February Sucks - Linda's Choice Ch. 04

Tommy surprised me by covering it with his other hand, then bolting for the stairs and running out of my view.

Emotionally distraught, I broke down again.

***

"Hi Bella," I said after she picked up.

"I've been expecting your call," she reminded me as she answered.

"You have?"

"Yes. I flew in last night after your husband called me."

"Bella. You're in town!"

"Yes, I am. But I need an hour or two to shower, dress, and have some coffee."

It surprised me that she had dropped everything and flown out to us.

"I think he either knows or suspects," I blurted out. "I'm scared."

"He suspects," she corrected me. "It's why I am here, Linda. To keep your husband from going over the edge."

"So you haven't told him?" I asked, thinking of all she had on me and her husband.

"Why the hell would I do that!" she snapped back. "Look here. I'm a woman of my word. I promised not to tell if you stayed away from Mark. Even though he and I are not married anymore, you have not broken our agreement. So neither will I.

"I'm sorry, but I had to ask Bella. And thanks."

"You should be thankful," she replied. "I have been more than generous and fair to you, Linda. And in turn, you were nice enough to share your husband and yourself with me the last couple of years. I have... grown attached to you both. I want to make sure you stay together. Now let me go pee and shower. OK?"

"OK, you do that. See you later."

Bella just hung up abruptly as she didn't have a goodby ritual. It was her way.

***

I had just taken a shower when I heard my daughter walk in from her run. Not wanting to give her time to get comfortable, I tossed my robe on and ran out of the bedroom. Tommy saw me go past his open door and looked up. There was no hiding what was to happen, so I just smiled at him and ran down the steps. Emma was refilling her water bottle when I stepped into the kitchen. From the way I looked at her, she knew I knew what she had done.

"Hi, mom," she said, giving me a brief look.

I have to give it to my daughter; she can hold her emotions in check.

"What did you tell your father about that article in the paper?"

I thought I caught a slight smirk on her face, but she recovered.

"What article?" she asked while still looking at her bottle filling up.

"Is this how it's going to go?" I asked with arms crossed. "Don't play games with me. Why did you take that article to your father, and what did you tell him?"

"I told him that I remember that time when we played with Mark LaValliere's kids and how you and he were chummy chatting away at the food court. In the story, they were wondering who the blond woman with curly hair was, but I knew it was you."

Emma spat the last part accusatively. I wondered then why my daughter was angry with me. What had I done to make her detest me? And I could think of nothing direct. I spent time with her, hardly ever had to yell at her, let alone spank her as a child.

"I never claimed it wasn't," I replied. "I told your father both times that we met them at the mall. That you kids played as we parents talked."

"But, you never told him who it was."

"Because your dad was a fan of his, and he would have made me go back and get pictures and autographs. You know him and his football. It's almost embarrassing how he and his guy friends carry on about football players."

"And you ended up working for that guy's wife. How convenient."

"She is in town," I replied. "Maybe Bella can explain to you why she hired me and how. Do you think the wife of a man I had an affair with would hire me and pay me what she does? Make me a company spokesperson and executive?"

I saw the puzzlement in her face as she tried to come up with a retort.

"Emma, they are looking for a story, and that picture fits their narrative. I know when it was taken. I remember the flash. The paparazzi always follow the stars and take their picture. What did you tell your father?"

"I..." she stammered. "I thought you... that you were one of the women in the story."

"Why would you?" I asked.

I knew I was misleading her, but I was fighting to keep my family together. Seeing her loss of resolve, I took a gamble that this was all she had and pressed her.

"So you took this flimsy bit of innuendo and took it to your father?"

She looked away as her mouth opened and closed as she struggled to come up with a retort.

"Emma, do you hate me that much?"

It was then she straightened and faced me.

"Do you know what it's like to be the daughter of a... model? Look at me, how am I supposed to compete with you? I'm plain Emma while you are the mom all boys fantasize about. All the moms wish they were you, and all their fathers want to... you know..."

As we faced each other, I grasped the cause of her dislike for me. Without realizing it, I had overshadowed my own daughter at a time when she was blossoming as a young woman. No wonder she had issues with me.

