Fever Dream Pt. 01: T.L.D.E.

"Ok fine Stella, but look...Everything I told them was true. I didn't lie about any of-"

"So, you married some woman, a woman you didn't love, and who didn't love you, and never, not even once, had sex with her? Not even a little quickie? And just did it to take care of her, or help her, or whatever?" She demanded. "And don't you fucking lie to me, Jackson, cuz I'll know. You know I will."

"Yes. All of that is true." He answered plainly.

"Ok. Fine." She answered back, knowing his honesty.

"Why are you getting divorced?"

"She wanted something...Something I couldn't give her."

"Tell me the whole truth Jackson." She demanded, locking her beautiful jaw.

He slowly rose to standing, never looking away from her. "She found out why I couldn't."

"Fine." She answered, satisfied with the truth. Her demeanor shifted though, one of curiosity, concern instead of challenge.

"Did...when you went to those places...were you afraid?" she asked, eyes searching his.

At this, his demeanor changed as well, from one of humiliation and trepidation to one of quiet resignation.

"Everyday."

"Did you...have to kill anyone?"

"Yes."

"People tried to kill you?"

"Yes."

"Did it...change you?" she almost pleaded, afraid of the answer.

"Yes."

"How? How do you feel that's different?"

"Empty," he croaked.

She almost broke when he answered, but she held herself back. He had much to atone for, and not even her ache to console him would stop her from exacting it. The scales between them were tipped too far askew, and until balance was at least on the path towards resolution, she had to stand firm.

"Why did you join? What made you choose the same path as Dad?"

"I don't even know anymore. I needed to go...somewhere."

"But why Jackson? We finally come to it. Why did you have to leave?"

"I can't tell you that Stel."

"Bullshit Jackson. Fuck you. Yes, you fucking can, and you fucking will. You're gonna tell me. I deserve to know, you hear me? I deserve an answer, right now!"

"Stella, I know you have no reason to anymore, but I'm asking, begging you not to ask me that, and to just trust that I had a really important reason."

"TRUST YOU?! Fuck y-...that's bullshit." She boomed, ramping back up, before Jack closed the gap between them and grasped her shoulders, staring intently into her eyes.

"Ok, look..." he started, mulling over the changes to the situation, given the revelation from Paul earlier. "...hear me out. Not tonight mind you, but soon, I will tell you. I promise you Stella. I will tell you everything, and when I do, you'll see why I left, why I had no other choice. You'll see that I did it for you, for us. That I did what I had to do, for reasons I promise I will tell you, just not now, Ok? Please Stella, take a chance, I know it's a big one, but trust me."

...and she did. In his eyes, at that moment, she saw a flash of that gentle boy that had captivated her heart so many years ago. That kind, loving man that she would have done anything for.

"Ok. Ok...alright I tell you what, Jack. Ill give you time..." She said, watching relief flood over her twin's face. "Four weeks of it, in fact. Yeah...four weeks, and in that time, you do like Dad said, and you don't step foot outside the bounds of this property. You hear me?"

"Yeah, I hear you."

"In fact, you know what? I'm gonna move in too, and while I'm here, you're gonna answer any questions I have about anything and everything, anytime I think of it. And you're gonna leave me the fuck alone when I'm here too. Unless I come to you, you don't approach me. And I get to come to you, and approach you anytime, for any reason. Oh...and one last thing." She said, shrugging his hands off her shoulders and squaring her jaw. "You don't fucking touch me. You don't hug me, hold my hand, tap my shoulder, nothing. If I do those things, then I make the choice, but not you Jackson. Don't you fucking touch me."

He listened to her tirade, silently accepting her terms with not a look of reproach or pain...until the last part. The callous disregard in her voice, the cold determination in her eyes as she warned him against touching her, cut to the bone and to that end, his tear ducts seemed to have found their second-wind. He could no longer see her clearly, even standing this close to her, through the pools and tightness in his chest.

"Do you understand me, Jackson?"

"I understand, S-Stella...I promise."

"Ok. Goodnight."

That seemed to be her cue, and without another word she strode past him, up the porch steps and reached for the door. She turned, and asked one more question before she went upstairs. "Why did you say please?"

"What?" he asked, confused about what she was asking.

"When you were sleeping, when you shot awake, you begged 'please'. Why?"

"Nightmare."

"Do you have them often? When they...scare you awake?" she asked, sounding genuinely curious, and a little concerned.

"Often enough"

"Every night?"

"Yes."

"Ok...well, Night." She muttered going into the house, leaving Jack to his own devices.

