Fall and Rise

"Good. Tomorrow then. I'll go get the girls and have them pack."

It wasn't but a minute or two before the front door burst open and my girls ran out, hitting me with a full-on tackle that would make any linebacker proud. I couldn't make out any full sentences but there were lots of 'sorry' and 'forgive us' and 'I love you' being thrown out. At last we came to a rest on the lawn, me on my back and the girls sprawled across me. It seemed like they had grown an awful lot in a very short period of time. They were still trying to both talk at the same time, and I held up my hand to stop them.

"Girls, you don't need to be sorry and you don't need forgiveness. I was the adult -- well, I was supposed to be -- and what happened was my fault. I had already lost your mom and I felt like I was losing you, too, and I didn't handle it very well."

"Yeah, dad, but we could have been more thoughtful," said Wendy.

"But then you'd be giving a bad name to teenagers everywhere," I laughed, breaking some tension. "Look girls, we can go around and around on blame, but I'd rather focus on going forward. Your mom says I can keep you until I got back home on Sunday, so get your bags packed."

"Oh, dad, but this weekend..."

"Never you mind about this weekend, young lady," Pauline interrupted. "Now go get packed."

I watched as the girls scampered off, making sure they were out of sight.

"This weekend?" I asked Pauline.

"Oh, we had made some plans to take them to the lake this weekend. Dave's parents have that house out there. Nothing that can't be postponed. This is more important."

"Thank you, Pauline. I didn't mean to mess up your plans."

She nodded in response, then went to check on the girls. I went to my rental car and made sure there was room for their bags, and soon we were off. We stopped in at the hotel and unpacked their things. They both flopped on the bed they would be sharing as they looked around.

We went to Texas Roadhouse for dinner and I groaned in mock disgust as Karen ordered a salad. (Okay, it was a big salad and it was really good, but I mean, c'mon, this is a steakhouse). Wendy did me proud, though, by ordering a steak, plus a loaded baked potato. Sometimes you've got to live a little.

We spent the evening getting me caught up on their lives. Karen had gotten herself a boyfriend. (Is any father really ready for his daughter's first boyfriend)? His name was Rob and he was in a couple of her classes. She showed me a picture and he looked nice enough, but I was a teenage boy once so...

Eventually I had to make them finish their homework. I just relaxed and surfed online, happy that my anger and bitterness had only cost me some time with my daughters and not my daughters themselves. A couple of times they caught me just looking at them. They smiled, I smiled, and then we both went back to what we were doing. It was all very nice.

The next morning, I took them to school and then made the dreaded drive back to my old house to talk to Pauline. Frankly, I didn't see the point. We were divorced, had been for years. I was prepared to talk about the children since I now was prepared to play as active a role in their lives as I could, despite the distance between us. But I doubted that was what Pauline had in mind.

I was barely halfway to the front door when Pauline opened it in anticipation of my arrival. She had a glass of water set out for each of us and we sat at the kitchen table. I was reminded of all the conversations we'd had at that table, including the one where she told me she was divorcing me.

"Thank you for coming, Sam. I know you didn't want to."

"Unless this is about the kids and setting up some kind of visitation for me, I just don't see the point, Pauli."

"Sam, it's been 4 years and we haven't had a real conversation. I know you were hurt, and the part of me that still loved you hurt for you. But with as much time has passed, well, I guess I hoped that the anger would at least fade. But it doesn't seem like it has even a little."

"Why would it fade? Has something changed? No, nothing has changed. You still cheated on me...". She tried to interrupt but I held up my hand. "Whether you had sex with him before you had me served or not, you still cheated on our marriage. You spent time with him, lying to me about where you were. You spent enough time to develop strong enough feelings to decide to leave me for him. You destroyed our family. He destroyed our family. You left me to struggle financially and get 4 days a month with the girls while you got most of their time and a financial improvement."

"That was just the way it went, Sam. I didn't marry David for money. We love each other and are very happy."

"That's great for you, but has nothing to do with me. What, should I be happy just because you're happy?"

