February Sucks: Same Old Me (3of4)

This is PART 3 OF 4 of a derivative work and alternate ending of GeorgeAnderson's story "February Sucks!" GeorgeAnderson is the author and sole owner of February Sucks and the characters he created. There are now hundreds of variations and alternate endings of this story posted in Literotica's Loving Wives category. The original version can be read here:

https://literotica.com/s/february-sucks

WARNING: This is the longest of the four parts of Same Old Me, at almost 40,000 words, nearly half of its total length. No BTB or RAAC in here, folks, sorry. Readers familiar with "February Sucks" may find this tiresome, so PLEASE STOP READING and put your lives to better use, rather than complain to me or the mods about how this story is too long and boring.

WARNING #2: If you've already read my story "C is for Cookie," you'll find that I've repeated myself a lot. Cookie started out as a deus ex machina character in an early draft of "Same Old Me," but she quickly upstaged Jim and Linda and clearly belonged in a story of her own, instead. Many of the ideas and sentiments are the same, of necessity. Sorry.

The story continues with Jim's planned confrontation with Linda during their first counseling session with Susan Manette.

***

(Mom and Bob) took me back to the airport with mutual promises that we'd do more of this, and I was on my way... home? God, did I even have a home anymore?

***
Thursday morning. The Big Day. Our appointment with Doctor Susan Manette, the marriage counselor. I was finally going to face her. I only hoped that I had prepared myself adequately over these last five days. I'd talked with everybody I knew and some I didn't. I'd worked on my letters during the flight back from Colorado and at the airport hotel last night. I'd rented a car and left mine under its cover at work, since I was just going right back to the airport after this meeting to head to Atlanta for ten days.

I was sure Linda would want to ambush me in the waiting room, or even outside the practice. So I decided to be early. Way early. Then I realized that would only give her MORE opportunity to catch me, because she would want to be early, too. So I decided to be precisely on time instead. I resolved to walk in the door at the very minute we were due to be there.

The therapist was just finishing with her previous client, so that didn't work. Linda had a brief unsupervised moment with me right as I came in.

"Jim!" She looked desperate and maybe a little afraid.

"BACK," I snapped loudly enough to surprise me. "I said I'd talk in front of the therapist, and not before. So Back Off."

She retreated, calmly and deliberately, as if she'd accidentally cornered a dangerous animal.

"Jim. It's just me," she said, in that shy, off-putting way that she'd practiced so often. "Same old me as always."

I looked at her as if I'd never seen her before. I think she felt it. She continued a bit nervously.

"There's nothing different; nothing has changed. My love for you is just the same as it's always been."

"Nothing's changed?"

"Not a thing."

"You've always felt the same way?"

"Always!"

I stuck my chin forward. "So This Is What You Are."

"Jim?"

"This is how you've always been."

"What... what do you mean?"

"All this time. The whole time I've known you. The whole time we've been married. You're the kind of woman who thinks nothing of walking away from her husband to go have sex with a stranger."

"Jim. No. Okay, I know that must have been very painful for you."

"Didn't slow you down one bit. You're a Cheater. You've always had it in you to do this. This was always going to happen, it's just been a question of when."

"NO!"

"You've been ready for this to happen the whole time. You've been WAITING for it. Or maybe it's happened before, and this was just the first time I saw it."

"No! You can't possibly believe that! Jim! It was just once! One night! One night out of a lifetime of nights together! Please! You've got to believe me! Everything's the same! Jim! Jim! Jim!"

"If everything's the same, then we were NEVER any good. Not really. I NEVER had the marriage I thought I did. I've just been blind. And after what I saw on Friday, you Do Not get to tell me what I can't believe. You expanded my horizons quite a bit."

"No! It's not like that!"

"What? You DIDN'T ditch me in front of everybody and run off to spend the night and part of the next day having sex with another man just because you could? While my so-called 'friends' held me back and laughed at me for being jealous? While they made fun of me and told me I'd have to get over my stupid hurt feelings? My stupid Male Ego? Because how I feel doesn't matter? Is that what DIDN'T happen?"

"No! I mean, yes but no! It's not like that! It's... It was just the one time!"

"Pretty sure you did it more than just one time. You didn't turn your phone back on until after three the next day."

"Okay, well, you're not wrong about that. But it was just the one occasion, okay?"