Once the door was shut and he was sure he was alone, he took one last look at the night sky, wishing this day would just end. He went back in the house and padded softly through the house to his room, where once he walked in, he saw a flurry of movement to his left, in his sister's room. Apparently, Stella had brought whatever things she kept, in whichever other room in the house she kept them, to her old room. She was clothed in just an oversized thin, grey t-shirt, and from Jack could tell, not much else. The light from the bathroom bathing the otherwise dark room in light provided him a good idea of how she still looked underneath it all, and as always, it was breathtaking. She really was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Long, lithe, and slender. He stood there, staring, as she situated her current things amongst her old things, getting ready for bed.

"Get it out of your head Jackson," she said, her voice dire with warning. Apparently, she still had eyes in the back of her head. "Get ready for bed. Today was long, but your long days have only begun, and I know you need rest. Sleep." Even when she loathed him, she looked out for him. He nodded, knowing her back was still turned and she couldn't see it, and went to close the double doors separating their rooms.

"What the hell are you doing?" she asked, spinning on the spot, eyes narrowed.

"I...just thought that-"

"I don't know how many times you hit your head over there, but we have rules Jackson..." She stated authoritatively. "...and those ruled haven't changed. No doors between us in here. That stays the same."

"Sorry, Stel. I didn't forget, I just thought you might have changed your mind, given-"

"Well I haven't." she snapped. "If you ever hope for us to...get back to being in the same universe as we used to be, then you better get your shit together. Ok?"

"Alright."

"Now please, go to sleep."

With things as settled as they would get for the night, Jack stripped his shirt off, cracked the window, turned off the radio and got in bed. What a fuckin' day, he thought. They say, 'you can never go back home', but Jack never really got it until today. In some ways, things had gone so very different than he'd imagined. But in some ways, it had gone very similar. There was pain...so much of it. Anger, sure. Regret. But one thing that he hadn't counted on there being so much of...was hope. Everyone was hurt, as they should have been, but every single person had shown him in even the smallest way that hope remained for him. Even Stella, although she showed the least of it, but she still showed that it was there. Whatever he had been through up to this point in his life, nothing compared to the challenge ahead, but it was a challenge he would meet with every strength he had. The stakes were too high to lose. With emotions calmed down throughout the house, his eyes began to burn and get heavy, and with a deep sigh, he finally allowed sleep to take him.

CH. 5

He stacked against the wall, four other men hugged up in a line behind and against him. He tapped the guy behind him silently with his non-firing hand, and waited for the tap to go down the line and return to him, signaling that everyone was ready. He felt the tap, looked to the breach-man and nodded. The breach-man nodded back, swung the heavy steel ram with all his might and the door flew inward, off its hinges and into the room with a crash, with the man ducking back behind the other wall, out of Jack's way. Jack was point, and fluidly rushed into the room, eyes trained through his sight. The white-robed, brown-skinned man left to watch the door was still stunned when Jack found him. He made the slightest of twitches for the AK at his feet when three loud, rapid pops from Jack's rifle sent three rounds into his chest, causing him to fall over.

"One down." He shouted out. as the first man behind him went left as Jack trained right. Another 4 loud pops meant Smithwheel found a second target. "Two down."

The last two swept in, while the breach-man took the rear, and covered the entrance. In 30 seconds, two more targets went down, one of which being the primary target who they'd come for. He had been setting up make-shift rail systems on tops of buildings in the AO, sending various rockets and mortars towards, and sometimes into, the FOB nearby. It wasn't until it blew the arm of some Field-grade officer walking to his room from the DFAC that the word came down to find him. The radio crackled on after all the violence had subsided.

...Shadow 7, Shadow 6, over...

...This is Shadow 7, send it...

...Status, over...

"We all CLEAR?" Jack called out to the rest of the team in the house.

"Yeah Carter, we're clear...all good." Smithwheel answered back for everyone.

...Red team down, target eliminated, all clear. Green on weapons, equipment and personnel, over...

...Roger Shadow 7, Index. RTB, time now. Good job. Shadow 6 out...

"Alright, march order guys. Let's get the fuck outta he-"

...Click...

They all knew that click, and it made Jack whip around to the far side of the room, where Smithwheel had stepped on something they'd all missed in their sweep. "Oh Fu-"

The next sound everyone heard was an explosion, blasting the wall and roof out and throwing Smithwheel up and over in one direction, with his legs flying in another. The concussion had thrown everyone back on their asses or thrown them into walls. Jackson had been blasted out the window behind him, showering him in shattered glass. His ears were ringing, and he didn't know which way was up or down. It took a few seconds to remember wear he was and what happened. "STEVE!" he shouted, scrambling to get himself up. "NO!" He stumbled into the wrecked house, and saw his friend, sans legs, trying to look around for them, in shock.

"Shit man! Shit my fuckin legs, guys. What the fuck man? No, man! Please!" He cried.

