Fall in Love with a Girl Ch. 02

The second chapter of Sarah and Layla's story, read and review as always.

~~~

The first rays of sunlight streamed in through my blinds on this cold morning, and my eyes fluttered open to see Layla still asleep in my embrace. I smiled to myself as the memories of last night came rushing back, relieved that this was real, relieved that I'd been honest with myself and with her. Layla shifted and I saw her pretty eyes open, and I couldn't hold back from her seeing my smile.

"Hi, you," I greeted happily with a peck on the forehead. "Sleep well?"

"Like a dream," she responded, snuggling back into my arms.

"So, we should probably talk about what this is," I began. I would be lying if I wasn't apprehensive about this conversation, but Layla was so important to me and I don't want to screw this up.

"Layla, I really like you. You're so, so smart and funny and kind, any girl would be lucky to be with you and I want to be that girl so much. I hope you'll trust that I'm being genuine," I continued, stroking the curtain of hair out of her face.

"I want this too, I'm just kind of scared," she admitted. "Sarah, you're so good at everything, you're smart, confident, everyone likes you. I've dreamed about being with you so many times, and I always wake up and think about how y...you can do so much better than me," Layla said, her eyes shining.

Something in my heart broke and I pulled Layla closer. "Sweetheart," her expression changing at the endearment, "I've never felt anything before like what I do when I'm with you. My friends, my family, they like the version of me that I show to them, the one that gets their approval. Around you, when we're together, I can be myself." I was starting to tear up myself, but I tried to keep going. "I'm still not sure of my sexuality, but all I know is that I want to try to be your girlfriend, because it just feels right." I pulled her into a tight hug and we just stayed that way for a few minutes, neither of us wanting to let go.

"Sorry. Didn't expect that to be a whole speech," I said when we finally broke apart, eliciting a smile on Layla's face.

"It's okay. Had to be done," she replied. "So what do we do now? Are we girlfriends now?"

"Seems like labeling it might put a lot of pressure on us at first," I reasoned as I always did. "Maybe we could just start by going on a real date?"

"I'd like that, just spending more time with you."

"Also, um, one other thing," I remembered. "Is it okay if we don't tell people about us yet? I'm not going to avoid you at school or anything, it's just that my parents can be pretty homophobic sometimes and I don't know how long it'll take for me to come out, and I'm nervous about things getting back to them. I don't want any of their stuff to fall back on you either, you've had a lot to deal with already." My expression was downcast as I said that and I hope she couldn't pick up on it.

"That's okay. It's not like they'd know who I am, anyway."

"Someday, okay? I want them to get to see the person who makes me happy, just as long as you don't get hurt."

With our feelings finally out in the open, we could properly get up and prepare for the day. Layla had to be home to get some homework done, so we moved quickly through our routines until she was pulling her shoes on at the front door.

"Text me when you get home, okay?" I asked.

"Always. Can't be worrying you," she answered.

I rose to my feet. "Something for the road," I said, and leaned down and kissed her. "See you Monday, Layla."

~~~

In comparison to my magical and emotional night with Layla, the girls' night with my friends the next night seemed to drag on interminably. They talked about college applications, dresses, and boys, and the last subject was the one I was most badly hoping to avoid. Erin and the other girls had taken note of my singleness and seemed committed to setting me up with a suitably attractive boyfriend to finish out high school. Part of me wondered if I could probably get them off my back by just coming out to them, but the other part of me knew it would just lead to being ostracized and probably make it back to my parents, and I didn't want anything falling back on Layla. It wasn't exactly a secret that we had gotten to know each other, and if I said I was crushing on someone they'd want details that I couldn't provide without the bottom dropping out of my stomach.

Since I wasn't talking about the prom like they were, I had a lot of time to think. A vision came to mind of Layla and I dressed beautifully, dancing to a slow song together while I held her. Being together, accepted by the people in our life, this was what I wanted so badly. Then the vision faded to the reality of being at a friend's house, the cold confines of the closet manifesting themselves. I hadn't really thought about it, but I had something of a deadline for coming out so that I could be the girlfriend that Layla deserved.