"Not okay, Linda. Nothing about this is okay. Not One Goddamned Thing."

"Jim. Nothing is different between us. You don't have to make a big deal about this."

"Fuck You. If nothing is different, and everything is normal, and this is not a big deal, does that mean I can expect more of this kind of thing in the future?"

"NO!"

"Should I have expected it all along?"

"NO!"

"Then it's not fucking normal and you need to stop trying to say so."

The door opened and a woman who'd clearly been collecting herself after a batch of tears came into the waiting area, heading for the door and thanking the counselor who was right behind her.

"Jim? Linda? I'm Doctor Manette. Call me Susan. Please come in." She was a woman in her mid fifties with curly salt-and-pepper hair, and a warm, sympathetic smile. We made our way into her... office? No, there was no computer or desk or files. It was a Therapy Room. Just chairs and a loveseat, inoffensive art on the bright yellow walls, and a few plain knick knacks on a coffee table. Oh, and there were two open boxes of tissues. A lot of crying must happen in this room.

"Welcome. Before we start, I'd like to go over the process and a few agreements, okay?" We both nodded. "The purpose of these conversations is to help you communicate and come to agreement and understanding. I'm not here to take sides. Each of you is entitled to your own feelings, and whatever you feel is valid. My own commitment is to your marriage itself, and to the process of this therapy. Each of you will get to speak, and each of you will be heard. Most of the time, I'm going to need you to talk to each other, not to me. I'm here to facilitate. Neither of you need to convince me of anything. Okay?"

We nodded again. "Please say so out loud. It's important that we verbalize our agreements."

"Okay, I have no problem with any of that," I said.

"I understand. Thank you, Susan,' said Linda.

"Good. Now, the most important rule we have in here is that we have to be completely honest. There can be no dancing around the truth, or trying to present anything in a good light, or deciding what your partner doesn't need to know. There can be no lying, at all. No keeping secrets, either. Say what there is to say without trying to hide anything. Keeping anything under wraps will work directly against any progress we might make. Agreed?"

"Agreed."

"Agreed."

"Good. I'm also going to ask each of you to be respectful, and not deliberately try to insult or hurt each other. When the other is talking, I need you to really try to listen with a sense of empathy, and that's not possible if you disparage each other. I want your best efforts to try to avoid that. Agreed?"

"Agreed."

"That's going to be tough," I said. "I'm still incredibly angry. Everything is still very raw. I may let things out that are going to be snappy, but I promise to try not to be hurtful just for the sake of being hurtful."

"That's all I can ask. And you'll listen to Linda with an effort towards acceptance?"

"I'll try. I'd love to know what's going on in her head. It's unfathomable to me, and to be honest, I don't think she understands it herself."

"Okay, Jim. I can accept that. I only ask that you make an effort. Having empathy for your wife is not only part of the process, it's an important goal in the process of conflict resolution."

"Or, you, know, you could just say 'yes,' Jim." Linda said with a curl of criticism.

"Linda, you just agreed not to provoke Jim."

"Sorry."

"All right." She gathered herself, perhaps realizing she had her work cut out for her. "At some point, I may ask both of you to do some exercises, or give you a little homework. I request that you make a good faith effort at such things. Don't let them slide. And we're going to learn some new techniques for communication. When I ask you to follow those patterns, I want you to try to do it. Agreed?"

"Agreed."

"Agreed."

"Good. Finally, I have to ask if there has been any kind of violence between you. Has either of you hit or threatened the other, in any way at all? Because I'm required to be concerned about your safety."

"No. Never."

"No."

"Okay, good. Now, you're both here voluntarily. You're not under a court order, and you weren't referred to us by a lawyer or mediator. I take it that your goal is to resolve the outstanding issues in your marriage, and build a stronger relationship. Is that correct?"

"Yes." Linda nodded determinedly. "We want to fix things."

"No," I said. "This is the first I've spoken to Linda since the event I described in the email I sent earlier. I wanted a neutral arbitrator for this confrontation. I need to inform my estranged wife that our marriage is over. It ended the moment she dropped my hand to dance with another man and snuck off to spend the night having sex with him, without so much as a word to me."

Linda stared at me, speechless.

"Beyond that, I'd like to use this time to be able to talk to her and remain civil, and to negotiate the terms of co-parenting our children without remaining married. I've already spoken to L.W., our attorney. He's prepared a draft of documents for a joint petition for separation and divorce."