"Well...no. My point was simply that I didn't divorce you and marry David with the goal of hurting you and having more money. That's just the way it ended up."

"Fine. Great. Good for you. I'm glad destroying my life didn't cause you any undue hardship."

"See, that's what I mean. You're intent on twisting things to make me seem evil, like I did this just to hurt you, and nothing could be further from the truth."

"Whether it was your intent or not, you damn sure should have known it would happen. What almost always happens in a divorce? The mom gets the kids and dad is left to be a part-timer."

"That couldn't be helped..."

I slammed my hand down on the table.

"God damn it, yes it could! It wouldn't have happened if you had stayed faithful to me! To have fallen in love with Dave you had to have opened yourself up to the possibility. All those times you stole off together or just spent time doing...whatever the hell it was you were doing, were direct attacks on our marriage and you did nothing...NOTHING...to stop them!

"I don't know what the hell it is you're hoping for here, Pauline, but if you think we're somehow going to become friends then you're going to be disappointed. I will do my best to be civil to you whenever we have to be in the same place together, but that's the best I can offer."

"Sam, you're right, and I'm sorry. I was in the wrong and I'm sorry. But...damn it Sam, I'd...I'd just really like to get past this. I know I hurt you. I understand that. But isn't there some way, now that it's a few years old, isn't there some way you can forgive me. Not forget, but forgive."

I tried my best not to lash out at her even though I thought she was being completely ridiculous. She just didn't get it.

"Pauline, because of you and that asshole, I spent years living like a starving college student. I barely had enough to eat most of the time and I lived in a shitty apartment in a shitty neighborhood."

"I'm sorry, Sam, but how could I know that?"

"You didn't know because you chose not to know. You knew how much money I made. You knew where I lived and they have the rents posted right on the website. You knew how much child support you were getting. It's simple arithmetic, Pauline. But you didn't care enough to find out what kind of conditions you left me in. You still had your life and your new, richer husband so who gave a crap about me."

"The girls never said anything so I thought..."

"You buried your head in the sand, is what you did. The girls never said anything because they never knew. I made sure my pantry and fridge were stocked every weekend they came over. I lived on ramen and mac and cheese the rest of time. Good thing a box of mac and cheese will get two meals if you're careful.

"On top of that I was trying to save money so I could take them out when they visited to do something, and I scrimped even more to save up for that stupid video game. You knew it and you still went and bought it anyway, like it was nothing. Which I guess for you it was. You know what, fuck civil! If we have to be in the same place in the future just stay the fuck away from me. All right? Just stay away."

"Sam, I...I don't..."

"Anything else you think you want to say, Pauline? This is probably your last chance."

"Sam, all I can say is that I'm sorry. I had no idea that things were so bad and you're right that it never occurred to me to find out. I guess I thought that you'd say something if things were like that."

"Yeah, having my wife dump me for my best friend wasn't humiliating enough. Let me go to them and let them know how much I'm struggling financially."

Pauline let out a big sigh and seemed to be running things through her head. I was tempted to just walk out but I wanted to just be done with this topic so I intended to see this to the end.

"Sam, you're right. I simply didn't see things from your perspective, and I suppose it was easier on me to not know the truth. I felt guilty enough as it was and I guess it allowed me to assume you were getting by just fine."

"No sense letting the facts intrude on your own reality, huh?"

"I suppose it was naïve to think that we'd all somehow become friends again."

"I suppose it was. But we do have our daughters to parent, and I would like to work something out. Some visits for summer and holidays, that sort of thing."

"Of course, Sam. I would never keep them from you as long as you're in a good place. We can work something out."

While the experience hadn't been pleasant I was glad to have gotten that conversation out of the way. I now knew for sure that all those times Pauline had asked how I was when I was picking up the girls was just her trying to assuage her guilt. She didn't care about me so much as she wanted to convince herself that her choices didn't hurt me too badly.

I picked the girls up from school and we went to a nearby miniature golf course. We didn't bother keeping score and had an amazing time. We went back to the hotel and I put them to work on their homework. I ordered some pizza and we talked over dinner. This time it was my turn to answer questions.