What I'd never really noticed before was how shallow my friends seemed to be. Other than Erin, who I'd known the longest, I realized none of them had ever said anything about what they wanted to major in. They talked about prom and joked about which girls wouldn't get dates, and I was starting to feel the pit in my stomach open up.

"Can't imagine she'll be there. It's not like we have any other lesbians at this school for her to go with," Rochelle, one of the girls-I hesitated to really call her my friend since she only knew the idea of me that everyone else saw-said, and I stared down at the floor as if I could burn a hole through it and hide inside.

"Does it matter? She goes to McDonald, same as any of us, I'm sure she'll be there and have a great time," I found myself saying almost too quickly. Almost immediately, shame washed over me at my questioning if I was doing the right thing by defending Layla. I was quickly realizing how shaky the foundation of my personality was. I knew I was Sarah Jackson, the likely valedictorian and popular, pretty girl, but if I didn't have the respect of my peers-or maybe envy was what I was secretly looking for-what did I truly have? Who was I, really?

A darker thought came to mind as my cheeks burned with discomfort at hiding who I was. These girls were exactly the kind of people who had bullied Layla at her last school, who had hit her self-worth so hard. I didn't exactly shy away from being seen with them, so Layla had thought I was one of them and tried to keep me at arm's length because of it. I couldn't blame her for any of it if I was too weak to stand up to my friends.

I excused myself to use the washroom and get some privacy. Pulling out my phone, I sent a quick text:

Me - Hi I miss you

The typing bubbles appeared and disappeared before a reply popped up:

Layla - I miss you too. How's it going with the Plastics?

Me - Well, they certainly wouldn't have gotten that reference.

Me - Would much rather be with you right now.

Layla - Me too.

A tear rolled down my cheek as I stared at the message illuminated on my phone, and then another. I didn't know much about relationships, as I'd never really had one before, but I knew that I couldn't be with Layla if she didn't feel safe with me, and if I was still hanging out with the image of her past tormentors that would always be hanging over our relationship. I knew I had to find the courage to stand up to my friends at some point for my sake and hers, and if that meant coming out in the process that would just be something I'd have to deal with when it came up.

I cleaned up as quickly as I could, trying to hide the evidence that I'd been crying so they wouldn't ask any questions, and excused myself for bed. Still hoping nobody would hear me sniffling, I buried my head in my pillow and turned away from everyone, staring at one bit of wall like it held the answers to all my problems. I had finally found someone who made me feel all the things that I thought love was supposed to, but at what cost?

~~~

"Got your eye on anything for college applications?" I asked Layla at our next lunchtime. In all the turmoil of trying to figure out my identity, going to university was at least the one part of my identity that I could control.

"Dream would be to go to film school since that's been a special interest for a while, but with my grades I might not get into that, so I might just go to the local college and see what I want to do," shrugged Layla. "How about you?"

"Love that! I know you'd be great at that," I smiled. "I want to do biology, and there are some good schools near here, so I might be able to save money staying closer to home. You want to stay in the area or go farther afield?"

Layla seemed to withdraw inside herself at this question, but I had known her long enough that I could tell I'd hit a bit of a nerve. "Hey, hey, it's okay," I consoled as I reached under the table to hold her hand, looking into her beautiful eyes as I did. "We don't have to make any decisions yet, and we can talk about things when they come up. How are you feeling?"

"I don't know why I did that. I guess it's just that I don't have great memories here, so I want to get as far away from here as possible, but you're important to me too and I don't want to lose what we have by ending up halfway across the country," she admitted.

I tried to ease her nerves with a subtle smile and squeezed her hand tighter. "It's okay. If either of us gets in somewhere, we'll talk about it, okay? You're really special to me, and I want to be with you. I want to be your girlfriend." Her eyes widened at that last sentence, so I quickly added, "If you'll have me, of course."

Layla squeezed my hand even tighter and nodded. "Are you sure? I know we said we weren't going to label it or anything," she asked.

"I know, I know," I confessed. "I did some thinking about it when I was at that sleepover, and I want this, want us. I really like you and I want to make you happy because you deserve it," I finished. "I do also still owe you that date, and I plan to make good on that."