"Emma, I am sorry that you feel this way, and maybe we can fix it. But you do realize that it's part of my job? Do you think we would have this house and live where we do... have all we have, if I didn't have this job?"

When I reached for her, she came to me, and we hugged as she cried in my embrace. She had caused a rift between her father and me, the level of which I still had no clue off. But Emma was still my daughter. And I loved her no matter how confused and wrong she had been. The question was, how much damage has she done?

"I'm sorry, mom, I thought..."

"What exactly did you tell your dad?" I asked as calmly as I could.

"I just showed it to him and asked him what he thought. Then I asked him if he thought you and that guy had done anything. That's all."

"Emma, you may have caused serious problems between your dad and me. Was that your intent?"

By this point, my daughter looked like she wanted to be anywhere but in the kitchen facing me.

"I'm sorry, mom."

"Emma, I need to know. What did your father say about all this?"

"At first, he was quiet, but then he seemed distant and upset. I asked him what he was going to do, and he said he wasn't sure. I think he called some guy named Dave or something."

Dave. Was that Dee's ex-husband? Great.

"Listen," I told her. "At your age, I was no raving beauty. In fact, I am still not. I was then what we called the "girl next door." I'm not ugly by a longshot, but the image Bella has built of me is way beyond what I would be on my own. As you get older, you will find and develop your own image and looks. Most women who we consider beautiful now were plain Janes back in their teen years. We'll work on you. I promise. OK?"

"Yes, mom. And I'm sorry."

What can I say? She is my child. I forgave her. But from that moment on, I watched her like a hawk. I watched her go as my mind focused on Dave again.

Dave would fill Jim's head with all kinds of wife hate as he was prone to do. He still blamed me for Dee's running off with Mark that night years ago at Morrison's dance club. Jim had told me that Dave was hooked on reading wife-cheating stories on some website called Literotica Loving wives. He had forgotten all the times he cheated on Dee himself, instead focusing on the humiliation she had heaped on him that fateful night.

I understood Dave's pain and anger, but he had ruined his second marriage with his lack of trust and now was a visitor in his son's life. His second wife, Rita, had given Dave two years to get himself sorted. But Dave just couldn't help himself and hired a guy to hit on his wife to test her. Rita saw through it, turned the man down, and somehow forced him to tell her who put him up to it. To his credit, my Jim advised Dave to go to counseling with Rita. But Dave refused, and from then on, the clock to the end of his second marriage was ticking backward.

And now, Jim was at Dave's and Astryd's house. Astryd being Dave's third suffering wife. I could just imagine the talk there. "All wives are whores. They all cheat. You can't trust the bitches. They all need to burn. Divorce her ass." Take your pick. Jim knew Dave's profile on Literotica and had found his responses in past and recent posts. I expected his advice to Jim to be no better.

In some ways, Dave was right. Quite a few women, myself included, had delved into slut-universe and taken lovers. Some just one for a short time like myself, while others were serial cheaters for years or most of their marriage. Some felt guilty about what they had done and did precisely what Dee had warned me not to do: confess. Their marriages rarely survived the revelation.

Other women were like me. We stepped out on our husband's once or maybe more than that for some time and then stopped. We all had our reasons for it, but once we decided that our marriage was more important than the extramarital sex, we stopped and focused on repairing our relationship with our husbands.

Some wives, dissatisfied with their marriage and husband, flat out looked for a replacement through cheating. These were women who hid behind the figleaf of love and broke up their families for the elusive "better man." That second marriages fail at a higher rate than the first speaks volumes of the concept and their choice in the said "better man."

Most of these second marriages were to also cheating married men. Once they both divorced and married each other, they found themselves lacking in trust as they had both began their relationship cheating. Even if husband number two had been single, he had to live with the notion that he was married to a cheater. The lack of trust added to the failed second marriage statistic.

Then there were the type of women who flat out thought infidelity was their right. I didn't find that in the Bill of Rights when I looked. But most of these women, urged on by modern feminist culture, thought they were entitled to do as they pleased when they pleased. They had multiple affairs while maintaining their marriage and family. At least their kids were not raised in a broken home.

