February Sucks - BTB

"If that's true, then I guess we never had what I thought we did." Linda's face fell.

"Jim, honey,..." She looked worried. "Did you pack my lingerie for me? I thought I would wear them tonight so we can reconnect."

"No, I gave them away." I said it in the angriest voice she's ever heard. "When you turn your phone back on you can see where it went."

"Jim, I bought them especially to share with you. I was hoping to do that tonight to start making up for..."

"I got that hotel room especially to share with you, and we know how well that worked, now don't we?" Her eyes dropped to the floor. I fought for self-control, again.

"Was it everything you expected?" The question hung in the air. Finally, Linda met my eyes, a worried look on her face.

"Jim, I know you have questions. I know we need to talk, and I'll tell you whatever you want to know, honestly and completely. But are you sure you want to know... that? I'll tell you honestly, but I don't want to hurt you."

"It's a little late to be thinking about not hurting me, isn't it?"

Linda winced. "I know, but I'm afraid that telling you what happened will hurt you more, and that will make it harder for us... well, for you to get past this so we can go on with our marriage. Can't we concentrate on the future? We can't let just one night ruin our whole lives."

"That's something else you should have thought about last night," I responded. I pointed to a little crystal vase that Linda loved, which always sat on our mantelpiece. "How many times would I have to throw that vase against the fireplace for it to shatter? Then what would it take for you to 'get past' my breaking it? Even if there were some way to mend it, to put it back together, it would never be the same, would it?"

"Jim, you know how much I love that vase, but I can do without it. Our marriage, what we've built together over almost ten years, is far stronger, and more beautiful, than that vase. Our love is built to weather storms and last a lifetime. That, I can't do without. I know you're hurting, badly. I know I need to make it up to you, and I will, whatever it takes. But above all, I know you love me enough that eventually, you'll get past your hurt and we'll be fine."

"Until last night, I knew you loved me enough that you would never cheat on me. I guess we were both wrong."

Linda slumped back into her chair.

"So, was the night, and morning, with Asshole everything you expected?"

"Marc isn't an asshole. He's a good man, a gentleman. I think you would like him, if things were different."

"He is an asshole. Any so-called man who walks up to a woman who is with someone else, not caring whether she's married or attached, and takes her away from him and takes her home and fucks her, just because he can, is an asshole."

"Jim, Marc didn't take me away from you. He couldn't."

"If he didn't take you away from me, where the hell were you last night?"

"Well, okay, he took me away for the night, but I'm here with you now, and I'll stay with you for the rest of my life."

"Yeah, you're here with me now because Asshole got what he wanted and now he's done with you."

"No, you're wrong. I'm here because I love you, because I'm your wife, and this is our home that we share."

"Right. So if Asshole had asked you to stick around this afternoon so he could fuck you some more, where would you be right now?"

Linda at least had the grace to blush. "Okay, you're right about that. But Marc was kind and respectful to me the whole time I was with him, and I wish you wouldn't call him that."

"Well, my wishes haven't counted for shit with you since Asshole walked up to you last night, now have they? So why in the fucking hell should yours count with me?" I had risen from my chair to hurl the words at her. She cringed back, frightened. I slumped back into my chair and tried to regain control of myself.

"All right, then. We'll try again. Was it everything you expected?"

"Everything and more." There was both sympathy and resolution in her gaze as she looked directly at me.

"I hope one night was worth throwing away your marriage and fucking up our poor children. I will be divorcing you post-haste."

Linda looked shocked. "No!! You can't, you just can't. Our marriage is too strong. And the children, what about Emma and Tommy. Don't you love them?"

"Yes, of course I love them. You know that very well. In fact you're banking on that aren't you? Were they one of your fallbacks in case I was as pissed as I am now? You figured you could use them to make me stay! You obviously never thought of their welfare last night. Even now, have you even wondered how they are, where they are at noon when we were supposed to pick them up hours ago?"

Her eyes got big and teared up. "Honey, I'll go get them now. I'm sorry I was so late. Jim, I would never use our children as bargaining chips."

"You will shower before you pick them up."

"I took a shower before I came home. You know I would never..."

"No I don't, and I prefer that Emma and Tommy don't smell sex and Asshole on you." Linda looked shocked by my anger.

