All Comments on 'Family Needs Me Pt. 01'

This has to be one of the worse pieces of garbage Ive ever read. How the hell did it get 5 stars from anyone?

But you need spell check and an Editor. Badly. Rather mindless plot. Why must all the girls have soccer balls for tits? IMHO the story was too long. Could have been done in 3 I think. Sounds like a rerun of The Rocks Walking Tall. Maybe chap 2 will be better WITH AN EDITOR!

2 stars

DragonRider55

MORE MORE MORE!!!!!!

Very interesting so far. Shows great promise for a good series.

Keep the story going sort of a Walking Tall meets Literotica.

Looking forward to chapter II.

Fantastic story so far and anxious for some more please.

You continue to amaze me we how frequently you release stories and I personally like them ALL. I always like the long absent brother rescues the family plot, it never gets old for me. I do have some guesses as to management and can't wait for the next part.

Focused comments about him being an average Ranger in all areas, yet he excelled in hand-to-hand combat, above average with multiple firearms. Other than that...so far it has potential

Looking forward to the next chapter, make it soon please.

... but I am this time. You got me. I NEED to know what happens and how this works out. Good job.

Not often that I really enjoy a well written story, but this read has been pleasantly different where I can relate to Edi directly. Looking forward to the continuation.

Where is the rest of the story... Who is the management, where is his family which girl does he end up with or does he get all four?

how long before you continue this series??? a year???

I am looking forward to part two of this great story.

Some small conflicting Ranger skill level stuff but not enough to distract from a great start to a story. I look very forward to more!

Written by a teenage boy who watched too many movies. Hand to hand is not forte of a soldier. A solid mma or experienced bar brawler would take him rather easily. The rest of the military descriptions are just sophmoric.

you dont know shit about Rangers was one for 6 years and could take out an mma fighter in my sleep make comments bout what you know not what you think.

Little details I could quibble with, but won't. Otherwise, a pretty good story. Keep up the good writing.

PS. The pervert in me hopes he has already fucked a relative.

While the story is entertaining, I was disappointed in all the errors you made relative to Army Rangers, I was one for 13 years and I had to wince a number of times reading your story. My advice is to have someone experienced edit your stories.

Yup, sorry, never been in any military service. I haven't done anything that my character have done. Not worked for FEMA, not a porn star, not a chef, not a carpenter, not a rich guy, not a underworld crime lord. Nope, never done any of those things. I only write fun stories and I warn people to leave reality at the door.

With all my writing, I write and then review the complete story. I then have it edited, and I review it again. I change the font so I catch more errors. Then I publish the first part. The next day, I publish part 2, and so on. They seem to prevent two parts from sowing up on the latest 25 stories. I am OK with that, it just means part two can take 2-4 days to show up.

You will never have to wait weeks or months to see my full stories. This story has just 2 parts. My next stories will probably be a 1, 3, and then 6-9 part story. One is being edited, one is still being written , and the big one is ready for editing. I have plenty more ideas after that.

It feels like this story was written by Tommy Wiseau...

you write some good stories

I hope there will be many more installments in this brilliant tale. Pretty please.

You have been constantly bombarded by ANONYMOUS. They are the idiots of any of us who publish stories on LIT. There needs to be rules that do not allow anonymous users to comment. In my opinion, if you can't identify yourself, you don't need to project an opinion.

As far as your story goes, good job. I do agree with the reader that you don't really know your ranger stuff, but overall the the story rocks.

really enjoying this so far. not too worried about the minor technical issues / factual inaccuracies, these are just stories after all...

my only real gripe is some of the grammar/typo errors are disruptive to the flow of reading.

having said that i'd much rather you carried on sharing your stories than let this put you off. I've really enjoyed the stories of yours I've read - many thanks

You write like a 10 year old. Please stop until you learn how to write. Please.

Damn this story is absolutely shit. It is the biggest pile of bullshit story I have ever read on here. The shit story sounds like it was produced by a 10 year old. Waste of mine and everybody's time in reading this pile of horse shit.

This was a nice entertaining fantasy. All the muscle-flexing, women fainting, and screaming orgasms I'm afraid seemed kind of comical and I'm really not trying to be mean here. It's just how it sounds to me. You had a pretty good back story, in the beginning, characterizing him as a somewhat below-average Army Ranger, but somehow Ed morphs into super Rambo as the story moves along. I think you should have explained better why he left home and why he didn't keep in touch with his family. The Army Ranger, Forest Ranger, and Deputy Sheriff triangle seems quite unbelievable. You also seem to be running a race while writing and there are some misplaced words. But I would defiantly not give this a 1 or 2-star rating. I am enjoying the read and will move on to the next part. Thank you for submitting this story.

Very well done. The negative comment below is very disturbing. Must be a total moron or is your competition, lol. I guess his forte is sissy gurly boy cuck stories. I thought you wrote a very good story and with my experience being an editor, I win! hahahahahaha! 5 BIG FAT TWINKLY STARS! The all caps means 5 very big fucking stars! Yes, I'm happy.

