All Comments on 'Fantasy 01: Sis Fucks Virgin Bro'

You tell this story nicely and I mean that since it is not exactly a new topic. I liked the way you paced it and also the switching back and forth between the characters' points of view. However, you should indicate which character is thinking or speaking each time so that the telling does not get confusing. I also write stories here so check mine out if you'd like.

The change in POV isn't 'randomly' as another commenter stated. Except for the initial purely descriptive paragraphs, the remaining paragraphs, all containing utterances, are consistently alternating between Sis' and Bro's perspective - just like how an ordinary dialog goes on. It's just that we as readers in addition are informed of the related perceptions and feelings that causes these utterances. And when one realizes this schemata, I think it works OK.

As this is a fairly unusual way of writing, though, you should perhaps give your readers a hint in the title or the descriptive sentence, or in the initial descriptive part prior to the dialog. In stead you're forcing your readers into a 'what the ....?' reaction, then a phase of analysis and hypothesis testing, before one can continue to read with a confirmed understanding of text structure in mind. This both regrettably detracts from the story's development, and you may also have lost several readers underway.

However, as already pointed out, you were not consistent in your use of "him" or "you" in the non-utterances sentences. You also, in my mind, did a conceptual mix-up in the third to last paragraph where you rather than letting Bro having his own sensations about his ejaculation, make a statement from his perspective of what sensations Sis might have.

There's also typos etc, so that you, from all of my comments, should likely have profited from the use of an editor.

I would also preferred to have something in the end indicating what this unexpected and exceptional event might mean for future feelings/behaviour between Bro and Sis.

Nice story, liked the alternating POV made the story interesting

Enjoyed, then went to see if a chapter ll. While there I checked your bio. and wishied I had did that first. It would have been wonderful to put the vision of how hot you are into the story

Absolutely hated trying to read this story! When writing in a first person perspective it is crucial to pick one view point and stick with it. If you must switch points-of-view do it infrequently and only to show the contrasting view points. what you've created here is a monstrous headache to follow as the rapid shift of viewpoints with each paragraph make it impossible to lose one's-self in the story.

I think the easiest fix to the POV switching problem would be to leave the sister's POV in plain text (because that's who starts the story) and change the brother's POV to italics. The reader gets a clear visual indication of the change without interrupting the flow of the story, as would happen if you (for example) added "Her:" or "Him:" to the beginning of each paragraph. The more common indicator of changing POV -- a short row of hyphens or asterisks -- wouldn't work well in this story because the changes are so frequent.

Good story. I agree with anon below about italics and plain type. That system always works well and in effect you are writing two stories when using that technique.