"Ok Jim, I'll take another shower. Whatever it takes to get past this. Please, Jim, think of Emma and Tommy. Think of what it could do to them."

I snapped at her. "You mean like you were thinking last night about what you were doing to them? No. You don't get to say that. You don't get to hide behind them."

She turned crying as she climbed the stairs and entered the master bedroom.

"WHAT THE FUCK!!!!' WHO ARE YOU?" I could barely hear a peep from Jenna but I knew I had to bail her out. I took the stairs two at a time.

At the bedroom door I said, "Come here Jenna." Jenna sprung into my arms as Linda wailed in the background. I told Jenna to grab the dinner I made and lock herself in the basement. I told her I would be down later.

With her hands over her face and still sobbing uncontrollably, Linda hiccuped through a question. "What is going on? Why is that naked girl in our bed? Why are the sheets soaked?" And she reverted back to loud wailing. She was a wreck so I waited at least fifteen minutes as she began to calm down a little. "How could you cheat on me?" She thought I would answer but I considered it a rhetorical question. "Why do you have your gun in your waistband? Are you going to kill me?"

"I was going to kill you both, but that idea went away just like several others once I thought about Emma and Tommy. I love them so much, I have to try to keep them from any pain caused by you."

"I had no idea this would hurt you so badly. I will do anything to get us back to the way we were."

I spat, "HAH, Yeah right, we can't go back. You did the unthinkable, now things are going to go the way I say so this family doesn't fall apart. Now take a shower and go pick up the kids and when you get back you can change the sheets on your bed."

"Our bed?"

"No, I live in the basement now." She cried hysterically.

"This isn't over!!" she blurted as I turned to go check on Jenna.

When I reached the basement Jenna looked like a deer in the headlights. She looked at me sadly, "Did I do OK?" I felt bad for putting her through that.

"I'm sorry I did that. I owe you one. I sent her up to find you. It wasn't the right thing to do, I'm sorry."

"So I did good then?" I nodded and her face perked up into a smile. "Good, and I'm glad you owe me. My price is another date."

I smiled for the first time since last night.

"Listen, you can stay here if you want but the ex and I will be discussing things for a while I imagine. Like I said before, you have my number, I will always be happy to talk to you." Jenna gathered her things and left after a blood warming kiss. I really didn't want to see her leave but it's for the better. I think I could grow attached to her very easily. Maybe I should think hard about that relationship, I didn't want to hurt her or me for that matter.

Linda returned with Emma and Tommy who jumped in my arms making me feel loved again. It seemed like years since I last hugged them. Linda smiled with the apparent thought that the kids would help us get back to normal. In my mind there was a new normal. Linda and I agreed to talk after the kids were in bed.

"So tell me about the girl," Linda said apprehensively.

"Jenna is just a sweet girl that works at the hotel. I needed a distraction and she wanted me."

Linda shook her head. "I never in a million years could have imagined..."

"Ditto."

"It hurts so bad. I guess I deserve that. I didn't realize how devastating that could be. But now we're even and things can go back to normal."

"Nope, normal is gone. This wasn't tit for tat, this is how things will be from now on. You should turn your phone back on."

"I did when I left to get the kids. I'm a little puzzled. I have 20 missed calls and a ton of texts that I haven't read yet. Why has Dave been trying to talk to me so badly? I also have a lone text from you that I haven't looked at. I can't do this now."

"Last night when you left, my so called friends tried to tell me I was being unreasonable. I can't divorce you for one night. These are the same ones who all agreed that cheating is one and done. But since it was asshole, it was ok. Dave even called me a crybaby and told me to get over it. So I left the club and walked, ALONE, to the hotel where I got a room on the 15th floor in a different name. I planned to dive into the pavement." Linda gasped loudly then began crying. "Fortunately Dee caught me on the way. She barged into the room with me and when she realized I was about to jump she grabbed me. She begged me not to do it. She said you would never forgive her. She said it was her fault because she encouraged you. I don't agree, I think you had every opportunity to stop and chose to keep going. I blame you. My dead body on the pavement would be the perfect price."

She began crying again louder saying, "no, no, no."