The response by most husbands varied. According to statistics, eighty-five percent of cheaters are never caught. As such, there is no embarrassing exposure and no divorce resulting from undiscovered infidelity. True, in some of those cases, the husband either suspects or knows. He then chooses not to respond by divorcing his wife for multiple reasons. To keep the family together for the sake of the kids, a reason most prevalent. Yet other's choosing to make an "arrangement" with their spouse to have an open marriage. Some even find the concept of their wife's infidelity a sexual aphrodisiac.

I focused mainly on the women cheating as it is pertinent to my situation, but rest assured, men cheat as women do. They have their own reasons, but it's not as easy for them. A man always has to convince a woman to have sex with them, leading to their target female's refusal. It is much easier for us women. And in recent years, female infidelity has been on the rise. All most of us women have to do, is let a man know we are available, and bam! We find a lover.

So as I paced anxiously, I wondered what was going through my husband's mind. Sooner or later, I would have to confront him. In our short conversation, I had not denied anything. But I had not confessed either.

In that instant, just as it had been for me the last ten years, I decided I would do anything to keep my marriage and family together. It seemed that he had no definite proof from what the kids had revealed to me. And one thing I vowed not to do was to confess and be the one to "stick the knife in my husband's gut," as Dee had warned me not to years ago. Holding on to Jim and keeping our family together was that important to me. I still loved him. I still do.

***

Another indecent decision

Of course, there was the fact Jim had sex with Bella with my permission. Something he could not easily brush off. For the last two years, he and I had multiple liaisons with my beautiful boss. After close to eight years of flirting with my husband, Bella had called in her marker as she had told me she would. Before that happened, though, I had to prepare him for the eventuality.

At first, he was shocked at Bella's forwardness. And I was tormented not knowing if he had sex with her already and was lying to me. As time passed though, he got used to our roles. She paraded him around at events, and the press dubbed him Bella's handsome married escort. I had to endure that, but then Jim would always reassure me that Bella would not push things too far other than her usual flirting.

"Linda," he asked once five years in. "Why do I get the feeling that one of these days, Bella will ask more of me than just to be her arm candy?"

"Why?" I replied coyly, trying to act unfazed. "Men would die to be in your shoes."

He chuckled as he shook his head. I could tell my response did not placate him.

"If I were single, it would be a wet dream," he replied. "But I'm not, so it's irritating and frustrating. I can't decide if Bella is a tease or a huntress circling her prey. Or both."

"It's a quirk of her's Jim," I lied to him and myself. "She is playing this PR game and having fun teasing you."

"You know Linda," he said in a contemplative manner. "I have heard of men who flirt or make inappropriate advances at the wives of their underlings. I even saw that happen at my old job some years ago. I just never expected to be in that kind of situation as a man."

"What do you mean?" I asked, then was intrigued. "Wait, what did you see at your old job?"

"I didn't actually see it first hand. But I saw signs of it, and then someone who left the company told me why."

"Go on," I said, waiting for more.

"A young guy was working with us back in our early days. I forget his name. But he had a pretty wife that one of the high up bosses took a shining to. Long story short, the young husband was more a designer-creative guy than a manager. But out of the blue, he gets promoted and moved over to run the Lexington, KY plant. A few of us wondered how that happened, but as usual, the gossip ended after a month. Then Rick Osuda, you remember him?"

"Yeah, he was what... Korean or Japanese American? He had that pretty redhead wife. You and Rick were buddies, weren't you?"

"Yup, we were," Jim replied and continued. "He was Japanese American from Sacramento. And Meagan was from Boston, I think. Second-generation Irish. Anywhoo... one day, Rick walked into HR and tendered his resignation effective immediately."

"No two-week notice?" I asked just to make conversation. "That's uncommon."

"No, and it was quite noticeable," Jim replied. "Again, there were rumors as Rick was working for the same boss of the first guy. I did say that boss was the owner's son, didn't I?"

"No, but do go on; this is getting interesting."

