk. Of course, that has been encouraged by an occasional lecture from me when I see him being a jackass. They now attend a different church and he helps out a little more around the house. Although still very conservative, Rebecca now wears normal clothes rather than the old frumpy dresses.

Jonathan has also lightened up about whom they associate with. Our kids are now best friends and are inseparable. In fact, that is a large reason as to why Trish was able to switch her shifts at work. Our two girls play over at their house for a couple hours after school until Trish and I get home from work.

Trish and Rebecca have become pretty good friends ever since they confided in each other at the spa. I have to be honest, that has made me nervous but Rebecca has repeatedly reassured me that she won't tell until we are both ready...and she always quickly follows that with a statement that she isn't ready yet. I'm not sure when we will be ready but we will still have to cross that bridge at some point.

Rebecca and I don't see each other alone as much anymore since her church and Trish's work schedules are different. However, time and absence haven't lessened my feelings for her. I am still deeply in love with Rebecca and I know she feels the same way.

The separation is extremely painful but we both know we would do the same thing if we had it to do all over again. Better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all.