I told them about my life in North Carolina, leaving out the excessive drinking part of things and apologizing again for how I handled things. They assured me I was forgiven and were just happy we were back together now. They were particularly excited about getting to come spend time with me in North Carolina.

I also told them about Holly. They expressed surprise that I was dating a pregnant woman and I asked them to expand on that.

"Jeez, dad," said Wendy. "You're almost done with us and now you might be starting over. That's another 18 years. You do know you're almost 40, don't you?"

The smile on her face was precious. Kidding each other had always been something we could do and I was glad we hadn't lost that.

"I think I remember that, though with my aged mind I can't always remember hard stuff like that. I already have plans to have a modified wheelchair so I can keep up with the young whipper snapper."

We all burst into laughter. It was so good to be with them again.

When dinner was over they went back to their homework and I went back to surfing online. I didn't want to bother them with the television and it's not like there's anything worth watching anyway.

I called Holly after they were asleep and brought her up to speed. We spoke for about an hour, expressing how much we missed each other and loved each other. I explained my hope of getting some visitation and she said she couldn't wait to meet them. After we hung up, I went to bed.

The rest of the visit was similar, with dinner out on Friday and bowling and miniature golf on Saturday, since we didn't have school to worry about. I was flying out early Sunday and wanted to maximize my time with them, and they were certainly game. If they wished they were with their friends or at the lake they didn't let on.

On Sunday morning I dropped them at the house. At the girls' insistence I went inside and said goodbye to Pauline. I was trying to be a good role model but it still took all I had. I hadn't seen Dave the entire trip and that remained true today. I assumed he was purposely avoiding me.

The plane ride home was bittersweet. I was sad to leave my girls, though I was glad things had been in a good place when I left, but I had missed Holly fiercely and I was looking forward to being with her again. I caught a cab from the airport and went straight to her house. Barb answered the door and directed me to Holly's bedroom.

"She's waiting for you, if you know what I mean," she said, giving me a smile and a wink.

I opened the door to find Holly bare naked on the bed, her right hand leisurely stroking her slit.

"Hurry up," she urged. "I'm just about there."

No sooner had my tongue hit her clit than her thighs clamped on to my head as she came. I ate her to another orgasm before getting on my knees and impaling myself into her all the way, drawing a gasp and a moan.

"God, I've missed you, baby," Holly gasped. "Fuck me."

With just a few days separation, we had developed a hunger for each other and it took several orgasms on her part and a couple of ejaculations on my part before that hunger was sated. We languished in each other's arms for another 15 minutes before the knock on the door made us stir.

"It's been quiet for a while so I assume it's break time," came Barbara's voice. "Come get some dinner and refuel."

Holly and grinned at each other, mostly with satisfaction but with a little embarrassment, then pulled on some clothes and went to join Holly's mother for dinner.

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By the time June rolled around, I had moved in with Holly and Barbara. I had been staying there pretty much every night anyway, so when my lease came up for renewal I didn't bother. It saved me quite a bit on rent, though I insisted on contributing to the household expenses.

With school for the girls having ended at the end of May, I flew them out to visit for a couple of weeks in mid-June. That allowed them to have a week off after school and hang out with their friends but still be with me in North Carolina for Father's Day. Holly took to them right away, and vice versa. While I was slaving away at work, Holly took them for mani-pedis or to a movie or whatever else she could think of. Karen and Wendy raved to me every night about how much fun they'd had and probed as to when I was planning to propose. I confessed to them in secret that I already had the ring and was just looking for the right time. I think they enjoyed being in on it.

There were lots of tears when we put them on the flight back home the final weekend in June. I hoped to have them come back out again before school started in August but there were no guarantees, and the next time they'd be coming out would be Thanksgiving. I hoped to be able to go to Texas to see them but with work and Holly due to give birth soon I wasn't sure how that would work out either.

