by brucewayneegypt
The shifting timelines made the reading complicated, but it also made this story more exciting. Good Job!!
The concept was nice, the story also was good. But i feel something like this will work better if made for TV, or as a movie. I am only talking about the problem i find with the format. Reading this in non-chronological order demands a lot of effort, and most of us are here to relax & enjoy. Hope you will keep that in mind when writing your next story.
Review and edit with proper English. I'm not referencing punctuation, I'm referring to words. Your words are not in proper form. The story could be much better if you allow someone ELSE to proof read it before you publish it. You are putting forth the effort but the content needs a lot of work. Good luck
Fucking Loved It, Dude!! You should try taking up writing more seriously. I really think you can someday do something professional.
...Mallu MILF Lakshmi, My Mom's 2019 - January and several "to be continued" stories?
You are doing very well dear... Take only the positives from the feedback and give it your best. I am a big fan of your stories and my only request to you is to finish your stories.
Great writing.
Please bring us more stories of FIL/DIL.
However pls keep simple to understand, slow and seductive.