All Comments on 'Falling Down - Climbing Up Ch. 02'

Really enjoyed it, as all your stories.

Nothing deep, just a light breakfast for those who digest unusual phrases

and fairly disconnected logic jumps and take it in the spirit that it is offered!

I have to admit that I was a bit worried about the dessert aspect since they went from zero to 120 in 10 seconds flat.

So ... after being turned down every day or every week for Months this desperate idiot "man" goes out of his way to get these hard to obtain

thrater tickets.... he gets turned down AGAIN so that Madeliene she can go with and old man.

But then she has a ANOTHER date.... this time with a with drug user and criminal Alex...

only THEN does she go on a date with this idiot man... and of course he is so pathetically desperate that he agrees.

and you know what the scray thing is folks? The author winterfrog really does not see anything wrong this this

A am a big fan of winterfrog. Your characteristic voice got edited out in this story. I realize a lot of comments have been made about your grammar, but I think it's charming and accepted it as part of your writing persona.

In part two I think you went overboard on the evil rival. It would have been much more believable if he was just an unpleasant guy, even a bit unsavory and not the personification of evil.

Part one of the story was much better with a reasonable number of twists and the details of the hunt and the kill. Part two seemed rushed as if you felt it wasn't going anywhere (which it didn't), and just wanted to end the thing.

However, Shakespeare who wrote As You Like It and Hamlet also wrote the Tempest. I really do look forward to your next story

But it's the only story about a real man, W.T.F. happened to this site, Yikes.

I always like good endings, and this story has one. Thanks for the good read

It could use a really good editor. The dialogue was weird, the sentences had a lot of extra words that weren't needed, that made the dialogue sound funny.

Thanks for writing!

no real flow. I guess a part 2 was never in line for this story.

Because I know English is not your first language. An editor could help if you wanted to polish up your stories. Normally, I enjoy your stories and did this one. Like many others, the character development was thin, and the story line jumped around. The movement from her wanting his tickets to her wanting to marry him was jagged.

winterfrog actually wrote better stories, in better English than this... Whta has happened to you, dear author, Mr. Winterfrog? The story flow is horrible; the plot is terrible, and the characterization is just goddamn aweful! <p>

Why don't you learn to write better... write from different view points.... doing different things, other than the same story .... about the same poor chap in some small Scandinavian town who's always finding a way to kick out the bitch, and then moves on to find a smart lawyer woman living next door, and so on???

Chapter 1 was not that good but 2 sucks.!!!!! I have read most of your stories and these two are the worst. So write so more stories. I like your style , but not this story. "Good Luck"

I, too, am a fan of your stories, especially your creative plots. My main suggestion her is that your logic was a bit weak here. Could a significant lawyer (bald man) really try to entrap a top female lawyer to be degraded without severe consequences. Wouldn't he and his evil partner much more likely go after a less educated staff person? Also, would that top lawyer suddenly turn instantly into someone to tell your hero that she loved him and wanted to marry him, or would she more likely be smooth and controlled and careful to make sure they would make a solid couple. Still keeping writing, as I look forward with much anticipation to your future stories.

Another great story that was well written and nice ending. Thanks for sharing.

...second rate piece of jingle "The Tempest" on us, and that's a perfect analogy for what goes on at lit.Uh huh. And Lance, what does an Author's particular native language have to do with the value of the work that they present for our perusal? I'll answer for you. Everything, if it gets so blatantly and clumsily in the way of ones appreciation for or even understanding of the piece of work. Anonymous is correct.

Good writing skills and your stories are really refreshing.

The story was weak and the grammar intolerable. You have written much better stories.

Did you lose your editor? This piece did not flow, it seemed like it was a stitched-up group of cliches. As for the grammar, while English is not your native language it gives you little excuse. These are a number of good writers on this site for whom English is not their native tongue and yet they follow the rules of syntax and grammar.

By the way, this is the first time I have ever read such a contrived and illogical reconciliation with a rebound girlfriend. The ending stunk.

...to the detractors who criticise your imperfect English. You are incredibly brave to choose to write in a language you have obviously not been schooled in (other than at basic 'schoolboy' level).

You are obviously proud to be Scandinavian and don't try to set your stories in places outside your experience.

I personally enjoy your stories and yes, some are better than others but they have an - normally unseen in Lit. stories - inherent humour that lifts them way above most of the submissions.

Keep up your submissions. I'm glad to see more frequent submissions.

I see you're still the dumbest fuck on literotica. Winterfrog's contributions far exceed anything you could possibly dream up on your own. All you know how to do is criticize, it doesn't take a brain surgeon to do that you stupid dick.

Seriously, you've left the door wide open for the next chapter. Or, it's all in my own head that the final chapter ends with Marianne and Michael together in the end. Truly in love with Madeleine she dies either slowly or quickly, shattered, Michael is lost, lurking in the shadows Marianne saves him from destroying himself, she finally confesses...why. You left just enough bittersweet sympathy for Marianne in chapter 2 to leave an opening to a continued storyline.

Wish there were more.

... but only with severe punishment such as hard spankings, chastity belt, revenge sex with Marianne as maid, etc, proportionate to the amount of her cheating.

It seems that perversion and smut is the goal of most "writers" !

Damn! I finally agree with Harry! Madeline puts our hero off forever and finally goes out with another man. Our hero gets the tickets so she can go see what she wanted to see, but her first choice for her first date is Baldy. She snubs our hero again and goes out with another creep even though she is warned about his unsavory reputation. During her date with the baldy, she was supposedly worried she better act soon or lose the hero's loving attention whens she sees him with a pretty woman.. Yet, she still goes out with her preferred 2nd choice and finds out that the the hero had been right about her first and second choices. Only then does she come back to her 3rd choice and offer him a romantic, sex-filled night and says she loves him? Very puzzling! Still, I have looked forward to all your other stories and will get over this one. Yet, I am not sure that he shouldn't have reconciled with Mariane! I must have missed out on something here.

