All Comments on 'Family Reunion - College Visit Pt. 01'

Wow. While I like the original your rendition is super hot!!! Can't wait for the next part.

No need to apologize over the OG writer. This looks pretty much like hundreds and hundreds of daddy/daughter stories here.

Your aforementioned “writing style” is in need of some brushing up:

1. You slip between past and present tense randomly. Did you pause writing the story and then pick up again later, forgetting what tense you’d been in?

2. A LAN line is how computers communicate. A “land line” is a hard wired phone.

3. When recovering from an upset you “compose yourself”. We recompose if we’re writers or musicians reworking an original piece.

4. How did he know she was reaching for her pussy? It’s a land line not FaceTime.

5. When we throw caution to the wind we act with “reckless abandon”. The only reckless abandonment is when unwed mothers drop babies off at the fire department.

6. When his sole motivation that morning was to pick up his girl from school, what possible instinct would cause him pack dress clothing?

WOW!!!!! Can't wait to read more of this story.

So so story. The "tear pussy apart" or "split her with big cock" is very distracting, not erotic, and really not necessary. The turn on with this kind of story is the idea of a father and daughter as consenting adults, becoming intimate with each other, not the size of his cock or the volume of sperm he had saved for her. The general story line is fine but a little erotic revision here and there would make an adequate story much better.