"WHAT!?!?!?" Linda had apparently regained her voice.

"So we've found an area of disagreement. Linda. You want to stay married to Jim, is that right?"

"Oh My God YES. More than anything. Jim! You can't be serious!"

"Very serious. You don't get to just disregard me like that. You don't."

"What about Emma and Tommy?"

"I'm not going to teach either one of them to suck it up and take it when your spouse treats you like that. I'm not going to set the kind of example where they can expect to be walked all over and taken for granted by whoever they marry."

"You're crazy. I can't believe you're saying this."

"Linda. Hang on. Jim is not crazy. He has made his goals clear, and I'm going to ask you to take him at his word for the time being."

"No! No! No! This can't... you can't... HOW COULD YOU? How could you even say that? How could you even THINK that? What is wrong with you?!?!?"

"How could I? How could YOU? I could have said all those things to you on Friday night, if you hadn't just left without a word."

"IT WAS JUST ONCE."

"You MARRIED me JUST ONCE! 'Just Once' does NOT mean it doesn't count."

"It doesn't have to be a big deal! Okay? Nothing's changed! I don't feel any differently about you! It had NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU. We can go right back to how it was if you can just, please, please, please, let it go! Can't you see that you're hurting our marriage over nothing?!?"

"Listen to yourself. Just... fuck. What would you say to me if I'd done that to you? What if I'd run off with a sexy, young, supermodel with amazing tits and ass? If I'd signaled Dave to stop you so I could sneak away and spend all night and part of the next day with my dick in some other woman? If our friends had held you back and laughed at you? Should I have expected you to be waiting for me at home like nothing happened?"

"NO! I mean, no, that's different, and you know it!"

"Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why is that different?"

"Because you'd never do that to me."

I sat there and didn't reply. I just looked at her and watched her squirm for a second.

"Please tell me that you're beginning to see the problem, Linda."

"I knew you'd be mad, all right? I expected that your feelings might be hurt. But you'd get over it, eventually. You have to. Because you love me, and I love you. And you'd do it for the kids. And I'd make it up to you! I'd do anything to make it up to you! I still will! I'll be the perfect wife! Anything you want, it's yours! PLEASE. Jim, dear Jim, my husband, don't make this any harder than it has to be!"

I looked at the counselor.

"You getting this?"

"Yes, I am."

"Do you want to help her out here? Because I have no idea where to begin."

"I'm not... ah." she sighed. "Linda. You just said that it would be unacceptable for Jim to do what he just said, to run off with another woman for the night. Correct?"

"Well, yes."

"Even though you expect him to accept the same thing from you."

Linda shuddered and began staring at the floor.

"Linda?"

Still nothing.

"Take your time."

After what seemed to be an hour, Linda gathered herself together.

"I thought you said you weren't going to take sides."

"Linda, I know you're feeling like you're being ganged up on. You're not. You're safe. This is a safe space and you are valid. I know you think I'm taking Jim's side. I am not. I told you about my priorities. I'm not concerned with anybody 'winning' here. I'm interested in how you communicate with each other, and I want to see your differences resolved. Do you understand?"

She nodded meekly.

"Okay. Now, there are going to be some hard questions in these sessions, and we're going to have to face things we're not comfortable with. One thing I can promise we're NOT going to do is sweep everything under the rug and pretend that everything's okay. That's now how marriages work. That's not how relationships work. Marriage is hard. It takes effort. It doesn't always work out. I see an awful lot more failure than success with married couples, believe me. By the time they come to me, it's often too late.

"Right Now, this is an opportunity for you to build Empathy with your husband. That's absolutely crucial. Right now, Jim is feeling a distinct lack of Empathy from you. He's asked you to put yourself in his position. That's a request for Empathy. It's a healthy and appropriate thing for him to ask. Without that Empathy, without that connection, your relationship will suffer and your marriage will reach a failure point. Don't think of this as an attack. Think of this as a way to build your connection: How would you feel if you were in his place?"

Linda deflated.

"Look, I know I'm a hypocrite, okay? I admit it. If Jim ever did anything like that to me, it would destroy me. I could never take it. That's why I can't even really imagine it. It wouldn't be real. Jim would never do that."

"Say this to Jim."

"Jim. I don't know what to say. I can't imagine our roles being reversed."