"It does. I saw Rick at a convention six months later. He had landed on his feet after leaving abruptly. When I asked him, he replied that he had an NDA preventing him from saying what happened. Then he took me aside and said this: "don't let that asshole (meaning his ex-boss) get near Linda unless you want a promotion to Lexington." Get it?"

"Wait, are you telling me... that the first guy gave up his wife to the boss for a promotion?"

Jim raised an eyebrow as he nodded.

"That was exactly my question to Rick," Jim replied. "And he just winked, nodded, and mouthed: exactly."

We stared at each other for a few seconds. Jim smirked at me, and I returned it.

"So was that boss good looking?" I asked in jest.

We laughed at the notion as I sat on Jim's lap.

"Sorry, you missed your chance to get us a promotion Linda," he said, feigning disappointment, "and yes, that boss was good looking."

"Was there a bonus for the wife?" I asked, ribbing him.

"I heard he was hung like a horse," Jim said and laughed. "He would have stretched you out."

"Like you don't," I replied with a mischievous smile.

"This guy was legendary, Linda," Jim laughed and made a circle with his outstretched thumbs and fingers. "Yuge!"

I decided to say no more about that aspect of the story. But Jim's earlier question needed a response. And since we were in a nice place between us, I figured this was as good a time as any.

"Jim," I said, looking at him directly. "Do you like the life we have lived since I started at B-fit?"

"You mean the money, the big house, the excellent school district, the new cars, the vacations to Europe? The private box at the football stadium? And becoming mini-celebrities? That life?"

"Yes, that one. Because... this may sound shallow, Jim, but I don't want to give that up. Do you?"

"Not if I don't have to," he replied before continuing. "Wait! Is that a possibility?"

"Jim, what if she asked you to... you know. You and Bella."

"Wait!" he said. "You mean we could move to Lexington?"

We both laughed at that. But we were merely postponing the inevitable and complicated topic. So, I kept looking at him expectantly. Eventually, Jim caught my drift, and I saw a look of astonishment on his face.

"Babe," he said, using a term he rarely used. "Let me get this straight. You are saying that Bella may ask me to? For real?"

Inside I was falling apart but knew I had to keep it together. There was no running away from the fact that Bella knew and could expose my cheating to Jim. That would end our love and marriage. I could not refuse her when she called her marker to fuck my husband and lose him. On the other hand, I wanted him all to myself. I know... I know I was so selfish after what I had done.

"She might," I replied.

I so wanted to tell him not to succumb to Bella's wiles. But each time I thought it through, I knew there was no escaping my doom if I refused her. She had distinctly instructed me to prepare Jim for her. To get him ready to submit and go to her bed willingly. To not do so risked exposure, ruin, and divorce.

"And if she does?" Jim asked. "What do you want me to do?"

In that instant, I was not too fond of Bella, Mark, and myself for everything that had transpired. Then I remembered how it had all began, how Jim had left me alone in our marriage. And how none of this would have happened if he had not pushed me away for those four years. My husband's hands were not clean in this.

"Jim," I finally found the courage to reply. "I want you to look at our entire marriage; all of it. The problems we had that almost broke us. And how our life changed once we knew what had happened."

I said, "we," not "you," to not push him in a corner. But I wanted to scream. 'You fucken put is there, you asshole. Why do I love you so much after all that? Why do I live under the constant threat of losing you after what you did to us with your lack of trust?'

He nodded solemnly. I knew he didn't like being reminded. But he needed to.

"Jim, after that, our marriage began again. We got our second chance. And along with the better communication, we had this gift. My job with B-fit has given our family financial security and other good things we may have never had without it. I don't think either of us wants to give that up."

He quietly listened as I continued.

"I have worked too hard to let all that go. I understand how you think you are a kept man, sometimes. But you are not. You work, contribute, and you more than help raise our children. We are a team, Jim. I do my part, and you do yours."

"Linda," he said in a low tone. "Will you be able to handle this?"

"What do you mean?"

"Linda," he said, stopping to think how to say what was on his mind. "What does this do to us if, and I say, if I were to agree?"

"Jim Johnson," I replied as flippantly as I could without my voice breaking. "Hear me well. If Bella ever asks, she will be your only hall pass in our marriage."