Faultless

She tried to speak frequently - to tell me what a slut she was, to tell me how much she enjoyed flirting, knowing it was getting to me. I covered her mouth in the end, using knickers from the draw that she'd be emptying tomorrow. We were done, we both knew. This was the sex we needed to have to finish it.

I slammed into her through one of her orgasms and she obligingly kept the underwear in her mouth as we fucked. I slapped her cheeks at intervals, watching the red of her skin soften before spanking the cheek again, until they both stayed red. By that point, my cock was sore, and Chloe was drenched in sweat, with the sheets under her soaked by our efforts and scrunched under us from Chloe's grip.

"I'm going to cum, but not inside you," I gasped finally, only aware how exhausted I was at that point. For some reason, it felt right not to cum inside her. It was the wrong kind of intimate. "Where do you want it?"

Chloe pulled the underwear from her mouth, strands of saliva following it and the material stuck together. "On my face, on my knees," she pleaded.

I thrust for a few more seconds and pulled out. She moved to her knees just as quickly as I could have moved her and closed her eyes, her mouth open. Her fingers were in her hole, replacing my cock and she waited. My aching balls didn't have her wait for long and I moaned as I sprayed all over her face, into her waiting mouth and into her hair.

"Cover me with it," she breathed as the last spurts of my cum dripped onto her cheek.

Her eyes opened and I saw the pleasure in them. This was everything she wanted but it wasn't something I wanted to give her again. I handed her the underwear and she arranged it so that she wiped her face clean with the inside of the garment. She slowly stood up, with my support.

I was spent and already feeling guilty, even more so when I watched her roll off her ruined tights, despite the way her eyes glazed over as she did it. "Let's clean up?" I offered.

I went first and then she went, separately. By the time she was done, I was in bed waiting for her. She walked in hesitantly and waited for my reaction. I lifted the cover and indicated she should join me, which she did, spooning into me.

"Thank you," she whispered, with her back to me.

I didn't reply. There was plenty to say but both of us were too exhausted to say it. Chloe fell asleep before I did, her steady breathing letting me know she was content with what had happened. I followed shortly afterwards, far less content than she was but glad, at least, that she wasn't awake after me.

I awoke the next morning after snoozing my alarm - not once, but twice. I was instantly annoyed. I didn't do that; never did that. I checked the time and saw it was 8:30. Chloe continued to sleep beside me, having booked the morning off. I looked at my phone again struck by something and not believing my eyes: there was a message from Lily.

I was immediately caught between wanting to open it and wanting to sort out the situation with Chloe. I was struck by a moment of paralysis that perhaps only Lily could have given me. I snapped myself out of it and put my phone down, starting my morning routine.

Chloe joined me as the coffee was brewing. She had last night's underwear on, and it came with the smell of sex. She'd put on a vest top that she kept in the drawer and given that she'd normally walk around naked, I took her state of dress as a good sign for an adult conversation.

"Coffee?" I asked when she walked in.

"Please," she replied with a reassuring smile.

I brewed us up a mug each and then we sat down. There was no offer or question of breakfast - it felt that both of us wanted to have the conversation and get it over with.

I took a deep breath. "What happened last night, I didn't like it," I started. I rolled my eyes as I heard it. Bad start and Chloe smirked as I put a finger up and tried to backtrack. "I mean, I liked what we did but I didn't like that we did it and I certainly didn't like how it came about."

Chloe agreed, "I know, Mike. I knew I'd have to top from the bottom a little bit but it's a shame because I really do think you're made to take charge, especially in a nurturing way. I guess I just misread what you might be comfortable with."

I took her hand and tried to finalise the end - even though in hindsight, Chloe just had. "You're great but you're just not what I'm looking for and I really don't mean that to be offensive. You're great."

I really wasn't good at breaking up with someone. In my defence, I'd never done it properly before. I'd only been rejected or else, it wasn't long enough to warrant a breakup.

Chloe smiled sadly, "I feel the same. But you've shown me what I do want and that's a good outcome from this relationship."