The others scrambled to their feet, with the medic rushing to Smithwheel, trying to figure out what to do as blood was pouring out of him.

"Please, Jack...I wanna go home. Help me man, please! I just wanna go home..."

...Shadow 7, shadow 6, what happened...

"Jack, call in a nine-line...Jack...JACK!" the medic yelled, trying to snap him out of it.

"He just wants to go home..." was all he could get out, shock fully setting in. "He just...wants to...go home..."

...Shadow 6, Shadow Doc, requesting medivac...line one...

"He just wants to go..."

"HOME!" he cried out. "PLEASE!"

He bolted upright, drenched in sweat. He couldn't breathe. He shot his head this way and that, trying to remember where he was. All he knew was he was alone and it was dark. He felt only panic, but had no one to comfort him. Shuffling footsteps in the room behind him helped to remind him of where he was, and right when everything came back to him, Stella whisked into the room, holding a bottle of water. "Stella..." he said, still coming back to reality, fighting tears.

"It's ok Jack, I'm here." She cooed, sitting beside him, placing a hand on his bare, sweaty chest and bringing the opened water bottle to his lips. "Here, take a deep breath and drink some water." He did as she asked, and took a gulp.

"Here, hold this and I'll get a damp cloth," She said, more maternally than he would have expected from her. He did as she asked, and held the bottle himself while drinking. He heard her soak, and then wring out, a wash cloth in the bathroom. She was sitting by his side again in seconds, wash cloth in hand. She started with his neck, then slowly and gently down his shoulders and back, wiping the sweat from his body. "There we go, you're safe now. You're here. Home, with me. Ok?" she said, still in the softest of voices. "Ok..." She said, taking the empty bottle from his grasp gently, "...now lay back. It's ok. Slowly." He did as she instructed, comforted with being guided by her gentle hands.

She then wiped the damp, cool cloth across his broad chest, and unless he was imagining things, she was going considerably slower on his front half than she had with his back. Letting the shape of her hand mold to his form, she slowly caressed the cloth over all of his chest, and down his stomach, slowing down even more once reached his abdomen. His eyes were watching her face like a hawk, waiting for any kind of reaction, but her eyes were paying attention to her task. Then, suddenly her eyes darted straight at his, stopping her cloth filled hand abruptly, then withdrawing it entirely. Her eyes weren't angry though. They weren't hostile or regretful in any way really. They looked...certain. Decided, but on what he couldn't say.

"Is that better now?" she asked, her tone genuine.

"Yes. Thank you."

"Don't thank me, Jackson. I have to do this."

"But why? After everything I've done, I mean-" he started, but she brought her hand up to his mouth to stop him. She then placed it square on his chest and leaned in close.

"We made promises to each other. Life-long promises...and unlike you, I meant every single. one. I keep my promises Jackson."

Her words were like a bullet to the heart, but he tried his best to hide it, unsuccessfully.

"Shh, no...look I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that. It's ok." She said, hastily trying to comfort him, remembering what brought her in here to begin with. "That was wrong, what I said. You're fine, you're safe. I'm sorry." She rubbed his chest to sooth him, and it seemed to bring his breathing back down to a steady pace. "I'll be right in there, ok?" gesturing to her room. He nodded in ascent, and she rose to go back to bed, but immediately after, sat back down, leaning into his chest, cupping his face in her hands and peering into his eyes.

"I'm...I am so angry at you," she said, her eyes tear-filled and fierce. "I can't even...I can barely breathe I'm so angry. But I still mean...every single promise...I made that night. I still love you...so much, Jack. So...I believe you, that you had your reasons. I'm not ready to just forget, forgive and accept it until you tell me everything, and that means I'm gonna need time...time to work things out, to let you in again. So, I won't fulfill certain promise I made...we made, when it comes to...us....yet." She said, putting just the right amount of emphasis on 'us' while tracing her thumb across his lips. "You have secrets. I have secrets too. Will you tell me your secrets, Jack? When you're ready, will you tell me all your secrets? Even if it hurts?" she asked, bordering on begging.

"Every single one, Stel. I promise."

"Ok. We'll just take it one day at a time then. I won't ask 'why', not until the four weeks are up, or you decide to tell me, but everything else is fair game...and the rules I said before still stand."

She simply gave him a sad smile, leaned in and kissed his forehead, and rose.

"I love you. Just be patient." She said as she left to her room.

He waited until he heard her get in bed, and then shifted to his side, where he was the most comfortable. This was the longest day I have ever lived through, he thought. I'm just glad it's over.

"Jack, in ten years...were you ever...with anyone?" Stella called to him from her bed. "Just tell me the truth."

"No Stella. I've never been with anyone. That's the truth." He answered back.

"Me neither. Goodnight."

CH. 6