"But she did stop me. She told me she would do anything if I came back inside. I told her to put on the lingerie you bought. She did. I asked her to fuck me. She apparently has always wanted to. I told her I would call Dave and ask him if she could stay and talk. But I sent you and Dave a picture of her in the underwear and called him to tell him I was about to fuck Dee, then I hung up." Linda gasped several times during the story and now had big shocked eyes.

"I fucked Dee all night until morning while Dave was searching for her. Dee was pretty good. She even gave me my first taste of anal. She said I was the best she's ever had. She couldn't understand what Asshole could possibly do that was better than me. I couldn't answer her."

"Oh my god!!" Linda was sobbing steadily. It was hard to ignore the pain and sorrow of a woman I loved deeply less than 24 hours ago. "So the gun is for protection?"

"At first it was. Once it was in my hands, though, I really considered going to kill you both. The smug asshole and flippant whore. That would leave me in jail and the kids parentless. I couldn't deal with that outcome so that idea was scrapped. Then I realized that if you walked in the front door to find my head blown off, at least the kids would have one possibly regretful mother."

"I-I'm already regretful. This can't be happening. Did I hurt you this badly? I thought you would get over this. Dee said you would just be mad for a couple days then things would be fine. How do we fix this?"

"I told you, it's too late. We are done. I get over it with sex therapy. Jenna did that for me this morning. It works for the time that I'm fucking, then I go back to hating you and my life."

She winced at my words. She looked afraid. "So what now?"

I looked her in the eyes with anger. She will never see loving eyes from me again. "Two choices. First is that you toss me aside for good and go find a new cuckold to raise our kids and get left behind by his wife. Second is the one I prefer but I suspect you won't like. We remain our children's loving parents. Live in the same house. Treat each other civilly. Never have sex again. Sleep in different rooms. And have an open marriage otherwise until the kids leave home. Then we divorce."

"OH my god!! Can we ever fix this. What have I done? I love you so much. I don't want to have sex with other men, I want to make love to you. Marc was just one night, you are my husband now and forever."

"One night was all it took to destroy everything. Trust me, I should be dead. Just be happy you have me paying the bills. That's all you really care about anyway isn't it?" My words were harsh and spoken with venom. I could only think of how she was willing to fuck up everything and everyone she was supposed to love.

There was a knock at the door. I pulled out my gun. "WHO IS IT!!"

"Officer Adams, metro police."

I stowed my gun. "You may come in, but be aware I'm carrying a loaded gun. Not a threat, just being up front."

"Thank you for the heads up." He opened the door tentatively. "I came to inform you that David Govan has been served his restraining order. I spoke to him about what happened and how serious it would be to violate the order. He said he would leave you alone."

I thanked the officer and he left. Linda looked like she was ready to have a breakdown.

"You realize if he comes here I will have to kill him.." Just then Linda's phone pinged for a text. She read it with a look of horror.

"Dave threw Dee out of the house. She's looking for a place to stay. What a mess this is all becoming." She sobbed probably realizing that our circle of friends was destroyed. Yesterday she would have been in my arms getting consoling strokes down her back and reassuring words. Today she stands alone with her wounds.

I pulled my phone out and called Dee while Linda cried her eyes out. "Hi Dee, we have a spare room for you here if you like." Linda wasn't aware I was on the phone at first then went wide eyed.

"What are you doing!!! She can't come here. You just broke up her marriage. You just slept with her!!!"

"You wouldn't turn down your best friend when she really needs us would you? I figure if she's here in the house I can have some more fun when the kids are at school or late at night. You don't mind do you? It's just sex."

Linda's shaking hands came up to her mouth while her eyes streamed tears. Her eyes were now a big puffy mess. The skin on her face had blotchy red spots all over. "How did all of this happen in just one day? I can't go on like this."

"Don't worry Linda, I'm sure you'll get used to it over time."

Linda graciously set up Dee in the spare bedroom upstairs. We went to bed in separate beds that night. It was strange knowing she was upstairs without me next to her. I had loved her so much. It felt like I was throwing away the best part of my life.