You might as well start the story with a disclaimer that says "This story rips off the character of Jack Reacher." Then, please, start using Grammarly.

It's sort of funny reading all the 10 year old boy comments because it does get annoying when you incessantly use all these somewhat inane semi-useless see sentences. And it's a very usual trait for young writers not just young boys to say things like I went to the Diner and ordered a milkshake. I went to the strip bar and ordered a beer.........ad anauseun.

What makes a story compelling is the characters and the character development. People want to be taken on a journey not be told about the journey.

You started the story telling us how you were a nerdy dweeb who was the archetypal 100 pound weakling. You told us you were estranged from your family but as everything else you never explained why!

You've got a good premise and who doesn't like a lone quiet hero cleaning up the corruption. But to take this from a cold dry synopsis of a story and into something genuinely compelling takes diligence and care.

I have read a few of your stories now and they all have the same strengths and weaknesses.

The plots are good, different from most cookie cutter stories here.

However reading them is like reading bullet points.

Everything is action.

When I read your stories it feels like I am watching sports highlight reels, but in fast motion.

There is just a brief rushed outline of what happened. No explanations. No filling. No meat. No emotions. Just the bare bones of a story.

There are no explanations of why or how something is happening. There is very little conversation or exposing of peoples thoughts. These are the two simplest and best methods of adding depth of character.

I love reading stories that make me feel good. Some of you other feedback people need a shot up the a-----e for these are stories not true life. Grow brains. AAAAAA++++++

CRINGE:"Wow, if I said that to a woman, I would be in jail. I unbutton my six buttons and then pull off my shirt. I have a white sleeveless undershirt on, my long muscular arms are on display. I don't move, but flex my arms causing the muscles to bulge. I grasp my cup and start drinking directly from the container. No spoon or straw. Now I can flex my arms and my chest".

CRINGE:'To help him make up his mind, I make a classic bodybuilder bulging of the arms. He deflates and walks away'.

CRINGE:'I should be a lot less offensive now. Maybe they will leave me alone. They know I am military; they know I can be a handful if motivated'.

CRINGE:'I sit back, I feel terrible. I have no idea what I did, but I am instantly sad. My bottom lip trembles'.

CRINGE:'Walking through the door, I find George, Ben, Chris, and Terry in the office, waiting for an interview. Jose is interviewing right now. I immediately break out into tears. They rush me for big manly hugs. They're normal hugs, we call them big and manly, so it isn't weird'.

CONTRADICTORY:'That doesn't make me the best Ranger ever. I was never better than average at anything. I looked, but never found anything I excelled at. Hence, all the training and disappointment. Both my commanders and I were disappointed in my performance'

≠

'Even an average Ranger against civilians is an unfair fight. I am proficient in every weapon and excelled at the hand to hand combat. In every course, you learn something new. With taking all twenty-four hand to hand classes, I know a lot. I am above average with a rifle, machine gun, pistol, knife, and throwing knives'.

CONTRADICTORY:"She is pissed at me now, "NO! I won't let them. You can beat me all you want, but I will fight to the death to not sleep with a guy" + 'I push in a little, I am going slowly. This girl is not a whore. She has had minimal experience, I am breaking her open' + "Oh my. What do we have here? To be honest, I have seen bigger. I hell of a lot bigger." That does nothing for MY confidence. "But, none of those ever got inside of me. Misty said it was pure heaven. SHE DOESN'T SCREW MANY GUYS, NONE OF US DO. They are gross and vulgar. They think enough money can buy them anything. Some of the girls it does. Not all of us though"

≠

+ 'My cock is laying at the entrance to her vagina. Without a word, I press into this exquisite woman. She has seen more men, lots of men. She isn't loose but tight is not an accurate description either'. + ' I do learn that they are basically slaves, not allowed to leave. From age eighteen to twenty-one, they have sex with men, then they get to be strippers'. + 'Past waitress, you are a low paying whore. The more they pay, the more they can do to you. It's never no, that is too dangerous or weird, it's always a matter of them willing to pay enough. The women get no choice' + ' Once again, this woman has seen a lot of action. Not a lot of big guys, but enough that there are no worries of her being too tight. I do get to use my full length, that is fun'.

Contradictory(?):'Amber would be a real beauty, almost a perfect body if it weren't for those outrageous breasts'.

≠

'Amber has the now-familiar body. This lady almost has no ass, and her hips are very narrow. No wonder she is still on weekends'.

CONTRADICTORY:'She drops to her knees and engulfs my cock. In no time at all, she is deepthroating me and draining me of seven ropes of cum. How the hell did she do that? Oh yeah, I was staring at her chest'.

≠

'It came as no surprise when the shower door opened. This time is different, she knows exactly what she wants. She descends to the floor and opens wide to take my cock into her mouth. She doesn't get too far, and I doubt it is possible to deep throat me. She did get an A+ on her oral exams. She is amazingly talented at oral'.

Liking the story but no incest 4 stars!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OK. So where's the follow up?

This story needs a LOT of work. So, what about his family? So far no incest . . . .