~~~

Things between us seemed to go smoothly from there. We had settled into a solid routine with our classes and would study together when we could. Even though I still hadn't built up the courage to come out at school or to my family, I was getting over my nerves and letting myself enjoy the time I got to spend with Layla. I didn't know what would happen when school ended in a few months, but for once I could stop overanalyzing everything and just be.

The time I got to spend in my burgeoning relationship hadn't gone unnoticed by my friends, as I kept brushing off invitations to hang out with them and was probably making them suspicious. To be honest, being with Layla was helping me realize that I didn't really like the other girls that much, I just kind of ended up in their group and because I was popular I didn't realize how superficial they were. I wasn't sure if I could keep things from Erin, though. I had known her since we were in grade school-living in a smaller town does that-but it just didn't feel right keeping this secret from her.

The moment to share my news came sooner than I anticipated.

"Hey, Sarah," Erin called as she walked up. "You've been blowing off our invites, I'm seeing less and less of you these days. What's up?"

I decided that in this case, honesty was the best policy. "New partner. It's early days, but I've been spending time with them, it's been fun."

Erin's mouth dropped open at this. Oh, if she only knew. "Oh wow! Sarah, you have to tell me everything! I'm so happy for you!"

I blushed at the exclamation before collecting myself. "I'm, uh, not doing anything after school. Want to get a drink and I'll tell you about it?"

"Sure! I'd be down for that," she replied.

After classes let out that day, we walked over to a small place near the school that was popular with students. We ordered matching hot chocolates and found a quiet booth in the corner. I don't know why I did it, but I slid into the side facing the door so that I could see if anyone we knew came in and make sure nobody overheard. Maybe I was just trying to protect myself, who knows.

"So how did you two meet? He must be really charming to get your attention like that," Erin started. God, I wish I had that kind of confidence.

"Transfer student. Principal Hanover wanted me to give a tour, show them around the place, then we had a class together and it kinda went from there." It was the truth, and I hoped she wouldn't read too much into it.

"Oh that's a fun meet cute! I didn't know we had any new guys in our year transfer to McDonald." Crap. Erin was socially connected enough that she'd figure it out soon enough. I was nervous, but I knew I couldn't lie to her one more second.

"Erin, I'm going out with Layla," I blurted out. "I'm dating a woman." The secret was out now, and I was too surprised by myself to worry if anyone else had overheard. I was too panicked to move, but rather than shout at me or storm out like I was scared of happening, Erin just reached her hand across the table.

"Sarah, it's okay," Erin reassured. "I'm really glad you've met someone who makes you happy. So you're gay?"

I quickly nodded. "Yeah. I've never felt this way about guys, spending time with her just feels right," I explained.

Erin simply smiled and squeezed my hand. "Love that for you. I'm bi myself, still figuring things out too but I never felt like I had to hide it-not a judgment on your journey personally, you know how I am. Have you told anyone else?"

I shook my head. "You're actually the first. I don't know if you've noticed but the other girls actually kind of suck when it comes to this stuff, and while my parents wouldn't throw me out over this they'd just say something like 'Oh, I'm sure it's just a phase and she'll meet a nice boy at university'," I said sadly. "Is it okay if we keep this quiet for now? I'm not sure I'm ready to come out yet."

"Of course we can. Your secret's safe with me," she answered. "Sarah?"

"Yes?"

"I really am happy for you. Any chance I could get to meet her sometime? I'd like to get to know the girl who made my best friend this happy," Erin inquired.

"I'll have to talk to her. It's not my story to tell, but she's had some past stuff and doesn't like to open up very much. I'm kinda surprised and happy she let me in at all," I explained quickly. "I hope you'll understand, I just want to follow her lead on this."

"Absolutely! Do whatever you have to do, as long as you're both happy," she replied happily. We paid for our drinks and headed for home, a weight now lifted from my shoulders. While waiting for my bus, I pulled out my phone and sent a quick text:

Me - I came out to my best friend Erin. It's okay, she's cool.

Layla - I'm so proud of you!! That's a big step.