We explained to the kids that Dee would be staying with us for a while. We also let them know about not sleeping in the same room. We didn't give a reason since they didn't ask. Linda and I played our parts in front of the kids at breakfast. The hardest part was showing a little physical affection knowing it was just for show. I'm sure it was harder on Linda.

I left for work realizing that Linda and Dee had a great deal to work out in their friendship. At least Linda now had a shoulder to cry on, someone who might have a sympathetic ear. They could both now be each other's support in this difficult time. In my fantasy world the two would rue the night they saw Asshole. If they were truly best friends, then I suspected Dee would never again have sex with me.

While at work I received a text from Dave. It was a violation of the restraining order but I wasn't really concerned about texts. In it he said he now understands why I was so distraught over Linda's affair. He has never felt that kind of pain before. He said he went through many of the same thoughts I had, killing himself, killing us, but decided on a simple divorce. He said he still hates me but would never be in contact again.

The next Saturday I had a date with Jenna. It was a nice night of dinner and dancing. I got some interesting looks from people with my 20 year old girlfriend. We got home late and went to my basement bedroom. I didn't see Linda who must have gone to bed. Jenna was horny as a teenager, so we fucked and fucked. She came loudly four or five times. It was a good thing we were in the basement two floors from the kids. She left discreetly in the middle of the night.

Sunday morning I started cooking a big breakfast. I put on the fake happy face for Emma and Tommy. Linda however looked terrible and was not putting forth a happy face. "Can I talk to you in the living room?" She nodded and followed me. "You aren't very convincing, you look miserable."

"I didn't sleep all night. First I couldn't sleep with you being out doing who knows what. Then you came home and disappeared into the basement. I still couldn't sleep so I went to get a drink. I heard Jenna getting the fucking of her life. She was screaming out in ecstasy. I was so fucking hurt and jealous. I can't do this and seem happy."

"Listen, for the sake of the kids, I will stop bringing my dates home. Jenna lives with her parents so I will get a room if I'm with her. I told her last night that we can only go out once a month. I don't want it to become more than sex."

"Are you really going to keep this going? We had the greatest marriage in history. Can't we try to work this out? I can't live with you not being my husband. What can I do to make you understand. I love you so much. How can I show you that it's still just me?"

"This is the last time I will answer this question so I suggest you listen to understand. You threw me aside for another man on a special night for you and me as husband and wife. I had been looking forward to our special night. You threw that in my face and cuckolded me instead. You purposely hurt the one you claimed to love so much for a selfish night of lust. You humiliated me in front of every friend we had. You left me alone for the whole special night without so much as a text. You weren't thinking of me or the kids. I will NEVER get past that. You broke our marriage beyond repair. I could never have sex with you again without thinking you are comparing or just straight out thinking of him. It would never matter what you claimed you were thinking because in my mind you would be lying. You are absolutely right that we had the greatest marriage in history, that just makes it that much more tragic that you could so easily risk it all. Yes it's still just you, and that is the problem." She bowed her head in defeat.

The following Friday Dee and Linda decided to go out to take their minds off their problems. I was taken aback when Linda had the nerve to wear the blue dress again. She looked gorgeous. My heart sank with loss. I suspected they hoped I would be jealous. I was, but not enough. I watched Emma and Tommy for the night. We watched a movie and ate popcorn until about 9pm when I put them to bed.

I was surprised when I heard the girls get home at only 10 o'clock. Was she bringing another man home to rub in my face? It wouldn't work, I don't care anymore. They came in the front door but Linda went straight upstairs crying her eyes out.

I looked at Dee who looked at her feet. "What happened? Why is Linda so upset?"

"We decided to go back to Morrison's tonight. I guess we were hoping Marc might show up again. Well sure enough he did show up. He came over to our table and asked where our husbands were. We told him we were essentially single now. We smiled like it was a good thing. Marc said, 'That's a shame. I only take married women from their husbands. That's kind of my thing. I get off on humiliating them. Then fucking them so well, the husband can never measure up.' So he leaves us, goes to another table and asks some poor fool's wife to dance. He looked shocked. We left before we saw the punchline. Jim, I know Linda has never apologized or shown remorse but I hope you know she's hurting badly. As for me, I want to give you my apology for the part I played. I never imagined it could have ended so badly. I am glad Linda and I have each other right now."