"But you have no trouble imagining me being able to just get over it and pretend it never happened."

"You're the strong one. You're the strongest man I've ever known. Hard things just bring out the best in you. They always have. You may not see a way forward now, but I'm betting my life that you'll find a way that will work for both of us. I love you, and I believe in you, and I trust you with everything I have."

"So. It's up to me to fix the mess you made. This is MY problem, and you expect... no, you're DEMANDING that I have to take one for the team. It's MY fault. You're free to flounce in and out of the marriage as you please, but I'm the one who's responsible for the divorce if I can't deal with you having affairs."

"It's not an affair! It was... an Event. I didn't mean for it to happen, it just did. I didn't want it! I didn't ask for it! It was like... I was outside my body, just kind of watching it happen, helpless to do anything about it. There was nothing I could do but go along with it."

"Gosh, that makes me feel so much better. So, when you told Dee to cover for you and when you came back to lie to my face about going to the bathroom, you had zero choice in the matter?"

"Jim, believe me. Given the choice between you and him, you win. Every time. No question. I choose you, every time, every day of my life for the rest of my life."

"Except that's not true! It's happened 'just once,' remember? And you chose him. You chose him one hundred percent of the time it's happened. You didn't hesitate. You didn't look back. And you still don't feel bad about that CHOICE. Dee was quite clear about that, when she was covering for you. You're a big girl, you're capable of looking out for yourself and not doing anything you don't want to do, and you're responsible for making your own choices. That is what she said."

She stared at the floor again.

"Maybe I just don't want it to be true," she almost whispered. "I don't want to think I'm the kind of woman who could do that, even if all my friends thought it was okay. Which they do, by the way."

"Fuck your friends. This is on you."

"Jim," said Susan, "Remember what we agreed on when it comes to disparaging your spouse. Try not to use language like that, it just makes everything harder."

"Okay. You're right. I'm sorry."

"Okay. Good. Now then. Linda. Jim asked if you had a choice. And he's correct, this has nothing to do with your friends."

"God. All right. It's on me. I chose to do it. All I can say is that I didn't feel like it was a choice at the time. I saw it as something I couldn't turn down. I mean, if someone offered you a million dollars, or a vacation to Hawaii, you don't think about it, you just take it, you know? I wasn't thinking about you at all. I didn't do it to hurt you. Once the opportunity was given to me, I couldn't imagine saying no. I'd never forgive myself if I did."

"And to hell with me and our marriage, I guess."

"NO! No, no no! Not like that at all! Jim, you're so strong, so resilient, I just KNEW that even though you'd be hurt, we could get past your hurt feelings! I know it won't be easy, but we'll do it together, honey. I'll be there for you, every step of the way!"

"Except of course for that first step you took away from me. The step that put us here. You did that without me."

"Okay, but I came back! I'll always come back! Always!"

"You'll always come back? What, so you're planning on doing this again? How much more is this kind of thing going to happen?"

"NO! It's not like that!"

"I really hope I never figure out what it IS like. There's nothing like this. God. This is not what our marriage was supposed to be. I never wanted a wife that runs around on me like she's entitled to. Ahgh. Tell me, Linda, if you think I'm so damn strong, why are you surprised that I'm showing some backbone here? Why should it be so unthinkable that I'd stand up to you?"

She drew back.

"Let's be clear now," I continued, "You seem to think it's perfectly okay for you to run off and have sex with a glamorous stranger... BECAUSE you figure I can take the hit, and you expect me to deal with it. But it's inconceivable that I should ever do such a terrible thing to you, since I could never be so cruel and it would utterly destroy you if I did. Is that about right? You get to abuse me and our marriage, and I just have to suck it up and take it."

"You don't have to say it like that."

"I think I do, if that's what it takes to make it sink in."

We were silent for a minute, just sulking at each other.

"I didn't do it to be cruel. You've got to believe me. I knew you'd be hurt. I knew you'd be furious, even. I expected you to fight. I was trying to be prepared for it. I was ready to accept anything you'd say. I was ready to take it, I would make it up to you, whatever it takes, as long as it takes. I was going to be the perfect wife, I STILL want to do that, Jim. I still want to be the perfect wife, YOUR perfect wife. We'll grow old together, in each other's arms, no one else, nothing else in the way. I will do anything, anything at all, if you'll just give me the chance."