All Comments on 'Fate'

Continue this great story!

I have to say, the way you can get into the heads of those in your stories make you in MHO One of if not the best writer on this site.

Please keep the stories comming I cant wait for more.

I found the build up to be perfect and it was an amazing story, there could of been more detail and length in the section where they engaged in sex but all in all that was just fantastic and i would enjoy a sequel.

Great writing, good use of detail, and no exaggerations. A truly fine story!

...By yours words, and so well written. The lust of these two shows through, and that had to be shown carefully to be so erotic. One of the most beautiful stories on here, and a 5 star fav for me. Thank you for sharing, and will be watching for more.

nice story-nice couple-hot sex, nifty premise [fate] well-written thanks

Hi,

I thought the story was good but could have been better. You really did a great job in the beginning of the story but once it hit the sex, it just seem so rushed. From the very beginning of the story it was the down to earth love story which I really loved and towards the climax of the story it got passionate but like I said, once you got to the sex part it felt unrealistic. Furthermore, she talked about fate which had me at the edge of my seat and as a reader, I felt for this girl. I mean she has been through so much. However, she is jumped into sex already and having dirty talk sex. I mean, I love how she is so assertive, that is one of the things I love about this character. Yet, it just doesn't make any sense. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy dirty sex talk but that is left when the relationship has developed. She didn't say anything sweet, other than "I love you." I mean, the scene were Rick was saying that Danni lubed herself with her own pre-cum; he just foreshadow his own event and I soon as I read it made Danni look like all she wanted is sex. In conclusion, I felt that just contradicted your own story. Please do not take this the wrong way, I am only giving you constructive criticism. I have been an avid reader and writer ever since I was a little girl. As a writer, plan out an outline as to how you want the story to go from beginning to end. Also, know your characters in and out, how will they grow as a character. Key note: since you wrote a short story. You need to feed the reader in as much information as possible without making it feel you stumbled everything in all at once. Well this applies to all form of writings, but you need to add more specific details.

Out of all the stories I read in this website, yours was more romantic and more realistic in the beginning. Please continue writing and write more passionate, dramatic, angsty romantic stories. :)

I don't know if this will get back to you, but I hope it will. Thank you for the feedback. I agree with you as far as the rushed ending. Writing about the sex has always been the toughest part for me. The love story part is much easier. I just started posting a year ago and it has been a little easier, but still difficult. Chalk it up to my Midwestern rural, white bread, uptight, upbringing. LOL. If you want to, message me through Literotica and maybe you can help me get over my 'disadvantage'. Take care.

I really enjoyed your story, especially plot of being fated together in love. Would enjoy reading more and more about Rick's experiences of being a bottom. Hope you decide to add more to this.

Do you have a twin brother? Preferably exactly like you, but with poor eyesight?

Any girl would be luckier than Cinderella for a lover like this. Heck, I'd kill to be lucky enough to wind up with EITHER character.

I always read comments before grading. I found myself feeling guilty about agreeing with anonymous.09/07/13. I don't claim to have anywhere near the critical talents or even insights that they have but after looking at them I felt that those comments were a true gift for most writers to read. I passionately love this genre, I don't like bdsm in trans love, I really just enjoy love stories. I love your writing and your characters. Please keep writing. You truly are one of the best. BTW I do like it when the girl has a fairly foreword top style. Nothing wrong with getting a "straight guy" to make love with a beautiful woman who has a little extra.😀 Gordon

I have read 3 of your writings today,i can say i loved reading them,really enjoyed reading them,i hope you keep writing,thanks a lot.

This story really turned me on especially the back & forth exchanging of the top spot