Thought the storyline was great but some sentences in this latter story especially near the end were difficult to read. Not too sure if this was a typo or just poor structure (not an English lit person lol).

and nothing ventured says whats to be gained. TK U MLJ LV NV

For sharing.

A happy ending. Madeleline almost blew it but realized Micheal was sincere and a great guy. Too great. Of course this is fiction. Still a great read.

A very entertaining story, that's why I read, to be entertained. Thank you.

A woman who was smart enough to think not just react to her hormones -

Truly a smart woman - nice story -

What I liked about this story is the second woman, Madeline. Quite often the deceived husband's second romance comes across as a quick 'tack on'; a kind of oh yeah after his wife cheated on him he found somebody better right away and they lived happily ever after. Madeline had a more realistic feel. I also liked it that the cheating wife didn't end up scrounging in dumpsters because she knew she'd ruined her husband's ideal of a happy marriage. The protagonist and his first wife seemed to be working things out, and I liked that. I also liked it that while I knew the husband was deeply hurt, we didn't hear all this whining and crying. Good story, you got a five.

P.S.: I don't know if you're still actively writing. I'm an American. You're at a disadvantage what with English being your second language. I could proofread and clean up some of the stuff that doesn't quite come across. I'm not being critical, just offering a little help.

of Americans comment on Winterfrogs "disadvantage" with English. How ironic, as most Europeans consider Americans to have that same disadvantage. English is a second language to most Scandinavians. What is Americas excuse for poor English?

Anyone that can`t read and understand Winterfrogs stories, without commenting on his use of English should remember that this is not English class, and there is no test afterwards. He conveys his meaning and story quiet easily, and doesn`t need to be brow-beaten by people with an air of superiority, especially when their own language skills are far from perfect!

the better smelling of those roses & tulips TK U MLJ LV NV

I think it is a mistake to give the two principal female characters such similar names as Madeleine and Marianne. It is true this happens in real life, but fiction is not real life and it needs to be stripped down to help the reader. In several paragraphs, I had to keep scrolling back to be sure who was speaking at any particular moment.

What would have happened had Madeline not been warned about the client? And that he and her boss were old friends? That might be a great idea for another tale. However, here we have a happy ending. How boring.

Only kidding.

Five Stars

From what I can see English is not your first language sounds Nordic. The story in itself is fine but you need an editor who can clean up the grammar and words. It would not be very hard to do. Keep the stories coming.

Obvious ending,but what happened to Alex and Kenneth.

How can she say she loved him,going on dates with other men,to say nothing of the fact she kept at arms length, only having coffee with him.No the ending of this story doesn't ring true.

I can't believe there are readers statint that this was a good story... It reads like it was written by a grade schooler... I'm not fluent in french... So i wisely don't try to write in that language... And the story... C'mon people... It was ridiculous... Especially the "will you marry me" scene that came out of the dumpster behind the fence behind left field..

-jaye-

His neighbor was keeping him at an arm length all the time, she was even turning down his requests of going for a date, ALL OF THEM. He was sooo dump for not looking elsewhere and forgetting this crazy bitch.

Not as good as chapter one, but ok. To the anon complaining about writing in another language. The only French you.know is as in fries and I seriously doubt you can write that.

"Will you go on a date with me?"

"No."

"Will you go on a date with me?"

"No."

"Will you go on a date with me?"

"No."

"Will you go on a date with me?"

"No."

"Will you go on a date with me?"

"No."

"The guy you're seeing tonight is a douchebag rapist."

"Come on over. I made dinner. Let's fuck. I love you, marry me."

"I love you, too. OK."

What the hell did I just read?

Wow! You have some very mean critics! Go back to the drawing board and if that doesn't work, give up! Just don't quit your day job!

Good follow up!

5

Not sure if English is your first language, but if not, you need a better trsnslater. You said 'thanks' to Dennis for editing the story... but unless you re-edited it after him - in which case you owe him an apology - you need a new editor.

The number of misspelled, mis-used, and missing words detract from the story, making it difficult to get through.

The story itself was almost nonsensical, and very hard to believe... if more details were given about significant events, like her dinner with Alex or what happened with her boss about that dinner, it might have gotten better than an average score.

A really good editor could help with all of these issues...

Poor stuff,not helped by the rushed ending.Dont accept her sudden desire to be with him though the undies were nice.

Yes, there were too many evasions and refusals from dating him on Madeleine's part, despite the fact that she did not refuse to date others. Plus, her immediate question about getting married, right after the first sex? Seriously? The only thing that could have looked more ridiculous was if she had demanded a wedding first, and only then could she have thought about sex. No, honestly, it would be better if he forgave his ex, Marianne, because a divorced Belgian, no matter how good she looks at the moment, is still a little old...

The jump to marriage was really weird. But her being reticent to date is not. She likes him and his kids. She came from an abusive relationship. That causes PTSD in some people. She was getting comfortable with MC. They had spent a lot of time in a family friendly relationship. So she was getting comfortable. She went to the show with her boss, but it wasn't a date, well not for her. Commenters who berate her for nor agreeing to date her next door neighbor and friend and father of her daughter's two friends are being nonsensical. But agreed that the jump to marriage right away was stupid. Liked how ste acted on his warning and protected herself and burned her boss. A more tepid pace after their dinner date and having sex would have been more realistic.

I admit that the marriage proposal was rather sudden. However, I can understand how an abused woman finally finding someone who would protect their, already having had exposure to him, and knowing that their families were getting along, probably already had in mind that they should be married. I think she was just waiting For proof that he would protect her and that he wasn’t abusive.