All Comments on 'Fall of Troy'

It would appear that you are not an English speaker (as a first language). Not a bad idea and acceptably worked through. However, you need an editor to work with your English words and verb tenses.

You are a good writer, perhaps better than I but even I recognise your need for an editor with spelling and grammer. Most people don't like to reread your phrasing to make sense of what you wrote. You have great potential but use the free editor services offered on Literotica.

this and although i'm not a writer as one can tell by my comments, i'm just a reader who loves to read and i'm not always correct in the way i spell or say things either but i read typos and tell what is meant by a story and how its worded. I loved this story and would like to see more please, listening to other authors is always a good things especially some that are in Literotica since most are really the best of the best and i couldn't make a day without reading from here. Just wanted you to know i enjoyed this and hope you continue. Thank you for a great story and keep up the good work. respectfully a fan in Texas

I liked it, but will you please learn verb tenses and conjugation?

The story may have been wonderful, but I couldn't get past the first 2 sentences. You need an editor VERY BADLY.

I enjoyed your story, but your use of language is below average. I suspect that English is not your first language. I would suggest that you either write in your native language or work with an editor or school to bring your English up to writing quality. Your imagination is good.

write another one man! fuck the grammar write another one.

at least not untill you learn the lingo of the types , they wouldent of said mated they would of said fuck the word was around back than too and the rich and powerfull used it a lot it was a ok storie it didnt really get me any where though

The story was good, but the language was the worst I've ever seen.

Even though it has some major typos I would still love to read another one but yes this time ask an editor to help that is what they do.

Another thing to Anonymous in UK that was saying about "fuck" being used back then, actually if you would have researched the word "fuck" wasn't actually around until a bit before the 1500s and Helena of Troy was based in the time period of the 1200s so therefore they may have actually said "mated" rather then "fucked"

You did a good job keep it up the more you write the better you will get and you can always use a dictionary there are some online as well.

Even though it has some major typos I would still love to read another one but yes this time ask an editor to help that is what they do.

Another thing to Anonymous in UK that was saying about "fuck" being used back then, actually if you would have researched the word "fuck" wasn't actually around until a bit before the 1500s and Helena of Troy was based in the time period of the 1200s so therefore they may have actually said "mated" rather then "fucked"

You did a good job keep it up the more you write the better you will get and you can always use a dictionary there are some online as well.

I could only skim the story because you had so many incorrect phrases. My guess is that English is not your first language. Unfortunately, in your writing it really shows. Possibly you could write your story and then have someone with strong English skills edit it. Even just letting a native English speaker read it before posting it would help you remove many of the problems.

I do like your attempt, but there are several things I would like to point out. Firstly, your grammar is atrocious--but that's been said, so I'll move on. Secondly (and since I've seen bad grammar on this site before, this was the main disappointment for me), Ajax of Salamis did not survive to see the fall of Troy. It was Ajax of LOCRIS that raped Cassandra, and it was Odysseus, not Agamemnon, who rebuked him for it first. Please do better research in future.

please learn English before writing any more stories

Despite the previous comment, your problem is not with the english language as a whole but with the use of tense. You switch tense constantly. find an editor. This piece would be incredibly easy to fix. it just needs tense corrections.

Ajax killed himself before the fall of Troy.

Athena wouldn't have liked her priestess being molested. She certainly wouldn't condone it but nice work on including a mythological story.