Chloe left soon after, emptying the drawer and putting both her ripped tights and the saturated underwear in my bin. We hugged at the door and then she was on her way. For my first real breakup, it was surprisingly low-key. It did leave me with plenty to think on - in particular, her comment about me showing her what she wanted in a relationship. I spent the next few hours answering that question myself.

What did I like about being with Chloe and what didn't I? That was the question I went back to frequently. If I was being honest with myself, I loved the safety - both mental and physical, that I provided Chloe. I loved that I now could provide that to someone. I loved that I had things to offer her, some form of wisdom; a method for showing her how to operate in a relationship - it felt a far cry to the person I was when I was younger who knew so little about life and relationships.

But I didn't like what she wanted from the world at that point in her life - the drinking, the constant partying, the lack of 'settling' into a relationship. I hated that I was frequently tempted into telling her what she should be doing with her life, as though I was a parent. I surmised, as best I could, that I wanted someone mature but not someone perfect. Someone who wanted to grow together in a relationship - because I had plenty to learn in that regard. Sometimes I was grateful for my wallflower mind and that day was one of those.

It was mid-afternoon when I jumped up in panic and remembered I hadn't seen Lily's message. I grabbed my phone from the counter and flicked the message open before I'd had the patience to sit down.

Lily:

Hi Mike,

I hope you're well.

I wondered how you were getting on with your job search? If it would help, I'd be happy to look at your résumé and a recent application form and give you feedback? Of course, it's entirely up to you and you may not wish to take me up on that offer or indeed, get back to me. I hope you do though.

All best,

Lils x

I read the text twice before I could properly take it in enough. She'd sent it just after 7am and perhaps I was over-thinking it, but it read as though she'd spent some time writing the message (of course she had, this was Lily) and had lost the core purpose of it. The way she caveated the end of the message told me it was a message intended to reconnect and she was not used to doing that. But she'd signed it off as 'Lils' - despite the formality of the rest of the message - and it was that more than anything that made me reply.

Mike:

Hi Lily,

.... I'm going to refuse to message you like that :-) Sorry for taking ages to get back to you, I was dealing with some stuff today. That's a very kind offer and if it's one that still stands, I'd love to take you up on it.

Lily started typing almost instantly after I sent the message, while I was still in the conversation.

Lily: Haha okay, that was a little too formal. Yes, I'd be happy to! I've since made plans this evening so there's no guarantee that I'll get something back to you this evening, but I'll try.

P.s. I hope everything's okay.

Mike: All okay, thank you for asking. Please don't clear your plans on my account and definitely don't work to a deadline that soon!

Lily: I don't mind, honestly. Here's my email, send me your résumé and a recent application form when you can.

I sent over the documents as requested. My brain couldn't analyse anything more that day - I was done. Instead, I spent the early evening at the gym, continuing to maintain the muscles and fitness that I had but mostly it was for my mental health. I worked harder than normal so that my thoughts couldn't run away from me. When I got home, I made myself a burger with all the trimmings - I fancied a treat, being newly single and all. I watched another marvel film and then had an early night, sleeping peacefully.

I awoke the next day to another message from Lily.

Lily: I've finished the feedback and emailed it back to you; I hope it's useful x

I checked the timestamp of the message, my jaw falling to the floor. It was after 2am when she'd finished it. I opened the documents and saw Lily had drastically changed the format of my résumé and I could immediately see it looked cleaner & slicker. It looked professional and I knew it'd make a better impression. That was before I got to the content which nearly blew me away. She made me sound impressive. It was the same with the application form - it was all about 'what I delivered' and 'what impact it had'. I was speechless, it must have been hours' worth of work.

Mike: Lily! You've been up half the night doing that! I'm speechless, this is fantastic, and I already feel re-motivated to put some applications in!

Again, Lily was typing the second my message went through.

Lily: I'm really pleased to hear that, Mike. Let me know how you get on, if you'd like?

Lily's tentative messages led to me making a spontaneous decision that I wasn't yet sure if I'd regret.

Mike: How about I take you to dinner and say thanks properly?

There was a pause for a couple of minutes until she replied again.

Lily: That would be great! I'm free tonight if that works for you?

Blimey, I thought.

Mike: I can't tonight - family meal

Lily: Ah okay - say hi to them for me :-)

Mike: Okay will do

Mike: When are you free?