Me - She said she'd be interested in meeting you, I figured I'd let you make that call since I don't want to force you into anything you're not okay with. If you don't want to meet or open up she'll get it, I've known her forever. Probably my only other true friend in this place.

Layla - No it's okay! I'll think about it

Layla - I'm really happy for you, that must be a big load off your shoulders

Layla - See you soon!

I could finally let out the breath I hadn't realized I'd been holding. Emotions weren't something I could read about or study for, so I was happy that things seemed to be going well in my life.

~~~

The first surprise of the week came just before Spring Break. We were chatting by the bus when my phone buzzed in my pocket. Pulling it out, I saw it was an email:

Dear Sarah,

Congratulations! We are pleased to admit you into the Faculty of Science at the University of Victoria..."

I clapped my hand over my mouth as I read the letter. "What is it?" Layla asked excitedly.

"I got into my dream school," I answered breathlessly. "I was so stressed about this, and I'm just so happy and relieved right now."

The shorter girl reached up on her toes to kiss me. "You were always going to get in. They'd have been stupid to turn you down," she smiled. "Hey, uh, do you want to come round my place for dinner to celebrate? I want to properly celebrate with you and my parents are dying to finally get to meet my girlfriend."

I locked eyes with her softly. "You told them about me?" I asked inquisitively.

"Not like telling them who you are, I just mentioned I had a girlfriend and she's really smart and beautiful and carrying," Layla explained quickly. "My parents are cool with me, they got curious about what was making me so happy all of a sudden and I just told them the truth."

I felt a sense of shame swell in me. "Must be nice to have parents who accept who you are," I said quietly as I averted my gaze.

Layla, bless her, was instantly perceptive and pulled me closer. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean it to come across that way. You, Sarah Jackson, are incredible and if your parents can't accept all of you then they're missing out. Now, how about we go enjoy some good food and good times with family?" She took my hand and pulled me toward the bus stop, and I let myself smile. There would be time to overthink things later, but for now I could just celebrate with my wonderful girlfriend.

~~~

We stepped off the bus and walked a little way, and I never let go of Layla's hand the entire time. Finding a nondescript house, she fiddled with the door before pulling it open. "I'm home!" Layla called as a woman appeared in the foyer. "Mom, this is Sarah, the person I've been telling you about. Sarah, this is my mother," she introduced.

"It's nice to meet you, Mrs. Chen," I offered tentatively with a handshake.

"Oh, please, call me Alison," Layla's mother replied. "I've heard so much about you from my daughter, first names are fine." I nodded and turned to my girlfriend with a smile.

"How about I show you my room?" she said, still holding my hand. We climbed the stairs and she pushed open the door, and I gasped with surprise. The room was small but was packed wall-to-wall with posters for films, some of which I'd heard of and some I hadn't. An acoustic guitar sat on a stand by her bed and a notebook lay on a table nearby.

"I didn't know you played music," I said almost reverently. "You're full of surprises, and I hope to learn more of them."

Layla fidgeted. "Yeah, I haven't played much since moving schools. Maybe I'll see if there's an event or something, serenade you with a song," she giggled. My face turned bright red, but I did my best to smile. That sounded perfect and I had a little daydream about it happening.

A voice called from downstairs. "Oops, looks like we'll have to cut the tour short," Layla laughed with a quick kiss on the lips. "Got to enjoy those whenever we can." With that, we embraced quickly before heading back downstairs.

I was nervous to know if Layla's parents would accept me as I was, but in hindsight I needn't have worried. There was no jealousy, no need to earn praise here, just easy, friendly conversations. I found myself in a spirited discussion with her family about the Oilers' chances this year, refreshed that I didn't have to maintain my image of perfection and could just be me. I hoped that I could get to be genuine around more people and not just be the image of Sarah Jackson, valedictorian and popular girl that everyone else saw. If nothing else, this was a good place to start.

After dinner I sat outside with Layla in the cool air, holding hands and chatting. The snow hadn't yet disappeared from the ground, yet it was warm enough that we didn't have to get all bundled up. Selfishly, Layla had a really nice figure and I liked that I could see it without all the extra layers.