by girly_18
This is one of the best stories I've ever read. My only critique is that I would of like more writing about the actually sex but other then that its really good!
Sooooooo hot! Thank you thank you thank you! I wish they made porn like this :)
Personally, I like stories where both people act like adults who are in need and trying to satisfy that need without shame or excuses. This didn't do that. Good start, though.
I thought it was a nice story, though I would have liked to read more about the sex. It seemed rather abrupt but as a first entry, was nice and naughty. Are you actually a bad little girl who has this exact fantasy and needs to play it out? Just curious.
Daddy
While this isn't a 5-star entry, as your first submission, it's a great beginning.
The pacing does seem a little off - the contrast from gentle to rough, sweet to dominating - but that's the kind of thing that just a little practice and persistence will do away with easily.
Keep writing, you've got some great potential.
Was ok... kind of spoilt it for me going straight from being tender to being dominant. Not the best story I have read.
It started well but lost momentum and felt rushed after.
A great start young lady. I,m still hard as steel. More to cum I hope.