Lily: Erm, I'm not for a couple of weeks. I was kind of hoping you might have been free this evening, so I cleared it; that was stupid of me.

I was deeply touched again, by the gesture, however presumptuous. Lily was putting herself out there in a way that I frankly, didn't think she was capable of doing anymore.

Mike: I'm sorry Lils, I don't want to get into the habit of cancelling on the family when I'm only just reconnecting with them. Neither of them has cancelled yet so I don't want to be the first!

Lily: How about you tell me when you're free and I'll cancel my plans to make sure I can do it?

Mike: Lils! You haven't got to do that!

I was becoming aware that I was starting to be a touch too ungracious or at least, a bit too whiny. Before I could follow-up, Lily had again replied.

Lily: I want to, please...

Mike: How about tomorrow night then?

Lily enthusiastically agreed and I suggested she pick a place near her work. I regretted it as soon as I suggested it, given her taste vs my bank balance but I didn't know where to go, having been away for so long. Sure, I could have asked Megan but then I'd have to tell her about my breakup and it was far too soon for that.

When a suggestion wasn't immediately forthcoming, I got up and started my day, again later than I normally would but at least this time, the reason made me feel good. Lily clearly wanted to rekindle our friendship and from her approach alone, I decided I would seek to do the same.

I went about my day by applying for a couple of jobs with my new documents and then I left to visit my gran before making the short trip to my Mum's for a weekday roast dinner. Gran was sleeping in her chair when I arrived.

"Hello Nanna," I enthused when she finally woke up.

"Barry, you've come to see me!"

I spent the next hour or so chatting to my gran about 'the old days' that I couldn't remember, because I was her grandson and not her brother. I stayed until she exhausted herself with enthusiasm and excitement, broken only by a cup of tea and cake midway through. She fell back into a snooze with a happy smile. Conversely, I felt despondent.

I walked to my Mum's which was a good 30 minutes away and it cleared my head somewhat. My thoughts again went to Lily when I saw a message from her and a link to the restaurant that she'd booked for the following evening. My fingers scrolled until I found the menu and my eyes searched the prices before I looked at the food. They were eye-watering for someone unemployed. Only the effort she'd gone to and her clear enthusiasm for meeting up stopped me cancelling out of principle. I endeavoured to go, have a good time and not think about it.

_

Megan looked happier than I'd ever seen her. It was only a few minutes into dinner that she announced why, after our incessant prompting. "Okay, fine," she blushed, always embarrassed to be the centre of attention. "I've just got a promotion and also, Mathew's asked me to move in with him."

"Wow, congratulations!" Mum and I echoed, before getting up and hugging her in turn. Megan was bright red but looked pleased.

"I hope he's not asked you to move in off the back of your promotion?"

"'Mike!" Mum scolded.

Megan smiled at me - she knew I was fond of him and was saying it in jest. She flicked some gravy at me from the roast potato on her fork, in response.

"Hey! Keep it adult you two!" Mum told us off again but this time there was a motherly smile on her face. "What about you, Michael? Any good news to share?"

I shrugged. "Not really, not yet."

"What about with the girl you're seeing?"

I noted the description - Mum wasn't happy with the age-gap when Megan ratted me out. "We're, erm, not seeing each other anymore."

Megan looked over but didn't pass judgement, just about. Mum was quick to jump on it though. "Well, how's Lily?"

I rolled my eyes and Megan looked down at her food, a grin on her face. My Mum wasn't even close to subtle with her views on who I should be with. In her defence, Lily was just about the only woman she knew in my life. That we were in different worlds now made no difference to her.

"I'm actually meeting her for dinner tomorrow, and she said to say hello." I took strange pleasure in how quickly Megan's head snapped over. "Not in 'that' way," I hastened to add. "It's a thank you for her helping me with my job applications. We're barely friends anymore, we hadn't even been speaking."

I explained what happened during the cocktail evening, the realisation I'd come to and how Lily had clearly come to the same. Megan had already heard it but made like it was new to her, as another way to have a conversation about Lily & I, with my Mum now as backup.