Wanting to celebrate the 4^th of July anyway, we made plans to attend Tim's party. I knocked on the door and Tim greeted me and Holly by name, which was the first I knew that Tim and Holly even knew each other. I didn't talk much about work so it just never came up.

There were people coming in right behind us so we didn't get a chance to talk, though he did offer his congratulations to Holly on the baby. We went inside and mingled a bit, and before long I went to get Holly and I a plate of food. Holly had become positively ravenous in the last month or so, and even as I loaded the plate full I knew I'd be getting less than half the food. Tim came up to me as I was adding some macaroni salad.

"You didn't tell me it was Holly you were seeing," he started with.

"Didn't know it mattered," I answered. "I didn't even realize you knew each other until today."

"It's a friend of a friend kind of thing. She came to some of the parties last year. Her last one was the Halloween party, I think. She was there dressed as..."

He stopped talking suddenly, and when I looked at him to see what happened he had this far-off, deep-in-thought look on his face. I watched him for a minute before interrupting his reverie.

"What's going on, Tim?"

He snapped out of his trance but still had that look on his face.

"How far along is she?"

"About 8 months. Why?"

"It's just...Sam, do you remember the Halloween party?"

"Some of it, I guess. I was still drinking then so not a lot. Again, why?"

"Well, I guess you don't remember but you hooked up with Holly that night. I saw you guys go into one of the spare bedrooms."

"Sorry to correct you, buddy, but one thing I do remember about that night is the dark hair my, um, date had that night. Holly, as you can see, is very blonde."

"I know, but Holly was dressed as Wonder Woman that night, complete with the dark wig. And, of course, she had a mask on just like everyone else."

I paused and thought back to that night. I supposed it could have been a wig. But even if that was true and Holly and I had an anonymous hook-up months before we met, I didn't see the relevance of this conversation.

"Okay, say you're right. So what?"

"Look, Sam. Holly had just broken up with her boyfriend a few months before and they had been together for years. More accurately, he dumped her for someone 10 years younger. Neither one of you was exactly making good decisions at that point. I don't know anything at all about Holly's sex life, whether you were the only one she hooked up with around that time or even that night."

"Tim, what..."

"My point is, Sam, that the Halloween party was 8 months ago and she's 8 months pregnant. Sam...that could be your baby."

Tim's last 5 words slammed into my brain with such force to render me speechless. Could that really be true? Holly and I hadn't talked much about our recent pasts. She knew about my marriage and how it ended, and that I had found solace in alcohol for a while. But we had never talked about my one-night stands or how she had gotten pregnant. It was time to do that.

I set the plate of food down, leaving it behind, and went to find Holly. She was in a small group of other ladies and she smiled as she saw me coming.

"I was expecting you to have food, baby. I'm pretty hungry. Eating for two, remember?"

"I know. It's just...we need to talk."

I took her hand and led her into one of Tim's spare bedrooms. In fact, it may have been the same one Wonder Woman and I had sex in all those months ago. Holly saw the look on my face and was immediately concerned.

"Sam, what's wrong?" she asked as I had her sit on the bed.

"Holly, I've never asked about how you got pregnant. I've always considered it your business and if you wanted to share then I knew you would. But now I find myself needing to ask."

"I've always considered it my business, too. Can I ask why you feel you need to know?"

"Do you trust me, Holly?"

"Completely, Sam. With my life."

"I have a reason, I promise. And I'll tell you when we're done. But for right now can you just tell me what happened?"

She put her head down in thought, then looked up at me and started talking.

"Terry had just broken up with me a couple of months before. We had been together for years and he kept saying he didn't need a marriage certificate to commit himself for life. He dumped me for some 20-year old bimbo with huge, fake tits. It was devastating to me."

"What did you do?"

"I know a lot of women would have started slutting around to prove how desirable they are. I retreated into myself. I wouldn't go out, ignored people that were trying to help me. I was very depressed and I let myself go. My mom let me do it for a while but eventually started getting after me to do something. I finally agreed to go with my friends to Tim's Halloween party. I had met Tim before but didn't exactly know him, though my friends had told him what had happened so he'd be okay with me coming."