My Mum snorted, as though I'd misread it all. It was unlikely anyone would see it a different way, never mind me, who knew her and myself so well. "You're a handsome boy, I can't imagine why she'd not want to spend time with you."

It was my turn to snort. "Mum, that's nice of you but I'm not handsome and I'm certainly not a millionaire-type that she's used to spending her time with. I don't get the impression that she wants to spend time with people who knew her before she was perfect."

It was clear that Meg and my Mum saw it differently. "You make it sound like wanting to be the best you can be is a bad thing," Mum cut in strongly.

"She's not 'wanting' to be, she is," I defended myself. "She's pretty much faultless."

"You're finding fault in her easy enough," Megan reasoned a little bluntly. "So, I can't see how that works. I think you need to grow up and to be honest, be less of an ass."

"Look, this is not the point," I replied, keen to exit this topic ASAP and not let Megan built up a head of steam. "The point is I don't see her, or the person she is, that way."

"Yeah, he's fucked it up anyway,"

"Megan Jane!"

"Sorry," Megan apologised. You wouldn't have guessed she was 26. "Mike's messed it up anyway. The girl he was seeing is her cousin."

My Mum was aghast, dropping her fork comically. I felt my face flush. "Her cousin?!"

"Through marriage," I defended pointlessly.

"Oh sorry, through marriage, twice removed with a rainbow on top." Megan shot back sarcastically.

I flicked a pea at her and ate my food quietly. Mum and Megan fell silent too.

***

I arrived for dinner the following evening in a blue suit I'd found on sale that fit me a lot better, and a white shirt. I felt like I looked professional, even if I was far from it at that point. Lily had chosen an upscale Indian restaurant that looked nothing like an Indian restaurant I had ever been to.

I arrived before her this time, hanging my suit jacket on a nearby hook and rolling my sleeves halfway up my forearm to stop them getting dirty later. Unlike Lily, I didn't hesitate to order and was sipping a beer which had been poured from a bottle into a glass for me, at my distress.

Lily arrived shortly after 7, walking in gracefully. She saw me and smiled but still waited for the waiter to hurry over and usher her over, rather than just walking the 10 yards to me. I mentally chastised myself for noticing it.

The waiter took her coat from her, and I saw that she was in pink heels and a complimentary pink and white dress. It was a professional-looking dress that yes, looked exceptionally good on her as pretty much anything would, but it didn't overly flatter her breasts in the way that another dress with a plunging neckline could. It wasn't a date dress. Her hair flowed down to the top of her elbows and her face had just the slightest bit of makeup - she looked radiant.

I stood and we hugged warmly, as though the silence between us over the last few weeks didn't exist. I ordered us still water for the table while Lily looked over the drink's menu. They brought the water out in an unopened and expensive bottle instead of a jug from the tap (who was I kidding?) but in that time, Lily had chosen the drink she wanted, and the waiter had gone off to sort her a G&T with the man behind the restaurant bar. She looked a little nervous, if I was reading her right.

"This is really nice," I offered, wanting to make an effort.

The conversation with my family had stayed with me and something approaching guilt was starting to eat at me. I was being a dick, in all honesty and I needed to change.

Lily looked relieved, her shoulders fell an infinitesimal amount and she seemed to breath easier. "I'm glad, I was hoping you'd like the cuisine given where you spent the last few years." Her eyes widened. "I mean, sorry, that was nonsense, different parts of the world."

I laughed and she grinned. Surprisingly, she didn't recoil at my drawing attention to the table, in the way she had at the cocktail bar. "It's fine Lils, I like spicy food."

"There's plenty of vegetarian options too," she carried on, still trying to justify her decision. She must have known the price was steep.

I narrowed my eyes and leaned forward, "You know I'm not vegetarian, right?"

Lily was alarmed by my reaction. "Oh no, I am. I'm the vegetarian," she clarified.

I chuckled, leaning back as her drink arrived. "I was teasing you, I gathered."

Lily didn't reply and now looked flushed. She adjusted the watch strap on her wrist and then picked up the menu to scan it. I did the same, feeling bad at my misplaced attempt to put her at ease. In the end, I'd only put myself at ease, at her expense. You can't stop being a dick, can you Ike?